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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Given the subject matter I'm running the contest a few hours early. Enter your best caption for the following picture:


clinton_letterman.jpg


Winners will be announced Monday morning.

Update: Winners announced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed.


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Comments (126)

2 million for this....reall... (Below threshold)
Joe Lux:

2 million for this....really?????

I didn't know Hilary AND Chelsea worked for you.

2 Mill. for this??? at least 10 mill. for mine...


Well, what do you know. Th... (Below threshold)
Stephan:

Well, what do you know. The meaning of "is" has been in Webster's this whole time.

Bill finally gets to browse... (Below threshold)
Stephan:

Bill finally gets to browse through Dave's rather impressive "Little Black Book."

Hey Bill, you are the exper... (Below threshold)
CharlieDontSurf:

Hey Bill, you are the expert on screwing interns...how do I spin this?

While perusing Dave's Big B... (Below threshold)
Wiglaf:

While perusing Dave's Big Book of Interns and Production Assistants, Bill realized he had chosen the wrong career.

I'm not buying this Dave. Y... (Below threshold)
fustian:

I'm not buying this Dave. You have to Polanski these girls or what?

Have you tried blaming "bus... (Below threshold)
fustian:

Have you tried blaming "bush"?

That's what I call a top te... (Below threshold)
fustian:

That's what I call a top ten list...

Dave, you should have run f... (Below threshold)
fustian:

Dave, you should have run for office as a democrat. Complete press blackout is what I'm sayin'...

Dan Rather up to his old tr... (Below threshold)
fustian:

Dan Rather up to his old tricks again?

He really has lost the frequency this time...

But, Dave...no one believes... (Below threshold)
fustian:

But, Dave...no one believes this stuff anymore unless it's in the National Enquirer.

Just ask Edwards...

Looks like Dave's got a man... (Below threshold)
fustian:

Looks like Dave's got a man crush.

Dave, what a man slut you a... (Below threshold)
fustian:

Dave, what a man slut you are.

Talk to Edwards about keepi... (Below threshold)
fustian:

Talk to Edwards about keeping the wife in line.

He's got serious skills in that department.

Hell, Dave. Hillary bangs m... (Below threshold)
fustian:

Hell, Dave. Hillary bangs more interns than that...

Hate to break it to you Dav... (Below threshold)
fustian:

Hate to break it to you Dave, but some of these count as "Stupid Pet Tricks"...

"So that's what the Definit... (Below threshold)

"So that's what the Definition of 'IS' is."

"So what's the first song i... (Below threshold)

"So what's the first song in the Obama Hymnal?"
"Hail to the Thief"

"I'd like to come clean on ... (Below threshold)

"I'd like to come clean on the whole Monica thing... Oh look! Shiny!"

"This book contains everyth... (Below threshold)

"This book contains everything Obama has said... since 8:00 AM this morning."

Dave Letterman reacts as Bi... (Below threshold)
iwogisdead:

Dave Letterman reacts as Bill Clinton reads aloud from the Physician's Desk Reference entry on Viagra.

Right out of the Vast Right... (Below threshold)
IowaRight:

Right out of the Vast Right Wing Playbook, extorsion..extorsion..here it is...

"Let's see. She'll keep qu... (Below threshold)
JLawson:

"Let's see. She'll keep quiet. And so will this one, and this one, and this one... she looks good in that, doesn't she? She'd keep quiet - and her, her, her... but not her. Watch out for that one! Doesn't matter how she looks in heels and pearls and nothing else - she can't keep her mouth shut."

Bill tells Dave that Barack... (Below threshold)

Bill tells Dave that Barack Obama ghost wrote his book "Wrestling With History."

Clinton - "see David it is ... (Below threshold)
retired military:

Clinton - "see David it is right here on page 87. How to have affairs and lie about them with a straight face"

Bill Clinton is seen appear... (Below threshold)
iwogisdead:

Bill Clinton is seen appearing on the David Letterman show, promoting the release of the first installment of his 25 volume biography entitled: "Bill Clinton, a Man and His Humility."

Dumb and Dumber 2... (Below threshold)
VagaBond:

Dumb and Dumber 2

Two of the best reasons to ... (Below threshold)
jay Wills:

Two of the best reasons to invest in the stock of whomever makes Viagra.

"Okay David, I'll look it u... (Below threshold)
Highlander:

"Okay David, I'll look it up if you want, but I'm telling ya - sexual harrassment is a noun, meaning unwelcome sexual advances made by an employer or superior, especially when compliance is made a condition of continued employment or advancement".

Bill: "Well I'll be... Hill... (Below threshold)

Bill: "Well I'll be... Hillary told me 'harass' was one word, but I didn't believe her."
Dave: "...but when she called you 'astute,' she meant it as two."

"Call your doctor if you ha... (Below threshold)
IowaRight:

"Call your doctor if you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours" Forget That!! I say call a staff meeting...

It's right here in the "Dem... (Below threshold)
Jumpinjoe:

It's right here in the "Democrat Book of Dirty Tricks" to just say "If you drag a hundred dollar bill through the trailer park".

Clinton: "Well I'll be a fo... (Below threshold)
Spike:

Clinton: "Well I'll be a fornicator! The definition of 'fool' is 'Jimmy Carter'".

"Man I wish buying off Hill... (Below threshold)

"Man I wish buying off Hillary had only taken a bogus $2 Million check."

Don't worry Dave, according... (Below threshold)
Jumpinjoe:

Don't worry Dave, according to the "NOW Playbook" if you keep trashing conservatism, they'll look the other way.

G oofy O bsessed<br ... (Below threshold)
Adrian Browne:

G oofy
O bsessed
P antysniffers

B. C.: "Now Dave, don't fee... (Below threshold)
Upset Old Guy:

B. C.: "Now Dave, don't feel bad just because your own "little black book" really is a little black book. There's no ignominy in being an also ran. (snickers) What am I talking about? Of course there's ignominy in being an also ran, just ask Hilary some time about her life since her presidential run."

Geez--even the forward in P... (Below threshold)
pibill:

Geez--even the forward in Palin's book is stupid!

Dave, A picture is worth a ... (Below threshold)
tomg51:

Dave, A picture is worth a thousand words.

Have you heard the one abou... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Have you heard the one about Bill and Roman and me sodomizing Sarah Palin's daughters in the hot tub? Ha Ha Ha Ha! It's hilarious!

Letterman to Clinton: " 'Go... (Below threshold)
Maggie Mama:

Letterman to Clinton: " 'Going Rogue?' 'Going Rogue?' We were both going rogue before Palin even had her first baby!"

"Dippin' your pen in the co... (Below threshold)
Pretzel Logic:

"Dippin' your pen in the company ink well Dave...?"

I always wondered what that... (Below threshold)
Pretzel Logic:

I always wondered what that 'Worldwide Pants' thing was all about Dave. That's a good one.

Some people say we're taste... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Some people say we're tasteless, but that's not what our interns said, right Bill? Ha Ha Ha Ha!

No can do Bill, the FCC wou... (Below threshold)
Baron Von Ottomatic:

No can do Bill, the FCC would absolutely freak if we ran your Stupid Cigar Tricks segment.

"Let's see. Did her- ... (Below threshold)
sarahconnor2:

"Let's see. Did her-
Did her-
Did her-
Did her twice-
Did her-..."

Letterman laughingly to Cli... (Below threshold)
SShiell:

Letterman laughingly to Clinton:
"Mr. President, you have to go back to the I's to find the definition of IS."

Verily, I say unto y... (Below threshold)
Pat:


Verily, I say unto you : Thou shalt not commit adultery!

Give me a minute to look through my little black book here..I think I still have a spot where you can write their phone numbers for me..

Dave, your teeth, I don't k... (Below threshold)

Dave, your teeth, I don't know whether to smile back or kick a field goal.

Top 10 reasons to have sex ... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Top 10 reasons to have sex with an intern:

1. She's there.
2. I want it.
3. No means yes.
4. It's not 'rape rape.'
5. More cushion for the pushin'.
6. No matter what happens, liberals always get a free pass.
7. Feminists will look the other way for us.
8. I've appointed all the judges.
9. I've fired the judges I didn't appoint.
10. They can always 'put some ice on that.'

Dave, I'm trying to read ri... (Below threshold)
SCSIwuzzy:

Dave, I'm trying to read right now. You can give me that H-Job later...

"Mr. President, I did have ... (Below threshold)
Spike:

"Mr. President, I did have sexual relations with that woman, the staffer....."

Bill Clinton puruses Dave's... (Below threshold)
Marie:

Bill Clinton puruses Dave's little black book. Slept with her...and her...and her....wait a minute....I think I missed her...

Well, sure Dave, it's a cla... (Below threshold)
fustian:

Well, sure Dave, it's a classic case of sexual harassment in the workplace except for one thing. You're FOR abortion.

Gets you a complete pass.

Perv and Pervier... (Below threshold)
Dave:

Perv and Pervier

You see Bill, my list IS lo... (Below threshold)

You see Bill, my list IS longer than yours. Of course I had more choice of places than the hallway outside the Oval office.

Was Paul one of the staffer... (Below threshold)
Pretzel Logic:

Was Paul one of the staffers?

I see how you were able to ... (Below threshold)
Pretzel Logic:

I see how you were able to string along that ugly chick for 23 years Dave.

Dave, did you actually buy ... (Below threshold)

Dave, did you actually buy them each a Sarah Palin wig, or just reuse the same one?

Geez Obama is going to crap... (Below threshold)
Stan25:

Geez Obama is going to crap his pants when he starts reading this

Deviancy and Hypocrisy </p... (Below threshold)
Pretzel Logic:

Deviancy and Hypocrisy

Bill, you're joking right? ... (Below threshold)
TOhio:

Bill, you're joking right? Do you think I'd go public without having first paid off the women to be quiet? Surely you don't think I'm as dumb as you are.

She says, "I'm sorry, I tho... (Below threshold)
IowaRight:

She says, "I'm sorry, I thought there was supposed to be a staff meeting now"

So I say "There is, I would like you to meet my "Staff"...

So, Mr. President, is it as... (Below threshold)
Strick:

So, Mr. President, is it as good as your intern story?

Close, but no cigar.

Comparing entertainment aff... (Below threshold)
James H:

Comparing entertainment affairs with affairs of state.

Karma's a bitch, ain't it B... (Below threshold)
Cloudfish:

Karma's a bitch, ain't it Bill?

Welcome to the first Philan... (Below threshold)
AWilson:

Welcome to the first Philanderer's Anonymous meeting. I took the liberty of preparing a few bylaws(mostly names and numbers, wink, wink.)

That's right, Dave. You, me... (Below threshold)
Weegie:

That's right, Dave. You, me, Roman Polanski, and the dear departed Ted Kennedy - we're all just victims here.

Former President Bill Clint... (Below threshold)

Former President Bill Clinton thumbs through his little black book to find some job applicants for Letterman's staff.

You know Bill, it's true wh... (Below threshold)
Scott:

You know Bill, it's true what they say... you really can't eat just one

"You know Dave, I wrote the... (Below threshold)
Hank:

"You know Dave, I wrote the book on it."

What's another word for the... (Below threshold)
BluesHarper:

What's another word for thesaurus?

- Steven Wright

Here it is. Praise the Lord... (Below threshold)
Roy:

Here it is. Praise the Lord that Jesse showed me this Bible verse.

I see you underline the dir... (Below threshold)
Roman P.:

I see you underline the dirty parts too.

I knew you'd enjoy it, a wh... (Below threshold)
GarandFan:

I knew you'd enjoy it, a whole book on the definition of "is".

BC: Oh this? This is a co... (Below threshold)

BC: Oh this? This is a collection of all the jokes you made about me in the 90s.

"stop me if you've hear thi... (Below threshold)
Ron:

"stop me if you've hear this one....
One sexual deviant said to the other ..."

"Now wait a minute, you said our conversation was off the record."

Yes david, after looking at... (Below threshold)
Wildman:

Yes david, after looking at the picture, it was a maduro Churchill i used on monica.

Yeah, I had a few affairs b... (Below threshold)
SILVER BULLET:

Yeah, I had a few affairs but I never inhaled.

"I'm sure glad I brough alo... (Below threshold)
Harvey:

"I'm sure glad I brough along my copy of 'Arguing With Idiots'"

That would be:"I'm s... (Below threshold)
Harvey:

That would be:
"I'm sure glad I brought along my copy of 'Arguing With Idiots'"

Looks like you and me bang ... (Below threshold)
JAT:

Looks like you and me bang a few of the same girls! (either one could say this)

That should have been: Look... (Below threshold)
JAT:

That should have been: Looks like you and me banged a few of the same girls.

Bill Clinton: I was hitting... (Below threshold)
JAT:

Bill Clinton: I was hitting on the White House press corp a lot - want to see Helen Thomas naked? Had her in the Oval Office too ya know!

Bill Clinton: It's right he... (Below threshold)
JAT:

Bill Clinton: It's right here in the Book of Genesis: When God[Obama] began to create heavens and earth, and the earth then was welter and waste and darkness over the deep and God's breath hovering over the waters, God [Obama] said, 'Let there be light.' and there was light"

Thought bubble over BC's he... (Below threshold)
Gmac:

Thought bubble over BC's head:"I don't know why he's got that stupid smile on his face... I screwed one intern and he's got a whole damn book of them and look what happened to me."

Yeah, I think she was prett... (Below threshold)
a. moral:

Yeah, I think she was pretty hot too. Wait to you get to the names in Volume Three.

Dave: "So I fixed thi... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

Dave: "So I fixed things by making false promises and writing a fake check"

Bill: "Well Dave, that's how Congress gets it done!"

Dave, why are the Kama Sutr... (Below threshold)
twolaneflash:

Dave, why are the Kama Sutra pages stuck together?

Birds of a feather....... (Below threshold)
Rich:

Birds of a feather....

Add a female employee in th... (Below threshold)
twolaneflash:

Add a female employee in the middle and these two stale slices of white bread make a Dodd/Kennedy sandwich.

"Looky right here, Dave. I... (Below threshold)
Corbin Dallas:

"Looky right here, Dave. It's the funniest one! #7 Thou shall not commit adultry! We're in trouble Buddy!"

Q: (Bill) "How much did it ... (Below threshold)

Q: (Bill) "How much did it cost to actually bind your little black book?"

A: (David) "$2 Million."

Like two peas in a pod... (Below threshold)
Myronhalo:

Like two peas in a pod

Or:Like two pees in ... (Below threshold)
Myronhalo:

Or:
Like two pees in the pool

Top Ten Reasons To Believe ... (Below threshold)

Top Ten Reasons To Believe Dave Letterman Wants To Have Sex With You

#10. Richard Simmons shows up at your home and hands you a business thong to wear to your job interview with Dave Letterman.
#9. During his monologue, Dave Letterman cornholes Paul Shaffer while screaming your name, phone number and address.
#8. During your interview for a CBS Late Show internship, Dave Letterman throws his pants instead of a pencil through the fake window.
#7. During your interview for a CBS Late Show internship, Dave Letterman introduces you to President Clinton as "My New Zipper Blotter".
#6. Dave Letterman sends his mother to your house with a fresh-baked apple pie and a picture of his wife.
#5. During your job interview, Dave Letterman says he wants to knock you up by screwing you on top of third base during a Yankees game .
#4. During your job interview, Dave Letterman says he wants to knock you up by screwing you during a Yankees game on top of Alex Rodriguez.
#3. The name of the company at the top of your pay check changes from "World Wide Pants, Inc." to "Guess What I Have In My Pants For You, Inc."
#2. In his "CBS Mail Bag" spot, Dave Letterman opens your mail and reads his letter threatening to fire you if you don't have sex with him.
#1. In his "Stupid Pet/Human Tricks" spot, Dave Letterman wears a leash and dry humps your leg.

The Master and The Apprenti... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

The Master and The Apprentice

My lie. By Bill Clinton.</p... (Below threshold)
914:

My lie. By Bill Clinton.

Dave, this might come in ha... (Below threshold)
md:

Dave, this might come in handy for you. See here... This is what the definition of "is" is.

"Did her... yeah... but I... (Below threshold)

"Did her... yeah... but I'll spot you a draft pick for this brunette."

Dave sings to Bill "Anythin... (Below threshold)
tom:

Dave sings to Bill "Anything you can do I can do better. Yes,I can."

Clinton: "Ah yes, it's righ... (Below threshold)
Proud2bAmerican:

Clinton: "Ah yes, it's right here-did you try this one?"
Letterman: "Yes I did, thank you for my copy of "Under the Radar & Under the Desk Favors- Bill Clinton's guide to the Best Karma Sutra Positions"

But she pelted me with rock... (Below threshold)
Brad:

But she pelted me with rocks and garbage!

" Hey Bill, I tried your ci... (Below threshold)
Dennis D:

" Hey Bill, I tried your cigar marination process on my intern too. Works great"

Willy Wonker and the blackb... (Below threshold)
914:

Willy Wonker and the blackbook factory.

A coffe mug, a book, a micr... (Below threshold)
914:

A coffe mug, a book, a microphone and two molesters.

My lies...Directed by Bubba... (Below threshold)
914:

My lies...Directed by Bubba. Undulated by Monica. Rehearsed by Unbright.

Dave lets Bill choose his n... (Below threshold)
Jill:

Dave lets Bill choose his next conquest from the CBS Employee Directory...

Next time hill opens her ya... (Below threshold)
914:

Next time hill opens her yap, I will do what comes naturally.

signed BJ Clinton...

Discretion.... FAIL... (Below threshold)

Discretion.... FAIL

In Soviet Russia, the staff... (Below threshold)

In Soviet Russia, the staff rides you.

Co-authors review their new... (Below threshold)
Faith+1:

Co-authors review their new book, "The Top Ten Ways To Bang An Intern."

You creep me out, Dave.... (Below threshold)
twolaneflash:

You creep me out, Dave.

Just thank your starts, Dav... (Below threshold)
Mick McMick:

Just thank your starts, Dave, that we're not Republicans. We'd be run out of town on a rail.

"Okay Dave, here we go. 'Ch... (Below threshold)
BKeyser:

"Okay Dave, here we go. 'Chapter One: How to keep from being blackmailed.' John Edwards has gotta lotta nerve, huh?"

Thar She blows ... (Below threshold)
914:

Thar She blows

The Philanderer with the Ph... (Below threshold)
RadiCalMan:

The Philanderer with the Philanderer-in-Chief!

"Don't worry Mr. President,... (Below threshold)

"Don't worry Mr. President, I haven't found Waldo yet either."

I would not, could not, in ... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not eat them with a mouse.
I will not eat them in a house.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I will not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

It was the best of times, i... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

It was the best of times, it was the worst intern of all times...

Bill: "It sure is cathartic... (Below threshold)

Bill: "It sure is cathartic to get stuff off your chest."
Dave: "Amen to that... now about Vince Foster."

Bill: "Remember all your jo... (Below threshold)

Bill: "Remember all your jokes about my problems? So now I'd like to read you a little from My Pet Gloat."

"Well, Dave this is a lot. ... (Below threshold)
Rachel Edith:

"Well, Dave this is a lot. And good for you. I quit keeping count when writing down names hindered the action."

Here Dave, let me read from... (Below threshold)
Jeff:

Here Dave, let me read from my book of poetry.

There once was an intern from Nantucket
Who dreamed of the President's member to suck it
When the pizza delivery man came through
On her dress my wad I did blew
Then wiggle my finger and truth I did duck it

"As you know, Bill, in some... (Below threshold)
Hermoine:

"As you know, Bill, in some quarters sexual harassment is considered an employee benefit."

Update: <... (Below threshold)
Kevin Author Profile Page:

Update: Winners announced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed.




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