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Rosie O'Donnell, Poetess

As anyone with a pulse well knows, our nation's obsession with celebrity culture has run amok. Numerous channels on the television dial contain programs devoted to the private lives of various famous and semi-famous people. This may bode well for those who can do a passing imitation of Robin Leach, but we think it coarsens the culture.

Trolling around Al Gore's World-Wide Web, we, the crack young staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," found a perfect case in point. Undoubtedly you are aware of Rosie O'Donnell, the chunky comedienne who fashions herself an insightful political pundit. Thanks to her perch on the feculent women's television program "The View," Ms. O'Donnell has the opportunity to pontificate about all sorts of topics concerning which she is utterly uninformed.

This, we think, is the perfect example of our nation's enabling of these celebrity nitwits. Thanks to all the attention paid to them, they feel as if they can make some sort of weighty contribution to American political discourse. Hence we endure the delusional nonsense of Alec Baldwin, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Rosie O'Donnell, et al.

Ah, but in Rosie's case, it gets worse. An examination of Ms. O'Donnell's "weblog" demonstrates that its author desperately wants to be a college freshman. We say this, dear reader, because Ms. O'Donnell's "website," in addition to offering various odds and ends, features her poetry.

Yeah, you read that correctly: Rosie O'Donnell composes poetry. And, from what we can tell, it's a dead ringer for inept high school balladry.

Think that's a bit harsh? Well, just check out this bit of doggerel, which Ms. O'Donnell has titled "Miami":

so what happens when u say the emperor has no clothes the comb over goes ballistic via phone to mr king

choices
every minute
every day
everyone

i imagine it is interesting
as celeb feuds tend 2 b
so here r my thoughts

didnt watch
didnt u tube
restrict

i have no time 2 make art now
i am only off friday
which is never enuf
to detox

the pipes get full
bits of sludge
clog the flow

so tiny books
now
express in torn images
my inside

i was raised reading ms magazine
i remember the burning of bras
as women demanded equality
in unison

beauty pageants
where women were paraded around
judged valuable or not
by old white men
it is always old white men

they added a talent portion

and gave away college degrees
they evolved - beauty pageants
and eventually - nearly faded away
for good

remember the seventies

a young girl in nyc
meets a pimp
he cons her into a life of illusion
she works for him

no fun - no fucking - no future
she is owned
when she sneaks out -
to party the night away
he freaks

he roughs her up a bit
shames her in front of the others
teaches her to behave
for his own benefit

and just when we lost all hope
cagney and lacey showed up
they cuff the pimp
they free the girl

marybeth and christine
would never
be friends with a pimp

this is reality tv
like it or not
same same same
as vivi says

Wow: It's almost enough to make you like Donald Trump, isn't it? Personally, we savored the delicate transition from excoriating Mr. Trump's beauty pageant to feminist hand wringing about prostitution. And surely the use of numbers for the word "to" is deliciously sophomoric.

Ms. O'Donnell may not be funny, but she sure is one heck of a poetess.

(Note: The crack young staff normally "weblog" over at "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," where they are currently pondering the unfortunate fact that Randall Jarrell's books of poetry must sit beside Jewel's on the shelves of Barnes & Noble.)


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Comments (18)

And you are an enabler for ... (Below threshold)
blackcat77:

And you are an enabler for Rosie by posting it here... :)

Why is it that everyone who... (Below threshold)
James Cloninger:

Why is it that everyone who tries to write "poetry" without capitalization or punctuation thinks they are the next E.E.Cummings? They're not, you know.

I've said this before and I... (Below threshold)
Hugh:

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Why would anyone, anywhere, care anything at all about what she says about anyone or anything - ever.

She is the Peter Principle at its zenith.

The coolest thing about Ros... (Below threshold)
gringo:

The coolest thing about Rosie to me, a computer programmer, is that it'd be pretty easy to simulate her with artificial intelligence. I mean, I don't think I've *ever* heard anything unpredictable out of her mouth.

Probably a good specimen for simple AI research.

Hugh:<br... (Below threshold)
_Mike_:

Hugh:


I've said this before and I'll say it again. Why would anyone, anywhere, care anything at all about what she says about anyone or anything - ever.

You can tell a lot about a society by the types of people that they choose to celebrate (i.e. celebrities). Unfortunately, a quick scan of the celebrity 'A-list' leaves one with no other conclusion that we've got some fairly serious cultural problems.

the pipes get fullbi... (Below threshold)
Rich Edwards:

the pipes get full
bits of sludge
clog the flow

Hmmm??? I had previously thought that inside every fat person there was a slender person (or three in this case) wanting to get out. Perhaps I was wrong - are her eyes brown? Otherwise, I don't think she needs to worry about being forced into a life of prostitution.

Oh Rosie, oh Rosie,A... (Below threshold)
robert the original:

Oh Rosie, oh Rosie,
A cow by any other name would smell as sweet.

"judged valuable or not<br ... (Below threshold)
justthefacts:

"judged valuable or not
by old white men
it is always old white men.."

What is she talking about? Me thinks she's letting slip her bigotry and sexism. Here are the judges for this year's Miss America:

http://www.cmt.com/shows/events/miss_america/2007/meet_the_judges/

Exactly ONE old white guy (Chris Matthews!), three women (one black, one fat); and two relatively young white guys.

But no need to let the facts stand in the way of a wacko liberal sexist rant.

and the similarly diverse p... (Below threshold)
justthefacts:

and the similarly diverse panel of judges for Miss USA:

http://www.missusa.com/mainevent/judges.html

Ironically, both of these panels look much more diverse than the View panel.

Judging by her mad spelling... (Below threshold)
BorgQueen:

Judging by her mad spelling skills, she ought to be "stuk n irak."

Honestly, that instant messaging shorthand makes a person come across as so ignorant, I have trouble taking them seriously. Not to worry, though, Rosie, even if you change that habit I wouldn't be able to take you seriously.

As Nikkolai always says, gi... (Below threshold)
Jo:

As Nikkolai always says, give that liberal (Rosie) a microphone and crank up the volume. She represents the democrats and that is a good thing for Americans to see.

rosie rosiefat dyke ... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

rosie rosie
fat dyke you r
posie posie
ugly 2 b u
nosy nosy
stupid is as stupid does

/pathetic spelling intentional

OMG, Lee is ghostwriting ov... (Below threshold)
SCSIwuzzy:

OMG, Lee is ghostwriting over at Rosie's website.
No wonder he was so quiet last week. He finally found a day job

As a physician,I want to of... (Below threshold)
corwin:

As a physician,I want to offer this defense.It's accepted that after eating a meal,there's an incerease-it's called "post prandial"- in blood flow to the stomach.This deprives the brain of needed blood flow/oxygen.And if you eat 24/7......

Thread title correction: "R... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

Thread title correction: "Rosie O'Donnell, Pointless"


(Much better and more accurate...)

Rosie is a big fat piece of... (Below threshold)
John:

Rosie is a big fat piece of garbage. She doesn't care who she hurts or what says if you don't like her. She's been doing this for years. Poor Rosie. She wanted ALL the guns locked up....That is all except her bodyguards 45. Poor Rosie. If YOU tell a fib, you must be dragged thru the streets. That is unless you are Rosie pretending to be straight. Poor Rosie. What a waste of air. What a piece of crap show. What a self righteous A-hole. Down deep she HATES herself. Poor Rosie. end it all now Rosie....Just have your driver leave the ride running in the garage.....then go sit in it.

This just handed to me........ (Below threshold)
bill:

This just handed to me.....

January 9, 2007 -- THE tension between "The View" creator Barbara Walters and co-host Rosie O'Donnell, sparked by O'Donnell's feud with Donald Trump, boiled over yesterday morning when the portly comic called Walters "a [bleeping] liar."

The fight started around 8:30 a.m. when Walters, back from a two-week vacation, walked into the hair and makeup room at ABC studios and tried to hug O'Donnell, whom she hired onto the popular show.

According to spies, O'Donnell recoiled from Walters' touch and yelled, "You kept me in the newspapers this whole time!"

Both "View" producer Bill Geddie and Walters tried to calm O'Donnell. Walters told her, "I did everything I could to squash the story" - prompting Rosie to scream, "You didn't call me for 10 goddamn days, and you didn't tell me what you were going to say on television!"

O'Donnell is fuming because Trump went on Larry King two weeks ago - after she had called Trump a "snake-oil salesman" - and said Walters told him she regretted hiring O'Donnell. Trump also blasted the comic as "a horrible human being and a loser."

During her vacation, Walters issued a carefully worded statement saying, "I'm sorry there is friction between Donald and Rosie. That said, I do not regret for one moment my choice to hire Rosie O'Donnell as the moderator of 'The View.' "

After O'Donnell's outburst at Walters yesterday, Geddie jumped in and told her, "You've crossed the line." O'Donnell retorted, "Cameras are now outside of my house where my wife and kids are." She turned to Walters and said, "You went all around this and never called [Trump] a liar. You never said, 'Donald is lying.' You never called him a liar."

When Walters tried to defend herself, O'Donnell erupted, "Are you looking me in the face and denying you didn't tell him you didn't say this? You're a [bleeping] liar."

Cindi Berger, a rep for both Walters and O'Donnell said, "Whatever happened in the hair and makeup room was hardly a squabble. It's business as usual, everyone has moved on."

Yep! Biz as usual in Rosie's convoluted world. I don't like Trump, but he is on the mark with his view of this bimbo.

You and Rosie should just g... (Below threshold)
Cassady:

You and Rosie should just get a room. This is the point in the movie three seconds before the passionate embrace.

(Oh wait, your going to have to fight The Donald to get her. He's in lust.)




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