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Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™.

John Kerry with Dana Reeve, widow of actor Christopher Reeve, in Columbus, Ohio before the start of Kerry's speech about technology and innovation.

Update: Winners announced. Comments now closed.


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Comments (126)

Kerry gets the clap.... (Below threshold)

Kerry gets the clap.

It's a bird, no it's a plan... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

It's a bird, no it's a plane (er.. a plan) no it's Waffleman

Oh to have integrety and be... (Below threshold)

Oh to have integrety and be honest, then I wouldn't have to remember which side of the issues I am on today.

I have more money than ever... (Below threshold)

I have more money than everyone in this room combined...worship me!

Kerry: Boy , I'd like to ge... (Below threshold)

Kerry: Boy , I'd like to get in her pants.
Her: I wish George Bush was beside me.

Senator and Mrs. "Fictitiou... (Below threshold)

Senator and Mrs. "Fictitious Action Hero"

"Damn, this chick looks an ... (Below threshold)

"Damn, this chick looks an awful lot like my running mate."

I bet nobody heard my 'chai... (Below threshold)

I bet nobody heard my 'chair trumpet'..heheheh

Head tilt - check.Ph... (Below threshold)

Head tilt - check.
Phony look of understanding - check.
Now if I can only pull off "I feel your pain" I'm golden!

If I look at that mirror ju... (Below threshold)

If I look at that mirror just right, I bet I can see down her blouse.

(AP) Kerry's support for st... (Below threshold)

(AP) Kerry's support for stem cell research was more than altruistic after learning that researchers are also looking into political spine reconstruction.

Due to a slick Karl Rove tr... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Due to a slick Karl Rove trick John Kerry lost most of the Slavic American vote as Ingety Invatio was a very rude comment indeed.

'See, I told Clinton I'd ge... (Below threshold)

'See, I told Clinton I'd get better looking interns.'

You know, Teresa is even ug... (Below threshold)

You know, Teresa is even ugly when she sits all the way in the back of the auditorium.

Sigh....if Teresa were half as good-looking as this woman I wouldn't have to think of her money to get excited.

"It's too bad Teresa is the... (Below threshold)

"It's too bad Teresa is the only one in the family who gets to play with tomatoes, if you catch my drift."

(both of them thinking, usi... (Below threshold)

(both of them thinking, using a shared thought bubble)

That John Edwards has such nice hair... I want to just lick him all over!

- Kerry: ...This is really ... (Below threshold)

- Kerry: ...This is really sick....

- Mrs. Reeves: ....Yes...it is....but you wan't to be president so quit whining....

Kerry thought-bubble: "What... (Below threshold)

Kerry thought-bubble: "What is it with me getting hard around new widows?"

"When this speech is over, ... (Below threshold)

"When this speech is over, I'm going to get my wife's personal chef to braise that goose in a raisin sauce, and then have it served to me by my wife's waitstaff. MMM, am I glad one of my wife's servants shot one of those beautiful birds for me. I'm also grateful for the companion my wife hired for me so I don't have to touch her any more.

Hey, is that camera reading my thoughts?"

What the hell is Clinton do... (Below threshold)

What the hell is Clinton doing here and why is he staring at me....Wait- he's looking at her. She's trying not to look back...

I wonder if he put his stem in her cell? That bastard!Always one upping me.

Oooh, Mrs. Reeves, you're a... (Below threshold)

Oooh, Mrs. Reeves, you're a little monkey woman, aren't you?

"Hmmmmm. I wouldn't mind gi... (Below threshold)

"Hmmmmm. I wouldn't mind giving Dana a stem cell or two."

"I'll have to make sure to ... (Below threshold)

"I'll have to make sure to offer that to Tehran."

- Kerry: .....Hmmmm... I wo... (Below threshold)

- Kerry: .....Hmmmm... I wonder how long its been....

- Mrs. Reeves: ....I'll bet I know what BotoxBoy is thinking......

The Senator and Dan... (Below threshold)

The Senator and Dana Reeve display their approval and admiration at a screening of Senator Edwards hair combing video.

What was the name of that g... (Below threshold)
Lemon Funk:

What was the name of that guy who played The Professor on Gilligan's Island??? Ah man, this is gonna bug me all night!

"Lileth" leaves her psychia... (Below threshold)

"Lileth" leaves her psychiatric practice to join the Kerry campaign... (Frasier now voting (R))

"Lileth" leaves her psychia... (Below threshold)

"Lileth" leaves her psychiatric practice to join the Kerry campaign... (Frasier now voting (R))

"If only Christopher were s... (Below threshold)

"If only Christopher were still alive to be here today. All those hours retrofitting Cleland for a Battlebots fight, wasted."

Mrs. Reeve: (Thinking) Kerr... (Below threshold)

Mrs. Reeve: (Thinking) Kerry said he can raise 'em from the dead, so where's Christopher?

Kerry: Keep clapping! I see some movement by the grave.

The audition for new First ... (Below threshold)

The audition for new First lady completed, he ponders his next move...

Kerry's thinking..."... (Below threshold)

Kerry's thinking...
"God bless that UN flag. So much better than the Stars and Stripes. Long may she wave!"

-->Wait, tell Inge and Ty t... (Below threshold)

-->Wait, tell Inge and Ty there's no T in AMERICAN INVASION.

--> Down under the "nK" banner, Kim Jong Il considers kidnapping Dana Reeve and whisking her off to his "Fortress of Sorritude"l.

After receiving his cosmeto... (Below threshold)

After receiving his cosmetology certificate, John Edwards reveals his new look.

Kerry: hmmm...I wonder if M... (Below threshold)

Kerry: hmmm...I wonder if Mama T will get one of her "girls" to make that delicious stuffed cornish with a chilled chiante for din-din?

Mrs. Reeves: If Superman could really fly, he'd be right about ...there!

Wow! She'd be SO much bett... (Below threshold)

Wow! She'd be SO much better than Teresa!

Ker: Oh Crap! Now how did ... (Below threshold)

Ker: Oh Crap! Now how did that secret plan go again?

"If you're a Liar and you k... (Below threshold)

"If you're a Liar and you know it, clap your hand's"!

Kerry thought bubble:... (Below threshold)

Kerry thought bubble:

“I wonder if I would net a vote gain or a loss if I were to announce tomorrow that I am divorcing Terrayza? Note to self: find out how that polls. Hey, wait a minute here, John you old dog! Heh, heh, heh. Another note to self: find out what size estate ole Christopher left behind too. Heh, heh, heh. ”

Hmm ... Available and rich ... (Below threshold)

Hmm ... Available and rich ... way better looking than that ketchup bottle ... maybe a White House wedding.

From the audience:... (Below threshold)

From the audience:

"Ma'am, I am very sorry about your husband, but, since you're now saying that he didn't respect my religious principles, and that you don't, and that that guy next to you is lying about them, can I please have my donations back? I have two children who have spinal chord injuries and they need the money more than you do."

From the two people occupying that stage:

A mutual, "NO!"

Roll a small ball of stem c... (Below threshold)
Dear Johns:

Roll a small ball of stem cells in the palms of your hands, like this, to make it nice and warm and chewy.

Kerry thought bubble:... (Below threshold)

Kerry thought bubble:

"Gawl dang, I can’t wait to get out of this here suit and tie and go do me some GOOSE HUNTIN!"

Mrs. Reeves thought bubble.... (Below threshold)

Mrs. Reeves thought bubble. Gee. Does anybody know what it's like to spend an eternity with a useless stiff - sigh. Christopher was much more exciting than this guy.

Stem Cell research? That would be super!!

Kerry thought bubble. When are they going to talk about Kryptonite - that will be sore topic and I can put my arm around her!!

Think, think. Who was in Superman's Coalition!!

Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp... (Below threshold)


Displaying his newest campa... (Below threshold)

Displaying his newest campaign theme, John Kerry is now to be known as the "American Ingety-intio", which is Latin for " deluded man of paddy cakes".

Hmmm, if she's impressed by... (Below threshold)

Hmmm, if she's impressed by my purple hearts she'll probably love my purple helmet.

Her: "Did I leave the curli... (Below threshold)
Monty Whisenhunt:

Her: "Did I leave the curling iron on?"

Him: "Did John Edwards leave the curling iron on in the motor coach?"

"I'll bet she hasn't gotten... (Below threshold)
Rootless Cosmo:

"I'll bet she hasn't gotten any in awhile. Looks like another job for The Widowmaker, if you know what I mean!"

Have I really sunk so low a... (Below threshold)

Have I really sunk so low as to drag a widow out of mourning? I have, I really have...good times...good times...

KERRY U R A BLOODSUCKING VU... (Below threshold)


Kerry - "humm, so what the ... (Below threshold)

Kerry - "humm, so what the fuck am I gonna do on November 3rd, after I lose this thing."

After another handful of gi... (Below threshold)

After another handful of ginsoaked raisins and a pitcher of beer, John can finally leave the bag off Terayza tonight.

John: (Thinking-(albeit an ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

John: (Thinking-(albeit an infrequent activity)) "She likes me I have a chance, I have a chance."
Dana: (Thinking) "In the love department he's definitely Smallville

Flip on (clap) (clap)... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Flip on (clap) (clap)
Flip off (clap) (clap)
Flip on Flip off
The Flip-flopper

The Reverend Moon chose my ... (Below threshold)

The Reverend Moon chose my new bride wisely...

Yet another Kerry thought b... (Below threshold)

Yet another Kerry thought bubble:

“I’ll just tell her that my goose call accidentally went off. Surely she'll buy that. Yep, that’s my plan. Goose call malfunction.”

Editors in Pajama’s linkbac... (Below threshold)

Editors in Pajama’s linkback would have been so much better if it read:

“Kerry’s Plan to Win the Piece”

"Polls are looking up! I th... (Below threshold)

"Polls are looking up! I think I've won this battle. And weeks to spare. Maybe I can break Nixon 63%."

No way she could be worth m... (Below threshold)
Mrs. Davis:

No way she could be worth more than Terayza, not with all those medical bills.

Rick Holte beat me to the s... (Below threshold)
Scott P:

Rick Holte beat me to the song, but:

Sing along, everybody!

"If you're wealthy and you know it, clap your hands!"

yo, jmaster, I'm assuming y... (Below threshold)

yo, jmaster, I'm assuming you mean a "piece of the widow"?????

"Am I getting old???? Bill ... (Below threshold)

"Am I getting old???? Bill Clinton would have already had me undressed and across the podium already."

"This guy really smells like an old man."

"I wonder if stem ce... (Below threshold)
jack rudd:

"I wonder if stem cells could grow me a spine."

Kerry: "Carville can't moc... (Below threshold)

Kerry: "Carville can't mock me any more now. I had her and Clinton could only score a chunky intern."

John Kerry sing along in an... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

John Kerry sing along in an attempt to change his standings in the polls.

Pollin' Alright
(To the tune of Feelin' Alright: Joe Cocker)

Seems I've got to have a change of scheme
'Cause ev'ry Nat'l Poll, leaves me feelin' reamed.
The UN wants the leader that I could have been,
The liberals have gone away or so it seems.
gotta poll in front before I start to scream,
But Dubya's got the floor and took away the lead.

You Pollin' alright
I'm not Pollin' too good myself.
Well, you Pollin' alright
I'm not Pollin' too good myself.

Well Swiftvets, you sure took away my pride,
And even now I say "Oh shit," and wonder why,
When I think of 'Nam, how that shrapnel made me cry,
can't waste those four months, gotta prove I am their guy.
Voters'gotta start believin' all my lies,
'Cause the French believe; I should win the prize.

You Pollin' alright
I'm not Pollin' too good myself.
Well, you Pollin' alright
I'm not Pollin' too good myself.

The truth can be found in all my plans I say,
I can Flip-Flop you know, say I always felt that way.
But that was then; Now, it's always different today,
Dubya just can f**k off, 'cause I'm here to stay.
'Til voters see Chimpboy shouldn't win the race.
Vote, John Kerry's name, Vote, a longer face.

You Pollin' alright
I'm not Pollin' too good myself.
Well, you Pollin' alright
I'm not Pollin' too good myself.

(Yeah, yeah, not the best fit for this picture, but the shelf life of this dreck is down to about 10 days now, and it does fit the current poll situation)

Cigar??.......yea...cigar..... (Below threshold)


OTWatch anti-Kerry... (Below threshold)


Watch anti-Kerry documentary STOLEN HONOR online for FREE now


I wish I had x-ray vision.<... (Below threshold)

I wish I had x-ray vision.

So she gets a check every t... (Below threshold)

So she gets a check every time they play one of the Superman movies on cable?

Pssst, Hey Dana...So... (Below threshold)

Pssst, Hey Dana...
So there's these three drunk guys on top of the Empire State Building...

Broken promises don't upset... (Below threshold)
Mike S:

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
- Jack Handey

Kerry: Hmmm, let's see ... ... (Below threshold)

Kerry: Hmmm, let's see ... widowed! ... younger! ... hotter than teresa! .... net worth? ... (sigh) For a minute there, she was almost perfect.

What IS the sound of four h... (Below threshold)

What IS the sound of four hands clapping?

KERRY: It was good for me. ... (Below threshold)
Remy Logan:

KERRY: It was good for me. I wonder if it was good for her.

HER: My god, the things I have to do to make sure the chimp doesn't win. If this douchebag loses, I'm going to have his gonads for breakfast.

.......and two heads rollin... (Below threshold)

.......and two heads rolling...

Senator John Kerry and Dana... (Below threshold)

Senator John Kerry and Dana Reeve applaud as Senator Hillary Clinton delivers her plan promoting stem cell research by alleviating the overcrowding in orphanages. Senator Kerry later endorsed what he termed "Clinton's modest proposal."

Kerry: Did I menti... (Below threshold)
jack rudd:

Kerry: Did I mention that I was in Viet Nam?

Yes! Now walk away from the... (Below threshold)
Stephen Walker:

Yes! Now walk away from the chair!

What did my prenup a... (Below threshold)
jack rudd:

What did my prenup agreement say, exactly?

Kerry: I didn't rea... (Below threshold)
jack rudd:

Kerry: I didn't realize how many stem cells one could get from a beheading. Cool.

Hmmm. I wonder how much cas... (Below threshold)

Hmmm. I wonder how much cash SHE's got in the bank...

I shouldn't have sai... (Below threshold)
jack rudd:

I shouldn't have said I was "giddy" while I was holding that shotgun...

Editor:You are cor... (Below threshold)


You are correct, sir (or madam).

Senator John Franscoise Ke... (Below threshold)

Senator John Franscoise Kerry and Ms.Reeve acknowledge the work of Dr.Lep Tu Soon of Cambodia who claims to have cured several lab rats of paralysis by injecting them with embryonic stem cells.An excited Dr. Soon exclaims:"It was twooly amazing,the rittle lats just jumped out of their rittle wheerchairs and started dancing...

John Kerry, a man to be rem... (Below threshold)

John Kerry, a man to be remembered for just two things! Taking advantage of widows and taking the letters out of Ingenuity and Innovation!

It is possible to say he is enroute to take out the whole word American. I'm guessing these words didn't fit the global litmus test!

her thought bubble: first ... (Below threshold)

her thought bubble: first I have to deal with a guy paralyzed from the neck down, now I've got to deal with this one who's paralyzed from the neck up

As part of the Kerry campai... (Below threshold)

As part of the Kerry campaign committee’s recent effort to introduce voters to John Kerry “The Guy”, the presidential candidate forces audible flatulence during a campaign appearance in Ohio.

Reporter’s note: In the awk... (Below threshold)

Reporter’s note: In the awkward silence immediately following Kerry’s gaseous “statement”, the candidate turned his head, adjusted his tie, rolled his eyes, and in a passable Rodney Dangerfield voice asked, “Did somebody just step on a goose?”

Rodney, RIP.

(Not you, Dill.)

"How you doin'?"... (Below threshold)

"How you doin'?"

[watching himself in camofl... (Below threshold)

[watching himself in camoflauge earlier in the day] Look at me, so manly and tough, I'm sure to win Ohio now! Golly, I am such a stud!

And the man who would be Pr... (Below threshold)

And the man who would be President applauded as he leaned back and smugly thought, "Oh yes . . . I dote my very presence!"

AFTER Teresa.................. (Below threshold)

AFTER Teresa........................

I've used another bitch, an... (Below threshold)
Pat Adkins:

I've used another bitch, and she doesn't even know it yet. I'm so nuanced!

It's a bird? It's a plane?... (Below threshold)

It's a bird? It's a plane? No, it's...a political prop!

"He's flopping Right. If he... (Below threshold)
October Goose:

"He's flopping Right. If he flips Left on my shoulder I'll slug him."

"One plus two plus two plus... (Below threshold)

"One plus two plus two plus one..."

While listening to Tey-Rey-... (Below threshold)

While listening to Tey-Rey-SA speak, John Kerry eyes the women next to him and thinks, "Geez, I've got the best manicure here."

Aren't fetuses great? I thi... (Below threshold)

Aren't fetuses great? I think I'll go home now and have one with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Immature submission:... (Below threshold)

Immature submission:
Kerry lets one fly, and sits back to judge the quality, as his neighbor catches the first whiff...

French submission:
Kerry: Lets see, can I stick my nose any further in the air and still see what's in front of me?

Submission the Chitlin's won't understand (and Vietnam Submission):
Kerry: Man, this chick is hot.. I wonder if she'll be impressed with my Purple Hearts.

Glamor Submission (with special guest Botox):
Kerry: I've held this pose for 20 minutes now, I wonder if that photographer got a decent shot off yet, it's not like my face is moving.

"That whole 'Chris Reeve wi... (Below threshold)

"That whole 'Chris Reeve will walk again' line was garbage. But you know, I *can* still get the little sergeant to salute, if you catch my drift."

"Ya know, I forgot to save ... (Below threshold)

"Ya know, I forgot to save the number on my cell phone when Chris called me last Satu..err...Fr...uh... anyway, what do ya say you give the ol' Senator some digits? Here, the back of this Silver Star certificate should do just fine."

:She loves me. That makes ... (Below threshold)

:She loves me. That makes two of us.:

Laura Lee--Nice "Clue" refe... (Below threshold)

Laura Lee--Nice "Clue" reference!

I don't know what those two... (Below threshold)

I don't know what those two "I" words mean, but the crowd seems to love 'em. I'll work them into my next few speeches.

I have this memory my mothe... (Below threshold)

I have this memory my mother in her hospital bed when I told her I was going to run for president.

She looked up at me and said innovation, innovation, innovation.

Kerry thought bubble:... (Below threshold)

Kerry thought bubble:

only the government can solve problems, yes, that's it, only the government...

Thank God this womans husba... (Below threshold)

Thank God this womans husband died...
I could get a boost in the polls from it!

I wonder if kryptonite woul... (Below threshold)

I wonder if kryptonite would render her useless?

I wonder if she ever heard ... (Below threshold)

I wonder if she ever heard the one about the invisible man and wonderwoman doing it when superman looked down and saw them doing it and....

Kerry (singing in his head)... (Below threshold)
Dean Satterlee:

Kerry (singing in his head) - "Can you read my mind?"

JK: Yep. They fell for that... (Below threshold)

JK: Yep. They fell for that one, too. Hook, line, and ... it's like shooting fish in a...
DR: Oh. My. God. Get. Me. Out of. Here. Now.

Kerry: Dammit! I've stuffe... (Below threshold)

Kerry: Dammit! I've stuffed chopped onions up my nose, rolled in cat dander, put my naughty bits in a vice, and jammed bamboo slivers under my toenails and I STILL can't whip up any fake tears over Chris' death. Guess I'll just have to resort to my usual lame "pensive" look. Let's see. How did I do that again? Lips tightened. Eyebrows up. OW! My botox!

"Hmmm I wonder if I cooked ... (Below threshold)

"Hmmm I wonder if I cooked my goose"

Man, I should have started ... (Below threshold)

Man, I should have started coming to Chippendales years ago!

Kerry: Hmmm...I wonder how ... (Below threshold)

Kerry: Hmmm...I wonder how much this chick's worth? Afterall she is available now, and that damed Theresa's been quite the bitch lately...

"This babe scores much high... (Below threshold)

"This babe scores much higher than Teresa on my 'global test', it's a damn shame she doesn't satisfy my economic plan."

Golf clap? Golf clap.... (Below threshold)

Golf clap? Golf clap.

"Huh... that Arafat guy mak... (Below threshold)

"Huh... that Arafat guy makes sense... maybe I should hire him to reach out to militants..."

Hmmmm.. I got an erection. ... (Below threshold)
Charles V:

Hmmmm.. I got an erection.

"Kerry caught blocking Amer... (Below threshold)

"Kerry caught blocking American ingenuity and innovation!"

Much as with the saving of ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Much as with the saving of Tinkerbell from poisoning, this rally had the makings of a true fairy tale ending, but in the end neither the clapping nor Teresa's gin inspired mantra of "Tink 'appy tawts" could reverse the demise of Christopher Reeves or the Kerry Campaign.

(More black humor)... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

(More black humor)

John: "Well Dana, what are my chances?'
Dana: "Both my Chris, and Paul Wellstone are now polling higher than you, so I think its clear what needs to be done."

At the opening of mosquito ... (Below threshold)

At the opening of mosquito hunting season in Minnesota, John Kerry slaps the legal limit of one mosquito, and so did each of his hunting buddies.

Always seeking to expand hi... (Below threshold)

Always seeking to expand his constituencies, John Kerry attends the annual convention of bodyless humans. While unable to nod approvingly (see background), they gaze attentively as Senator Kerry educates them on the proper use of arms.

Update: <a href="ht... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced. Comments now closed.






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