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Chico's World

[ one of our leftist readers - a far extreme leftist - provided a glimpse into the midset of the politically insane in a comment to an earlier article.   I expanded that glimpse to provide a satirical window for the benefit of our more balanced audience ]

 

 

Achmed entered the room warily, and looked about.  As he approached the bar, he relaxed as he observed the Bloods in prayer along the West wall.  There was no prayer rug, and the young men were using dice to conceal their activity - doubtless they were humble men who wanted to pray without being obvious about it - but Achmed knew such men had to be holy, for there was nothing of the Jew or Christian about their behavior or appearance. 

 

He relaxed more, and began to smile as he observed the Hell's Angels along the East wall  across from the Bloods.  Good men all, Achmed was sure.  Why just this morning he had seen one of their number shoot a dog, and they handled their women the same way as any Mullah he had seen. 

 

By the time Achmed reached the bar, he was cheerful.  He asked the bartender for Goat's Milk and prayed for the destruction of Israel before he took his first sip.  Achmed opened the paper and scanned the news.  It was all good, beginning with the death of several U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan.  Achmed felt a momentary twinge as he considered that these men had been Americans like himself, and doubtless would have converted if their parents had let the Mosque hand out copies of the Quran to them when they were boys, but not all schools were as enlightened as his Madrassa, where Sharia directed Education the same way it directed Law and Commerce.  At least the Zionist push to bring Democracy to a land close to Dar al-Islam was set back for a time.  The news in Jerusalem was even better; seventeen women and children killed by a bomb at a daycare!  How wonderful! 

 

Sure with such tidings that the day was going to be great, Achmed folded the paper and decided to save the rest of the news for later.  For now, it was a pleasure to see holy men at prayer and sport.  The Hell's Angels had taken a captive, Achmed saw, and Achmed could only hope the matter would end in the captive's death - Achmed did not know him, so the man had to be a kaffir.

 

Suddenly, the door opened, and a new gang entered.  At first, Achmed did not realize the threat, for there were only two of them, and they were thin and small.  Then he noticed their white shirts and black pants, the dress shoes and the short, neat haircuts - Jehovah's Witnesses!

 

"$&!*" muttered one of the Bloods, and he gestured to his posse to make for the exit quickly, but the Hell's Angels were too slow.  Too absorbed in tormenting their prisoner, the Angels did not notice the JWs until they were upon them.  Achmed slowly backed away from the scene, sad for his friends but powerless to stop the terrible inquisition by the young men with books and bike helmets.   

 

Achmed backed out the door that the Bloods had used, and stopped as he saw that they also had failed to escape.  At first Achmed thought that a female gang had arrived, seeing an orange-ish blur move quickly about the gang, with the faint scent of some kind of perfume.  But Achmed's blood chilled as he realized that the gang was made of Buddhist monks.  The Bloods had knives and guns, but these were useless against Ahimsa. Achmed was paralyzed for a moment, but turned and fled before the doctrine of absolute non-violence could take over his mind.

 

But there was to be no escape  for Achmed.  As he turned from the Buddhists to flee, he only took a few steps before he met his nemesis.  A voice mockingly asked him:

 

"I see you have a glass of milk.  Would you like some cookies to go with them?"

 

Slowly, Achmed turned to face his enemy, dreading what he knew he would see.  Against his own will, Achmed saw his own hand take out his wallet, and buy not one, not two, but three boxes of Girl Scout cookies.  Spending money to advance the causes of citizenship and charity, and giving that money to young women no less!  Achmed knew he would never be allowed into Paradise after that.          

 


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Comments (31)

Hardy-har-har. Did you wri... (Below threshold)
Chico:

Hardy-har-har. Did you write that all by yourself?

Well discerned, Knave... (Below threshold)
William Shakespeare:

Well discerned, Knave. Twas I that penned this tweak of thy great dementia.

Ask not for whom the bell t... (Below threshold)
914:

Ask not for whom the bell tolls galoob, for it tolls for thee.

Well discerned, Knave. T... (Below threshold)
Chico:

Well discerned, Knave. Twas I that penned this tweak of thy great dementia.

Well, I did laugh, so thanks.

I confess that I, also, am ... (Below threshold)
jim2:

I confess that I, also, am powerless in the face of GSA reps bearing cookies.

Geez, Chico isn't interesti... (Below threshold)
Brett :

Geez, Chico isn't interesting enough to warrant an entire post. There's funny stupid, and then there's just plain old tiresome stupid, and "Chico" is clearly in the latter category.

The entire world must quake... (Below threshold)
cadrys:

The entire world must quake in fear of the Girl Scout Cookies. With Samoas on our side, none can stand against us!

You should be in your glory... (Below threshold)
914:

You should be in your glory chico or galoob or whatever you call yourself now.

A whole thread devoted to your need to be the canker twixt a sows ass. Go for it! Just be sure you don't get stuck in your zipper amidst the jubilation.

Drummond is one of a dying ... (Below threshold)
Woop:

Drummond is one of a dying breed. Hearing the dinosaurs moan and they crash to the ground is not unusual.

A study using census data from nine countries shows that religion there is set for extinction, say researchers.

The study found a steady rise in those claiming no religious affiliation.

The team's mathematical model attempts to account for the interplay between the number of religious respondents and the social motives behind being one.

The result, reported at the American Physical Society meeting in Dallas, US, indicates that religion will all but die out altogether in those countries.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-12811197

In other news, doctors perf... (Below threshold)
Dr. Science:

In other news, doctors performed emergency surgery on a person known only as 'woop' after a tragic accident involving a mime, fire ants, and a flaming kelp souffle. Despite their best efforts, woop's sense of humor could not be saved and had to be amputated.

Woop is in rehab with other humorless mandarins, at an undisclosed location. In lieu of flowers please send Beano.

A study using census dat... (Below threshold)
Clay:

A study using census data from nine countries shows that religion there is set for extinction, say researchers.

I'm not sure what you're point is, but if it's that the demographics of Christianity is changing, I would shrug my shoulders and agree. In 1900, Europe and North America accounted for about 85 percent of the world's Christians. By 2050, that number will have shrunk to about 25 percent.

It is interesting to note, however, that during the same period the number of Christians in Africa have risen exponentially. In 1900, there were 10 million; in 2000, 363 million. By 2015 there are expected to be 500 million. And, by 2050 it is predicted that Africa would become the first continent to have 1 billion Christians. Put another way: One of every three Christians in the world will be African - and that's not counting the Africans who will have moved to the United States or Europe.

"The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes."

"The wind blows where it wi... (Below threshold)
MichaelC:

"The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes."

A great line to end your comment, Clay.

I'm just glad DJ didn't inc... (Below threshold)

I'm just glad DJ didn't include any Mormons. That would have made it NC-17 for sure.

J.

hey some of my best friends... (Below threshold)
epador:

hey some of my best friends were lds
until I melted their ears off with my vocabulary

Chico Marx would sue our troll for blemishing his name

Chico, is it Troll Payday a... (Below threshold)
TexBob:

Chico, is it Troll Payday at Organizing for Aholes and Moron.org?

"Despite their best effo... (Below threshold)
Woop:

"Despite their best efforts, woop's sense of humor could not be saved and had to be amputated."

Cause there's nothing funnier than a racist rant from a "Christian" who hates Muslims.

I get it, I really do. You guys are morons. I get it.

Woops: "I get it, I rea... (Below threshold)
Pointing out the Obvious:

Woops: "I get it, I really do"

Obviously not, or you would not blow up every time one of your ilk gets teased.

'Lighten up, Francis.'
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083131/quotes

Well the good news is that ... (Below threshold)
PBunyan:

Well the good news is that at least people with Chico's worldview aren't running the county... Oh wait... Damn, we're screwed.

OK, SOMEONE has to say this... (Below threshold)

OK, SOMEONE has to say this:

Chico wasn't expecting this Spanish Inquisition!

J.

Nobody EXPECTS the SPANISH ... (Below threshold)
Rodney:

Nobody EXPECTS the SPANISH INQUISITION ..... Are Chief element is SURPRISE and RUTHLESS EFFICIENCY and SPELLCHECK.

time for the comfy chair!</... (Below threshold)
epador:

time for the comfy chair!

In defense of Chico some of... (Below threshold)
Gmac:

In defense of Chico some of his, her, its comments are malformed verbal structures that are somewhat comprehensible after drinking copious amounts of pure grain alcohol.

YMMV

Just FWIW, The correct pron... (Below threshold)
LeBron Steinman:

Just FWIW, The correct pronunciation of Chico Marx first name is 'Chick-o' not 'Cheek-o'


I'm just sayin'

(Of course, his real first ... (Below threshold)
LeBron Steinman:

(Of course, his real first name was Leonard)

I'm just sayin'

@ Jay Tea #13: I was thinki... (Below threshold)
Red Five:

@ Jay Tea #13: I was thinking that by the description of the JW's in the story, they would actually work better as Mormons. The white shirt, black pants, and youthful appearance are more typical of the Mormon elders (that's what they call the youngsters) on their missionary rounds than of Jehovah's Witnesses. But that is the merest of nits to pick; Fleeing martial Buddhist monks smack dab into a pack of feral Girl Scouts: what an ending!

Poor galoob. His big momen... (Below threshold)
914:

Poor galoob. His big moment and he blew it.

Drummond is one of a dyi... (Below threshold)
Jim Addison:

Drummond is one of a dying breed. Hearing the dinosaurs moan and they crash to the ground is not unusual.

9. Posted by Woop | March 25, 2011 3:03 PM | Vote up Vote down Report this comment Score: -21 (29 votes cast)

Given DJ's history of health challenges, this is about what I'd expect of a wretched leftist piece of human detritus.

Stay classy, Woop. May God have mercy on your soul - if it turns out you actually have one.

You know, the more I think ... (Below threshold)
MunDane:

You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize trolls are a sign of a healthy blog, in much the same way that E. coli bacteria in the gut are a sign of a healthy colon. Both create all sorts of gas and noise occasionally, and they can hurt you if they get out of control in their own systems, but they serve a purpose. E.coli supply the body with vitamins from their processes and take up space so really nasty bacteria can't move in.

Blog trolls give the blog...umm...err...dang. Oh, blog trolls give us a reason to read the comments so we can get a laugh and a constant reminder that you can't fix stupid.

Mr. Addison, I'm starting t... (Below threshold)

Mr. Addison, I'm starting to wonder if "health challenges" are a perquisite for writing here. DJ, Chone, me... we're all pretty much walking wrecks.

J.

5. Posted by jim2 | March 2... (Below threshold)
Drury:

5. Posted by jim2 | March 25, 2011 2:20 PM
"I confess that I, also, am powerless in the face of GSA reps bearing cookies."

Oh that's easy these days:

Scene: Me coming out of Wal-Mart with a few meager groceries and no 'extras' due to being unemployed.

Girl Scout: "Wanna buy a box of cookies?"

Me: "Sorry, hun. No money left." ...as I show my cashless wallet.

Thanks 0bama and DemCong leftists/statists for f-ing things up so bad. May you all rot in hell when you cast off your mortal coils.

Jay Tea:M... (Below threshold)
Stan:

Jay Tea:

Mr. Addison, I'm starting to wonder if "health challenges" are a perquisite for writing here. DJ, Chone, me... we're all pretty much walking wrecks.

Better include me in that list. I am suffering from a nasty case of COPD, although I am just a commentator here.




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