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The Perfect Boob

No, this isn't about Mahmoud Ahmadinehad, or Chavez, or even Howard Dean. It's about the good kind. And with all the bad news in the world, we can certainly use a story that is perky and uplifting.

Modern science has discovered the precise formula for perfect female breasts. A leading cosmetic surgeon has done the research and will present his findings at conclave of plastic surgeons in London this week, reports Daniel Martin for the Daily Mail:


The key aesthetic elements are nipple position and the proportion between the upper and lower halves of the breast, he said.

"The ideal is a 45 to 55 per cent proportion - that is the nipple sits not at the half-way mark down the breast, but at about 45 per cent from the top."


Read it all at the link above. That translates to 81° for those of you who carry protractors around just in case . . . Now, lest this seem like some soft, cushy job, remember this poor man has had to look at literally thousands of breasts in order to discover these important facts. For instance:


Patrick Mallucci spent many hours poring over photos of topless models in lads magazines and tabloid newspapers to formulate his theory.


Now, that's dedication! No hiring researchers and hitting Happy Hours for this chap - he's a real "hands-on" guy.

Of course, sometimes in our headlong rush into progress, we fail to think through the social implications. What if Mallucci is able to patent his new creation, for example?

We'll try to keep you abreast of developments.

UPDATE: At least one guy is making preparations . . .


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Comments (10)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I g... (Below threshold)
Deas:

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I giggled. Even at the puns. Or in spite of them. It is good news, though.

SH****T!The title ... (Below threshold)
marc:

SH****T!

The title led me to believe it was another of Paul's patented smackdowns of barneyG2000, or the Blue Babies that operate on the flipside of reality.

How do I sue for misleading advertising?

And apply for a mammary research job?

And which brit gov ministry paid for it? Ministry of Mammaries? Ministry of Bosoms? Ministry of Mammaire (oh wait that's French)

Maybe it was the Ministry of Secluded, Bald Pot-bellied Research Scientists.

This Thread Is Worth... (Below threshold)
Paul:


This Thread Is Worthless Without Pictures

Great, now we'll have even ... (Below threshold)

Great, now we'll have even more 80 year old women with perfect perky ones. :)

What Paul said! :)... (Below threshold)
Son Of The Godfather:

What Paul said! :)

Meh, the perfect pair happe... (Below threshold)
Gmac:

Meh, the perfect pair happen to be whichever are taunting me in person.

Hilarious, GMAC! Good to ... (Below threshold)
LaMedusa:

Hilarious, GMAC! Good to know that ordinary and natural won't be regarded as obsolete just yet! :)

Hey..I just noticed the Mar... (Below threshold)
moseby:

Hey..I just noticed the Mariah Carey side-boob shot (over there--->) has been vandalized. WTF?

Sounds like a tempest in a ... (Below threshold)
alacrityfitzhugh:

Sounds like a tempest in a "D" cup!

Funny ... (Below threshold)

Funny




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