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I heard it through the grapevine...

I have mentioned my friend Candy several times. She's a born-again Christian home-schooling mother of five who fled Massachusetts for East Nowhere, Maine several years ago.

But that means she doesn't still have a sense of humor. Every now and then she sends me something that makes me laugh a lot, and wince just a little...

Her latest example is below the fold. You'll understand why.

Just for Valentine's Day.

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men . . men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


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Comments (12)

LOL! That was not only funn... (Below threshold)

LOL! That was not only funny but quite true.

I found myself laughing at ... (Below threshold)
jocrazy0:

I found myself laughing at that. I must be a masochist or maybe I resemble that remark............

ROFLOL! What is t... (Below threshold)
KobeClan:

ROFLOL!

What is the difference between men and government bonds?

The bonds eventually mature.

All men are pigs.

I once bought my wife a very expensive bottle of perfume for Valentine's Day. When she opened it up she began crying hysterically. Confused, as any pig would be, I asked her what was wrong.

"You don't like MY perfume!! Why didn't you tell me ten years ago!"

Happy Valentine's Day!

And thus the feminization o... (Below threshold)
jpm100:

And thus the feminization of American men continues unopposed.

runs and hides among the scattered refuse of bachelor apartment

Love this one! I don't care... (Below threshold)
Jon:

Love this one! I don't care how "not PC" it is, when you poke fun at yourself and others at the same time, it can be extra funny.

It's a very funny story...b... (Below threshold)
-S-:

It's a very funny story...but...how do apples stomp grapes, I'm wondering.

Happy Valentine's Day, Jay Tea and all.

Men are like men, women are like women, that's the way I see it.

~;-D

Male, and loved the joke!</... (Below threshold)
MunDane:

Male, and loved the joke!

That's a funny joke. It al... (Below threshold)
kbiel:

That's a funny joke. It also points out one thing that men and women do have in common: both like to laugh at men.

I think my wife is in a per... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

I think my wife is in a perpetual state of stomping! LOL I'm one stubborn-ass grape...

Nice, Candy. :-)

it's all in the telling, ho... (Below threshold)

it's all in the telling, however.

For instance, would the stories sound remotely as funny if they were being told by Amanda Marcotte?

For instance, would the ... (Below threshold)
James Cloninger:

For instance, would the stories sound remotely as funny if they were being told by Amanda Marcotte?

Well, I'm sure the "f" key would have to be replaced by essay's end.

This was genuinely funny. U... (Below threshold)
89:

This was genuinely funny. Usual disclaimer about spousal abuse not being funny, etc. etc.

PC off.




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