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Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, that means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™.

Senator John Kerry's Vietnam War record came under attack again as a group of veterans released a new television spot denouncing anti-war views expressed by the Democratic presidential contender in 1971(AFP/Hector Mata)

Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.

Comments (45)

What I supposed to say? In ... (Below threshold)

What I supposed to say? In Cambodia or near Cambodia? I can't keep this shit straight anymore.

Please God - Pretty Please,... (Below threshold)

Please God - Pretty Please, with cherries on top - Don't let them publish my Senate voting record.

If the American People find out that they have been paying me to not do my job for 19 years, they'll never agree to pay me to not do the Presidents job.

(Slow sound of choppers ove... (Below threshold)

(Slow sound of choppers overhead....)

This is The End......
Of our enchanted land - The End
Beautiful friend - The End
Can you picture what will be
All Innocent and free.....

Kerry: Up to his nose in hi... (Below threshold)

Kerry: Up to his nose in his own filthy lies!

Humming Ring of Fire by Joh... (Below threshold)

Humming Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash

I stepped into a buring ring of fire
I went down down down
and the flames went higher

"Dear God, I hope that they... (Below threshold)

"Dear God, I hope that they don't discover that it was Pizza Huts I burned down in "Nam."

"swordfish"... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:


(Editorial note: You need t... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

(Editorial note: You need the Amanda Beard picture, above, left justified to fint with the caption contest)

or to "fit"... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

or to "fit"

Kerry: Only God can save me... (Below threshold)

Kerry: Only God can save me now...but I'm a Democrat. Can't use Him.

John hums the Kerry-Edwards... (Below threshold)

John hums the Kerry-Edwards Theme song to make himself feel better:

The Times'll come out tomorrow
Bet Teresa's dollars that tomorrow, I'll be cleared
And when the Times says, tomorrow,
that the Swift Boat Vets are lying traitors, I'll be cheered!

Tomorrow, tomorrow, the media, tomorrow,
Will take all my cares away.

God Damn! My hair is so fu... (Below threshold)

God Damn! My hair is so fucking hot right now.

KERRY FILES FEC COMPLAINT O... (Below threshold)


"John Kerry: For nose rings... (Below threshold)

"John Kerry: For nose rings before he was against them."


"Up in the sky! It's a bird... it's a plane... it's... Nuance Man!"

"He's back."... (Below threshold)

"He's back."

I wish I were an Oscar Maye... (Below threshold)

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner, that's is all I really want to be. For if I were an Oscar Mayer weiner, everyone would be in love with me!

Is someone touching my ass?... (Below threshold)

Is someone touching my ass? Please let it be John Edwards...

well it was either that or 'If it feels like more than two fingers, it's probably a d*ck'.

Image? Obviously, I missed... (Below threshold)

Image? Obviously, I missed whatever was here earlier.

Unless, of course, the point of captioning tonight is to caption a blank space.

So, alright, captioning a blank space about Kerry:

"Reporting for duty."

Who's there? What's that s... (Below threshold)

Who's there? What's that sound? Is that Karl Rove and the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy? Is that who's up there? Wait...no...I can explain...I didn't really plan on winning...it was all a joke...don't...STOP, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY...STOP! BILL?! WHERE ARE YOU? I KNOW YOU'RE HERE! DON'T LET HER....

(two silenced gunshots)

HILLARYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY you....(gasping whisper) bee-ah-tch.

The HORROR....the HORROR...... (Below threshold)
f mastro:

The HORROR....the HORROR.....

must... have... botox injec... (Below threshold)

must... have... botox injection

"Meow meow meow meow, meow ... (Below threshold)
Kot Begemot:

"Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow..."

"No no no... his eyes aren'... (Below threshold)

"No no no... his eyes aren't tracking right. Nobody's going to believe he's human. We had the same problem with the Gorebot. I need an Allen wrench and some WD-40..."

"What's that God? I know, ... (Below threshold)

"What's that God? I know, I know... but, just eighty more day's, then I'll start telling the truth.... you'll see!"

Note to self - This is what... (Below threshold)

Note to self - This is what happens when you shoot your mouth off about Vietnam.

"When I'm President, I'll h... (Below threshold)

"When I'm President, I'll have them jackhammer the beard off Lincoln, and voila! I'm on Mount Rushmore!"

"And this is how I looked when I was sneaking through the swamp there in Cambodia looking for Col. Kurtz. I had great hair even then."

"Decisions, decisions. Vichyssoise or bouillabaise? I wonder what the little people eat on their coffee breaks?"

"Hmmm, Just WTF is a buckey... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Hmmm, Just WTF is a buckeye, anyway?"

Now the botox seems liked i... (Below threshold)
Brian Vea:

Now the botox seems liked it worked, now my eyebrows. Do they need a little bit more reshaping? Hmmmm, and my hair, howza bout a lil henna dye? Yeah...yeahhhhhh...maybe that'll make em stop talkin bout my robot persona.

So, the Vietnam thing is ra... (Below threshold)

So, the Vietnam thing is radioactive, this hazmat suit is messing up my hair.

Good thing the media meltdown will kill all the photographers.

"...A wonderful day in t... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"...A wonderful day in the neigborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor. hm hm hm, hm hm hm, won't you be my neighbor.
Oh, Hello boys and girls, welcome to my neighborhood. Today we're going to put Mr. Presidential candidate in the microwave. "
"Pop goes the weasel."

Alien vs. John Kerry<... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Alien vs. John Kerry
In a Microwave, no one can hear you scream.

The medication should kick ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

The medication should kick in any time now.

(based on my last two captions that could apply to me as well as be a caption.)

"Whaddya mean my head's too... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Whaddya mean my head's too big to fit on TV."

John Kerry prepares to esco... (Below threshold)

John Kerry prepares to escort a CIA man on a secret, um, covert.... er.... clandestine mission through the ductwork of his Idahoan Ski chalet.

"I'd better hold your hat, it's a tight fit."

Next time they tell me to l... (Below threshold)

Next time they tell me to look straight ahead during a Botox treatment I'm going to listen.

This mind intentionally lef... (Below threshold)

This mind intentionally left blank.

Man, I really really hope n... (Below threshold)

Man, I really really hope no one uses that dumb Photoshop trick to find out that I'm buck naked in this picture, like they did with that Cat Schwartz chick....

...just one more injection ... (Below threshold)

...just one more injection right there....

"Where's a hand grenade and... (Below threshold)

"Where's a hand grenade and a stray bit of shrapnel when you need it?"

THIS SPACE FOR RENT<p... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:


(Some what inspired by spacemonkey's entry)

The Answer is: "Lower... Lo... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

The Answer is: "Lower... Lower"
And the Great Karnak says the question is:
"What does Teresa say when she sees this much of John Kerry's face"

"I'm as mad as hell, and... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!...Right Teresa?

The Great Karnak say... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

The Great Karnak says,
"The Answer is: Lower... Lower"
And the question is:
"What does Teresa say when she sees this much of John Kerry's face"

The previous Great Karnak was obviously some maniacal liberal shyster.

("We're never quite as dumb as when we're trying to be smart" - Linus Van Pelt)

I put my rice-shrapnelled ... (Below threshold)

I put my rice-shrapnelled ass on the line and all I got was this lousy campaign.

When the President wouldn't... (Below threshold)

When the President wouldn't make those mean Swifties go away, John Kerry's eyes welled with tears...well, they would have if the botox would let them.






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