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It must have had nice legs

I've heard of people being lonely but this takes the cake. From WCSH 6-

A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table. The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

*****

Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him.

I agree with Sonagi at Marmot's Hole, who has this story tagged as 'sick, sick, sick,'. Price is sick all right.

In related news, a man in Australia falsely repeated to the police his being raped by a wombat. What is this world coming to?


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Comments (13)

It is fact that most report... (Below threshold)
RScott:

It is fact that most reports of rape by Wombat are ultimately proven false, just to set the record straight.

Aaah... fact is that human ... (Below threshold)

Aaah... fact is that human beings are sort of equal opportunity, I mean, a picnic table is sort of an odd shaped dildo for men, and pretty dang stupid because it's got "worlds most embarrassing 911 call" all over it and the burly firemen have to come try to lube him out of there. (Or maybe the neighbor just sees you and you get a public exposure call instead.) But do we call women "sick, sick, sick" if they use something with batteries? Or does it just need to be an item from the "adult" store and then it's okay?
(Having that stuff around where kids can find it is asking for "world's most embarrassing thing kids can unexpectedly show the company," and frankly, I've never seen the attraction.)

"Sick" to me is animals, and frankly, most of the "what consenting adults do" tolerance I've got is pretty abstract, and public exposure is not acceptable.

You know what else I think is sick? Recording your neighbor *in* his bedroom for three months.

Feastiality... (Below threshold)
SFtrooper:

Feastiality

I heard the table was 17 ye... (Below threshold)
Typical White Person(formerly Pretzel_Logic):

I heard the table was 17 years old. The guy gets off.

Any truth to the rumor that... (Below threshold)

Any truth to the rumor that the wombat was out on early parole after a previous similar attack?

I'll bet the table was aski... (Below threshold)

I'll bet the table was asking for it.

Uh ... since when is it a c... (Below threshold)
sanssoucy:

Uh ... since when is it a crime to have sex with an inanimate object? What law - exactly - is this guy "accused" of violating?

SS

I'm all for having some vid... (Below threshold)
ChangeAgent:

I'm all for having some video evidence to report him to the police, but THREE DVDs? Seriously? One wasn't enough?

What about the unforgotten ... (Below threshold)
Son Of The Godfather:

What about the unforgotten and unreported incidents of those who were raped by a wombat ON a table?

Feastiality
Posted by SFtrooper

Nice!

Do you know how cold it was... (Below threshold)
Jabba the Tutt Author Profile Page:

Do you know how cold it was in Central Ohio in January thru March? He's lucky he didn't break his thingy off.

Perhaps it had one of those... (Below threshold)
Tim:

Perhaps it had one of those cute little table skirts on it, blowing saucily in the breeze. Hard to resist, I think.

Did they give the picnic ta... (Below threshold)
Paden Cash:

Did they give the picnic table a rape test?

"Uh ... since when is it a ... (Below threshold)
SFtrooper:

"Uh ... since when is it a crime to have sex with an inanimate object?"

Bill Clinton




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