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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:


Attendees look at a Fiat, right, and Ford Cobra, left, at the Microsoft Auto exhibit at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas, Monday, Jan. 7, 2008. (AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)


Winners will be announced Monday morning.


Update: Winners annouced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed, but a new edition will debut Friday morning.


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Comments (105)

"You have performed an ille... (Below threshold)
Steve L.:

"You have performed an illegal operation. CLick OK to reboot. What the...?!?!?!?!"

"...and great mileage, you ... (Below threshold)

"...and great mileage, you just have to shut it off and restart it every 10 miles."

Needs twice as much engine,... (Below threshold)

Needs twice as much engine, sucks twice as much gas, and crashes every five minutes. What's not to love?

Everytime you step on the g... (Below threshold)

Everytime you step on the gas it asks you if you're sure you really want to go faster.

After you purchase the chas... (Below threshold)

After you purchase the chassis and engine upgrades you'll be all set.

Gates: "I don't know why ev... (Below threshold)

Gates: "I don't know why everyone keeps looking at that red Apple offering."

"Well here's your upgrade p... (Below threshold)

"Well here's your upgrade problem... you didn't realize you still need that 3 and 1/2 inch floppy drive to get it reset the first time."

Setting a new record for qu... (Below threshold)
SilentStorm:

Setting a new record for quickest unacceptable rating on Consumer Reports for crashworthyness, we present to you the Microsoft Bug.

For use with Microsoft Road... (Below threshold)
the brain:

For use with Microsoft Roads(TM) coming soon to a area near you!

Where do you want to crash ... (Below threshold)

Where do you want to crash today?

Just make sure you start it... (Below threshold)

Just make sure you start it up 15 minutes before you really want to use it.

To start the car, you simpl... (Below threshold)

To start the car, you simply press the brake, pull on the door handle, and open the glove box simultaneously. Then type in your password and off you go.

Steering with the mouse is ... (Below threshold)

Steering with the mouse is more efficient and many people don't miss the steering wheel after just a few months.

That's great, but the new i... (Below threshold)

That's great, but the new iCar flies!...

dah dah dah dah... (Below threshold)
Pretzel_Logic:

dah dah dah dah

Pull My Finger.... (Below threshold)
Pretzel_Logic:

Pull My Finger.

For obvious PR reasons, Mic... (Below threshold)

For obvious PR reasons, Microsoft is replacing the word "crash" with "in a pre-reboot state"...

Microsoft is hoping to cash... (Below threshold)

Microsoft is hoping to cash in on some of that traffic ticket revenue. If you don't pay your monthly speeding surcharge, Microsoft's digital rights management will revoke your license.

Are you just going to get t... (Below threshold)

Are you just going to get the Surface Street Edition, or are you going to pop for the full Freeway and Toll Road Edition?

More extensive crash testin... (Below threshold)
rodney dill:

More extensive crash testing than any other American model.

Unfortunately, it only take... (Below threshold)

Unfortunately, it only takes proprietary Microsoft gas from new stations being built by Dell, HP and Radio Shack.

And I thought I had driver ... (Below threshold)

And I thought I had driver trouble with Vista now...

No it wasn't designed with ... (Below threshold)

No it wasn't designed with any door locks, you just need the Trunk Monkey patch as a security workaround.

You know Microsoft is going... (Below threshold)

You know Microsoft is going to blame all crashes on bad drivers...

ZuneBuggy... (Below threshold)
Usful Ijit:

ZuneBuggy

These cars turn Blue right ... (Below threshold)
Imhotep:

These cars turn Blue right during or after they crash.

Rejected slogan: "It's the ... (Below threshold)

Rejected slogan: "It's the Zune of automobiles!".

Microsoft Auto - savaged by... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Microsoft Auto - savaged by nerds, used without issues by 99% of Americans.

Executives from 'Fix... (Below threshold)

Executives from 'Fix It Again Tony' and 'Fix Or Repair Daily' work with microsoft to help improve microsoft's product quality...

A real car expert knows you... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

A real car expert knows you should always boot the tires before you buy.

Muscle Car vs. Mussel Car</... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Muscle Car vs. Mussel Car

A chaffeur, Microsoft Bob, ... (Below threshold)

A chaffeur, Microsoft Bob, comes bundled for free.

Bill Gates would drive one ... (Below threshold)

Bill Gates would drive one of these. But then, he also plays with Chewbacca dolls.

Look closely and you'll see... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Look closely and you'll see that smug, pretentious Mac prick from the TV commercials pinned under the new Microsoft Auto.

Firewall? What's a firewall... (Below threshold)

Firewall? What's a firewall?

No, honey, I swear. I WAS ... (Below threshold)
guido:

No, honey, I swear. I WAS on my way straight home to you, sweetie pie, but THEN a hacker redirected the car to that strip joint. So, really it's your fault, hunnybunch, 'cause I wanted to get the iCar, but NOOOOOO!, you just had to have MS Vistamobile.

Just be sure you have your ... (Below threshold)

Just be sure you have your authentication numbers handy when you call customer support.

The first Microsoft Auto-VI... (Below threshold)

The first Microsoft Auto-VIrus has been announced. I pops your hood whenever the car goes faster than 70 mph...

Until now, fiats by Microso... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

Until now, fiats by Microsoft involved security patches and rebooting.

Microsoft Auto started off ... (Below threshold)
guido:

Microsoft Auto started off as a great success, but when Federal mileage regulations required that they get 9 bits to the byte, Microsoft executives secretly began selling off their stock options.

Introducing the "Microso... (Below threshold)
Usful Ijit:

Introducing the "Microsoft Lemon"

"The Blue Screen of Death" ... (Below threshold)
OCSteve:

"The Blue Screen of Death" - coming soon to an auto dealer near you.

Dank you for calling OffSta... (Below threshold)
guido:

Dank you for calling OffStar, my name is Suresh Shankarallamanasavagallanish, how can't I help you, please?

We don't really anticipate ... (Below threshold)

We don't really anticipate a need for service centers, just ship it back to us if you have any problems and we'll get back to you in 8-12 weeks.

Microsoft Auto introduces t... (Below threshold)
guido:

Microsoft Auto introduces two new models, the Blue Screen and the Red Box.

I'm tired and I want to go ... (Below threshold)
Pretzel_Logic:

I'm tired and I want to go home, I'm tired and I want to go to bed..I had a little drink about an hour ago and went right to my head..

Mechanic: "Oh I see why she... (Below threshold)
guido:

Mechanic: "Oh I see why she won't compile. Your binary tree is corrupted and it deleted several .exe and input files."
Driver: "Is that serious?"
Mechanic: "Oh yeah! It's gonna need to total defrag. Now we don't do defrags here, but I know this guy in Bangalore......."

Where do you want to go tod... (Below threshold)

Where do you want to go today?

Sorry. That destination is not compatible. Please reboot and choose another.

'Microsoft' and 'Auto'. Tw... (Below threshold)
Jer:

'Microsoft' and 'Auto'. Two words that just don't seem to go together.

The MS Vistacar - the Horse... (Below threshold)
pvd:

The MS Vistacar - the Horsepower(less) Buggy of our Age.

And Bill Gates said, "It's ... (Below threshold)
Nylda:

And Bill Gates said, "It's not enough, Ballmer. Get to work buying up all the roads."

On the left is the original... (Below threshold)

On the left is the original Microsoft Auto and on the right, the same model with optional Service Pack 2 upgrade.

Ballmer was the Trunk Monke... (Below threshold)

Ballmer was the Trunk Monkey prototype.

The Microsoft Auto comes in... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

The Microsoft Auto comes in a standard bundled package. If you replace our stereo, tires, paint or upholstery, you will void your warranty.

"Where's the Power On butto... (Below threshold)
LaMedusa:

"Where's the Power On button?"

"Just In Time For Valentine... (Below threshold)

"Just In Time For Valentines Day>> An Italian Cheese Basket On Wheels."

Of course you'll also want ... (Below threshold)

Of course you'll also want to purchase the upgrade to last year's more reliable model.

"...and Windows Genuine Adv... (Below threshold)
kbiel Author Profile Page:

"...and Windows Genuine Advantage will conveniently connect to our server each time you start your car to assure that your car is properly licensed. If the car is not properly licensed you will be allowed to drive up to 10 miles an hour and only make left turns until you buy a proper license."

"Why does the ignition key ... (Below threshold)
Tim Jameson:

"Why does the ignition key have 'A-N-Y' stamped on it?"

Buy one while it's still li... (Below threshold)
SILVER BULLET:

Buy one while it's still little and raise it up to suit yourself.

This sounds like the punchl... (Below threshold)
Red Five:

This sounds like the punchline for a GM joke...

Available in Red, White or ... (Below threshold)

Available in Red, White or Blue Screen of Death.

What would Reagan do?... (Below threshold)
914:

What would Reagan do?

Wheres the beef? ... (Below threshold)
914:

Wheres the beef?

A booster seat is extra Mr.... (Below threshold)
914:

A booster seat is extra Mr. Kucinic.

Showcasing the first produc... (Below threshold)
jim2:

Showcasing the first products of the MS-GM partnership for the Information Highway

Italian Remake Of The Movie... (Below threshold)

Italian Remake Of The Movie Classic "Bullet."
( Steve McQueen's Part Will Be Played By Krusty The Clown )

It isn't mine originally, b... (Below threshold)
TAM:

It isn't mine originally, but I heard it years ago...

If Microsoft designed cars, they'd cost $500, carry 20 people and get 100 miles to the gallon. But every 100 miles they'd explode killing everyone inside.

"Although new owners were i... (Below threshold)
iurockhead:

"Although new owners were impressed with the performance, many were still confused by the requirement of pushing the 'start' button to turn the vehicle off."

"Lifestyles of the rich ... (Below threshold)
914:

"Lifestyles of the rich and stupid."

The Lap Top Version Is A Un... (Below threshold)

The Lap Top Version Is A Unicycle With A Touch Screen

Microsoft Pseudocode:... (Below threshold)

Microsoft Pseudocode:


Call FIAT()

Sub FIAT()
  Write("Fix it Again Tony")
  Call Sub FORD()
End Sub

Sub FORD()
  Write("Found On Road Dead")
  Call Sub FIAT()
End Sub

"Well, we're calling it The... (Below threshold)

"Well, we're calling it The Buggy. Why do you ask?"

Ad campaign: As you motor ... (Below threshold)

Ad campaign: As you motor effortlessly along backroads and highways, look at the beautiful Vista through our peerless Windows.

Reality: The Microsoft Auto takes 5 minutes to warm up before you can leave 'Park', accelerates sluggishly, handles like a dump truck, stops suddenly and unexpectedly, the built-in phone only lets you communicate with others in the car, and when you throw garbage out the window it ends up in the rear seat. Ah, but the Vista is still beautiful.

"Oh, the Owner's Manual is ... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

"Oh, the Owner's Manual is in the trunk. It won't fit in the glove compartment."

"Choose a Path? What the f*... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

"Choose a Path? What the f*** do you mean, Choose a Path!? I just want to go to the f***ing grocery store!"

Now The Geek Squad makes bo... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

Now The Geek Squad makes both home and road-side calls.

"I know what you're asking ... (Below threshold)
Rick13:

"I know what you're asking yourself, can I afford to buy this car?! Well, let me tell you sir, You can't!"

Ok, if I buy this car, will... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

Ok, if I buy this car, will I look like the dorky guy in the iCar commercials?

Microsoft offers you a car ... (Below threshold)
NGrove:

Microsoft offers you a car with dozens of features you will never use, that doesn't go very fast because it is doing sixteen other things while you try to drive and God help you if you let your friend borrow it.

5:00 Friday on an LA... (Below threshold)


5:00 Friday on an LA Freeway

Brings a whole new meaning to "Blue Screen of Death"

Hey, Baby, whaddya say we c... (Below threshold)
guido:

Hey, Baby, whaddya say we climb in the back seat and upload some porn?

There's no Blue Screen when... (Below threshold)
Dave W:

There's no Blue Screen when this crashes, just death.

Guy on left "Hmmm, wonder h... (Below threshold)

Guy on left "Hmmm, wonder how many clowns will fit in that car?"

Guy on right "This car has nothing on Knight Rider."

New Car buyers had trouble ... (Below threshold)

New Car buyers had trouble hitting the Control, Alt and Delete keys, at the same time, to open the Car Windows.

And this car has a koran in... (Below threshold)
starbird:

And this car has a koran in the glove compartment a GPS to point rhw way to MECCA AND A TRUNK LARGE ENOUGH FOR A SUICIDE BOMB BIG ENOUGH TO BLOW UP 10 CITY BLOCKS

"The Lap Top Version Is A U... (Below threshold)

"The Lap Top Version Is A Unicycle With Touch Screen Steering."

Security shouldn't be a pro... (Below threshold)
rodney dill:

Security shouldn't be a problem, I here the new Defender program was developed by Wackenhut.

DatelineL Jan 8, 2008 </p... (Below threshold)
retired military:

DatelineL Jan 8, 2008

Microsoft finally unveiled their long awaited Windows 2006 model. Bill Gates proudly started the first car off the assembly line and was promptly assisted by two assembly line workers when the car went in reverse instead of going forward. When asked about the apparant transmission flaw Mr Gates smiled and stated "that isnt a flaw it is a undocumented feature".

It's called the SC2. It sta... (Below threshold)
Vegas Vic:

It's called the SC2. It stands for Senator Craig and it sits two comfortably!

The 2008 now has Vista, wit... (Below threshold)
Just another penguinista:

The 2008 now has Vista, with the improved 2-star crash rating.

I'm still try to install th... (Below threshold)
Just another penguinista:

I'm still try to install the device drivers for the new gas I downloaded on the way home today.

Activating Your Carware:<br... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

Activating Your Carware:
1. Enter your 48-digit serial number.
2. Traverse the national highways to Seattle, WA to receive required authentication.
3. Install all security updates.

NOTICE: Microbile will be p... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

NOTICE: Microbile will be peppy and responsive for its first 1,000 miles. Increasing sluggishness thereafter and frequent restarts are normal and should be expected.

SPECIFICATIONS:HP: 4... (Below threshold)
La Mano:

SPECIFICATIONS:
HP: 455
Fuel Capacity: 500 gallons
0-60 mph: 93 minutes
MPG: .34
Gross Vehicle Weight: 25,268 lbs.
Cost: $267,493
Terms: Manufacturer support limited to 36 months.

Of course the first edition... (Below threshold)

Of course the first edition will be called the 'Billy Joel.'

Caution: Opening Hood Voids... (Below threshold)

Caution: Opening Hood Voids Warranty

Opening the car door the fi... (Below threshold)

Opening the car door the first time activates the EULA which says that you're only allowed to drive it in a single town.

Wired recommends waiting fo... (Below threshold)

Wired recommends waiting for the SP2 release.

"stop ... Stop ... STOP ...... (Below threshold)
Brian Lloyd:

"stop ... Stop ... STOP ... STOPSTOPSTOPSTOP ... OHMYGODSTOPYOUMOTHERFUHAHHHHHHHHHHH..."

[crash][crunch][thud][thud[thud]...[tinkle]...

"Command recognized: 'accelerate'. The navigation system indicates a higher speed is inconsistent with the current vehicle status, road surface, and conditions. Confirm 'accelerate'."

Shhhhhhh.. here comes Sean ... (Below threshold)
Vegas Vic:

Shhhhhhh.. here comes Sean Hannity.. When he gets close enough everybody jump up and scream "Ron Paul Lives" "Ron Paul Lives" "Ron Paul Lives"

Little paper clip pops up o... (Below threshold)
jc:

Little paper clip pops up out of the dash: "It looks like you're trying to parallel park."

"I'd like to see the Fiat i... (Below threshold)

"I'd like to see the Fiat in a size 11 1/2."

If the car fails to start r... (Below threshold)
dana:

If the car fails to start remove and re-install engine and you will be fine.

Update: <... (Below threshold)
Kevin Author Profile Page:

Update: Winners annouced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed, but a new edition will debut Friday morning.




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