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Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, that means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Some pictures are a blank canvas upon which you can work your masterpiece caption - this is one of those...


Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.

Comments (46)

"If you're happy and you kn... (Below threshold)

"If you're happy and you know it...."

"Why Is This Gander Giving ... (Below threshold)

"Why Is This Gander Giving It To The Goose?"

It's not as wooden as the "... (Below threshold)

It's not as wooden as the "Al Gore" dummy, but you can still see Theresa's lips moving.

"Pull my aaaacccccckkkkk... (Below threshold)

"Pull my aaaacccccckkkkk!!!"

News Alert: John Kerry has... (Below threshold)

News Alert: John Kerry has been diagnosed with an unusually large growth of unknown origin on his back and doctors are working studiously to try to devise a means by which the growth can be more closely studied without exposing themselves to the potentially contagious cellular spikes protruding from the growth itself.

On our trip into Cambodia m... (Below threshold)

On our trip into Cambodia my CIA friend also gave me this lucky backpack.

"Well Marlon, what we are s... (Below threshold)

"Well Marlon, what we are seeing here is the Alpha Female demonstrating her dominance by humping the submissive, French-looking, Male.

The Male gives a simian gesture of mock-approval, knowing that as long as the Alpha Female is happy, the Male will be well provided for."

Infectious Grooves - Feed t... (Below threshold)

Infectious Grooves - Feed the Monkey

She likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
She likes the monkey
Well gather 'round and let me tell you all a story
About a boy and his monkey
He's got that kind of monkey that the girls wanna know
He likes to take his monkey every place that he goes
(Can we pet your monkey?)
Hey, ho, you see the monkey?
Did you know you made my monkey hungry?
I didn't really know how it get so hungry
I'd like to know
Would you feed the monkey?
Well you can pet my monkey
'Cause my monkey don't bite
But when you pet my monkey
He get funky all night
My monkey ain't no ordinary orangutang
'Cause my monkey likes to do the wild thing
My monkey don't scratch
My monkey don't bite
My monkey don't swing no tree
My monkey don't hit
My monkey don't drool
My monkey be swing with me
My monkey don't freak
My monkey don't trip
My monkey don't wear no cape
But you can tell what my monkey wanna eat
'Cause it turn into a big ol' ape
The monkey's getting hungry
Hey, hey, why don't you feed your monkey?
(REPEAT x 3)
What she want?
She wants the monkey
(REPEAT x 3)
You know she want
You know she want
You know she wants the monkey
(REPEAT x 3)
Hey, hey, she likes to feed the monkey
Ooh, she's sayin' it's time to feed the monkey
Everyday she wants to feed the monkey
All through the day she likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
(REPEAT x 7)
Feed the monkey
(REPEAT x 19)
She likes to feed the monkey!

Its just amazing how Teresa... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Its just amazing how Teresa's lips never move.

Oops, take that back on a c... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Oops, take that back on a closer read Shawn beat me to the "dummy" theme.

Welcome everyone to The Jer... (Below threshold)

Welcome everyone to The Jerry Mahoney Show!

I'm Paul Winchell and This is my friend "Knucklehead Smith". Ok Knucklehead, how bout a glass of water while I sing the "star spangled banner"

ok here goes.


( are we still on? Artie? did that go out to the affiliates?)

John, do as I say, not as I... (Below threshold)

John, do as I say, not as I do. You'll pick up more votes if you turn to the right.

Behind every good man, ther... (Below threshold)

Behind every good man, there's a billionaire heiress...

I've never been on this sid... (Below threshold)

I've never been on this side of a massage. . .

Escusez, monsieur...Does yo... (Below threshold)

Escusez, monsieur...Does your minkey bite?

Democratic nominee for pres... (Below threshold)

Democratic nominee for president Kerry hoping for a "happy ending"

Theresa tells John her stoc... (Below threshold)

Theresa tells John her stock portfolio has gone up another $12 million.

In her first public appeara... (Below threshold)

In her first public appearance as a televangelist, Teresa Heinz-Kerry lays her hands on her husband, hoping to drive out his desires for John Edwards. She was overheard saying things like "Satan can shove it!" and "Give money to my husband's campaign so we can see the light!"

I've got a Monkey On My Bac... (Below threshold)

I've got a Monkey On My Back - and It's buying!

IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW ... (Below threshold)


[thought bubble]: "God I wi... (Below threshold)

[thought bubble]: "God I wish this bitch would get her meat hooks off me."

There is one thing I dont u... (Below threshold)

There is one thing I dont understand about Mrs. Kerry, why the hell the media keeps calling her sexy. She is about as sexy as Golda Mier (Probably mispelled her name).

"... so I put on my strap-o... (Below threshold)

"... so I put on my strap-on, and then I shove it just like this..."

The monkey on my back is a ... (Below threshold)

The monkey on my back is a rich white woman. Sometimes, I wish it was booze or drugs.

"John, when we get home ton... (Below threshold)

"John, when we get home tonight, will you wear your bunny suit for me?"

"Gladly, Teresa my dear. And will you wear your Prussian officer's uniform?"

"Not a chance."

"Clap on... Clap off... ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Clap on... Clap off... see dear, I told you even that bitch Hillary would have to obey you after the convention."

The couples Simon Says</... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

The couples Simon Says game was an immense success, right up to the point where John Edwards said, "OK, Simon Says, WEDGIE!!

"Dahling...I'm frightened o... (Below threshold)

"Dahling...I'm frightened of all these commoners, give Momsie a ride on your shoulders."

"Clap John, ... Clap your a... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Clap John, ... Clap your ass off... We may yet need Tinkerbell to secure the San Francisco vote. Damn that Schwarzenegger."

"Whaddya mean there's no ba... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Whaddya mean there's no balloons this time!!!"

(In consideration of the re... (Below threshold)

(In consideration of the recent Nevada, Yucca Mountain news as to Kerry's voting record in the Senate, I offer this incredibly Bad Taste caption):


As with any drug, there are... (Below threshold)

As with any drug, there are possible side effects to Botox. The most common side effects include:

Memory loss
Limp wrists
Develop the ability to hurl obscenities
in several languages

Off Camera: "Ok John... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Off Camera: "Ok John, now open your eyes, and we'll ask the woman that has had so much impact on your life to step out from behind you."
John: (clapping) "Great, I didn't even realize that Kirstie Alley was here."

The red stripes taste like ... (Below threshold)

The red stripes taste like ketchup.

Pudding! Pudding!... (Below threshold)

Pudding! Pudding!

uhn...ehm...GLAVIN!!!</i... (Below threshold)


Uhn...ehm...GLAVIN!!!</i... (Below threshold)


Oops, nevermind the double-... (Below threshold)

Oops, nevermind the double-post there, my net seems to be experiencing retardation.

"Keep hanging on, honey. Af... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"Keep hanging on, honey. After I lose in November, maybe Lorne Michaels will cast us in the 'Ambiguously Gay Duo' movie."


"Protect me, John! The peas... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"Protect me, John! The peasants are revolting!"

"Yes, they are, but we still need their votes."


"John, I still can't see ov... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"John, I still can't see over your shoulder."

"Then stand on another briefcase of your first husband's money."


Teresa, why are you wearing... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Teresa, why are you wearing the green and I'm in pink? Green would've gone much better with my pants."

"Just shut up and keep clapping for that high school band. They each have two voting parents here."


"Thank you, Springfield Hig... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"Thank you, Springfield High School, for that stirring rendition of 'Stars And Stripes Forever.' That reminds me of the two weeks I spent at Band Camp just outside Danang, over in Vietnam..."

(whispered) "John, I forgot the flute."


"Let's give it up for Dr. O... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"Let's give it up for Dr. Orin Scrivello, the inventor of the Botox treatment!"


"John, please stand up. The... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

"John, please stand up. The doctor said I needed to give him a 'stool sample,' and you're sitting on the only one around."

"Teresa, I don't think that's quite what the doctor is expecting."


The American Dream: ... (Below threshold)

The American Dream: When every African-American can grow up to have a life-sized, white guy puppet.






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