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The Blame Game

I'm putting most of this entry in the Extended section. It's a bit more personal than most things that show up here from us Guest Posters, and it contains some harsh language, and it's a bit on the serious side. Read on at your own discretion -- you've been warned in advance.


"She made me do it."
"Anyone can become a drug addict."
"Sorry, dude, I was drunk."
"The Palestinians have been driven to such acts of desperation by the brutality of the Israeli occupation."
"The US started the chain of events that led to 9/11."


One of the things that absolutely drives me nuts about the world today is how nothing is anyone's own fault, how no one is responsible for their own actions, how the first instinct of anyone in trouble is to find someone else to blame. Doesn't ANYONE have a sense of personal responsibility?

I'll use myself as an example. My life is a total mess.

I'm in a dead-end job that granted me a 1% raise this year.

I have a crappy car that isn't paid off.

I am rapidly losing my hair. Every morning after I shower I brush my hair, then comb my brush.

I have almost no friends, no family I'm close to, no social life, no romantic life in the past year, and my most constant companion is a cat my last roommate left behind.

I am overweight and out of shape.

I have a chronic, incurable medical condition that will eventually kill me. First, though, it will cripple me though various and sundry complications, some of which have already started to manifest -- both mental and physical.

I am severely in a financial hole.

My apartment would be rejected by pigs in favor of the filthiest sty.

My neighborhood suffers from severe drug and gang problems.

I once started alphabetically listing the ailments that I have in my family medical history. I covered every letter up through L. (Damn, couldn't someone have developed liver failure, leishmaniasis, or lymphoma?)

What I don't have is anyone else to blame. I can trace every single one of these problems and countless others to either bad decisions on my part or simple shitty luck. There was no grand conspiracy to screw me over. No one set out to ruin my life. God doesn't hate me.

I'm in a hole, but I acknowledge that it's largely one I dug myself. I own it. The only way I'm gonna get out of it is through my own efforts, and even that isn't guaranteed. Either way, I'm not gonna waste my effort looking for someone to blame. And maybe it isn't fair.

Nobody ever promised me that life was fair.

So, to all of you looking to find someone else to pin your problems on, GET OVER IT. Suck it up. Own your problems. All that energy you spend looking to find who or what to blame your problems on could be much better spent FIXING them.

(And no, this is not part of some grand "fix myself" project. I probably won't be doing much any time soon to fix my problems. I've joined a gym and am going 3-5 times a week, working up a hell of a sweat each time, but that's about the extent of my self-improvement thus far.)

Thanks for letting me rant.


Addendum: How the hell, on the day of the huge abortion rallies, could I omit "I got pregnant" from the opening diatribe? Sigh...


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference The Blame Game:

» Sha Ka Ree linked with Ranting on Responsibility

» my so-called blog linked with I Didn't Do It!

Comments (9)

About that hell of a sweat.... (Below threshold)

About that hell of a sweat. Better than none, and it's a start. Godspeed on that.

Go forth and conquer. Don'... (Below threshold)

Go forth and conquer. Don't stop - incrementally get better each & every day.

Best wishes.

Darn it! Now I can't blame ... (Below threshold)

Darn it! Now I can't blame Ashcroft for my car being reposessed! You've spoiled my plans! (Seriously, good luck. Hang in there!)

Jay,Right on. Keep... (Below threshold)


Right on. Keep on keepin' on. I appreciate your honesty. The world needs more of it.

I know that Alcoholics Anon... (Below threshold)

I know that Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs have helped many people stop destructive behaviors, but I think they're actually one of the worst culprits in the battle to give up personal responsibility. The first step in the program is to "Admit we were powerless over alcohol." In other words, in order to get you better, the program asks you to state that you have no power against your addiction. I think that mindset has given a lot of people license to behave self-destructively, because they believe that their problems are not under their control. If we want people to be able to fix their problems, we need to make them understand that they are powerful, and that one of their powers is the power to take control of their lives and stop hurting themselves.

Just remember that ANY thin... (Below threshold)

Just remember that ANY thing you do to improve your life, no matter how small, is better than the nothing you were doing before.

Keep plugging away, and I wish you the best of luck.

Jay,As a close perso... (Below threshold)
PC Tutor:

As a close personal friend, (be it over the broadband) for the past seven years - you forgot to mention to one and all that you:

a)ended a long, dead-end relationship which takes GUTS, man, GUTS - and

b)have been a madman lately, going to the gym day after day to improve yourself mentally and physically.

I completely concur with you, however! Sick of people passing the buck and harping on old sh*t.

P.S. I'm only an hour west of you... come visit the brood. The ducklings are due in about two weeks.

Hey J. I noticed the ALMOST... (Below threshold)

Hey J. I noticed the ALMOST part. and for those who read this, I will give you responsibility for helping me when I was getting divorced, fixing the headlight with a nail and reminding me that trustworthy friends know no distance.

Love you brother


For the record, Frank: it w... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

For the record, Frank: it was not a nail we used to fix your headlight. It was a knife and a hammer. And and after that, the headlight worked perfectly for the rest of the car's life.

I still thrill at the memory of that car trying to set your (now ex) wife on fire... I always liked that Mustang.


(Designated Bearer Of Bitterness And Ill Will Of Frank's Divorce)






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