« Teresa, I'm Home! | Main | Doing squat about border security »

Hair today, gone tomorrow

When I was younger, I looked at my male relatives on both sides and just knew Iíd end up having hair issues before I got even near middle age. Instead of the bald spot or receding hairline, I hoped Iíd get some gray Ė especially in the temples. It gave Reed Richards of The Fantastic Four a dignified appearance, and I could live with that.

Alas and alack, it was not to be. My hairline began a gradual retreat that started in my mid-20ís and kept creeping back further and further. Today, itís roughly even with my sideburns, but with a single outpost out front. But at least I didnít have the huge bald spot.

That attitude survived until I happened to visit a friend at his workplace. He had a high-mounted video camera aimed at the front counter, and I could see the monitor from my position. There, in all itís glory, was a bald spot, about four inches in diameter. I hadnít noticed it before then, and no one had bothered to tell me it was there.

In the years since, itís only gotten worse. The skin on my forehead and the skin of my bald spot seem to be lonely, and reaching out for each other. Their loneliness knows no mercy, though, and theyíre cheerfully slaughtering the hair that separates them, one follicle at a time.

I tell you, it gets depressing when you get out of the shower, brush your hair, then have to comb your brush.

Then, finally, just to add insult to injury, the gray hairs started to come in. Low on the sideburns at first, but soon popping out at random all over my head. I think the most disturbing ones are the ones from my ears and nose.

Rapidly running out of options for hair-styling, I recently converted to the dreaded ďbuzz cutĒ Iíd last had (and loathed) at the age of six. I just told the stylist ďuse the #3 trimmerĒ and let her go to work. Itís rather depressing; Iím still paying the same amount for a cut, but itís taking her about two-thirds the time.

The incredible irony is, below the neck I practically have a pelt. One ex-girlfriend used to threaten to braid the hair on my back. I even have hairs popping out, hobbit-like, from the tops of my toes. But from the neck up, itís starting to look like Depression-era Oklahoma.

I briefly considered shaving my head. It was at that point that racism reared itís ugly head. Most black men who shave their head look cool. However, most white men who shave their heads look like psychos. For every Telly Savalas, Yul Brynner, or Curly Howard out there, thereís a dozen Bruce Willises, Woody Harrelsons, Vin Diesels, G. Gordon Liddys, and Michael Chiklises.

And donít get me started with suggestions that there are ďthings I could do about it.Ē I have several friends whom I have sworn to kill me if they ever see me doing the combover, buying Rogaine, or wearing a toupee. I told them that if I ever do those things, I will have lost all my dignity and have nothing left to live for.

Every election, I always pick one absolutely frivolous, even silly reason to support one candidate over another so I can have an answer when someone asks me my opinion at work about politics (itís not a good idea to have political arguments with customers). For several months I supported Kerry in that context because I desperately wanted a president who did not say ďnuculerĒ Ė that drives me bonkers. But shortly after he picked Edwards as his running mate, he even lost my support forever. Thereís no way in hell Iím gonna stand behind a candidate who brags about his hair. Salt, meet open wound.

So I try to cope. I tell people that itís not a bald spot, itís a recharging cell for a solar-powered love machine. I tell them that men are only born with so many hormones and if other men want to waste theirs growing hair, thatís their business. I tell them nothing feels more sensual than running your fingers along fine, short-trimmed hairs.

Perhaps, someday, I might actually find a woman who will believe my BS.


Correction: David points out that Vin Diesel is part black. He still looks like a psycho, though.

Comments (10)

Actually, I've met few bald... (Below threshold)

Actually, I've met few bald men who weren't hot. I - and plenty of other women I know - find bald or balding guys extremely attractive. Assuming, of course, that said men embrace their baldness. Combovers? Rugs? Definitely not sexy. But a receding hairline combined with a good smile? Killer.

I figured out, after closer... (Below threshold)

I figured out, after closer examination of my own response, why I find bald men "attractive" on the scale of "ugly-to-fine" -- that is, why I like a man with a bald head instead of running down another aisle in the market if and when I ever encounter one.

It's because it's frank. It's not so much an "honest" frankness (they've shaved whatever hair that they still have, after all, so there IS the obvious editing in the bald head), that, well, go ahead and shave what's left off and stop trying to masquerede/pretend or otherwise deny that there's a loss of hair.

The dreaded comb-over is what has me running. Or, men with toupees. I just don't get the pretense.

Instead, a bald head is unencumbered, lacks cosmetics and on a man, that's good to me.

I've never thought a bald head indicated a pscyho, however, just that it indicates a man who rejects the dreaded comb-over and/or wig. So, I say, here and now, go ahead and shave your head.


Come to Cost Rica Bro. I wi... (Below threshold)

Come to Cost Rica Bro. I will hook you up.

My father lost his hair (ex... (Below threshold)

My father lost his hair (except for the fringe around the sides) in his early twenties. He used to say he used a little too much Bryl-Cream, and the girls just pulled it out. But what really drove my mom nuts was when he bought a Beatle wig and threatened to wear it to church.

I briefly considered sha... (Below threshold)

I briefly considered shaving my head. It was at that point that racism reared itís ugly head. Most black men who shave their head look cool. However, most white men who shave their heads look like psychos. For every Telly Savalas, Yul Brynner, or Curly Howard out there, thereís a dozen Bruce Willises, Woody Harrelsons, Vin Diesels, G. Gordon Liddys, and Michael Chiklises.

You say that like looking like a psycho is a bad thing.

Hey McGehee, hate to tell y... (Below threshold)

Hey McGehee, hate to tell you this dude, but Vin is Brutha as we say, Italion and Black from what I understand. LOL!

This has given me much hope... (Below threshold)

This has given me much hope.

Well, if you don't want to ... (Below threshold)

Well, if you don't want to go the full skinhead route, you can always keep the fringe and just shave the top.

David, when an entire parag... (Below threshold)

David, when an entire paragraph in one of my comments is in italics, that means I'm quoting someone else.

Time to wave off the next pina colada and order iced tea, dude.

Man. I feel bad now. I feel... (Below threshold)

Man. I feel bad now. I feel really bad because I'm about to post this.

Early 30's and not a single grey hair on my head. Thick, lucious hair that every barber or stylists just rave over. The Hispanic in me means a chest void of even the lightest of fuzz.

My father, in his late 50's, has maybe 3 or 4 grey hairs on his head (his beard, otoh, is salt and pepper with an emphisis on the salt). All his hair is there just a little thinner. Granted you get 'baldness' from your mother's genes (which noone on my mom's side was bald), you can get your hair from your father nonetheless.

I would cry rivers if I went bald. I wouldn't take it honorably and would shower with rogaine and pop Propecia like tic-tacs.






Follow Wizbang

Follow Wizbang on FacebookFollow Wizbang on TwitterSubscribe to Wizbang feedWizbang Mobile


Send e-mail tips to us:

[email protected]

Fresh Links


Section Editor: Maggie Whitton

Editors: Jay Tea, Lorie Byrd, Kim Priestap, DJ Drummond, Michael Laprarie, Baron Von Ottomatic, Shawn Mallow, Rick, Dan Karipides, Michael Avitablile, Charlie Quidnunc, Steve Schippert

Emeritus: Paul, Mary Katherine Ham, Jim Addison, Alexander K. McClure, Cassy Fiano, Bill Jempty, John Stansbury, Rob Port

In Memorium: HughS

All original content copyright ¬© 2003-2010 by Wizbang®, LLC. All rights reserved. Wizbang® is a registered service mark.

Powered by Movable Type Pro 4.361

Hosting by ServInt

Ratings on this site are powered by the Ajax Ratings Pro plugin for Movable Type.

Search on this site is powered by the FastSearch plugin for Movable Type.

Blogrolls on this site are powered by the MT-Blogroll.

Temporary site design is based on Cutline and Cutline for MT. Graphics by Apothegm Designs.

Author Login

Terms Of Service

DCMA Compliance Notice

Privacy Policy