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Game On

I've burned a lot of pixels over the years defending the rights of the children of prominent people to not get swept up into their parents' publicity. I've repeatedly denounced those who would make political pawns out of Chelsea Clinton, Al Gore Jr., and the Bush twins -- among others -- for having made the poor choice of who to choose as their parents. I've always said that until those people make a solid commitment to entering the public fray, they should be left alone.

Some time ago, someone thought it would be amusing, entertaining, educational, or just plain annoying to sign me up for some politicians' mailing lists. I get semi-regular notices from John Kerry, Michael Moore, and Hillary Clinton, among others. I never asked for this, never agreed to it, but they still keep dumping their stuff in my inbox. Mostly I ignore it, but every now and then I glance through it purely for entertainment purposes.

Well, yesterday I got an e-mail from Chelsea Clinton herself.

OK, let's be candid. It was not likely written by Chelsea, but by a staffer. I wouldn't even be so certain that she even read it before it was sent out. But it has her name on it, and that wouldn't happen without her consent, so she's chosen to become a public part of the campaign. She's forfeited all the rights and respect I'd given her prior to this.

Game on.

Let the Fisking begin.

Dear Friend,

I love talking to people who are thinking about supporting my mom -- about why I believe in her and why I support her as a young American, a woman, and her daughter!

Of course I mean that literally. When the people are only thinking about supporting my mom, I only talk TO them. I don't let them talk back to me. I might hear something mean and negative and -- even worse -- TRUE about her. So it's strictly a monologue.

I also love talking to people who already support my mom's campaign. Every day, when people tell me they're voting for my mom, putting their faith in her, using their voice to encourage others to support her and working hard for her, I grow more proud.

Of course, those people who I deign to allow to speak to me are all carefully vetted and screened so they only tell me nice things about my mother But then, ever since I first saw the Rose Garden at the White House, I've been fond of plants. I even thought about minoring in botany. I kind of wish I had, because then I could do even more to help Mom's campaign.

I've been campaigning with her across the country -- and I'm definitely planning on being at the next debate. Would you like to join me? The campaign is picking an online supporter to watch the January 31 debate in Los Angeles with me and to meet my mom. I know she'll be thrilled to meet you -- she is so grateful for how much every supporter has done for her campaign.

Remember, this is for SUPPORTERS only. You will be carefully vetted and screened to be properly sycophantic, telegenic, and able to recite the carefully-prepared spontaneous remarks we will script for you.

Oh, and if you're black, that'd be a definite bonus, too.

With the biggest day of this campaign in just 12 days, there has never been a more important time to contribute. I hope you'll help my mom's campaign prepare for February 5!

Enter before midnight on Saturday, and you might join me at the next presidential debate!

Please, give us money. Even more money. Daddy just scored a $20 million payout, but he's saving that for Viagra and condoms -- he's got to stock up now and get a four-year supply, because when Mom wins, he won't be able to buy it without making her look like even more of the laughingstock she is already.

I get a lot of questions from friends and people I meet about what they can do to help my mom win. Of course, I tell them that they should vote, tell their family and friends about my mom and why they support her, and volunteer if they can. But I also send them to the website and ask them to make a contribution if they can.

That's pretty much the only question I allow people to ask me -- "how can I help your mom win?" And just to be absolutely certain, her staffers give me a card every morning with a new way of saying the same answer back to the latest batch of rubes.

Today, I'm asking you the same thing. I've knocked on doors, made calls, visited our field offices, and joined my mom at rallies. I can tell you firsthand that my mom is doing a great job, and that we have a big job ahead of us; she needs help from every last one of us right now.

I've done a LOT for mom lately, instead of working at my job in New York City managing hedge funds. It's remarkable what an aborted degree in Chemistry, parlayed into a Bachelor's in History and an Oxford Masters in international relations (with my thesis on my dad) can get you in the world of high finance. And I wish you'd help mom wrap this up quick -- there's a lot of exciting things happening in the world of hedge funds right now, and I'm missing out on learning a whole bunch of new things.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say "aborted?" I meant "exercise my Constitutional Right Of Choice to change majors from something hard and productive to something where I can use mom and dad's connections to score easy grades and a cushy job." I forgot I'm not supposed to use the A-word.

Please contribute now, when she needs your support the most, and help her change America and our futures for the better.

Enter before midnight on Saturday, and hopefully you will join me to watch the next presidential debate!

Send in that money, and remember the contest. 1,000 runners-up will receive a complimentary "Hillary '08" black beret and a case of Jizz-B-Gon instant dry cleaner.

Thank you so much for all you're doing for my mom's campaign. I'm so proud she has so many wonderful people like you with her!

Thank you again,
Chelsea

Just please keep your distance.


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Comments (18)

Wasn't she the one who rece... (Below threshold)
yetanotherjohn:

Wasn't she the one who recently said she wasn't allowed to anser questions, even from cute 9 year old scholastic reporters?

Close, yet. She said she do... (Below threshold)

Close, yet. She said she doesn't. That was a part of the inspiration for this article.

J.

go jay tea go.I thought the... (Below threshold)
tj:

go jay tea go.I thought the same as #1

Yes JT. I disagreed with yo... (Below threshold)
WildWillie:

Yes JT. I disagreed with you the last time when I said she was fair game because she was on the campaign trail. I am just glad your going for it now. Good post. Good interpretation. ww

Jizz-B-Gon? Well, if Hilla... (Below threshold)

Jizz-B-Gon? Well, if Hillary wins at least there will be plenty of material for bloggers and late night comedians.

..so she's chosen to bec... (Below threshold)
mantis:

..so she's chosen to become a public part of the campaign. She's forfeited all the rights and respect I'd given her prior to this.

Then why was Mary Cheney out of bounds? She worked for the campaign (in addition to other political work).

I think Jay is upset over n... (Below threshold)
BarneyG2000:

I think Jay is upset over not belonging to the lucky sperm club.

Good one, Jay. Did the Cli... (Below threshold)
kevino:

Good one, Jay. Did the Clinton campaign mail you a copy of their Little Red Book, yet? You, too, can join the Hillary08 Cultural Revolution.

[sigh]

It's a good thing the State is giving us a $600 rebate. I'll need it to buy enough booze to stay drunk for the next four years.

Is anyone planning to make an C-Chip? I'd like to be able to program my TV to block all access to any TV shows, including news shows, that feature the voice, image, or quotations of either President Clinton.

Baghdadbarney - "I thin... (Below threshold)
marc:

Baghdadbarney - "I think Jay is upset over not belonging to the lucky sperm club."

Well then, as the head of the Jizz Club for Men I should think an invite would be in order.

"I'd like to be able to ... (Below threshold)
P. Bunyan:

"I'd like to be able to program my TV to block all access to any TV shows, including news shows, that feature the voice, image, or quotations of either President Clinton"

That'd be cool. During the Clinton years, I always had to change the channel whenever Slick Willie came on. I would usually read what he said later, but just couldn't watch it. It was too difficult to have him look me in the face and lie to me, but reading his speeches was more like reading a fiction novel so I was usually less offended.

Now Bill's wife-- when she talks, I have a similar reaction to hearing fingernails scraped across a chalkboard.

mantis, I'm going after JUS... (Below threshold)

mantis, I'm going after JUST what Chelsea said in her e-mail. I don't recall Mary Cheney putting forward her lesbianism or pregnancy (or her partner's; I don't recall, and don't care) as a campaign issue.

Personally, I think Dick Cheney's positives would have skyrocketed if he'd reached over and smacked John Edwards during that "debate."

J.

mantis, I'm going after ... (Below threshold)
mantis:

mantis, I'm going after JUST what Chelsea said in her e-mail. I don't recall Mary Cheney putting forward her lesbianism or pregnancy (or her partner's; I don't recall, and don't care) as a campaign issue.

Well, you're right that she did not put forth her lesbianism as a campaign issue; she stopped being vocal such issues (as she was when she was when she worked as gay and lesbian outreach coordinator for Coors, and later on the board of the Republican Unity Coalition, until she left their board and joined the re-election campaign). So I guess, despite her work in politics and the private sector, since she did not say anything about it during the campaign, it's off limits.

But wait, I don't see anywhere in the letter you quote where Chelsea Clinton "puts forward" her college degrees as a campaign issue, yet you bring those up. Silly, I know, but you left yourself with very little wiggle room in your justifications.

Personally, I think Dick Cheney's positives would have skyrocketed if he'd reached over and smacked John Edwards during that "debate."

I think his positives would have gone up if he had stood up for his daughter, instead of riding the political fence. That would have taken some actual courage as an influential leader in the party, and I certainly would have respected him more. Not that I'm defending Edwards; he should have kept his mouth shut about it. I wasn't impressed with either side.

I thought Cheney's terse "T... (Below threshold)

I thought Cheney's terse "Thank you for your concern about my family," was as good a rebuke as one could deliver without just whacking the pompous little silky pony.

mantis defends bringing up Mary Cheney, then says "not that I'm defending Edwards." Is he defending Kerry, then? If bringing her sexual orientation into the debates is defensible, who did it appropriately?

Where did I defend bringing... (Below threshold)
mantis:

Where did I defend bringing up Mary Cheney? What I'm questioning is Jay's reasoning that some candidates' children are off limits, and some aren't, now amended to some aspects of some candidates' children's lives, but not others, depending on Jay's whim, I suppose.

I don't defend Kerry or Edwards bringing up Mary Cheney because it was obvious they were doing so to remind potential supporters that Cheney has a homosexual daughter, presumably thinking they would not support Bush/Cheney if they knew that. They didn't even try to be clever about it (not that I would defend them if they had).

However, the Cheney family's willingness over the years to talk at length about Elizabeth Cheney, her life and family, contrasted with their instant seething outrage whenever anyone brings up their other daughter (not because they are embarrassed or disapprove of her, but because it's politically dangerous for them to admit they don't care that she's a homosexual), I find objectionable. If I'm defending anyone, it would be reporters who ask about her (who, again, are met with smiles and stories when they ask about Elizabeth, and cold stares when they ask about Mary).

Bottom Line:Like a... (Below threshold)
jacksmith:

Bottom Line:

Like all of you. I know that health care is the most critical, and important issue facing the American people. Now, and in the coming elections. And like the vast majority of the American people, I want HR 676 (Medicare For All) passed into law NOW! "Single payer, Tax Supported, Not For Profit, True Universal Health Care" free for all as a right. Like every other developed country in the world has. See: http://www.house.gov/conyers/news_hr676.htm

"HR 676:
For church goers: less money to insur. companies and more to the church- lots more.
Srs on Medicare: save way over $100/wk. Because no more medigap, long term care & dental insur. needed. No more drug bills."

But if we the American people fail to bring enough pressure on our current politicians to get HR 676 passed into law before the elections. We will have to identify, and replace all the politicians standing in the way of passage of HR 676. And, I think the best first place to start is with the politicians that blocked the bipartisan SCHIP bills for the kids. Passed by congress twice.

But what about the President. It was Bush after all that blocked the bipartisan SCHIP bill passed by congress to assure more health coverage for Americas kids. So which of the presidential hopefuls do I think will be most supportive of implementing the demand of the majority of the American people to have HR 676 (Medicare For All) passed into law immediately!

We have some very fine presidential candidates who would make good presidents. But none of the top Presidential candidates directly support HR 676, the only true Universal Health Care plan. So I am supporting Hillary Clinton. She is the only top candidate that has ever actually fought for universal health care before.

I have enormous admiration, and respect for Hillary Clinton. She fought a pitched battle against overwhelming odds back in 1993. To prevent this disastrous health care crisis that is now devastating the American people, and America. She fought so hard for the American people that she risk almost completely destroying her husbands presidency. I haven't forgotten her heroic effort. If any Presidential hopeful for universal health care deserves my support, it's her.

Also, if we the American people fail to bring enough pressure on our government to give us HR 676 which we all so desperately need NOW! Then we will need the most skilled politician we can get on our side to broker the best health care plan for the American people that we can get. Though it will be less than we need, and less than we deserve. The politician I think to best do this is Hillary Clinton. The Clinton's are probably the most skilled politicians in American history.

The insurance industry, and medical industry that has been ripping you off, and killing you has given Hillary Clinton so much money because they fear her. They have also given Barack Obama so much money because they fear Hillary Clinton. They think they can manipulate Barack Obama against the best interest of the American people better than they can manipulate Hillary Clinton. There is no race issue with Hillary Clinton. The Clinton's are the poster family for how African Americans want white people to be towards African Americans.

As always, African Americans are suffering, and dieing in this health care crisis at a much higher rate than any other group in America. The last time there was any significant drop in the African American death rate was when Bill Clinton was president.

My fellow Americans, you are dieing needlessly at an astounding rate. In higher numbers than any other people in the developed world. Rich, and poor a like. Insured, and uninsured. Men, women, children, and babies. And we the American people must stop it. And fix it NOW! Keep Fighting!!! Never! give up hope. There are millions of lives at stake. Bless you all... You are doing great!
depp=true

Not been on awhile. Is this... (Below threshold)
jhow66:

Not been on awhile. Is this jackass-er-smith a for i in ner?

Anything Dick Cheney says a... (Below threshold)

Anything Dick Cheney says about Mary's lifestyle will be taken out of context, analyzed wrongly and used as more fodder by Democrats to demonize Cheney as a hypocrite. Mantis, I don't think you're one of them, but there are boatloads of them that will. For all we know, Mary may have simply asked her father to stay out of it.

His jumping into the verbal fray over his daughter's lifestyle will make it all about him rather than advance her cause.

Apparently, they have an excellent relationship regardless of others' opinions of what she must think and what he must think. That seems to chafe some people.

He's flogged the same gross... (Below threshold)
SPQR:

He's flogged the same gross misrepresentations before, jhow66.




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