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This Man Needs Some Help

He had his thumbs surgically altered to better use his iPhone:

Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as "whittling."

"From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses," explains Martel. "Sure, the procedure was expensive, but when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless."

"This is really, on the edge sort of stuff," explains Dr. Robert Fox Spars, who worked on developing the procedure. "We're turning plastic surgery from something that people use in service of vanity, to a real tool for improving workplace efficiency."

Instapundit, where I first saw this report, now reports that it's a hoax, which I am very, very happy to discover. Northern Denver News explains the purpose behind the fakery.


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Comments (12)

Reads exactly like an Onion... (Below threshold)
RYO:

Reads exactly like an Onion article.

Sweet Jesus.... (Below threshold)
Mitchell:

Sweet Jesus.

Can't get enough of that wo... (Below threshold)
kim:

Can't get enough of that workplace effeciency, workplace effeciency, workplace effeciency. Can't get enough of that workplace effeciency, if I work my fingers to the bone.
=============================

I love the words "expensive... (Below threshold)
LAB:

I love the words "expensive", "efficiency", and useless-uh-"priceless" in the same article. What? They didn't use the term "cutting-edge" as well!? (Pun somewhat intended.)

The idealist knows the valu... (Below threshold)
kim:

The idealist knows the value of everything and the price of nothing, and the cynic the price of everything, but never the value.

h/t ol' Stonewall hisself.
===============================

What it hoaxed ain't funny.... (Below threshold)
kim:

What it hoaxed ain't funny.
==================

Should've known from 'put t... (Below threshold)
kim:

Should've known from 'put the hammer down'.
===========================

Eh. Northeren Denver Newz s... (Below threshold)
Les Nessman:

Eh. Northeren Denver Newz sure sounds a little snippy and condescending when it fesses up that it was just a joke article. Are they a serious publication or are they trying to be the Onion?

With all the Lefty news outlets making up stories, how can someone tell the difference when they publish fake stories for humor or when they publish fake stories as 'fact'?

Funny - I keep seeing this ... (Below threshold)
cirby:

Funny - I keep seeing this one article, quoted everywhere, but no others on the same story, and zero photos of the guy who supposedly had the surgery.

I'm thinking that it's a scam on the reporter to get some free press for a plastic surgeon...

A hoax, yep. But I wouldn't... (Below threshold)
James Cloninger:

A hoax, yep. But I wouldn't be surprised if someday some idiot did get that type of surgery done.

Here's the Snopes link:... (Below threshold)
cirby:
This story is satire - not ... (Below threshold)
Matt:

This story is satire - not real.




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