This one is priceless.
You are about to be $8.95 poorer.
(6.95 if you had the buffet.)
You’re welcome to try and beat it in the comments but it will be an uphill battle.
This one is priceless.
You are about to be $8.95 poorer.
(6.95 if you had the buffet.)
You’re welcome to try and beat it in the comments but it will be an uphill battle.
“Help, I’m caught in a fortune cookie factory.”
from Lyn at Bloggin’ Outloud where we have a Christmas Caption Contest going on right now!
You will be experiencing great hunger very soon.
That lump is cancer.
From Penn & Teller’s How to Play With Your Food.
“I am indeed imprisoned in a Chinese fortune-cookie factory, but have you pondered the subtle cognitive snares in which you yourself may be trapped?”
(James Morrow)
Hecho en Mexico.
Not a cookie insert but a snip from the Simpsons when Homer started writing for fortune cookies:
A Woody Allen looking character: “He writes like a young me.”
Asian character: “Yong Mi was a HACK compared to him!”
“In five minutes you will wish the men’s room were closer to your table.”
“That wasn’t chicken.”
Around the time my wife and I met:
“You will meet a man named Wright. He is often wrong”
Confuse’ed Murtha say,
To avoid the buffet quagmire, redeploy to Café De Retraite.
Your date has Herpes
“The testimony of a small child will get you a stiff prison sentence.”
Tee-hee-hee!! This sort of thing makes you wonder why nearly all comics are liberals!!
(Click here if you dare)
Sam Bernstein, Lawyer, (###) ###-####
This is one of Johnny Carson’s Carnack jokes, but it sounds sort of like a fortune cookie:
“May a weird customs inspector find a secret compartment in your sister.”
My favorite (I still carry it around in my wallet):
“Some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies.”
Your stupidity is your worst enemy
For all of you that are using the fortune cookie prisoner theme, please remember that the late Alan King was using that 40 to 50 years ago.
. .
He who read message inside cookie destined to lose fortune.
I actually got this one several years ago
“Any plans you make are apt to be final”
Female pilot who fly upside down sure to have crack-up.
12 14 21 32 45 48
You will soon be hospitalized for MSG poisoning
“You like Pineapple”
I showed the waitress, and she brought out a huge tray of squared pineapples with toothpicks in them.
Yum!
True story:
I took a young lady (who had been very reluctant to go out with me) on a first date to a Chinese restaurant. After the meal, she broke open her cookie and immediately looked up at me with a very confused, funny look. Her fortune:
He’s very flirtatious, but his intentions are noble.
We’ve been married over ten years now.
I swear my wife got this one once.
“There is no love like self love”
Except that this cookie doesn’t fit the standard I was taught at a tender age. In order for any fortune cookie saying to be complete, you must append the words “in bed” to the end. Try it some time 🙂
“All your base are belong to us!”
Buy More Chinese!
“PUT ME BACK! PUT ME BACK!”
Number One Cookie Makes Number Two Quickly!
“Have this fortune printed on a T-shirt, only $12.99”
“What do you know, that IS the way the cookie crumbles!”
Mmmmmmmm – Mongol Love Cookie! But now I have Blazing Saddle!
I didn’t wash my hands!
Sure, you found this one, but I bet you didn’t find the one we put in the spring rolls.
You shouldn’t have eaten the sweet and sour pork.
I pee’d in your rice.
I got this one the day I graduated law school. It’s framed in my office.
“You would make a good lawyer.”
I keep all the fortunes that work out especially well “in bed”, such as:
A friend is a present you give yourself.
Don’t aim down the well when you can shoot at the moon.
If one door closes, another will open.
A gorgeous woman is waiting for you.
Ok, I made that last one up.
Got this one many, many years ago:
The day you were born, a problem was solved.
Still think it’s a keeper.
I can beat that easy:
arg, pic didn’t work…
“That wasn’t chicken”
Picture here: http://homepages.inf.ed.ac.uk/gfursin/humor/images/humor027.jpg
“It’s Bush’s fault!!”
I once got one that said, “This person is serious and true and deserving of respect.”
I taped it outside my cubicle, but everyone just laughed. It wasn’t as vehement a reaction as the time I got one at a company lunch that said, “The person sitting next to you will give you a million dollars”, though.
A couple of years ago, I got one at my favorite Chinese Restaurant that said, “If you are still hungry, eat another fortune cookie.”
I wish I had kept it. :_(
“Want to see the special sauce the chef added to the wok? Kikkoman. $3.99 at your local grocer.”
“Do not read this cookie.”
“Confuscious say, man who eat too much rice have no bowel movement.”