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Scouting for the other team

A few years ago, I knew a woman through work who was a sales rep for Pfizer. Connie (not her real name) was a lovely black woman, about 6'2", with a Southern Belle accent that would melt butter. One day she came running into my workplace.

"Jay, you gotta help me. I need a big favor."

"No problem, Connie. What's up?"

"I gotta wear a tie to a big meeting, and I cain't tie a tie!"

No problem. I took the tie and tied it loosely around my neck so I could lift it off and give it back to her. As I finished the knot, I looked down and confirmed my worst nightmares. I was wearing a Viagra tie.

"Here you go, Connie. But there is one condition: no one must EVER know about me wearing a Viagra tie."

"Oh, hush, Jay. I'll give you one of your very own the next time ah stop by."

And true to her word, she did. I still have it. I've never worn it, but I still have it.

I was reminded of this story the other day when a commenter to WizBang wrote me with this link. Apparently a Romanian man cut off his penis, and his dog ate it. (I'm trusting my correspondent about this; I'm not checking out the story. I'm cringing just at the thought.)

I find it troubling that here are two women who both think of me in a sexual context, but in a rather emasculating one. That really, really hurts.

I also find it troubling as it continues a pattern I've noticed in my private life. I have an ex-girlfriend (mentioned here, and she also chimed in to the subject) who, after dating me, decided she had had enough of men entirely and now, as they say, "plays for the other team." (Or, in another sense, now plays for my team, but I never was very good at sports metaphors. Or sports, for that matter. But I digress, as usual...) Another woman with whom I had a long-term relationship decided to re-explore her bisexual side, after a decade-plus hiatus.

Ya know, in one sense it's a shame I'm so fond of being a man. One surgical procedure and I could probably clean up with the ladies...


(Author's note: Between serious computer hardware issues and exhaustion, I'm gonna skip live-blogging the Veep debate. I'm still gonna watch it, though -- presuming I don't fall asleep during.)

UPDATE: I wonder what Ellen Degeneres is doing this Saturday night...

Comments (14)

Hello Mr. Costanza, welcome... (Below threshold)

Hello Mr. Costanza, welcome back to the public eye after a few years away.....

TA!... (Below threshold)


Jay,You really nee... (Below threshold)


You really need to meet different women - ones who will play with YOU.


What firstbrokenangel just ... (Below threshold)

What firstbrokenangel just wrote (^^).

Another thing, you aren't going to meet likely mates and/or paramours among gay people. I've heard all the arguments about this, but anyone engaging in sexual acts with a person of the same gender is engaging in homosexual acts. Those are the facts. The "bi"sexual tag is just some sort of psychobabble babbling blargh.

You may also be misperceiving someone you enjoy hanging out with and joking around with, with romance -- not exclusive, just that sometimes you find buds you enjoy playing a game of cards with, and then you find someone ELSE you enjoy playing with, differently (cards can be involved but not usually).

I'll try to be a little more clear: you enjoy a game of basketball with people, almost always for men, other men, who you find pleasure interacting with but due to a certain set of reasons, and then you find a few people in life you enjoy physical interactions with on and for very different reasons. I realize that some people confuse the two (not necessarily you).

If you're arriving at the same results (being told by girlfriends that they are 'gay') after the same general set of operations (how and when you became involved with those previous girlfriends, in an emotional sense), then, you need to consider changing your set of operations if you want a different outcome (not becoming involved with women who later reveal that they are gay).

So, start revamping your own motivations and who attracts you and why. You may just prefer to maintain social friendships and not actually WANT a longstanding intimate relationship with a woman (and so you find yourself becoming intimately involved with women you wouldn't if you were, say, considering marriage).

I think you just haven't met your intended yet and are still going about the process of living your life prior to that. So, keep your goals in mind, keep your self worth, and remember that everyone's a unique personality....what someone else decides isn't necessarily what you decide.

We are responsible for our environments, yes, to a great degree -- who our friends are, etc. -- but often you find people involved WITH you and not by your own choice. So, start making your own choices first. Be selective, be purpose driven.

In my life, I've been calle... (Below threshold)

In my life, I've been called everything from 'magical' to completely un-sexy.

It could drive you nuts if you let it.

Just don't take their decisions personally. It really has nothing to do with you.

Whoa! All of a sudde... (Below threshold)

All of a sudden you are being hit with
"let's analyze that..." by some archair psychologists.
I'll date you Jay and I promise that I am not nor have I ever been on the other side of the fence.
Leave your manhood right where it is sweetie.

A lot of women are only seeking attention from their own insecurities when blame men for the acts of stupidity they committ.
My own father in law who holds a PhD is matters of the mind drives me nuts witht that whole "let's analyze that last statement" routine. It is what it is so everyone should just leave it alone.

I'm male, I'm not gay, and ... (Below threshold)
Waffle King:

I'm male, I'm not gay, and I don't want to date you. If you can say the same thing, then we're on the same team. So, sport, get off the bench and back into the game!

Romanian man cut off his... (Below threshold)

Romanian man cut off his penis, and his dog ate it. ...

I didn't know David Gregory was Romanian...

...and makes the whole "my dog ate my homework" canard somewhat tame...or, lame.

Sidebar: Computer geeks are bin-hexual!

I've never 'putted from the... (Below threshold)

I've never 'putted from the other side of the green' Jay, but I'm secure enough in my heterosexuality to dress up like a Victoria's Secret model and hang out with you at the local dance club if it will help you out.

Warning though, I ain't no sexy bitch....

Wow -- I feel badly for you... (Below threshold)

Wow -- I feel badly for you Jay - I really do. I also feel badly after looking at that last photo posted by Sharp as a Marble. Forget the gay ones and the married ones, mail me Jay. I won't switch fences on you...

(as a side note, that reall... (Below threshold)

(as a side note, that really is me photoshopped onto a VS model...)

You write humor, hon, and e... (Below threshold)

You write humor, hon, and everybody gets serious on you but I did say it first and don't waste that tie, it's too funny not to wear!! Meet you at the bar, darlin'


Heheh Jay, love your update... (Below threshold)

Heheh Jay, love your update. I think she already has a date; her new friend is a pretty brunette. Sorry, Ellen's already taken. LOL :-)


Jay,Thanks for a WON... (Below threshold)

Thanks for a WONDERFUL time today, by the way :) (no one has to know that my husband, 4 of my 5 kids and my eldest daughter's boyfriend were along but you and me)... anyway, I had a third-grade love - my first, actually - who turned gay on me when we hit high school. If, in fact, I had ANYTHING to do with that - I don't care. I know how wonderful I am, and it was his loss. I will tell you that in your case(s), which I know fairly well - you are better off. Especially Case #2.






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