Over the weekend, there was a bit of a foofaraw over the upcoming "GI Joe" movie. Even we at Wizbang got in on the argument. Some see it as an assault on an icon of patriotism and Americana; others saw it as the proverbial "tempest in a teacup" and mocked those who were getting incensed over the whole matter.
I can see both sides. It is a reworking of a fairly significant American icon into a mode that many, to be perfectly blunt, find rankly offensive. They don't see the need to "update" GI Joe (although that's precisely what happened in the 1980's, and they have no problem with that) to reflect a sensibility and mindset that they reject.
On the other hand, it's a gorram TOY. It's one of those cases where the classic response of "oh, grow up!" is entirely appropriate.
It is often my wont to respond to such situations by trying to reverse them. So, in that spirit, I thought I'd take a look at some toys that reflect liberal ideals.
That didn't work out too well. Oh, the toy companies tried like hell to put them out, but they never made it on the market.
First up, there was the "UN Peacekeeper" Action Figure. Unfortunately, they kept looting Barbie's Dream House and raping the Cabbage Patch Kids.
Then there was the "Compassionate Government Bureaucrat Who Is Here To Fix All Your Problems." That one was killed by Marketing and Legal -- Legal insisted that, thanks to "Truth In Packaging" laws, they would have to be sold as "Inaction Figures" -- and Marketing said there was no way they could sell THAT.
One company produced a whole line of "Ernie The Environmentalist And His Friends" figures. Unfortunately, they were incompatible with the plastic packaging.
One executive ordered development of a "Heroes Of Socialism" lineup. That lasted only a couple of weeks, when researchers couldn't reconcile the idea of glorifying the individuals with socialism's "all are equal" principles. All they could come up with was a perfectly generic figure -- not even male or female -- and even they found that boring.
And let's not even go into the "Embrace Diversity!" program. That one was one disaster after another. "Pat," the transgendered activist, was rejected because the interchangeable genitalia posed a choking hazard for small children. Likewise the removable fetus that came with "Joyce Makes Her Choice." "Abdul" the Islamist came with a sword for beheading infidel dolls, and that was too darned sharp. Marketing put the kibosh on "Burka Barbie," as they couldn't think of any other accessories they could sell with it. And the "Undocumented Immigrant Worker" figures kept sneaking off their shelves and winding up in other stores.
Hmm... it seems that there really aren't too many popular "liberal toys" that we can use to fight back. Maybe we'll have to move up to real people, and find ways to re-interpret them in ways that will make the liberals howl.
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Comments (30)
'A Fatwa Against Violence',... (Below threshold)1. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 6:35 AM | Score: 2 (4 votes cast)
'A Fatwa Against Violence', by Robert McFarlane in the OpinionJournal.
In Sistani We Trust. He is an icon. There, made it on topic.
============
1. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 6:35 AM |
Score: 2 (4 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 06:35
2. Posted by marc | August 27, 2007 7:10 AM | Score: 2 (4 votes cast)
You failed to mention the Shillary Action Figure that features two pull strings for both sides of an issue.
I believe she's still on the market.
And the Monica Mannequin, with posable knees. (cigars sold separately)
And John "Man of Inaction" Kerry. (includes a signable SF-180 and enough band-aids to last any tour of duty no matter how short)
2. Posted by marc | August 27, 2007 7:10 AM |
Score: 2 (4 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 07:10
3. Posted by rodney dill | August 27, 2007 7:20 AM | Score: 3 (5 votes cast)
I'm still waiting for the Borat action figure.
3. Posted by rodney dill | August 27, 2007 7:20 AM |
Score: 3 (5 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 07:20
4. Posted by Tom Blogical | August 27, 2007 7:36 AM | Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
Jay, that was hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh so hard this morning.
4. Posted by Tom Blogical | August 27, 2007 7:36 AM |
Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 07:36
5. Posted by WildWillie | August 27, 2007 7:49 AM | Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
JT, a very wonderfully funny post to start my day. You got me thinking about others. Marc, an honorable mention. ww
5. Posted by WildWillie | August 27, 2007 7:49 AM |
Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 07:49
6. Posted by cirby | August 27, 2007 8:22 AM | Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
On the "drugs are good for you and lots of fun" front, the Teletubbies are still selling pretty nicely.
6. Posted by cirby | August 27, 2007 8:22 AM |
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 08:22
7. Posted by FreedomFries | August 27, 2007 8:29 AM | Score: -6 (8 votes cast)
"'Pat,' the transgendered activist, was rejected because the interchangeable genitalia posed a choking hazard for small children"
Should have read, "'Pat,' the transgendered activist, was rejected because the interchangeable genitalia posed a choking hazard for small Republican children"
What with the Ted Haggards & Mark Foleys, liability in Republican families would have been astronomical.
7. Posted by FreedomFries | August 27, 2007 8:29 AM |
Score: -6 (8 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 08:29
8. Posted by yo | August 27, 2007 8:57 AM | Score: 2 (6 votes cast)
FF,
Last I checked, Foley and Haggards weren't children - that, and not to be coy/insensitive, I'd wager a guess that a majority of gay/lesbian/transgendered vote (D).
And, if you wanna' play the "your reps are gayer than my reps" ... I give you Barney Franks.
8. Posted by yo | August 27, 2007 8:57 AM |
Score: 2 (6 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 08:57
9. Posted by bertramwooster | August 27, 2007 9:34 AM | Score: 0 (2 votes cast)
What about Captain Planet?
9. Posted by bertramwooster | August 27, 2007 9:34 AM |
Score: 0 (2 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 09:34
10. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 9:44 AM | Score: 2 (4 votes cast)
It's Democrats who conflate child predation and homosexuality. You should be ashamed of yourself and of the Democrats, French Fry.
==========================================
10. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 9:44 AM |
Score: 2 (4 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 09:44
11. Posted by FreedomFries | August 27, 2007 9:58 AM | Score: -8 (8 votes cast)
Hey Queen of the Fortune Kookie Kwips, you are one silly twit. (sorry about the SP; I never can remember if that's spelled w/ an "i" or an "a.")
11. Posted by FreedomFries | August 27, 2007 9:58 AM |
Score: -8 (8 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 09:58
12. Posted by Reagan | August 27, 2007 10:03 AM | Score: -4 (8 votes cast)
In the great tradition that is America, many of our "icons" ( if that is what you consider them, rather than a passing generations nostalgia for childhood ) are infact, private corporate property. As such, they can damn well do as they please with their own property, and it's quite hypocritical of free market right wingers to argue yet again, for any sort of big government solution where there is no problem. The sky is always falling whenever one of your precious "icons" is seemingly attacked. You're as bad as the overly sensitive muslims!
For goodness sake, let business get on with doing business. Stop being so anti-capitalist and let people make a living already.
12. Posted by Reagan | August 27, 2007 10:03 AM |
Score: -4 (8 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 10:03
13. Posted by pennywit | August 27, 2007 10:24 AM | Score: 3 (5 votes cast)
A politically correct, liberal toy? Say hello to the 1980s GI Joe! The line featured an ethnically diverse team of good guys fighting an evil organization of indeterminate nationality, led by a guy who covered his head in silver and a dude who hid behind either a blue hood or a reflective mirror. Yo, Joe indeed.
--|PW|--
13. Posted by pennywit | August 27, 2007 10:24 AM |
Score: 3 (5 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 10:24
14. Posted by Oyster | August 27, 2007 10:30 AM | Score: 5 (5 votes cast)
"...and it's quite hypocritical of free market right wingers to argue yet again, for any sort of big government solution where there is no problem."
I must have missed the argument for the "big government solution" to this issue. Could you point that out to me?
14. Posted by Oyster | August 27, 2007 10:30 AM |
Score: 5 (5 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 10:30
15. Posted by WildWillie | August 27, 2007 10:31 AM | Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Florida has stated that they cannot charge Mark Foley on anything. He did nothing illegal. The dems are so sad today. ww
15. Posted by WildWillie | August 27, 2007 10:31 AM |
Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 10:31
16. Posted by pennywit | August 27, 2007 10:36 AM | Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
Well, I guess "kinda creepy" still isn't a crime.
--|PW|--
16. Posted by pennywit | August 27, 2007 10:36 AM |
Score: 1 (3 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 10:36
17. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 10:38 AM | Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
I'm gonna steal an icon from jhow66 on the succeeding thread. Mr. Catsoup for John Kerry.
Hey, FreeFrie, how do you feel about the Democrats demonizing homosexuals as child predators?
=======================================
17. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 10:38 AM |
Score: 4 (4 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 10:38
18. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 10:40 AM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Hah, FF. Lee should unban me. His copyright, his fortune. You've just made my day.
====================================
18. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 10:40 AM |
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 10:40
19. Posted by Heralder | August 27, 2007 10:43 AM | Score: 5 (5 votes cast)
Great post Jay, very funny.
You forgot about the Freedom Fries doll though, the one that exclaimed on the package:
"Now with real working brain!"
The company that released it was sued for false advertising. Unfortunately not all of the brainless dolls were recalled, as we can see in the comments above.
19. Posted by Heralder | August 27, 2007 10:43 AM |
Score: 5 (5 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 10:43
20. Posted by Reagan | August 27, 2007 10:46 AM | Score: -6 (6 votes cast)
"...and it's quite hypocritical of free market right wingers to argue yet again, for any sort of big government solution where there is no problem."
I must have missed the argument for the "big government solution" to this issue. Could you point that out to me?
14. Posted by Oyster
My mistake. I forgot you guys just like to bitch and moan for the sheer hell of it, rather than do anything about anything. As evidence: The last Republican Congress
20. Posted by Reagan | August 27, 2007 10:46 AM |
Score: -6 (6 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 10:46
21. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 11:02 AM | Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
Or much more aptly, the present Democratic one. Furthermore, the electorate knows it and doesn't like it.
==================================
21. Posted by kim | August 27, 2007 11:02 AM |
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 11:02
22. Posted by engineer | August 27, 2007 11:11 AM | Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
The US Congress dolls:
The Chuck Schumer doll was dropped when it would't let the camera stop filming it.
The Cynthina McKinney doll that was recalled because it punched too many children with its cell phone.
The Barbara Boxer doll was discontinued because its accessory of Botox cost too much.
The William Jefferson doll with cold cash caused freezer burns and had to be recalled.
The John F. Kerry doll may still come out, if the filming crew can ever wake up.
22. Posted by engineer | August 27, 2007 11:11 AM |
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 11:11
23. Posted by Oyster | August 27, 2007 11:20 AM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Reagan, your mistake was thinking you wouldn't get called on implying we championed "big government solutions". Your second mistake was then criticizing Republicans for not coming up with enough "big government solutions".
You seem to forget, we're merely dissenting here. Per the liberal mantra, that's patriotic, right?
23. Posted by Oyster | August 27, 2007 11:20 AM |
Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 11:20
24. Posted by Oyster | August 27, 2007 11:47 AM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
"The John F. Kerry doll may still come out, if the filming crew can ever wake up."
The John F. Kerry doll was discontinued for false advertising because the packaging boasted it included a form-180, but none was ever found in any of the boxes.
24. Posted by Oyster | August 27, 2007 11:47 AM |
Score: 1 (1 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 11:47
25. Posted by FreedomFries | August 27, 2007 2:19 PM | Score: -3 (3 votes cast)
Oyster opens her shall to deposit a would-be pearl, and, alas, it's just another dropping from kim, the Analcle of Delphi.
25. Posted by FreedomFries | August 27, 2007 2:19 PM |
Score: -3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 14:19
26. Posted by LAB | August 27, 2007 2:23 PM | Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
LMAO! :D
26. Posted by LAB | August 27, 2007 2:23 PM |
Score: 2 (2 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 14:23
27. Posted by Radish | August 27, 2007 2:23 PM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
How about the Organic Vegan Farm playset? Comes with real manure for the solar-powered tractor, and no animals. Kids will have to imagine where the manure comes from, but Farmer Jane and Farmer Jim have an interchangeable hemp wardrobe.
27. Posted by Radish | August 27, 2007 2:23 PM |
Score: 3 (3 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 14:23
28. Posted by spurwing plover | August 27, 2007 2:35 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
The liberals used CAPTIAN PLANET to brainwash kids into being perfect little new age earth worshippers just like most new age wackos CAPTIAN PLANET WAS COMMIE PROPEGANDA
28. Posted by spurwing plover | August 27, 2007 2:35 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 14:35
29. Posted by Jim Addison | August 27, 2007 2:43 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Let's not forget that GI Joe is really a DOLL. Toy soldiers don't come with changeable clothes.
I always suspected it was a plot to undermine the masculinity of American boys. The advent of adult males like John Edwards and Howard Dean tends to confirm that view.
Also, from the Hasbro site:
Sound familiar? I rest my case . . .
29. Posted by Jim Addison | August 27, 2007 2:43 PM |
Score: 0 (0 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 14:43
30. Posted by FreedomFries | August 27, 2007 7:21 PM | Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Senator Larry Craig, R ID, according to beaking newsreports is the proud owner of "Pat," the transgender GI Josephine doll mentioned above.
30. Posted by FreedomFries | August 27, 2007 7:21 PM |
Score: -1 (1 votes cast)
Posted on August 27, 2007 19:21