New Terms of Use for Wizbang (Wizbang)

I'm thinking most Wizbang readers have heard of the Lori Drew court decision. Here at Wizbang we recently lost our fearless leader, Jay. After reading this post by Orin Kerr at The Volokh Conspiracy and seeing that no one else has contributed at the blog over a day, I'd take it upon myself to re-write the rules here.

By visiting this blog, you promise that:

1 You are not a New York Yankee fan

2 That you either voted for or know who John Anderson is.

3 You refuse to hum or sing the Brady Bunch theme song even if threatened with the punishment of death.

4 You don't have flat feet

5 You neither know personally, have met, or are related to Kim Jong-Il, Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, John Kerry or The Olson twins.

6 have never had your left hand turn blinker on for over a mile.

7 You have never stolen sweet'n low or sugar packets from a restaurant.

8 That if you were God and were allowed to leave only type of woman on the planet, you'd choose the Filipina.

9 That you have never inserted a catheter into a man without making sure the patient is anesthetized first.

10 You enjoy sarcasm.

Step forward Wizbang readers and sign the contract or face federal prosecution for violating Wizbang's Terms of Use. While there still is time. (and before Kevin drops me as a Wizbang poster because I staged a coup in his absence.)

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Comments (27)

I'm sorry...I didn't know J... (Below threshold)

1. Posted by jwehman | November 30, 2008 8:05 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

jwehman:

I'm sorry...I didn't know Jay Tea was "lost". What happened?

Posted on November 30, 2008 08:05

2) John Anderson is the guy... (Below threshold)

2. Posted by DoubleU | November 30, 2008 8:07 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

DoubleU:

2) John Anderson is the guy from "Yes"?
3) What about shouting it in a really loud annoying voice?
7) Nothing that comes from pink packets.
10) Can't stand it

Posted on November 30, 2008 08:07

I guess I'm gone. ... (Below threshold)

3. Posted by Maggie Mama | November 30, 2008 8:26 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Maggie Mama:

I guess I'm gone.

Go Bronx Bombers!

Posted on November 30, 2008 08:26

DoubleU-No silly, ... (Below threshold)

4. Posted by Brian The Adequate | November 30, 2008 8:41 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Brian The Adequate:

DoubleU-

No silly, John Anderson is an anchor on Sportscenter and one of the co-hosts of Wipeout.

Posted on November 30, 2008 08:41

Bill, I not only proudly di... (Below threshold)

5. Posted by Paul Hooson | November 30, 2008 8:58 AM | Score: -6 (8 votes cast)

Paul Hooson:

Bill, I not only proudly displayed a John Anderson bumper sticker on my 1973 Pontiac Firebird in 1980, but I even bought many Cds from a country western star of the very same name who was originally a worker putting a roof on the Grand Ole Opry, but then became a big hit artist with songs like "Swingin'".

And as much as I know how much you love Filipina women, which I certainly agree are indeed beautiful, I love the good-looking long-haired blondes myself personally, especially when they're at least 25 years younger than myself. If the babe is hot enough, you don't need Viagra.

I've actually sung many parodies of THE BRADY BUNCH theme around the house looking for one to perform onstage with the band, but just never found the right lyrics. The closest I came was "Supreme Court Jew" about that Judge Douglas Ginzburg who withdrew his nomination after allegations of marijuana use surfaced. The song was funny enough, but just lacked the tasteless funny offensive appeal of many of my other songs such as "Dry Humpin', "Elvis Is Dead" or "Dog In Heat" some of which managed to get me banned from performing again in some clubs for some unknown reason.

I also attempt to be a Portland Trailblazers fan, but this team just never seems to make it easy for me to love them as much as the Clyde Drexler days.

And I'll give one far worst than a catheter that will make any guy cringe here. I've had prostate problems since the age of 17, and had an exploratory surgery once where they slit open the end of my "little Paul" to make more room for a surgical scope. I bled for days afterward at the hospital while recovering not to mention some shocking pain when I wanted to whiz. Not recommended guys. Not recommended at all.

I've never stolen Sweet N Low, etc. But I always ask for extra packages of soy sauce or sweet and sour sauce when I order rice at a Chinese take-out.

I haven't had the opportunity to leave my blinker on for over a mile yet, as I'm only 53. But just give me another 10 years or so. But I mainly drive motorbikes, so this will be even less cool than some guy in a car, if I do this blinker crap on my Benelli or CPI Sport motorbikes. But if I'm driving the Jeep, towering above the little cars in traffic, they likely won't say anything as I look like the worst ass-kickin' redneck that ever lived with my long hair and beard and dragster engined baseball cap despite being a Wizbang Blue editor. Wonders just never cease it seems.

At any rate, great funny post Bill. You're a great guy who knows how to laugh at things. Good show.

Posted on November 30, 2008 08:58

#8 Umm...nope. Panamanian... (Below threshold)

6. Posted by MunDane | November 30, 2008 10:04 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

MunDane:

#8 Umm...nope. Panamanian. Sorry, dude

Posted on November 30, 2008 10:04

jwheman, I got <a href="htt... (Below threshold)

7. Posted by Jay Tea | November 30, 2008 10:06 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Jay Tea:

jwheman, I got shanghaied by Commentary Magazine for their blog, Contentions. I'm now just a humble reader and commenter around these parts...

And Bill: I'm afraid that I can't abide by #8. I'd go with the redhead.

Unless there are redheaded Filipinas...

Posted on November 30, 2008 10:06

#9......some hospitals are ... (Below threshold)

8. Posted by Imhotep | November 30, 2008 10:09 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Imhotep:

#9......some hospitals are too cheap to even have local anesthetics at the ready! Get used to it; BOHICA.

Sorry Bill.

Posted on November 30, 2008 10:09

I don't know what happened ... (Below threshold)

9. Posted by Sharon | November 30, 2008 12:35 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Sharon:

I don't know what happened to Jay either. Could you please explain as reading Knucklehead of the day awards is not why I read blogs so I will just cross this one off the lilst if he is truly gone.

Posted on November 30, 2008 12:35

1.No2.No,Yes3... (Below threshold)

10. Posted by MPR | November 30, 2008 12:52 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

MPR:

1.No
2.No,Yes
3.Thanks, now I have the tune in my head!
4.No
5.My family tree is more like a bush. Doubtful.
6.Only when my kids are in the car. It bugs them.
7.No, I'm not a junkie.
8.Um, O.K.
9.Grow a pair.
10.Only if it's funny, relevant,and intelligent.

Posted on November 30, 2008 12:52

Hell, I'll sign anything on... (Below threshold)

11. Posted by GarandFan | November 30, 2008 1:06 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

GarandFan:

Hell, I'll sign anything once. You gonna give me a free bottle of booze? That's what ACORN promised for my vote.

Posted on November 30, 2008 13:06

The Olson twins? You fiend!... (Below threshold)

12. Posted by OregonMuse | November 30, 2008 3:56 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

OregonMuse:

The Olson twins? You fiend!

Posted on November 30, 2008 15:56

"That if you were God a... (Below threshold)

13. Posted by Marc | November 30, 2008 3:59 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

Marc:

"That if you were God and were allowed to leave only type of woman on the planet, you'd choose the Filipina."

Umm... OK!

Posted on November 30, 2008 15:59

You put the Olsen's in the ... (Below threshold)

14. Posted by realityunwound | November 30, 2008 4:28 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

realityunwound:

You put the Olsen's in the same list as Kim Hugo Chavez & John Kerry, but there's no way either one of those guys is as insidious or scary as Scary Fate & Smashedly.

Posted on November 30, 2008 16:28

#1 Of course not. Baseball ... (Below threshold)

15. Posted by Dodo David | November 30, 2008 4:53 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Dodo David:

#1 Of course not. Baseball is for people who don't have lives.

#2 J.A. the politician made a campaign stop at my high school. Afterwards, the school's principal was impeached.

#3 Damn it, Bill. You should get life without parole for mentioning the song. Now, I can't get it out of my head.

#4 No problem.

#5 Olson? I suppose that you are referring to Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Just what did they do to earn your ire?

#6 Blinker? What's a blinker?

#7 Hey, I didn't steal them. They were freebees.

#8 Absolutely! Especially if they all look like this Filipina.

#9 Ouch!

Posted on November 30, 2008 16:53

1 Where I grew up there wer... (Below threshold)

16. Posted by Mycroft | November 30, 2008 5:20 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Mycroft:

1 Where I grew up there were only two choices. A Yankees fan or an anti-Yankees fan. I chose the later.

2 I've heard of him, but was way too young to vote for him.

3 Me sing? What, are you nuts?

4 What does this have to do with anything? No.

5 Uh-oh. I proudly proclaim that I am related to George Bush, but I hear he was related to John Kerry.....

6 No

7 Yuk, no.

8 No way Jose. Save the Redhead.

9 What a wierd thought, and NO.

10 What is sarcasm? Oh, yes..

Posted on November 30, 2008 17:20

"7 You have never stolen sw... (Below threshold)

17. Posted by The Intellectual redneck | November 30, 2008 6:55 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

The Intellectual redneck:

"7 You have never stolen sweet'n low or sugar packets from a restaurant."

Does equal count? Gulp.

Posted on November 30, 2008 18:55

Crap. I have flat... (Below threshold)

18. Posted by Linoge | November 30, 2008 7:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Linoge

Crap.

I have flat feet.

Posted on November 30, 2008 19:25

What do you have against fl... (Below threshold)

19. Posted by John F Not Kerry | November 30, 2008 8:32 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

John F Not Kerry:

What do you have against flat feet? I certainly have suffered enough from them. And I am not related to John Kerry. I only make fun of him in my alias.

Posted on November 30, 2008 20:32

#6 - I might have...well, y... (Below threshold)

20. Posted by rls | November 30, 2008 9:18 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

rls:

#6 - I might have...well, yes I have.

#7 - Only Splenda

Posted on November 30, 2008 21:18

6 have never had your le... (Below threshold)

21. Posted by Clay | November 30, 2008 10:25 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Clay:

Well, boys. It looks like I'm outta here. Adios.

Posted on November 30, 2008 22:25

1. Screw the Yankees... (Below threshold)

22. Posted by largebill | November 30, 2008 11:11 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

largebill:

1. Screw the Yankees
3. So, whistling is okay? Right?
5. I personally believe we are all related if ya go far enough back (twice removed).
6. Right hand blinker is cool? Right?

Otherwise I'm pretty close.

Posted on November 30, 2008 23:11

For those that keep asking,... (Below threshold)

23. Posted by ijosha | November 30, 2008 11:42 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

ijosha:

For those that keep asking, here's Jay Tea farewell/swansong 10 days ago:
Almost

Posted on November 30, 2008 23:42

24. Posted by ijosha | November 30, 2008 11:47 PM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

For those that keep asking, here's Jay Tea farewell/swansong 10 days ago:
Almost
http://wizbangblog.com/content/2008/11/20/almost.php

Posted on November 30, 2008 23:47

Let's not forget the Filipi... (Below threshold)

25. Posted by Donna B. | December 1, 2008 1:57 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

Donna B.:

Let's not forget the Filipinos! Some hot dudes... yessiree!

Does the right hand turn blinker count?

Posted on December 1, 2008 01:57

Sorry Bill. Love Irish wome... (Below threshold)

26. Posted by WildWillie | December 1, 2008 8:24 AM | Score: 0 (0 votes cast)

WildWillie:

Sorry Bill. Love Irish women, like the one I have been married to for 34 years. They are friskier. Speak their mind, etc. No hinting with them. ww

Posted on December 1, 2008 08:24

#8 Replace the female in... (Below threshold)

27. Posted by mf | December 1, 2008 2:50 PM | Score: 1 (1 votes cast)

mf:

#8 Replace the female in this item
with sexy smart funny thereforeyou dude (any race)

I already got mine.

Posted on December 1, 2008 14:50

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