Thoughts On Various States (Wizbang)

I noticed that Jay Tea and Jim Addison have been arguing over the more subtle qualities of that previously virgin paradise, New Hampshire (which begs the questions, has anyone seen Old Hampshire, and shouldn't New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, and New Mexico be roundly mocked for harkening back to other countries for their cultural identity?). I am normally wise enough not to step into the middle of a dogfight, but I am bored beyond tears with work and school and my fence-chewing collie, and I'm in the mood for a good waste of time. So, here's a purely subjective ranking of the states in our great nation. All 46 of them. You are welcome to respond with your own rankings in the comment section.

First the ground rules. States with "new" in the name will have "new" removed, in compliance with the Truth in Advertising law. Every state in the country was here before we were born, so there's nothing new about 'em. Next, North Whatever and South Whatever are just weirdo attempts to count a state twice, so I'm just counting them as they are - except for West Virginia, they seem to have some history on their side.. With that in mind, here's the list:

01. Texas - God's crib.
02. Utah - Wonderful people, weather, and sense of context.
03. Florida - Like Hawaii but with better prices and better fishing.
04. Maine - Solid Americans. Every returning vet coming through Bangor, for example, gets a personal greeting and thanks. That's just how they roll.
05. Mississippi - Katrina hit Mississippi too, but unlike Louisiana, Mississippi worked its butt off and got running again, and was back at full speed in months.
06. Virginia - Classy, friendly state with beautiful scenery and a sense of History.
07. Wyoming - Solid America, and a great place to raise a family.
08. Kansas - Bob Dole country.
09. Louisiana - The Jumbalaya alone is reason to stop by.
10. Ohio - Our last best hope against the Rust Belt.
11. Arizona - Goldwater hailed from here, so does McCain.
12. Montana - Serious ranch country. Also serious about protecting their rights.
13. Alabama - Nice state with good people, but the skeeters and possums work against it.
14. York - America's Bravest, America's Finest. But they need to deal with their Clinton problem.
15. Idaho - Solid, unpretentious state.
16. Carolina - Just plain good.
17. West Virginia - Wants to be separate from Virginia for some reason, but honest, hard-working folks.
18. Missouri - St. Louis is there, but they are trying to overcome that.
19. Nebraska - Did a real nice job ironing out the state, nice and flat.
20. Dakota - The land of Daschle and McGovern. That takes 'em down some.
21. Georgia - Nice state, good people. But they gave us Jimmah, and that was just wrong.
22. Indiana - Real nice state for driving through on your way somewhere else.
23. Iowa - Strong opinions about FFA, Football, Family and tourists.
24. Nevada - If you're here to gamble, fine. But there's no secret bases here, who told you that?
25. Tennessee - A great state with the courage to reject AlGore in 2000.
26. Hawaii - Like Florida at three times the prices.
27. California - would rank higher, but Hollywood is a cancer.
28. Wisconsin - Cheese, Beer, the Packers.
29. Kentucky - Bourbon, Horse Racing, Basketball and the Louisville Slugger.
30. Oklahoma - Worked hard to become America's most unremarkable state.
31. Alaska - If you like ice and rocky ground, Alaska's for you.
32. Pennsylvania - There's a reason they called the bumblers the Keystone Cops!
33. Maryland - Every bit as impressive as an unpainted plate full of plaster.
34. Michigan - Even the cub scouts there are unionized!
35. Delaware - Least consumer-protection-focused state in the nation.
36. Minnesota - 'Minnesota' is how the natives originally referred to political loons.
37. Hampshire - You know things are bad when someone brags about the quality of the dumps in their state to try and find some good news.
38. Oregon - Planters should headquarter there, the whole state is absolutely nuts.
39. Connecticut - they're apparently still jealous of Hampshire.
40. Washington - The only state where folks talk to trees ... and wait for an answer.
41. Colorado - 2 words: Ward Churchill.
42. Jersey - The state that, uhh, fell off a truck. Yeah, that's it, don't ask any questions and nobody has to get hurt, capisce?
43. Rhode Island - A county with pretentions of statehood.
44. Illinois - Did you know that at Illinois colleges, you can major in Corruption?
45. Vermont - More than any other state, treats the US Constitution like a used Kleenex.
46. Massachusetts - Breeding ground for Kennedies and Kerrys.

Comments (40)

Anyone who rates Colorado 4... (Below threshold)

1. Posted by Minturn | November 15, 2007 4:36 PM | Score: 2 (4 votes cast)

Minturn:

Anyone who rates Colorado 46th and Wyoming 7th is an idiot. First, we actually fired Ward Churchill unlike so many other PC universities that would have caved. Second, Colorado is top five in terms of physical beauty and weather.

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:36

Just the places I've lived:... (Below threshold)

2. Posted by Timmer | November 15, 2007 4:40 PM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)

Timmer:

Just the places I've lived:

Illinois. I was born and raised in Chicago so I really can't speak about the rest of the state other than to say, Chicago isn't really Illinois.

Nevada. Other than Vegas, kind of useless...except for the secret bases...which aren't there.

Alaska. All in all, breathtaking...but sometimes you have to breathe.

Idaho. I lived here in the early 90s and then retired from the Air Force to here. Not as unpretentious as it used to be. Lots of Californians have migrated here to get away from California but then built strip malls to feel more like "home."

Hawaii. I understand Oahu wasn't always this crowded...I would have liked to have seen it back in the 60s. Go to Maui, go to the big island...go through Oahu.

Colorado. Hippies, fundamentalists and the military living in a perpetual (so far) cease fire.

Nebraska. Didn't we pass that silo three towns back?

Wyoming. Great place if it wasn't for the wind. And it's ALWAYS windy.

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:40

hah. I've been to Colorado... (Below threshold)

3. Posted by DJ Drummond | November 15, 2007 4:41 PM | Score: 3 (3 votes cast)

DJ Drummond:

hah. I've been to Colorado. The prices and eco-snobbery alone keep it out of the top 30.

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:41

Thank you Miniturn. I was ... (Below threshold)

4. Posted by COgirl | November 15, 2007 4:43 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

COgirl:

Thank you Miniturn. I was just about to jump all over DJ for his Colorado comments. But we're really like 2 states in one (by eastern standards). We've got the loons in Boulder and Denver (who were stupid enough to vote for Hickenlooper's tax increases) and we have the more conservative types of the western part of the state. We have the plains and we have our gorgeous mountains.

But honestly, if DJ wants to rate it low, so be it. We don't need anyone else here in our state, particularly Californians.

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:43

DJ, what you are referring ... (Below threshold)

5. Posted by COgirl | November 15, 2007 4:46 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

DJ, what you are referring to is the impact of Californification. You see it our recent politics as well. Very sad day, actually.

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:46

COgirl, you make a good poi... (Below threshold)

6. Posted by DJ Drummond | November 15, 2007 4:49 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

COgirl, you make a good point. Here in Texas, we've pretty much limited the contagion to Dallas and Austin.

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:49

You left off Arkansas. I as... (Below threshold)

7. Posted by et | November 15, 2007 4:53 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

et:

You left off Arkansas. I assume it was an oversight not an editoral comment.

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:53

> 27. California - would... (Below threshold)

8. Posted by Arthur | November 15, 2007 4:55 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

Arthur:

> 27. California - would rank higher, but Hollywood is a cancer.

You should give us credit for having the cancer in one easy-to-keep-an-eye-on location.
Also, it sucks up lots of libs and keeps them away from the children.

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:55

Arkansas? What is 'Arkansa... (Below threshold)

9. Posted by DJ Drummond | November 15, 2007 4:58 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

Arkansas? What is 'Arkansas'?

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:58

Arthur, you also have the S... (Below threshold)

10. Posted by COgirl | November 15, 2007 4:59 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Arthur, you also have the San Francisco problem. But again, they're also in one place. Perhaps since the city doesn't want a military presence there, they'll be an easy target when the terrorists come knocking. Hello, Pelosi!

Posted on November 15, 2007 16:59

By the way, I also left off... (Below threshold)

11. Posted by DJ Drummond | November 15, 2007 5:07 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

By the way, I also left off 'Mexico'. 'New Mexico' is just trying to sneak Mexico in there, and that is not going to happen, not on my list.

Waugh-ha.

Posted on November 15, 2007 17:07

You put this in the FUN cat... (Below threshold)

12. Posted by JC | November 15, 2007 5:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

JC:

You put this in the FUN category and it truly is.

Being a Carolina girl living in TX...I liked what you said about both states...and yes, Dallas has gone BLUE...(yuk)...Do love Colorado..have a grandson at the Air Force Academy...people in Co. Springs are good to those cadets.

Also...it is just plain refreshing to read something light and fun.

thanks DJ

Posted on November 15, 2007 17:12

Being a Mississippian, I lo... (Below threshold)

13. Posted by Conservachef | November 15, 2007 5:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Conservachef:

Being a Mississippian, I love seeing us ranked highly in something that ISN'T bad news. (I think we're tops in overweight people, for example.)

However, in all fairness, I drove through Biloxi & Gulfport back in August, and yes, progress is being made. But there is still a lot of work left to do.

I'm also glad to see AL ranked lower- after all, they are just a backwards MS!

Lastly, with (almost sincere) apologies to any Kentucky Wildcat, Auburn Tiger, or Crimson Tide fans, Go State!

I was in Corpus Christi jus... (Below threshold)

14. Posted by Chip | November 15, 2007 5:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Chip:

I was in Corpus Christi just the other day and asked a preacher how I'd get to heaven, he asked me..."Why do you want to do that? You already live in Texas".

Heh

Posted on November 15, 2007 17:20

The prices and eco-snobb... (Below threshold)

15. Posted by Minturn | November 15, 2007 5:25 PM | Score: 0 (2 votes cast)

The prices and eco-snobbery alone keep it out of the top 30.

Maybe the people who live here actually care about keeping it a nice place. Unlike the craphole that is Texas. Prices are high becasue people actually want to live here and there is competition for housing.

Posted on November 15, 2007 17:25

Minturn: "craphole".... (Below threshold)

16. Posted by DJ Drummond | November 15, 2007 5:30 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Minturn: "craphole".

Nah, crap comes from Vermont. Texas is better known for its chili. Of course, when folks outside Texas try to make chili, it often looks and smells like crap, so they tend to get confused.

Posted on November 15, 2007 17:30

33. Maryland - Every bit as... (Below threshold)

17. Posted by D-Hoggs | November 15, 2007 5:37 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

D-Hoggs:

33. Maryland - Every bit as impressive as an unpainted plate full of plaster.

Yeah, never mind that Maryland brought us that stupid Star Spangled Banner thing. Or that it is the richest State in the country, with the lowest poverty rate. Never mind that Texas didn't even want to be a part of these United States

Posted on November 15, 2007 17:37

You also forgot God created... (Below threshold)

18. Posted by U.P. Man | November 15, 2007 5:49 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

U.P. Man:

You also forgot God created the U.P. last but best, and built a bridge to keep all the trolls under.

Posted on November 15, 2007 17:49

Man, I gotta agree with you... (Below threshold)

19. Posted by Oyster | November 15, 2007 5:54 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Oyster:

Man, I gotta agree with you on Vermont. And the people there were about as snobby as was possible. As beautiful as Vermont is, the only way I'd ever move back is if they moved all the people out.

Posted on November 15, 2007 17:54

OK, I have a line for Arkan... (Below threshold)

20. Posted by DJ Drummond | November 15, 2007 5:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

OK, I have a line for Arkansas now:

Arkansas - where Maryland sent all its poor people.

Posted on November 15, 2007 17:55

Tennessee - A great stat... (Below threshold)

21. Posted by Jeff Blogworthy | November 15, 2007 6:05 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

Jeff Blogworthy:

Tennessee - A great state with the courage to reject AlGore in 2000

Dude, we saved the nation. That deserves better than a middle-of-the-road 25.

Posted on November 15, 2007 18:05

DJ:In 06, you miss... (Below threshold)

22. Posted by Dodo David | November 15, 2007 6:17 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Dodo David:

DJ:

In 06, you misspelled "Virginia". You left off the second "i".

[ thanks DD, it's fixed now. - DJ ]

Posted on November 15, 2007 18:17

Also as a Mississippian, I ... (Below threshold)

23. Posted by Adam Lawson | November 15, 2007 6:24 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Adam Lawson:

Also as a Mississippian, I like seeing us ranked higher. But as a Coastian, I have to say; we're not really up to full speed yet. I don't live in the worst area, but in parts of Biloxi, there's still a lot to be done.

But we did get up and running as much as we could, as fast as we could.

Posted on November 15, 2007 18:24

First, we actually fired... (Below threshold)

24. Posted by Proof | November 15, 2007 6:26 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Proof:

First, we actually fired Ward Churchill
After what? Ten Years?

Posted on November 15, 2007 18:26

Wisconsin - Cheese, Beer... (Below threshold)

25. Posted by rodney dill | November 15, 2007 6:36 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

rodney dill:

Wisconsin - Cheese, Beer, the Packers.

'nuff said... though a Rusty Nail is a pretty good alternative to beer while tailgating at Lambeau.

Posted on November 15, 2007 18:36

Actually you're very wrong ... (Below threshold)

26. Posted by Brent | November 15, 2007 6:52 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

Brent:

Actually you're very wrong about Oregon. Most of the state is very sane but Multnomah County (Portland) and Lane County (Eugene) are the counties that ruin it for the rest of the state. It's mainly the portion of the Willamette Valley from Portland south to Eugene that is home of most of the insane liberals. Along the coast isn't bad at all and once you go east of the Cascade mountains the rest of the state is fairly balanced, maybe even leaning more to the right.

Posted on November 15, 2007 18:52

Tennessee not only rejected... (Below threshold)

27. Posted by HughS | November 15, 2007 6:58 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

HughS:

Tennessee not only rejected Algore, but also elected the ONLY Republican Freshman Senator in 2006: Bob Corker.

Posted on November 15, 2007 18:58

Oh come on. I've lived in ... (Below threshold)

28. Posted by ExSubNuke | November 15, 2007 7:12 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

ExSubNuke:

Oh come on. I've lived in both Nebraska and Wyoming. Nebraska is WAY better.

Posted on November 15, 2007 19:12

I have alternative entries ... (Below threshold)

29. Posted by Dodo David | November 15, 2007 7:15 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

I have alternative entries for Oklahoma (which is where I live), and every entry is true.

Oklahoma: Nicknamed after a group of law-breaking cheaters.

Oklahoma: The only state to have a university football team nicknamed after a group of law-breaking cheaters.

Oklahoma: The only state to have its capitol stolen.

Oklahoma: The state that gave us Mickey Mantle and Jim Thorpe.

Oklahoma: The state that gave us Carrie Underwood.

Posted on November 15, 2007 19:15

Only the tree huggers wait ... (Below threshold)

30. Posted by Allen | November 15, 2007 7:31 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

Allen:

Only the tree huggers wait for the tree to talk. And if the tree would talk, they would tell the huggers to take a long hike off of one of the many cliffs out here. The best weather in the US is here, but all the idiots from CA are moving in. Ruins it for everyone.

Posted on November 15, 2007 19:31

Brent, while you are too ki... (Below threshold)

31. Posted by epador | November 15, 2007 7:54 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

epador:

Brent, while you are too kind describing the People's Republic of Portland, at least 80% of the west side of the State is high on something other than caffeine and alcohol at least once a week. And that's in the winter.

We need to be rated well below Cow-H, not just under it.

Posted on November 15, 2007 19:54

The Carolina's have history... (Below threshold)

32. Posted by capital L | November 15, 2007 8:54 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

capital L:

The Carolina's have history behind our schism as well (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Carolinacolony.png).

Besides, no North Carolinian I know would suffer being joined back up with those crazy South Carolinians, and I'm pretty confident they feel the same way. It's the sort of petty rivalry (who's the REAL Carolina) that is just plain fun.

Posted on November 15, 2007 20:54

Re Georgia and Jimmah-... (Below threshold)

33. Posted by JLawson | November 15, 2007 9:27 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

JLawson:

Re Georgia and Jimmah-

Like so many mistakes, it's easy to look back and go "It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

Posted on November 15, 2007 21:27

As a new resident to New Me... (Below threshold)

34. Posted by jennifer | November 15, 2007 9:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

jennifer:

As a new resident to New Mexico(cheaper college tuition), I can whole heartedly agree with you...except one thing...New Mexico is not trying to sneak Mexico in, the door is wide open, and English is definitely the foreign language here!

Otherwise the list is right on!

Posted on November 15, 2007 21:42

"21. Georgia - Nice stat... (Below threshold)

35. Posted by Chris G | November 15, 2007 10:50 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Chris G:

"21. Georgia - Nice state, good people. But they gave us Jimmah, and that was just wrong."

And you gave him back to us, which was inhumane. Pretty soon, he will realize that Venuzuela, Hamas, N. Korea, and Sudan do not hold staggered elections every other month and that is was all a ploy to keep him out of Georgia year round

Posted on November 15, 2007 22:50

I have an alternative sloga... (Below threshold)

36. Posted by Denise | November 15, 2007 11:45 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Denise:

I have an alternative slogan for Arkansas for you: Arkansas - We got rid of the Clintons, didn't we?

Posted on November 15, 2007 23:45

32. Pennsylvania - There... (Below threshold)

37. Posted by Abigail | November 15, 2007 11:53 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

Abigail:

32. Pennsylvania - There's a reason they called the bumblers the Keystone Cops!

Maybe I'm just dumb, but I don't get that at all. If you're referring to something (a movie, a book?), I'm not catching it.

Pennsylvania is like the USA in miniature - Philly is the East Coast and Pittsburgh is the West Coast, nothing "important" in the middle, even though the middle is the best part.

Posted on November 15, 2007 23:53

>Wyoming. Great place if it... (Below threshold)

38. Posted by Barry in CO | November 16, 2007 7:08 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Barry in CO

>Wyoming. Great place if it wasn't for the wind. And it's ALWAYS windy

It's not windy in Wyoming- Nebraska sucks.

Colorado is a nice place to live. Take away Boulder (drunk college students, practicing communists, and leftover 60s hippy acid victims) and Denver (for lefty political correctness run wild) and the rest is pretty sweet. Go up to the mountains in mid-summer, and you'll think you're in Heaven.

38. Posted by Barry in CO | November 16, 2007 7:08 AM |

Thoughts On Various States

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