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1-800-IDeport

Some immigration humor-

There's even a handy 1-866 toll free number you can call if "you are an immigration fugitive and have questions about whether you qualify for the Scheduled Departure Program."

*****

"If you are an illegal immigrant please press 1. Para Espanol marque dos.

Please listen to our menu carefully. Our deportation options have changed.

If you are an illegal immigrant and have no criminal record please press 1.

If you are an illegal immigrant with a criminal record, please press 2.

You have pressed 2. Please state your name and address clearly after the tone. An ICE agent will come by shortly to detain you. Thank you for your cooperation."

But suppose you pressed 1.

"If you are an illegal immigrant with a valid ID please press 1.

For quality assurance purposes an ICE Agent may monitor your call.(That's your FISA dollars at work)

Please enter your 9 digit Social Security number followed by the # sign to see if you are eligible for this special limited time self -deportation offer.

Please hold while we verify your Social Security number...

Sorry, your Social Security number already exists.
Press 1 if you would like accept a plea bargain with 5 months jail time.
Press 2 if you would like an ankle bracelet.
Press 3 to self deport now.
Press 0 at any time for an ICE agent.

Thank you for using Self-Deport. We hope you had a pleasant stay in the U.S. and we wish you a safe onward journey

Honestly I have no opinion in regards to ICE's Scheduled Departure Program. Except I tend to be skeptical when it comes to government bureaucracy administering any program in a competent fashion.


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Comments (13)

There is a new 1-866 toll f... (Below threshold)
Dave:

There is a new 1-866 toll free number a person can call to determine if they are going to heaven.

If you are adamently opposed to allowing people less fortunate then you into your country or your a racist press 1.

If your a democrat press 2.

The fact they don't teach h... (Below threshold)
jpm100:

The fact they don't teach history in school anymore becomes woefully apparent again, thanks to Dave.

Exodus 22:21, "You shall no... (Below threshold)
Dave:

Exodus 22:21, "You shall not wrong or oppress a resident alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt."

This is one of my favorites... (Below threshold)
Dave:

This is one of my favorites.

Leviticus 19:33-34: And if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall not vex him. But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.

The fact that jpm100 does n... (Below threshold)
Dave:

The fact that jpm100 does not read the bible is woefully apparent.

Again, Dave doesn't know hi... (Below threshold)
jpm100:

Again, Dave doesn't know history.

Despite your translation of one passage to say illegal alien when it should say foreigner, those traditions are indicative of the Ancient Middle East where a lack of hospitality to a traveler would lead to their death. Hospitality is a far cry from a hand out of citizenship like candy.

As for actual illegal aliens (and not your mistranslation), their original purpose isn't innocent since they knowingly entering the land unlawfully, for illegal labor or in some cases criminal activity beyond their illegal entry. So the term traveler doesn't apply to them.

jpm,Your really sp... (Below threshold)
Dave:

jpm,

Your really splitting hairs on this one. I did not translate or mistranslate the Bible. Do you think the Israelites contacted their embassy and waited to obtain passports while being chased from Egypt? I don't remember reading about that in the Bible. In the time of the Bible their was no concept of entering a country for the purpose of illegal labor? Get real.

Dave: Lest you forget, the ... (Below threshold)
Jody:

Dave: Lest you forget, the Jews were a) invited into Egypt by the government (the Pharoah), b) did kinda apply for a work permit in Egypt (had to state their occupation and be assigned a region), and c) slaughtered the Canaanites when they returned.

See: Gen 45 (on the "visa")

When the news reached Pharaoh's palace that Joseph's brothers had come, Pharaoh and all his officials were pleased. 17 Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Tell your brothers, 'Do this: Load your animals and return to the land of Canaan, 18 and bring your father and your families back to me. I will give you the best of the land of Egypt and you can enjoy the fat of the land.'

From Gen 46 (on the work permit)

Then Joseph said to his brothers and to his father's household, "I will go up and speak to Pharaoh and will say to him, 'My brothers and my father's household, who were living in the land of Canaan, have come to me. 32 The men are shepherds; they tend livestock, and they have brought along their flocks and herds and everything they own.' 33 When Pharaoh calls you in and asks, 'What is your occupation?' 34 you should answer, 'Your servants have tended livestock from our boyhood on, just as our fathers did.' Then you will be allowed to settle in the region of Goshen, for all shepherds are detestable to the Egyptians."

From Joshua 6 (The battle of Jericho):

When the trumpets sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man charged straight in, and they took the city. 21 They devoted the city to the LORD and destroyed with the sword every living thing in it--men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys.

Despite your translation... (Below threshold)
Dave:

Despite your translation of one passage to say illegal alien when it should say foreigner, those traditions are indicative of the Ancient Middle East where a lack of hospitality to a traveler would lead to their death. Hospitality is a far cry from a hand out of citizenship like candy.

But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself

JPM100,

You are saying the above passage merely states to show hospitality to travelers. Clearly you are misinterpreting the bible.

How do you interpret "stranger" to refer only to immigrants not containing a green card? Please expand on this as I'm quite curious.

I pray that God does not take into consideration your lack of mercy in allowing other into the US, when he decides whether to allow you entry into heaven.


Let me see: ancient 1st tes... (Below threshold)
Brad:

Let me see: ancient 1st testament Egypt and Israelites on the one hand; illegal south of the border immigrants in the USA on the other. Oh yes, the similarities are so obvious. Jeez, dude, get a grip.

Let me see: ancient 1st ... (Below threshold)
Dave:

Let me see: ancient 1st testament Egypt and Israelites on the one hand; illegal south of the border immigrants in the USA on the other. Oh yes, the similarities are so obvious. Jeez, dude, get a grip.

Brad,

Leviticus 19:33-34 does not make a distinction, why should you or anyone else. You need to spend more time reading and following the bible. Your attitude is in clear violation of God will. I will pray for you.

Leviticus 19:33-34: And if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall not vex him. But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.
Jody,I reject your... (Below threshold)
Dave:

Jody,

I reject your examples that refer to the ancient Egyptians. For you are comparing the United States to the ancient Egyptians. They were an evil people and God punished them severely. The same holds true for the people of Jericho.

If anything your defense proves we should be more tolerant to imigrants, lest God will smite us as he did the ancient Egyptians and the city of Jericho.

Dave: I reject ... (Below threshold)
Jody:

Dave:

I reject your examples that refer to the ancient Egyptians.For you are comparing the United States to the ancient Egyptians.

Dude, it's your comparison. Lest you forget this too, it was at 9 PM last night (link)

This is one of my favorites.

Leviticus 19:33-34:
And if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall not vex him. But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.

[emphasis mine]

The Jews were strangers sojouring in Egypt. But they were strangers sojourning in Egypt who had been invited there by the Pharoah.

Simply, the passages you cite do not support your position. Make your argument a different way.




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