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Mission: Incontinent


This is kind of a sad story, but with my sick sense of humor I was stuck with the above title in my head and just couldn't let it go to unused.  I'd like to apologize in advance for being such a twisted, unfeeling bastard.
CHICAGO (STMW) - A man who tied sheets together and used them to try and lower himself out a window of a nursing home accidentally fell and died Wednesday morning in the Logan Square neighborhood on the Northwest Side.
...
The lieutenant said it appeared [the victim] had been trying to "escape" the home by using the sheets to lower himself out of a window, but accidentally fell 10 to 20 feet.
Like I said, not funny to a normal human.  Anyone who's offended can take solace in knowing I'll likely suffer my eventual demise by autoerotic asphyxiation.


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Comments (8)

My kinds always used to tel... (Below threshold)
GarandFan:

My kinds always used to tell me to be nice to them and buy them what ever they wanted, because they were the one's who were going to choose which rat-infested old folks home I'd be put in.

I figure, between the two of them, they'd be willing to pay about $1 a day. Maybe.

At least he will not have t... (Below threshold)
914:

At least he will not have to suffer ObamaCare death panels now.


My ex used to threaten the ... (Below threshold)
epador:

My ex used to threaten the same. Now she and her spawn are ex.

This sad incident reminds me of a full dress fire drill in the MCMC I interned at. The fire department came in full dress and even evacuated "patients" out a 6th floor window of a 6 bed ward. A senile patient in full restraints was in the room. He freaked put and could not be convinced we were just practicing. He thought we were trying to humor him before we left him to die a firey death. He died of an MI.

The fire deparent never came back for a repeat performance.

Oh no! You shouldn't have w... (Below threshold)
Upset Old Guy:

Oh no! You shouldn't have written about that Epador. They're still in the process of writing up the rules and regulations of ObamaCare. No doubt full-dress fire drills will now be a broadly featured requirement for all senior care facilities.

3,500 people a year die of ... (Below threshold)
Imhotep:

3,500 people a year die of the same process Baron. That's my favorite comparison statistic to use when people site nonexistant epidemics. 3,500 people die annually from deviant masturbating.

Another entrant fo... (Below threshold)
irongrampa:


Another entrant for the Darwin Award.

"Like I said, not funny to ... (Below threshold)
419:

"Like I said, not funny to a normal human."

The only true statement on the whole page.

Bet they won't be using thi... (Below threshold)
Greta:

Bet they won't be using this guy for a tv ad for thei nursing home. I notice that the nurse said she saw him begin his normal routine. Was that tying sheets together? What is not in the story is the hot 60 year old babe who was successful and still waiting for this guy to show up and can't remember his name.




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