It’s Friday, which means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™.
Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.
Weekend Caption Contest™
Related Posts
About The Author
Kevin
Kevin founded Wizbang in 2003. He still contributes occasionally and handles all the technical and design work for the site.
“Here. And don’t forget to enclose my check to the Elect Kerry for President campaign.”
“Oh God, I told you years ago I don’t know what the frequency is, and my name is not Kenneth”
The Jabba the Hut larval stage.
Fold it until it is all sharp corners? Why?
“What do you mean you’d rather not present this? Is that supposed to be funny?”
“Here’s a prinout of the boat I’m having built. Cronkite says these guys build good ships.”
“Do you know who I am?”
“Be sure to spell his name right on the credits: Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf. Two Es in Saeed.”
“What do you mean, ‘Talk to the hand?'”
Shouldn’t this be pink???
Ahhh yoodie yooodie yoddie… dahhhh you want me to read this too boss do ya do ya?
I love my boss he is my best friend.
“Do you think Walter Cronkite will mind if I use his line, “This war is on longer winnable,” to lead tonight?”
And this time uncheck the superscript option ya dumbass
Jayson, are you sure this’ll work?
“Dan-o, how ’bout this one? It’s in Arial Black so it makes a bolder statement.”
Umm…Mr. Rather
I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!
Fake a letter, Maria.
“This just in: new, I mean newly discovered, documents proving that George Bush did not show up for Al-Qaeda’s 747 flight training.”
I told you guys never to hire someone who used to work for FOX news.
This just handed to me….with just over 7 weeks left before the polls close on the west coast, CBS exit polling can definitively project that John Kerry has won Florida and its 27 electoral votes…WOO HOO!
I guess all of those hurricanes conjured Karl Rove wasn’t enough to steal the state, this time.
DAN: Get this down to an intern immediately to retype so that I can read it.
LACKY: Uh, we don’t have access to the network here.
DAN: What the f***! I don’t have time for this… You’re going to have to log-on my account. Username, God. Password, 3-4-5-6-7.
LACKY: Right! 3-4-5-6-7. Hey, nobody would EVER guess a genius like you would have such a simple password. That’s GENIUS!
DAN: Its my P.O. Box#, you idiot!
LATER IN THE BASEMENT OF MADISON SQUARE GARDEN…
INTERN: Hey, we need an address for this.
LACKY: Uh, P.O. Box 34567.
Damn it
“Mr. Rather? Mr. D-A-N Rather?”
“Yes?”
“Can you take this sir?”
“W-What is it?”
“You’ve been subpoena’d!”
“Shit… how’d you get in here?!”
What’s this “Blog” thing? Is that a typo?
“You see this sheet of paper, son? Watch your hand, now! A man could get a hell of a papercut if he’s not…careful. Now, what did you just ask me about my new memo?”
They don’t look old enough damnit! I want more speckles!MORE SPECKLES!
How come there is no mention that John Kerry served in Viet Nam in this story? And Halliburton? Tax cuts for the rich? How many times do I have to tell you people.
Huh? This is my resignation letter from when?
“Quick Mr. Rather, give me the new memo. We’re going to send it back to 1972 in the time machine! If Nixon has resigned, you’ll know we failed.”
Alternative caption:
“You want the CYA memo? Here’s my CYA memo!”
And a not actually original dialogue, so it isn’t an entry, but just seemed too good to pass up.
CBS executive: I want the truth!
Dan Rather: You can’t handle the truth!
I suppose you could substitute “memo,” but it is somewhat nonsensical then.
WHAT? You think there’s someone with the cajones to contadict me.
Clippie is everywhere!!
http://bigslicknews.com/
Must…have…more….clippie….spoofs…
DAN: Fax this over to the White House right away. I want to give them an opporunity to refute it.
PRODUCER: We already did that.
DAN: What? When?
PRODUCER: 6 weeks ago.
DAN: What did they say?
PRODUCER: They double dared us to run with the story.
DAN: Double dared, huh? Dan Rather is not a chickenhawk – I don’t run from challenges. (pause) That’s it – cut into Frances coverage with a “CBS SPECIAL REPORT”! We’re going live with this now.
Thanks for the tip Mr. McAuliffe. If someone else had given me this memo from the 1970s I might not have believed that it was authentic.
Rather: Take this and have it analyzed for authenticity
Assistant: Is it another memo on Bush’s TANG service?
Rather: No, but it says I saved a lot of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO . . .
I don’t give a Shit what Les Moonves say’s, I’m in charge of this Fucking network not him… NOW RUN IT!
(With apologies to “My Favorite Year”)
What do I look like, a journalist? I’m a star!
“Yes sir, Mr. Rather, right away. This time I’ll transcribe it to sanskrit in soft clay, then the Blogheads will be sure to think its a US military document, circa 1973.”
Will you deliver this to the little blonde over there? (Dan Rather — proving one is never too old to pass notes during study hall).
The truth…. the truth? If I were interested in the truth son, I wouldn
Here, I wrote it down for you:
Big Mac extra value meal, no onions, no pickles, extra sauce, and a decaf coffee with 1% milk, medium, and 2 pckgs. of salt for the fries.
“This just in sir, McAuli… I mean an undisclosed source, has found the missing Florida 2000 Ballots, Gore wins!”
FACTS? I don’t need no stinkin’ FACTS! Throw this out and give me the one with the stuff I made up!
“Its just a script sir, Michael Moore wants you to star in his new movie, Farfromtruth 101
…..bottom of my parrot cage….NOW.
DETERIORATA
Go placidly
Amid the noise and waste.
And remember what comfort there may be
In owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons
Unless you are in need of sleep.
Ro-tate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
And heed well their advice,
Even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss…..and when!
Consider that two wrongs never make a right
But that THREE………do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer main-te-nance.
Remember the Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mu-ti-late. (and sometimes superscript)
Know yourself.
If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you.
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore;
It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth:
The birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan
And let not the sands of time
Get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time call 606-4311;
Ask for “Ken (Jennings).”
Take heart amid the deepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot
It could only be worse in Cleveland.
Therefore, make peace with your god
Whatever you conceive him to be—
Hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal
The world continues to deteriorate.
GIVE UP!
(/big time ripoff, except for a few minor embellishments)
“You’ll notice that I only even LOOK to the left….”
Are you sure this is Charmin? Doesn
Bush said what? That’s a quote? Now that it back and fix it — just make it make sense and hurry, we need to run with it.
How did I get here? This is not my beautiful wife. . . .