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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:

Chairman of Microsoft Corporation Bill Gates stands to accept an honorary Doctor of Laws degree during the 356th Commencement Exercises at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts June 7, 2007. (Brian Snyder/Reuters)


Winners will be announced Sunday.


Update: Winners announced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed, but a new contest will begin on Friday.


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Comments (107)

"Seven years of college dow... (Below threshold)
Craig:

"Seven years of college down the drain!"

Bill Gates, the richest man... (Below threshold)
Eric:

Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, ponders how his life would be different if he had not dropped out of college.

The only thing that took lo... (Below threshold)

The only thing that took longer than getting a new release out of Microsoft.

PCU... (Below threshold)

PCU

This would be Lambda Lambda... (Below threshold)

This would be Lambda Lambda Lambda's proudest moment.

Slow, bulky, and bug-ridden... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Slow, bulky, and bug-ridden is no way to release an operating system.

Bill Gate reflects upon rec... (Below threshold)
marc:

Bill Gate reflects upon receipt of his Doctorate of Digital Entomology degree.

Bill Gates smiles, secure i... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Bill Gates smiles, secure in the knowledge he's the only person on stage not wearing any pants under his gown.

Bill Gates was later mistak... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Bill Gates was later mistaken for Harry Reid and beaten senseless by people opposed to amnesty for illegal immigrants.

Yes chancellor, that is a m... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Yes chancellor, that is a mouse in my pocket...

iRule... (Below threshold)

iRule

After receiving an honorary... (Below threshold)

After receiving an honorary degree, Bill Gates revealed Microsoft's newest technology, simply called "Egghead", the totally wireless, take-with-you-anywhere laptop.

After receiving an honorary... (Below threshold)

After receiving an honorary degree, Bill Gates revealed Microsoft's newest technology, simply called "Egghead", the totally wireless, take-with-you-anywhere laptop. When not in use, it conveniently stores itself in the "common sense" area of the brain, which nobody seems to use any more.

(apologies for re-post; hit the button before it made any sense!)

" NO, no Bill we said you e... (Below threshold)
Gmax:

" NO, no Bill we said you earned the DUNCE CAP for the way Microsoft's stock has performed of late!"

The HonoraryTM class degree... (Below threshold)

The HonoraryTM class degree was immediately popular, and early reviews were favorable. It was only later that critical flaws in the degree were discovered, which allowed for Education Theft, corrupted Ideals, Memory loss and system failure. A "patch" was developed, but soon afterwards, university officials admitted that the only correction was an expensive upgrade, and even that would not fix the problem completely or undo the damage.

These problems helped drive demand for an alternative system, the iWork.

Bill smiled contentedly, kn... (Below threshold)
Gmac:

Bill smiled contentedly, knowing his future did not depend on him using his degree.

Grueling years of study for... (Below threshold)
brainy435:

Grueling years of study for an ivy-league degree: 4

Years to repay student loans after graduation: 10

Being a college dropout with more money then everyone else assembled: priceless.

You have new software updat... (Below threshold)
Mark:

You have new software updates available would you like to download them now?

College, didn't need it. </... (Below threshold)

College, didn't need it.

"Thank you all for this hon... (Below threshold)

"Thank you all for this honor. In return, I'd like to offer these fine graduates the chance to work for my company for $500,000 per year! As you accept your diploma, you will be given a chance to be hired by me by passing this simple test! OK...I'm thinking of a number between 1 and...70 BILLION!!! Just tell me what it is and you're hired, mwah-ha-ha-ha!"

Harvard graduation 1.0 proj... (Below threshold)
Mikey60:

Harvard graduation 1.0 projected release date, 1977. Actual delivery date, 2007.

Wow! I REALLY can buy anyth... (Below threshold)
Chief White Bear:

Wow! I REALLY can buy anything!

Thunder somewhat stolen, bu... (Below threshold)
rockindoug:

Thunder somewhat stolen, but:

"I'm thinking of a number between one and my net worth...."

Wonder what you have to ach... (Below threshold)
Nylda:

Wonder what you have to achieve in life to get a degree from Yale?

"Suckers."... (Below threshold)

"Suckers."

"If only they knew that I n... (Below threshold)
Norm F.:

"If only they knew that I named my computer company after a memeorable remark made by my first ever girlfriend when she saw my penis, and this hat looks kind of cool".

"Woot"... (Below threshold)

"Woot"

or more correctly"... (Below threshold)

or more correctly

"w00t"

"These muggles will respect... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

"These muggles will respect me now", Harry Gates thinks to himself...

Certainly now, I am the hig... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

Certainly now, I am the highest level Dungeon Master ever...

Heh heh, I wonder what they... (Below threshold)
John in CA:

Heh heh, I wonder what they think of the Windows logo I painted on top of this thing

My reindeer flies sideways,... (Below threshold)
jaymaster:

My reindeer flies sideways, your reindeer flies upside down....

I just love that song. I wonder if I can download it from iTunes?

What if I woke up tomorrow ... (Below threshold)
kim:

What if I woke up tomorrow in Scooter Libby's body?
================================

Public health easy? Well, ... (Below threshold)
kim:

Public health easy? Well, at least it is sane and sanitary. Now public policy? Well that's not hard at all, and too easy to introduce a hothoused mutant strain, pathological in the extreme. Are you listening, George?
======================

"Hmmm... if they give me a ... (Below threshold)

"Hmmm... if they give me a Masters Degree I could be known as Master ..."

Gates just found out he's g... (Below threshold)

Gates just found out he's getting an iPhone for graduation.

Hey - I can hide my bad hai... (Below threshold)
Roy:

Hey - I can hide my bad haircut, and look smart too.

"$49,999,999,999...$50,000,... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

"$49,999,999,999...$50,000,000,000...$50,000,000,001...hey, I make money just counting to myself..."

I wonder if they would find... (Below threshold)

I wonder if they would find out if I bought a Mac

"May I go to the bathroo... (Below threshold)
rockindoug:

"May I go to the bathroom?"

...


"Thank you"

Bill Gates contemplates buy... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

Bill Gates contemplates buying Heaven and what the re-sale value might be.

I'm so very proud of the bl... (Below threshold)
Syllabucks:

I'm so very proud of the blue frogs on my man boobs!

"Your careers all belong... (Below threshold)

"Your careers all belong to me."

Thought Bubble: I hope I ca... (Below threshold)
Bungalowlife:

Thought Bubble: I hope I can keep this robe for the kegger-toga afterparty. Toga! Toga! Toga!

Sorry, but Genuine Advantag... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Sorry, but Genuine Advantage has determined that this is not a genuine diploma. Would you like to resolve this issue now?

"Hope I get a bowl of soup ... (Below threshold)

"Hope I get a bowl of soup with this hat."

I owe all my success to <a ... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

I owe all my success to Sherman.

I wonder what Paris Hilton ... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

I wonder what Paris Hilton makes of all this?

:::Reading back of diploma:... (Below threshold)
Farmer Joe:

:::Reading back of diploma:::

"'End User License agreement: This degree is the property of Harvard University. License is granted to the user to...' HEY!!"

I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart... (Below threshold)

I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!

What Would Jay Tea Do?... (Below threshold)

What Would Jay Tea Do?

"Amazing what a threat to c... (Below threshold)
TJ:

"Amazing what a threat to cut off all the university's software licenses will accomplish!"

Richest man on earth. How y... (Below threshold)
John:

Richest man on earth. How you like me now sorority bee-otches!

The Stay in School ad campa... (Below threshold)
THC:

The Stay in School ad campaign is dealt a serious setback.

Bill Gates smirks smugly as... (Below threshold)

Bill Gates smirks smugly as he notices all the broke, drunken slobs in the audience who used to give him wedgies in the high school locker room.

In order to ensure our secu... (Below threshold)
SCSIwuzzy:

In order to ensure our security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire, for a safe and secure society which I assure you will last for ten thousand years

uh...Mr Gates? Excuse me pl... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

uh...Mr Gates? Excuse me please...sorry, but we are not able to print your diploma at this time...it seems that Vista is unable to recognize and load the correct print driver for our diploma printer...It will be a few moments while we move our printer back to our Linux box...

"Once Bill Gates received h... (Below threshold)
No One of Consequence:

"Once Bill Gates received his degree, the average yearly salary of new graduates jumped to $10,000,000"

"Id rather be assisting Red... (Below threshold)
Elroy Jetson:

"Id rather be assisting Red China in their censorship efforts than here with you dorks right now!"

"No one will ever notice wh... (Below threshold)
ijosha:

"No one will ever notice where I hid my tassel" Bill though, smiling quietly to himself.

I'm richer than Jobs, I'm s... (Below threshold)
trappedinmn:

I'm richer than Jobs, I'm smarter than Jobs, I'm better looking than Jobs....so why do his products work and mine suck?

"D'you know that the human ... (Below threshold)
jab:

"D'you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds?"

Lord, what a life; no wonde... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

Lord, what a life; no wonder they call them the Gates of heaven.

Bill Gates finally makes en... (Below threshold)
Chris G:

Bill Gates finally makes enough money to pay off his school loan and graduate, after the $10,000 loan on his Harvard student account has been accruing at 21% since the Carter Administration

I finally realized I couldn... (Below threshold)
SILVER BULLET:

I finally realized I couldn't get anywhere in this world without a college degree!

"Mannnnnnn.... that was ... (Below threshold)
biggrog:

"Mannnnnnn.... that was a big dump. Good thing I didn't wait!"

Instead of wearing the bla... (Below threshold)
Gary:

Instead of wearing the black Zune on my head I should have wore the new red Zune. It would have matched my gown better!

Or as I like to say, the ey... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Or as I like to say, the eyes are the Windows® to the soul...

After commencement, everyon... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

After commencement, everyone is invited to my place to watch Revenge of the Nerds.

"The clouds are especially ... (Below threshold)
LAB:

"The clouds are especially fluffy today."

Q - Where did you get the n... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Q - Where did you get the name Microsoft?

A - Actually, it was a name my first girlfriend came up with...

Who Photoshopped the black ... (Below threshold)
WC Green:

Who Photoshopped the black square over my halo?

"I wonder what Steve Jobs i... (Below threshold)
vader06:

"I wonder what Steve Jobs is doing right now ???"

Theodorkic of York ponders:... (Below threshold)
Spike:

Theodorkic of York ponders: "Hmmmmmmm. What if I could give Windows to the Open Source movement; I could create a secure environment for browsing that would dynamically innoculate itself from viruses and worms; I could do away with the "blue screen of death and create a crash free system........"

"NAAAAAAAH! Hit Control+ALT+DELETE"

Net worth...$50 Billion; Ha... (Below threshold)
Spike:

Net worth...$50 Billion; Harvard Endowment....$29.5 Billion. MSFT since Spike has owned it for three years? WORTHLESS!

Graduates is stupid.... (Below threshold)
Spike:

Graduates is stupid.

I wonder what I can steal f... (Below threshold)

I wonder what I can steal from Mac OS X Leopard?

Harvard wishes to grant you... (Below threshold)
trappedinmn:

Harvard wishes to grant you an honorary degree...Cancel or Allow?

Thought bubble:"I ... (Below threshold)
-S-:

Thought bubble:

"I can has cheeseburger?"

OMG, I screwed that up, um,... (Below threshold)
-S-:

OMG, I screwed that up, um, "LOL":

Starting over....

THOUGHT BUBBLE:

"I can has cheeZburger?"

Slowly a grin came to the f... (Below threshold)
Charles V:

Slowly a grin came to the famed computer wizard's face. Hidden beneath the podium Paris Hilton unzipped Bill's pants to give him his graduation present.

Unlike Paris Hilton, Bill G... (Below threshold)
Lord Floppington:

Unlike Paris Hilton, Bill Gates manages to fight back tears moments before he is whisked away to Krypton's 2-D prison facility.

Go figure, the only one of ... (Below threshold)
Pat:

Go figure, the only one of Gates' platforms that actually works is on his head...

Bill thinks to himself abou... (Below threshold)

Bill thinks to himself about all his hard work:" Let's see. I talk like Kermit the Frog. I look like a geek. So I had to become a billionaire to get a babe. Good plan".

"...And to think, I started... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

"...And to think, I started all of this with a Secret Decoder Ring...."

"Did I leave the iron on?..... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

"Did I leave the iron on?....Wait a tic....I have someone to do that for me...silly me"

I'm still eligible for an f... (Below threshold)
epador:

I'm still eligible for an free iPod until I finish grad school.

Thought bubble:"I ... (Below threshold)

Thought bubble:

"I think... yeah. I just had an idea."

:::Reading back of... (Below threshold)
:::Reading back of diploma:::

"'End User License agreement: This degree is the property of Harvard University. License is granted to the user to...' HEY!!"

that one gets my vote. hooray for the EULA!

Well, it's been a long road... (Below threshold)
itismedavid:

Well, it's been a long road but now that I have graduated, I can finally make something out of my life.

The Window's Vista™ black "... (Below threshold)
RadiCalMan:

The Window's Vista™ black "screen of dearth" was affixed to Bill's head.

Guess which college dropout... (Below threshold)
Palmateer:

Guess which college dropout has the most honorary degrees?

Vista's new screensaver.</p... (Below threshold)

Vista's new screensaver.

Someone reboot Gates. He's ... (Below threshold)

Someone reboot Gates. He's having delusions of grandeur again. When he gets that dopey look on his face, he's thinking he's Steve Jobs...

You can't buy taste, Bill..... (Below threshold)

You can't buy taste, Bill...

Dude, you're gettin' a shee... (Below threshold)

Dude, you're gettin' a sheepskin!

Wonder how many Zunes I can... (Below threshold)

Wonder how many Zunes I can unload on these yahoos?...

Maybe this'll get me into t... (Below threshold)

Maybe this'll get me into the Apple Genius Bar...

Maybe we should have called... (Below threshold)

Maybe we should have called it "Walls"?...

Gates still hasn't caught o... (Below threshold)

Gates still hasn't caught on that Harvard pranksters put two Apple-key patches on his graduation robe...

Bill Gates: an 8088 in a Qu... (Below threshold)

Bill Gates: an 8088 in a Quad Core world.

I've got it! We'll put a ph... (Below threshold)

I've got it! We'll put a phone in it and call it iSurface...

"2B OR NOT 2B ... equals FF... (Below threshold)

"2B OR NOT 2B ... equals FF"

"42"... (Below threshold)

"42"

I wonder if Hillary & Bill ... (Below threshold)
bones47:

I wonder if Hillary & Bill will talk with me again, since I am doing so well at school?

"Ooooh, wearing panties at ... (Below threshold)
timturk:

"Ooooh, wearing panties at the graduation that I'm the keynote speaker, I feel so naughty."

Update: <... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed, but a new contest will begin on Friday.




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