With the news of Rafael Palmiero testing positive for steroids and his denying that he ever “knowingly” took the drugs, a lot of people wondered if he had lied to Congress last spring, when he unequivocally denied ever taking them.
I took another tack: I started thinking of possible scenarios where the drugs got into his body without his knowledge. And I think I have a possible solution:
Palmiero is a spokesman for Pfizer on Viagra. I would bet that a little side-benefit of that would be a ready supply of the drug, and we all know what effect THAT has. Imagine that he’s been taking that regularly, and as a result has been strutting around the locker room with Little Rafael very prominent.
That could have aroused (sorry) the jealousies of his teammates. In fact, one of his teammates could have been pushed to take action.
One of the common effects of steroids is a shrinking of… um… well, in this case “Little Rafael.” One envious teammate could have easily slipped Rafael some steroids without his knowledge.
For the teammate, it’s a no-lose situation. Rafael’s arrogant strutting will be… er… diminished, and his performance on the field just might be… er… enhanced. At once he becomes more tolerable in the locker room, and the team benefits outside it.
And if he’s caught, so what? The team’s out of the running anyway.
So, that’s my theory. If Mr. Palmiero or his representatives like it and would like to use it, please contact me for Paypal instructions.
(Update: typos corrected)