It’s Friday, that means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Winners will be announced Sunday evening.
Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed for this post; discussion can continue in the announcement post.
Weekend Caption Contest™
Look honey, the living room set comes complete with a mannequin of grandpa!
“Can you give me your solemn oath – as a foreigner?” – Col. Arbuthnot, Murder on the Orient Express
“I’d like to talk to you about … diarrhea.”
In Disney World’s workshop, the animatronic “President Kerry” is behind schedule. Deigners say that the faux Kerry is “warm and loveable,” unlike the actual candidate. Remedies include programming in multiple methods of saying “Do you know who I am???”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Year 2085
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Year 2085
After flip-flopping for months over which section of the museum was most appropriate for the new John F. Kerry exhibit, curators at the Smithsonian compromised by putting the former Senator’s memorabilia in the basement under “Potpourri” rather than in “Curiosities” or “Believe It or Not.”
In case of an emergency, break open.
The Special Tonight: Waffles under glass.
“I am the Architect. I created the Matrix. I’ve been waiting for you. You have many questions, and though the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.”
“Uh-oh, only 12 minutes to Judge Wapner.”
A rare look into the medal wing of a Heinz-Kerry estate shows the senator and candidate in the view lounge of his third Purple Heart. Aids say he comes here to unwind from the campaign trail and will often spend up to two hours in one of the viewing rooms.
“Vain in Train” – Dyslexic Bostonian Talking Heads fan on the Campaign Trail.
“Whistler’s Mother’s Proctologist”
Kerry infuses new meaning to the word railroaded.
“Hello Grand Central? Do you have a sleeping car? You do? Well you better wake it up!”
Botoxmortis
“All aboard the Tussead’s Express!”
Trains, planes and automobiles — exactly which of these doesn’t Kerry own and deny owning?
You are now entering… The Nuance Zone.”
J.
Kerry ponders getting up and pulling the train to get more votes. Or not.
Spray alert… put down your coffee before clicking the link.
Lights on… nobody home.
“Don Corleone, I must beg of you a favor.”
J.
OK Al, here’s the deal. When you’re done shining my shoes, you’re gonna give one of those crazy speeches where you growl like a bear; I mean really rumble like a mental patient on the first syllable in WOLF-iwitz. Say a lot of crazy things and ask for the entire Bush Adminstration to resign in the middle of a war–yes, Condi too–hey dipshit pay attention, whatever you do don’t bring up Nick Berg, if you do people will realize that the Islamonuts are evil and that’s no good for us, see. If you nail this speech, it’ll make me look like a moderate and BAM!-the squishy middle is mine again.
Oh and grease your hair back real slick-like for extra creepiness.
“Well, Theresa and I were at this quaint little eatery called ‘Pizza Hut’ and they have a glass window that allows diners to actually SEE the pizza pies being made. It was then that this brilliant idea hit me! I installed a glass window to my office so people can actually see how WAFFLES are made!”
June 13, 2006
“This terror-proof booth was a great idea.”
In Hell, John Kerry’s torture, was to have to sit before General Patton and hear about the courage of soldiers that did not throw their (or others’) medals away.
Smithonian exibit 7734 (year 2025): In the old days before it was determined that the job of politician could be more safely and cheaply be outsourced to India, “Politicians” were selected from the general populace.
Heinz Museum Exihibit: Wiener under glass.
A correction to Sargasm’s comment above:
“UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, regardless of emergency, should this glass be broken!”
J.
“How much is that waffler in the window,
The one with the flip-floppying tail?
How much is that gigolo in the window?
Oh, I do hope his agenda’s for sale.”
J.
“There’s no place like the Oval Office…there’s no place like the Oval Office…”
Again at the Heinz Museum: “Here on display is an exhibit of a Heinz spokesperson that lead a popular presidential bid, Oops…. sorry, we’ve already walked by the Morris the Cat exhibit.
Damn, Hillary’s looking in the window again! Maybe she won’t see me if i sit … very … still …
“This train reminds me of a rickshaw ride I had when I was in Vietnam…”
The Twentieth Century Robber Barron sat down in his private suite-style compartment as the butler poured him a drink and pondered on this question. “If I close my eyes till I reach the West Coast, will that make Middle America disappear?”
“Okay Kerry let’s try it once more. Lights, camera, ack-shunnnn.” Kerry-“…And so…crap where was I…I lost my train of thought AGAIN. I can’t read the cue cards! Dear God, please help me?”
The John Kerry Treatment Center for the Flip-Flop addict
In his bid for presidency, John Kerry seeks out the counsel of the leading wisemen of our time.
“And so Mr. Trudeau, if I’m elected you promise not to draw me as anything silly, like a feather, or giant hand…
or a waffle … or a Viet Nam medal … or a snowboard …
or …”
I’ve rehearsed and rehearsed, yet my openin’ speech is way off track. Befo’ I can become a household name, I need mo’ trainin’
View Kerry in a moment’s reverie.
View Kerry in a moment’s reverie.
This one works
John Kerry is instantly mesmerized by the new late night programming of the LOGO network.
“Shazam, Sargeant Carter, Shazam”
“Pull my butler’s finger.”
Next stop – Humiliating Defeat Avenue.
Get a train, morans!
A fine specimen. It’s a shame he had to freeze like that when he found out that Ralph Nader was ahead in the polls.
Waiting room at the Washingtonienne.
“Hmmmm, Much as with SarahW’s captions, maybe my third position on the Iraqi war will do the trick, and get me elected.:
“Hmmm, I wonder where Bill and Hillary are, they swore they would give me their solemn support attestation.