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Funniest. Shopping List. Ever.

New Orleans being a 24 hour town, I was not surprised to be second in line at the local grocery store at 2AM on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. But I got a chuckle at what the guy in line in front of me was buying.

3 Things.

Diapers, Condoms and Beer.

I was dying to tell the cashier, "Boy he'll never make THAT mistake again" but I resisted.

But I had to wonder... Which item(s) was the one that caused him to leave home at 2 in the morning?


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Comments (18)

Ya know, Paul, I can see an... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

Ya know, Paul, I can see any combination of the two working (condoms + beer = "gonna get me some!"; condoms + diapers = "eight is enough!"; diapers + beer = "kid's driving me to drink!"), but you're right. The three together... hoo boy.

But did the guy seem in a real rush to pay and go? I'd've wanted to start a betting pool on which he considered the real emergency, and which was "while I'm here?"

Never coulda happened here in Cow Hampshire. liquor sales are illegal between 11:30 p.m. or so and 6 a.m. They padlock the coolers and everything...


I always enjoy asking the c... (Below threshold)

I always enjoy asking the checkout girl "Is this enough toilet paper for this much food?"

He forgot the pickles and ... (Below threshold)
Steel Turman:

He forgot the pickles and ice cream.

It was the cigarettes that ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

It was the cigarettes that brought him out in the middle of the night, but he forgot them when he remembered the diapers, and had to come back for them later.
(I always tell my wife if its more that three things I need a list)

At least it is not as shame... (Below threshold)

At least it is not as shameful as when, during my single days, I allowed a girlfriend to talk me into going to the store to pick up a half gallon of double fudge ice cream in the middle of a blizzard!

The store clerk seeing this one item ask me if I was crazy, and at that point, I had to agree with her accessment that I was. And no, the girlfriend was not pregnant (or fat).

Saw somebody behind me in l... (Below threshold)

Saw somebody behind me in line at a grocery store after midnight in Charleston one night come dressed in club clothes with an ID wristband from a club/bar in town to buy mayo and something else that didn't go with it (forgot what right now.)

Huh. A couple of times a we... (Below threshold)

Huh. A couple of times a week, I would stop at 7-11 around 4:30 am for coffee. A huge transvestite would arrive by taxi and buy about 30 candy bars, which would be flung all over the counter. Definitely, a sweet tooth.

Uh, that guy was me.... (Below threshold)

Uh, that guy was me...

Well, not this time, but I have bought that exact same list before. Pretty typical for a newborn's parents, I'd say.

When my rug rat was about 6 months old my parents took her for a weekend so my wife and I could have a break, and as I was on the way to the store to get some beer and condoms (A combo I think we've all picked up at some point or another), she called to remind me that the kid needed diapers as well. Not that odd, once you think about it.


If the guy was picking up adult-sized diapers we've got a whole other scenario going on, and I hope he wasn't on the way to the pet store next.

Run, Lemmiwinks, run!

The beer of course!... (Below threshold)

The beer of course!

oh this is easy.1) t... (Below threshold)

oh this is easy.
1) the diapers for the obvious reason.
2) the beer, since mom is up anyway
3) the condoms, hoping to take advantage of the beer influence. (once the baby goes back down, of course)

Worst shopping list ever fo... (Below threshold)

Worst shopping list ever for my brother and me:

Can Opener
Canned Dog Food
Big Bottle of Maalox

When we realized what that looked like in the buggy, we started arguing over who was going through the checkout with it...

At our supermarket, we have... (Below threshold)

At our supermarket, we have those self-check aisles, where the scanner reads the bar code and you check your own stuff out. I went there a few months ago with my 19 year old son, who had never seen it before. He noticed for the first time that when you scan an item, there's a female voice that announces the price of the item loud enough for people within 15 feet to hear. He joked that it was a good thing it didn't announce what the item was. You can just imagine with the New Orleans guy's basket -- "Beer! Diapers! CON-DOMS!!!"

Actually saw a guy checkin... (Below threshold)

Actually saw a guy checking out in front of me with a cart FILLED with balogna, bacon, mayonaise and white bread. At least twenty pounds of the stuff. Nothing else, just balogna, bacon, mayonaise and bread.

He was at least 400+ lbs., so I doubt if it was his version of Atkins --he did have bread.

my best sale ever working a... (Below threshold)

my best sale ever working at a mini-mart was:

Swisher Sweets
Three condoms

And to make it better, the guy made some comment about how those three ingredients would make for a rockin' night.

One Halloween Eve my wife w... (Below threshold)

One Halloween Eve my wife was standing in the grocery line and realized she was buying candy and razor blades. My guess is that her embarrased explanations were unconvincing...

SO! It's your wife's fault ... (Below threshold)

SO! It's your wife's fault parents have to check their kid's candy now!!! We finally find the culprit!

diapersand since w... (Below threshold)


and since we're up, some beer and nookie!


ps Paul, what were you doing in the store at 2 am?

hey, if i go up will the sk... (Below threshold)

hey, if i go up will the ski fall??






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