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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:

With boxes full of petitions, former Vice President Al Gore accompanied by his wife Tipper, arrive at a hearing room on Capitol Hill in Washington to testify on climate change before a joint hearing of the House Energy and Commerce, and Science and Technology subcommittees on Wednesday, March 21, 2007. Gore's return to Congress marked the first time he had been in the Capitol since January 2001 when he was the defeated Democratic nominee still presiding over the Senate in his role as vice president. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)


Winners will be announced Sunday.


Update: Winners announced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed.


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Comments (179)

These really are petitions ... (Below threshold)
W.C. Green:

These really are petitions against filthy song lyrics, but recycling is good for the planet.

"Why, no, I'm not wearing a... (Below threshold)
jay wills:

"Why, no, I'm not wearing any pants. Why do you ask?"

Worship Me, for I will save... (Below threshold)

Worship Me, for I will save you from Global Warming. You shall ride bicycles and buy carbon offset Indulgences, while I fly the skies and live large while spreading the message of living small.

Only 3 carbon dioxide-eatin... (Below threshold)

Only 3 carbon dioxide-eating giant redwoods were killed to make the labels for the cardboard boxes as my personal assistant was too busy fueling the charter jet I took to get here. But don't worry---I used the carbon allotment of a 3-yr-old boy in Uganda who will never have to worry about changing a lightbulb since he'll be prevented by Kyoto from ever using electricity.

All of which would have been prevented had you elected me in 2000, you rat b*st*rds.

I've been working out , ... (Below threshold)
Rob LA Ca.:

I've been working out , how's my butt look?

...then Al whipped it out t... (Below threshold)

...then Al whipped it out to demonstrate his 'fever' to congress and Tipper.

But we have been eco-friend... (Below threshold)
retired military:

But we have been eco-friendly in this effort. All this paper is made from recycled toilet paper and after the committee releases it back to me I am going to use it as fuel to warm my 30,000 square foot house.

"Al Gore presents the commi... (Below threshold)
sanssoucy:

"Al Gore presents the committee with two copies of his December, 2006 electric light bill."

"Why, yes, Senator. We are... (Below threshold)
_Mike_:

"Why, yes, Senator. We are recommending that Taco Bell be required to pay a flatulence offset tax."

"Stop the World - we want t... (Below threshold)
Palmateer:

"Stop the World - we want to get off."

Tipper Gore: "OK I want eve... (Below threshold)
Tim:

Tipper Gore: "OK I want everybody to hold their breath like Al is doing so we can drop the CO2 level.

Al's new movie: An Incoveni... (Below threshold)

Al's new movie: An Incovenient Girth.

Several years later... Gore... (Below threshold)
spypeach:

Several years later... Gore still trying to have the pregnant chads counted.

You'll notice Al and Tipper... (Below threshold)

You'll notice Al and Tipper are dressed warmly, since it's always cold wherever that dumb bastard goes.

What, these boxes? That's m... (Below threshold)

What, these boxes? That's my lunch.

500,000 signatures and only... (Below threshold)
Brian the Adequate:

500,000 signatures and only 489,000 are from I.P. Freely, Amanda Huggankiss or Anita Lay.

Mr. Stiff went to Washingto... (Below threshold)

Mr. Stiff went to Washington.

Al Gore declares the scienc... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Al Gore declares the science settled after presenting his petition signed by 250,000 Americans ready to swear they've seen Manbearpig.

But you told me to bring my... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

But you told me to bring my lunch, Madame Speaker...

The double-breasted, black-... (Below threshold)

The double-breasted, black-coated hypocrite is in its natural environment and starting to build a nest.

The personal electric use p... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

The personal electric use pledge was all political show, the order to stop releasing methane in the Senate chamber was serious - and poorly received by Mr Gore.

And I brought my Oscar as S... (Below threshold)

And I brought my Oscar as SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE!

You see, I'm going to sneak... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

You see, I'm going to sneak up on Manbearpig and stick my thumb up his bunghole.

Global warming mystery solv... (Below threshold)

Global warming mystery solved.

Gore's gotten so fat, it just feels warmer to him.

To my mind the best evidenc... (Below threshold)

To my mind the best evidence that global warming is nonsense on stilts is that this guy is for it.

I've got my Carbon Offset's... (Below threshold)

I've got my Carbon Offset's right here...
in my lockbox...

The Goracle of Smell High (... (Below threshold)

The Goracle of Smell High (to the heavens)

If it's supposed to get so ... (Below threshold)

If it's supposed to get so hot in the future, how come Al's put on such a thick layer of insulating fat?

Step Right Up. Get your ver... (Below threshold)

Step Right Up. Get your very own carbon offset. Save the world with just a piece of paper.

"We found the boxes of Flor... (Below threshold)

"We found the boxes of Florida votes that weren't counted in 2000, I am the President."

Why yes, that is a foot-lon... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Why yes, that is a foot-long double-meat hoagie in my pocket. And I am excited to be here.

....and in these boxes of m... (Below threshold)
Tim:

....and in these boxes of my deleted scenes, is proof that heavy metal musicians are producing more CO2 than the rest of us. Read it and weep you oxygen eating Hell demons!

"...and we only killed 32 t... (Below threshold)

"...and we only killed 32 trees to make copies of my 500 page plan for everyone here."

Sorry, I'm having trouble c... (Below threshold)

Sorry, I'm having trouble coming up with aything other than "Hypocritical, Arrogant, Socialist Asshole".

Mr. Chairman:Today... (Below threshold)
Rance:

Mr. Chairman:

Today we would like to propose an alternative to fossil fuel. We believe that we can provide 15% of the nations energy needs just by burning the hanging chads in these boxes.

The stick up my butt is to ... (Below threshold)

The stick up my butt is to keep in the excess greenhouse gases. The bloating is an Unfortunate Side Effect.

Gore got so huge he found h... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Gore got so huge he found himself orbited by smaller syncophants.

An Incontinent Goof... (Below threshold)

An Incontinent Goof

When Al Gore sat around the... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

When Al Gore sat around the hearing chamber, he sat AROUND the hearing chamber.

Senator, that is what we in... (Below threshold)

Senator, that is what we in the business call a "hanging carbon offset."

Greenhouse gasses are a sil... (Below threshold)

Greenhouse gasses are a silent but deadly killer.

An Incontrovertable Bore</p... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

An Incontrovertable Bore

I think I just carbon offse... (Below threshold)

I think I just carbon offset in my pants.

We've just learned that Tip... (Below threshold)

We've just learned that Tipper has inoperable cancer, so I've decided to run.

Yes, anyone refusing the 66... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Yes, anyone refusing the 666 shall be beheaded. Their heads will be placed in these boxes.

"See, another piece of the ... (Below threshold)
Jumpinjoe:

"See, another piece of the sky just fell on the man on the right side of the room."

How can have I exceeded the... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

How can have I exceeded the Gross Vehicle Weight Rating for any chair in Washington?

Enzyte announces its replac... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Enzyte announces its replacement for Smiling Bob.

Jackass in the Box.... (Below threshold)
taz:

Jackass in the Box.

Thought bubble: I can hardl... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Thought bubble: I can hardly believe it - I've actually got people begging for their own enslavement.

That "Lock Box?" It's envi... (Below threshold)
Beth:

That "Lock Box?" It's environmentally friendly, too.

The vote in Florida clearly... (Below threshold)
Dave:

The vote in Florida clearly showed that everyone is for my global warming solutions.

I have bought carbon offset... (Below threshold)
Dave:

I have bought carbon offsets because of the hot air produced during my global warming whining.

Al Gore Admits Addiction To... (Below threshold)

Al Gore Admits Addiction To Box Lunches

I think I just carbon of... (Below threshold)

I think I just carbon offset in my pants.

Excellent!

"Hey, Inhofe! You were dis... (Below threshold)

"Hey, Inhofe! You were disgusted by "The Kiss" I planted on Tipper on stage? Watch THIS!"

Carbon offsets? Why yes, w... (Below threshold)
mustng66:

Carbon offsets? Why yes, we have carbon offsets right here. For today only they are 5 for a dollar. Get 'em while they're hot!

"Nah, I just keep them arou... (Below threshold)
DaveD:

"Nah, I just keep them around for old time's sake. Every once in a while I just get them out to recount them."

Al Gore caught in an awkwar... (Below threshold)
Bo:

Al Gore caught in an awkward moment after being advised that the contents of all these papers could have been stored on a single optical disc.

We're certain that each of ... (Below threshold)
Bo:

We're certain that each of these people, over 500,000 strong, intended to sign the petition!

Mr Roboto shows how not to ... (Below threshold)
Stormin:

Mr Roboto shows how not to reduce CO2 emmissions after arriving in his SUV, straight from the airport where his private jet dropped him off, carrying the waste of 40 trees on a useless petition.

Here we see 500,000 pieces ... (Below threshold)
Bo:

Here we see 500,000 pieces of evidence that prove beyond any doubt, the reality of global dumbing.

Dinner? Did someone say din... (Below threshold)
pretzel_logic:

Dinner? Did someone say dinner?

Allllbert my medications we... (Below threshold)
pretzel_logic:

Allllbert my medications wearing off...Aaaaallllbert....

The most boring man in the ... (Below threshold)

The most boring man in the world accompanied by his vapid blonde wife attempts once again to certify unreality!

So you think this is all a ... (Below threshold)
civil behavior:

So you think this is all a joke huh?

When you and your kids start suffering from your lack of intelligence on the subject then everything said here today will suddenly become your idea right?

What was that Mr. Inhofe......you said that none of this matters compared to your Holy Grail of greed and arrogance?

Tipper, these people are

"Do you guys want to see me... (Below threshold)
Pete_Bondurant:

"Do you guys want to see me kiss Tipper again?"

All Gore practices looking ... (Below threshold)

All Gore practices looking smug, arrogant and clueless all at the same time.

Why Thank You. I believe I ... (Below threshold)
Sharon:

Why Thank You. I believe I have lost weight.

Now these boxes are full of... (Below threshold)
mantis:

Now these boxes are full of ballots with what we call "warming chads."

Former Vice President Al Go... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

Former Vice President Al Gore prepares to testify before a Senate Hearing on the need to form a special Task Force to hunt down and kill ManBearPig.

It's true. Some people can ... (Below threshold)
SILVER BULLET:

It's true. Some people can light up a room. Turn the light off and save some energy!

And now...Al-dini and the a... (Below threshold)
Pete:

And now...Al-dini and the amazing lock box. Which one is it? Ooooooo...

"Lunch is served - all my f... (Below threshold)
trappedinmn:

"Lunch is served - all my favorites"

While preparing for his tes... (Below threshold)
Jim:

While preparing for his testimony former VP Al Gore asks "Do you guys mind if I leave my lunch boxes here?"

Al's been buying calorie of... (Below threshold)

Al's been buying calorie offsets too. Others starve so that Al can continue to eat the food of ten families.

They don't work either.

Farenheit 451 Redux?... (Below threshold)
wavemaker:

Farenheit 451 Redux?

Al Gore asks for more carbo... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

Al Gore asks for more carbon offsets to counter the amount of hot air he spews on a daily basis.

"Will demigogue for carbon ... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

"Will demigogue for carbon offsets."

"Tipper, crank up the therm... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

"Tipper, crank up the thermostat we got 3 more boxes of offsets."

"Hmmm? Yeah, I made most o... (Below threshold)

"Hmmm? Yeah, I made most of it up. The mic's aren't on, yet, right?"

"I have reinvented myself a... (Below threshold)
Hodink:

"I have reinvented myself as Prophet Al and Tipper is Stevie Nicks without a warning label."

BEEP....BEEP BEEP..We come ... (Below threshold)
914:

BEEP....BEEP BEEP..We come in peace!

Tipper: "Al, I don't think ... (Below threshold)

Tipper: "Al, I don't think they want to "'scuse you" while you whip anything out!"

You think she's the one wit... (Below threshold)
kim:

You think she's the one with dark roots.
==========================

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen.. ... (Below threshold)
914:

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen.. that gas smell is My carbon friendly lunch emissions of 2 whoppers 3 bags of fries and some caviar!

Its true I tell You! Me and... (Below threshold)
914:

Its true I tell You! Me and Tip biked all the way from Sri Lanka to be here!

Wheres Your sacrifices?

Carbon misfits like us!... (Below threshold)
914:

Carbon misfits like us!

CNN Anchor voiceover: "We u... (Below threshold)

CNN Anchor voiceover: "We understand that it is graphic and disturbing. Unnecessary? We believe it is news and choose not to shield our viewers from the serious realities of the global warming 'debate', for which there is overwhelming scientific consensus and no opposition by any scientist that anyone would ever take seriously except BIG OIL companies who pay them off to lie about the reality of man-made global warming. CNN would like to point out that the preceding video was submitted to us by a Gore associate and we made that clear from the start. We would also point out that after Mr. Gore politely told the Committee that he would show them what his response to 'global warming deniers looks like', the video was faded to black after the frame shown here and before the ex-Vice President 'mooned' Mr. Inhofe at the hearing."


-

Too long for a caption? How about...

Footage of the ex-Vice President was thankfully faded to black before the actual 'mooning' of Mr. Inhofe.

Let's see plastic, paper, a... (Below threshold)

Let's see plastic, paper, and glass for you average folk. And for you wealthy, lucky ones, register your name under one of these boxes to exchange your carbon footprints, through the effort of the paupers.

So I try My best illegal mo... (Below threshold)
914:

So I try My best illegal move..a fake warming scan set to fill My account again!

Go on and set Me up for an Oscar award..post My face on the money You earn!

Take My liscense..all that jive..I cant fly 555!

And in these boxes, you wil... (Below threshold)
ted:

And in these boxes, you will find plaster casts of all my carbon footprints.

What, you wanted these 48 h... (Below threshold)
DSkinner:

What, you wanted these 48 hours in advance? Don't you realize I'm the Algoracle?

"These are the signatures o... (Below threshold)
kbiel:

"These are the signatures of my supporters pledging to stop emitting any carbon dioxide. Strangely, many of them have suddenly died from asphyxiation."

Lunatic fringe....Me and Ti... (Below threshold)
914:

Lunatic fringe....Me and Tipper know Your out there!

Apparently smuggliness is n... (Below threshold)
914:

Apparently smuggliness is next to gluttonliness?

Is there such a word?

There is now!

Mr. Gore was quite shocked ... (Below threshold)
Clay:

Mr. Gore was quite shocked to discover that the 997,372 trees that were used to produce his documentation would have eliminated 14 million pounds of CO2 last year. "Well, I guess I just didn't do the math. But, hey, somebody's gotta sacrifice.", Mr. Gore remarked.

Wha? the brown box? ohh tha... (Below threshold)
914:

Wha? the brown box? ohh thats just the lost and found box and contains the white water files and missing military ballots from 2000' no biggie!

"You cut a hole in a box...... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

"You cut a hole in a box...Put your junk in that box...Make her open that box....ohh it's my dick in box!"

That clock on the wall does... (Below threshold)
914:

That clock on the wall does not say 5:oopm I do not own 4 mansions and I never took a dime from the Bhuddist monks!
Any more questions?

No, I tossed the petitions ... (Below threshold)
Master Shake:

No, I tossed the petitions out the window of the Hummer limo I came here in. This is just part of my mid-morning snack - the rest of the boxes are in the hall.

----"Don't be too pr... (Below threshold)
_Mike_:

----
"Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Farce."

----

"I find your lack of faith disturbing, Representative Barton."

-----
Darth Gore

Al the magic con Man lived ... (Below threshold)
914:

Al the magic con Man lived carbon free

And frolicked in the learjet mist in a place called ole D.C.

Al the magic con Man lived carbon free

And practiced what he preached by God as We can clearly see

Hello, my name is algore. ... (Below threshold)
Zelsdorf Ragshaft III:

Hello, my name is algore. Tipper and I are hear to buy calorie credits. I need 2000 per day.

"These things? I like to ca... (Below threshold)
John F Not Kerry:

"These things? I like to call them 'sanity lockboxes'".

Boxes of loose chads (circa... (Below threshold)
Tango:

Boxes of loose chads (circa 2000) are presented as an alternative fuel at recent congressional hearings. "These little buggers caused me a whole lot of aggravation way back when, so firing 'em up not only produces heat but, on a personal level, gives me the 'warm and fuzzies,'" exclaimed Gore as he slipped his feet into some electrically warmed slippers.

Mr. Gore begins to remove h... (Below threshold)
_Mike_:

Mr. Gore begins to remove his coat prior to demonstrating his climatology 'Al Gore Rhythm'

We're not gaining weight - ... (Below threshold)

We're not gaining weight - Tipper and I are personally sequestering carbon.

For the children!

The House hearing had to be... (Below threshold)
Bungalowlife:

The House hearing had to be delayed when, after about fifteen minutes, it was determined that the committee members were questioning the Al Gore wax dummy from Madame Tussaud's. Not even Tipper noticed the difference. The real Al was located taking his pre-dinner snack in the House cafeteria.

"No, really, dirty song lyr... (Below threshold)

"No, really, dirty song lyrics are going to destroy the earth....we're TOTALLY serial!"

"Well, of course I would ha... (Below threshold)

"Well, of course I would have some Grey Poupon, let me get it out of my pocket for you right now, my good sir."

Huh? 5:00? Screw the reco... (Below threshold)

Huh? 5:00? Screw the recount. It's eatin' time!!

(Meanwhile, in support of Mr Gore, Killroy shows that he is, indeed, here!)

"Sergeant Raymond Shaw, how... (Below threshold)

"Sergeant Raymond Shaw, how's the Global Warming brainwa---, I mean project going?"

Gore: My contribution to "... (Below threshold)
914:

Gore: My contribution to "Global warming" is as nothing compared to the size of My ego!

Tipper: Honey I got the hum... (Below threshold)
914:

Tipper: Honey I got the hummer warmed up! hurry up or were gonna be late for cocktails at Marthas vineyard!

Teddys wearing the lampshade tonight!

The Duke of methane has ret... (Below threshold)
914:

The Duke of methane has returned to impress us all with His massive amounts of pent up flatulence!!

What do you mean all the si... (Below threshold)
tiismedavid:

What do you mean all the signatures look like mine?

Why yes Mr Inhofe, I will b... (Below threshold)
David:

Why yes Mr Inhofe, I will be happy to show you the butt that these 500,000 people have kissed.

The rest of the ball... (Below threshold)
914:


The rest of the ballots er....I mean petitions are in My trunk right next to the diebold.

You will notice, these sign... (Below threshold)
David:

You will notice, these signatures come from cemetaries all around the country, er, I mean predominately democratic voters.

"Al, honey, please tell me ... (Below threshold)
JimK:

"Al, honey, please tell me these petitions don't involve the word 'butterfly'."

Al, he said you were a glob... (Below threshold)
Mike:

Al, he said you were a global warm onger.

Gore: Gentlemen I submit to... (Below threshold)
914:

Gore: Gentlemen I submit to You that Me and John Edwards have agreed in principal to reduce our carbon emisssions by 50% in the coming year, ushering in the next Ice Age and providing for a sequel to an "inconvenient truth" to be titled "A justifiable freeze."

Listen up, pedestrians. Thi... (Below threshold)

Listen up, pedestrians. This is the face of an Oscar winner. Kneel before the Goracle.

yes, Michael Moore and I ha... (Below threshold)
tiismedavid:

yes, Michael Moore and I have many things in common - girth, an Osacar, the proclivity to just make sh** up and pass it off as "science"...

"Why yes, before the intern... (Below threshold)
jbwbubba:

"Why yes, before the internet, I invented the box"

Inhofe: 'How many toner ... (Below threshold)

Inhofe: 'How many toner cartridges did you use to copy these petitions?' You do know they are filled with carbon powder."

Gore: "Carbon powder? But it's called 'toner'! What do you mean those things are filled with carbon!?!"

Algore showing the Drive by... (Below threshold)
stan25:

Algore showing the Drive by Media, the proof that George W Bush had actually lost the 2000 election in Florida and he (algore) was the real winner.

These petitions are all mad... (Below threshold)
914:

These petitions are all made out of recycled butterfly ballots from Dade county!

My suit however is made from pure tibetan silk! A gift from the good people of Mongolia!

Everything else u see and hear today is pure bunk!

\"In These boxes? Tipper an... (Below threshold)

\"In These boxes? Tipper and I brought enough tinfoil for everyone to wrap their heads so the mind rays won\'t keep you from learing the inconvenient truth about Global Warming\" -- \"I see you Democrats brought your own, good!\"

"IN THESE BOXES ARE THE IND... (Below threshold)
WILLIAM SHIVES:

"IN THESE BOXES ARE THE INDISPUTABLE EVIDENCE THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS UPON US." "TIPPER HONEY, SHOW THEM THE DICE THAT WERE HANGING ON THE MIRROR OF YOUR CAR." "THESE DICE ARE DISCOLORED AND DEFORMED DO THE EXTREME TEMPERATURES REACHED IN THE STRECH LIMO. A CLEAR INDICATION OF RISING TEMPURATURES. WE HAVE MANY MORE EXAMPLES."

As an Algore Independent... (Below threshold)
c:

As an Algore Independent Business Owner (IBO) you will earn commissions not only on your own sales of Algore Sanctimony Offsets, but also (and this is the great part) on the sales of each and every IBO you sponsor.

Does that sound like something you would be interested in?

Imagine that! Madam Chairpe... (Below threshold)
JAT:

Imagine that! Madam Chairperson! Hum, if Bill were here he'd be beating the pants off Pelosi! OH MY what memories that brings back.

Since leaving Tennessee, Al... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Since leaving Tennessee, Al Gore has completely mastered the pompous Northern "nose lookdown".

Al Gore reacts to the news ... (Below threshold)
Dodo David:

Al Gore reacts to the news that Congress will take real action now to stop global warming . . . by making him walk his talk.
Tipper responds, "Al, do something. They are going to take away our trips on private jets, our limo rides, our zinc mines, our energy hog that we call a house."

Presumptive arrogance is a ... (Below threshold)
914:

Presumptive arrogance is a lethal concoction!

"... and in these two boxes... (Below threshold)

"... and in these two boxes I've brought the 538 butterfly ballots from Palm Beach County where, finally, the right chad fell out. I, Al Gore, am your President."

Carbon offsets in the brown... (Below threshold)
AkBigBoy:

Carbon offsets in the brown box, Lunch in the white box - got it Mr. Gore.

AL Gore, addressing members... (Below threshold)
Dodo David:

AL Gore, addressing members of Congress:
"I have here a petition signed by 500,000 people demanding that Congress take real action now to stop global warming . . . or to make Kevin Aylward post the winners of the Wizbang!caption contests when he says he will post them . . . whichever is easier."

Former Vice President Algor... (Below threshold)
Spike:

Former Vice President Algore is entered as an exibit by Tipper Gore prior to her testimony before the House Sub-committee on Mental Health about her idea of "I.Q. offsets". "The intellectual achievements of human beings would have no limits and can be easily offset until 2050 by my husband's sheer idiocy", she said.

"Hey Tipper! Look at all t... (Below threshold)
radiCalMan:

"Hey Tipper! Look at all these carbon credits I found here in my ol' Senate Social Security Lock Boxes!"

Divinity School dropout Alg... (Below threshold)
Spike:

Divinity School dropout Algore attempts to reverse one of his five "F"s from Vanderbilt by testifiying before the House Energy and Commerce, and Science and Technology committees about his growing cult. "The IPCC Version says in Tomfoolery 3:16, 'If ye believe not in me, ye shall all be baptized by fire. Ye must be purged from your sins with the precious carbon offsets given by the only begotten Son of GOREd, who from the beginning of Occidental Petroleum came to save the people from their freedoms.'"

Inconvenient Truth #134<br ... (Below threshold)

Inconvenient Truth #134
Al Gore is so tight, if you put carbon up his butt, two weeks later you have diamonds. This is known as carbon offsetting.

Al Gore unveils the new ult... (Below threshold)
Robert Realtor:

Al Gore unveils the new ultra-high tech Florida voting system

"Which way did my little bu... (Below threshold)

"Which way did my little bunny rabbit go? When I find him, I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and love him and squeeze him."

"Which way did my little bu... (Below threshold)

"Which way did my little bunny rabbit go? Gosh it's hot! When I find him, I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and love him and squeeze him."

Al-e-Gore-y of Climatology.... (Below threshold)

Al-e-Gore-y of Climatology.

No, these aren't from the t... (Below threshold)
SCSIwuzzy:

No, these aren't from the trees that I planted for carbon off-sets. They came the clear cutting of the forest that needed to be removed so that I could strip mine for zinc.

Left-wing logic:Th... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Left-wing logic:

Theocracy - bad, very bad

Pantheocracy - good, very good

"The planet has a fever! An... (Below threshold)
KB:

"The planet has a fever! And the only prescription is more cowbell!"

"My name is Beld- ... err, ... (Below threshold)

"My name is Beld- ... err, Algore. We're ... from France. Prymaat ... Tipper and I will now consume mass quantities."

"I intend to run, just as s... (Below threshold)

"I intend to run, just as soon as I discover the secret of turning Wizbang Captions into votes, I always get more than anyone else."

"Why yes I am the smartest ... (Below threshold)
retired military:

"Why yes I am the smartest man in the universe and I brought this dumb blonde along with me to prove it."

----------------------------

"That's right senator, Global warming, caused the voting machines in Florida to not work properly. Since we know that republicans created global warming, and like the earth global warming is a sentinent being, it was directly responsible for me losing the 2000 election.

-----------------------

Tipper - "When he stands like that it makes me just want to run up to him and kiss him like we did at the democratic convention"

-------------------------------
Al Gore poses for his statue entitled "The most inflated ego in history"

-----------------------

Al - "... and not only that but global warming is directly responsible for not only me but Rosie Odonnel being overweight."

-------------------------------

"And Mister Chairman I categorically deny the accusation from the republican senator that Rosie ODonnel and myself are responsible for the increasing amount of Hot Air coming out of Hollywood.

Finding upon inspection tha... (Below threshold)

Finding upon inspection that none of Al Gore's boxes were indeed locked, the AARP chose to endorse Obama.

"Yes, I did have documentat... (Below threshold)

"Yes, I did have documentation proving Global Warming, but Sandy Burger 'borrowed' it."

Prior to Al Gore's appearan... (Below threshold)

Prior to Al Gore's appearance a Globular Warning was issued.

No, no, I meant cardboar... (Below threshold)
Anachronda:

No, no, I meant cardboard neutral.

Honey?? I've shrunk the bid... (Below threshold)
914:

Honey?? I've shrunk the bids!

A smirk that only a Mother ... (Below threshold)
914:

A smirk that only a Mother could love!

If I were any more gay, the... (Below threshold)
914:

If I were any more gay, the lights would all go out in Massachussettes!

An awkward expression came ... (Below threshold)
Harvey:

An awkward expression came over Mr. Gore's face as he realized he had mistakenly shipped his electric bill instead of the petitions.

Face it, Gore...The only in... (Below threshold)
914:

Face it, Gore...The only inconvenient truth is that you can't get it up.

An Al leGory of stupidity! ... (Below threshold)
914:

An Al leGory of stupidity!

"Well, of course I'm smarte... (Below threshold)

"Well, of course I'm smarter than you. Pissant."

Yes, my asscheeks smell lik... (Below threshold)

Yes, my asscheeks smell like pomegranites. Why do you ask?

"No Senator, I have scienti... (Below threshold)
retired military:

"No Senator, I have scientific proof that these pants do not make my ass look fat!"

Al thinking to himself "Pl... (Below threshold)
retired military:

Al thinking to himself "Please please please not now. Please no."

TIpper thinking to herself "OH NO He has that face he has every time he has gas at an important event"

See? I'm a funny guy after... (Below threshold)

See? I'm a funny guy after all! I just convinced 500,000 tree huggers to fight Mother Nature.

Gore turns and looks after ... (Below threshold)

Gore turns and looks after someone asks, "Is there a jackass in the house?"

The real president of the u... (Below threshold)
crazylibs:

The real president of the united states

Sen. Inhofe, I sniff my own... (Below threshold)

Sen. Inhofe, I sniff my own farts in a personal attempt to process the damn carbon.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the... (Below threshold)
914:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the court!

I suggest to you? that if My fingers were not so far up My rectum right now! I would not look so gesticularily happy!

I did not have sex with tha... (Below threshold)
914:

I did not have sex with that Woman?

These allegations are false!

Now Im gonna load My shorts with mulch! dam u all!

Tipper: Honey? those wetbac... (Below threshold)
914:

Tipper: Honey? those wetbacks are here again! something about yardwork?

Chubby; Dont worry honey! We can keep them all at Ws place!

oh? ok snookums!

Inhofe: Lay off the viagra ... (Below threshold)
914:

Inhofe: Lay off the viagra stiffy!

"As God is my witness, I sw... (Below threshold)

"As God is my witness, I swear I thought that the Carbon Offsets thing would fly."

"Today I'm handin' out loll... (Below threshold)

"Today I'm handin' out lollipops and Carbon Offsets, and I'm fresh out of lollipops."

Before I invented the inter... (Below threshold)

Before I invented the internet, I invented boxes.

Update: <... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed.




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