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She's a Better Man Than Me

Twenty years ago or so, at the height of the feminists era, I was walking into a mall when I got to the entrance just ahead of a woman who was walking a few paces behind me. Being a polite young man, I open the door and stepped to the side to let her enter. I didn't think much of it until the woman slapped my cheek and informed me she was able to open her own damn door.

Lessons learned: #1) Some people go out of their way to be offended and #2) Be careful who you open doors for.

I don't want to sound overly traumatized, but that second lesson has stuck with me to the point that to this day if I open the door for a woman, I keep my eye on her.

Yesterday I was headed into a local store when I saw a woman approaching from the opposite direction. Realizing I was going to reach the door before her, I planned to open it... but old habits die hard so I started to check her out. My eyes were drawn to her right hand which held a lit cigar. And not one of those thin chick cigars either. We're talking the kind of cigar a guy named 'Lou' chews on while he bets 20 bucks on the #3 horse of the fourth race. A stogy bigger than my left thumb.

About the time I noticed the cigar, the woman realized she was headed into a public building, so she -I kid you not- took a final puff then put the cigar out by placing the lit end in her left hand and squeezing. Glowing red embers and ash went everywhere and when she was done, she plopped the cigar in her shirt pocket and continued on like she did it everyday.

It was at that precise moment I decided to let her open her own door -- just in case.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference She's a Better Man Than Me:

» Joe's Dartblog linked with Cigar or No Cigar...

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» Tempus Fugit | TxFx.net linked with Intelligent Sensitivity

» Cigarman's Cigar Blog linked with Cigar or No Cigar...

Comments (45)

The Bible has instructions ... (Below threshold)

The Bible has instructions on how "women" like that should be dealt with.

Really, minnie? I have one ... (Below threshold)

Really, minnie? I have one right here on my desk and I fail to find a reference to cigars anywhere in it.

Too bad the bible doesn't h... (Below threshold)

Too bad the bible doesn't have a passage for how to deal with trolls like minnie.

You should have knocked her senseless. It's only fair, right?

No, Andrea, "hope she'll as... (Below threshold)

No, Andrea, "hope she'll ask you out on a date" is not the correct answer.

Bible? I'm pretty sure you... (Below threshold)

Bible? I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Bill Clinton.

I've never understood the i... (Below threshold)

I've never understood the indignation that comes with having someone display such an act of consideration.

If I am with a group of women, I tend to be the last to enter, and the last to exit. However, if I am with a group of men, I have no difficulty what-so-ever in accepting a gracious "after you."

In fact, I enjoy the gesture.

The truth is, holding a door, or taking a step back from an elevator, is nothing more that simple courtesy...whether aimed at a woman, or a man.

Actually, I think that woma... (Below threshold)

Actually, I think that woman might have let you gotten away with opening the door for her.

The best reponse I've ever ... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

The best reponse I've ever heard to this is "I didn't hold the door for you because you're a woman, but because I'm a gentleman."

That said, I really am getting tired of minnie. He/she/it HAS to be a Moby (agent provocateur). No one could combine that much ignorance, arrogance, and sheer density and actually manage to use a computer.

Unless, of course, "minnie" is a bot...


Discretion truly is the bet... (Below threshold)

Discretion truly is the better part of valor.

What I don't understand is ... (Below threshold)

What I don't understand is why she slapped you.
That part makes no sense whatsoever. If she was a real feminist, she would have attempted to punch you.

Minnie is a moonbat. Everyo... (Below threshold)
Remy Logan:

Minnie is a moonbat. Everyone else is right, you should have held the door for her. BTW, if someone slaps you that is battery and they should be doing some time.

I always make sure that I l... (Below threshold)
Pam in Ann Arbor:

I always make sure that I look the man in the eye and give a sincere thank you for opening the door. I really appreciate it. In today's world a man may feel at risk doing a courtesy for an unknown woman. Yes, I can open my own door, but there is room in this world for polite etiquette!

Paul, I have one word for t... (Below threshold)

Paul, I have one word for that: Yikes!

Hysterically funny, Paul. I... (Below threshold)

Hysterically funny, Paul. I, for one, am a lady. I like the gesture of a man opening the door for me, holdingmy chair (as long as he doesn't pull it out from under me) paying for a meal and being a gentleman. And I don't mind doing the same for someone else as a woman especially if that person needs it. What I do seem to miss, tho, is the normal courtesy of thank you, you're welcome, and after sharing a meal and shooting the breeze, letting the person know the next day that you enjoyed their company and appreciation for a good time spent.

Many times I walk around with crutches under both arms (I totalled my van, my wheelchairs and myself) and still people are rude, can't be bothered to get up off their asses and open the supposed handicap door that should be there but isn't making things much more difficult for me on really bad days.

As a woman, I like to be treated as a woman but also as a woman, I can also be a gentleman. I just wish more people would be more courteous no matter what sex they are instead of treating people like they are invisible. My parents brought me up right.

As to your troll here, I'm battling a few on another site except site owner doesn't pay much attention whereas I would have banned that person(s) a long time ago. Even online, people can be even more vile than they are in person.


And as far as I can tell, n... (Below threshold)

And as far as I can tell, nothing in any of my bibles ever spoke about women who smoked cigars.

Hell, I'm going to a pipe soon so I can quit smoking after 41 years.

And if you ever run into me Paul, which I doubt since I'm from "cow hampshire" ugh, you can open the door for me anytime. Actually,that woman who slapped you could have been charged with assault and battery.


How did you like meeting Ja... (Below threshold)

How did you like meeting Janet Reno?

Woman number one you should... (Below threshold)

Woman number one you should have decked while telling her that is how you would treat a man that hit you, and if that's how you want to be treated...*smack*.

Woman two...I'd have just stopped and stared.

I've never had a problem holding doors for women and I often do it when they are a ways back, but if ever I do, Jay Tea above gave the best retort: "I didn't hold the door for you because you're a woman, but because I'm a gentleman." God, I hope I get to use it someday. It ranks up there with when a woman calls me a name and I deadpan with a shrug, "I've been called worse by better." Never fails to take them aback.

The Bible says such women..... (Below threshold)
Patrick Chester:

The Bible says such women... WIN A FREE TRIP TO TAHITI!


If I had been slapped in th... (Below threshold)

If I had been slapped in the face for holding a door for any person, they would have received a swift right cross to the nose, and I would have continued on walking away as if nothing had happened. I would have turned my head upon so doing and stated "NO! I do not have any crack cocaine to sell you!!"

Obviously, she was yet another fever swamp moonbat.

I don't know about you Paul... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

I don't know about you Paul, but as for myself I'm as likely to hold the door open for a man as well as a woman, when I get to a door first. If that is the same for you, and this woman would strike a man holding the door open, but not strike a woman holding the door, that would make her the sexist.

Outside of that, its simple assault regardless. If there were witnesses, (I know, not likely) she should be charged.

Neil Cavuto recently mentio... (Below threshold)

Neil Cavuto recently mentioned this issue on his show (think it was the Friday a week ago) and then asked viewers to write him with opinions about this issue (he tried to open a door for a woman recently and received a verbal reprimand equivalent in impact to that slap that you write you did years ago, and Cavuto asked the woman about it and she lectured him on the "I'm quite capable of opening my own doors" line of attack, so Cavuoto asked his readers for opinions about this and looked completely befuddled while doing so).

Anyway, this issue was one of the one and only issues that inspired me to actually write to a broadcast network host and offer my opinion.

I often, as a female, stand aside and also stand aside while opening a door for not only women, but elderly women, elderly men, young women, young men, middle aged/adult women, middle aged/adult men...

The point is, it's a habit of mannerisms and doesn't have much to do with genders, in my experience. Except in the strange perceptions of that minority of humans who perceive all manners, all behaviors, all of everything as some political statement, which they aren't.

I'm a female to add some information here and it is considered by me an act of social consideration to step aside and allow someone else to first enter and/or to open a door in that process to whomever enters before you and/or if you have to cross the barrier first, to then stop afterward, reach back and hold the door open for those that follow.

It has nothing, NOTHING, to do with gender bias, gender ANYthing, but indicates social awareness, a consideration on a human level that is the equivalent of requesting with a "please" and responding with a "thank you" and not dealing out with a didactic fist what everyone is is to do or is not and demanding this, demanding that, running amok in society against all and any.

People who display that level of inconsideration -- even demand that others be equally inconsiderate, particularly on an interpersonal level -- readily reveal that they deal in the world of resentments, bespeak of a despicable lack of regard for human life and human relationships and reveal so much worse about themselves as to leave me further speechless.

You just can't interact with any civility with people like that because they don't respect or appreciate it. I was standing once in a line at a COSTCO once to fill a cup from the soda machine and a few people continued to just walk in front of everyone else -- I mean, most everyone was annoyed but because they were teenagers doing the cutting, I think it was the group assumption that no one wanted to "interfere" with someone else's obviously very ill mannered children.

Finally, a woman in front of me in the line yelled out at one of the guys/kids doing this, "HEY, there A LINE here!"

And the kids looked shocked. Apparently, no one had either instructed them in basic social behaviors or they were persisting in violating what they knew to be wrong -- it took someone with authority in their voice to brave the silence and yell out the required behavior to those kids for them to get the message.

Some people never receive any parenting or nearly enough of it, and these basic social skills are an indication of not only their own poor if not dreadful social environment, or, it indicates people who have abandoned all sense of what is good social behavior and what isn't.

And, particularly, women who try to make this basic social consideration offering of someone holding open their door, into something gender-political-sexual nonsense are complete boobs themselves. I mean, they aren't representatives of what is female, they are just vile and inconsiderate people.

Paul,Did you ask h... (Below threshold)
Mrs. Davis:


Did you ask her neighbors if she had any social diseases?

I prefer the Jim Rockford w... (Below threshold)

I prefer the Jim Rockford way of handling this. As he and a person of the female gender approached a door, he walked through without holding it. She then complained ‘don’t you hold the door for ladies?’ Whereupon he replied ‘No, I’m liberated, get your own damn door!’
Personally, I will hold the door for ladies who do not display an attitude the size of Kansas.

I'm thinking that the probl... (Below threshold)

I'm thinking that the problem of "road rage" has now spilled over to doors and entranceways...territorial responses of the irrationally devoted kind.

If it's safe, hold a door open for someone appreciative. Or, similarly, extend the rightofway to someone. I'm just saying, most of society appreciates these efforts and it's the verra bad apples (sorry, Paul, not intended in reference to anything but the old colloquialisms) who make these social gestures of consideration into gang wars and such.

I open doors for anyone and often. I never ask for credentials or definitions and I've always been smiled at in response, and the nicest folks even say, "thank you" in some form or another. Most people do.

I'm sorta curioius, however... (Below threshold)

I'm sorta curioius, however: given that the recent trend by many males is to admire and find attractive the more aggressive females among our human numbers, I'm now curious why some females acting out in aggressive overtones and such is drawing criticism. As females, that is.

I mean, bad behavior is bad behavior. Anyone punching, yelling out, making insulting/crude comments to someone offering helps is an indication of bad behavior.

But, why are females doing this being now discussed within a gender definition? I mean, males act just as badly and in similar circumstances...I've had males slam doors in my face in the Post Office but I haven't yet taken that to mean that males as a gender characteristic act that way.

I always hold the door. Mai... (Below threshold)

I always hold the door. Mainly because I'm in the south & if I don't, it'll get back to my momma. She'll kick my ass for being bad mannered.

What Suzy said brings up a ... (Below threshold)

What Suzy said brings up a couple of good points. what I've noticed that wherever I go, usually for a group/couple/pair of people going through a door, the first one damn near ALWAYS holds the door for everyone else, or until he's relieved by a like-minded individual who says "hey I got it, thanks" and then usually, most people I've ran into either respond with a smile or just a little "thanks" without realizing it, as if on automatic. It has nothing to do with what gender the people are, it just has to do with common courtesy, I'm as likely to hold the door open for the most softest of females as I am for a random male.

the entrance just ahead ... (Below threshold)

the entrance just ahead of a woman who was walking a few paces behind me. Being a polite young man, I open the door and stepped to the side to let her enter. I didn't think much of it until the woman slapped my cheek and informed me she was able to open her own damn door

Something like this happened to my brother years ago (no slap but some angry words) so I never offer my seat on the subway to any woman, but I make a point to offer it to old grandpas.

Wow, that stuff really happ... (Below threshold)

Wow, that stuff really happened?

Well, as a twenty-something, I can happily report that trend has apparently come full circle. Most girls I date expect me to open the door, and if they get there first will look at me pointedly until I do so.

TallDave that's your fault ... (Below threshold)

TallDave that's your fault for not getting to the door first, and for walking inside of them on the street.

-S-I'm s... (Below threshold)


I'm sorta curioius, however: given that the recent trend by many males is to admire and find attractive the more aggressive females among our human numbers, I'm now curious why some females acting out in aggressive overtones and such is drawing criticism. As females, that is.

We men are pretty simple. A woman acting aggressively is fun to watch, plus general aggressiveness usually translates to sexual aggressiveness which we also find fascinating because we're generally oversexed compared to women. When a woman is rude tho, that's just annoying.

The next time you hold a do... (Below threshold)

The next time you hold a door for a woman and she tells you she can open the door herself, just reply "good! now you can work on your manners".

TallDave...thanks for addin... (Below threshold)

TallDave...thanks for adding that, and I think it's information I've long ago realized (about males, but it's always interesting to read other's revelations, never tire of that)...but, I guess what remains unaddressed here and perhaps unexamined is, from a generalized "male" perspective (meaning, any male qualifies here), what's the difference in female behaviors between (1.) being "aggressive;" and, (2.) being "rude."

What I think it is, ahem, is that it makes a difference as to ALL behaviors by females in a male's perspective if they act whatever but pose greatly attractive physical characteristics.

Note that Paul's bad experience correlates to a physically unattractive female...but I wonder what his reaction would have been had it been, say, Angelina Jolie smoking a big ole' cigar and barnstorming her way ahead of him through that there door...

Maybe I make my point.

On the other hand, Neil Cavuto related that the woman he had that poor interaction with was "...quite attractive..." but he also related how he persisted in seeking out that woman's feelings and perspectives after her initial retort to him (Cavuto), which means he continued to display a certain male persistence of the good kind after her "rude" retort to him, which indicates to me that he was compensating for her poor behavior because of her acceptable female appearance.

While, with Paul, and similar stories, if the female is physically unappealing, it indicates something else.

Just curious...perhaps I am missing something here.

I would say rude = aggressi... (Below threshold)

I would say rude = aggressive + disrespectful, and that rude is rude regardless, although all things being equal we'd probably rather be slapped by the more attractive woman ;)

Pretty girls can be bitches too, guys are just more likely to put up with it -- but women are the same way with guys. Attractiveness is always a plus in any social situation.

Fortunately, I live in the ... (Below threshold)

Fortunately, I live in the South where, if such nonsense happens, I am not aware of it. As a matter of fact, I even hold the door for MEN half the time. Almost without fail, women thank me for holding the door for them.

To be fair, I have a buzz haircut, I am about 6'4" tall, weigh 230 lbs. and hold a black belt. I have been told I am a little imposing. Perhaps women have wanted to slap me but thought better of it. :)

you can open doors for me a... (Below threshold)

you can open doors for me anytime, Jeff Blogworthy. TallDave, too...


Henry, JayTea, Paul....... (Below threshold)

Henry, JayTea, Paul....

So, Paul. Where is it exac... (Below threshold)
Pat Adkins:

So, Paul. Where is it exactly that you live? You sure the slapper wasn't Mo Dowd? Sounds like something that bitter hag would do.

Come to Alabama. Our women don't act that way. Some may drive a 4X4 truck and cuss, but they still say "thank you" when you do something nice for them.

Note to Minnie: If you can't say something that makes sense, don't say anything.

I’ll vouch for the politene... (Below threshold)

I’ll vouch for the politeness in the South. People still seem to have manners here.

I moved to Knoxville, TN from Miami, FL, where just about everybody is pretty curmudgeonly, and was astonished by the overwhelming politeness of people around here. In the ten years I’ve lived in Knoxville, I can’t recall one instance where anybody was bent out of shape that I held a door open for them. About the worst behavior I can remember would be somebody not saying, “Thank you.” And most people are appreciative and do say, "Thanks."

Now whenever I visit my family down in Miami, I’ll occasionally forget myself and hold open a door and get the random odd look or a strange expression, like “What planet are you from?”. But fortunately, I haven’t gotten any rude treatment from it.

I've never been yelled at f... (Below threshold)

I've never been yelled at for holding a door open for a woman. Worst response I ever got was when I held the door open and waited for one of a rather large party coming behind me to take hold of it -- and none did.

That wasn't here in Georgia, though -- even the trash around here is better brought up than that.

I have to disagree with Mr.... (Below threshold)
Steven L:

I have to disagree with Mr. Tea when he says:"The best reponse I've ever heard to this is 'I didn't hold the door for you because you're a woman, but because I'm a gentleman.'"

The best response actually is "I didn't hold the door open because you're a woman -- it was because of your age."

Hello, Robby Edwards! I li... (Below threshold)

Hello, Robby Edwards! I live in Knoxville too - Powell to be exact.

with pleasure, Suzy.... (Below threshold)

with pleasure, Suzy.

Wow...wouldn't want to be n... (Below threshold)

Wow...wouldn't want to be near that ill mannered B^%$&.....
One more thing to add about manners...Visiting the local Starbucks 5 days a week at 7:00am I often find myself amid a crowd of those seeking the drive-cup. Usually everyone is pressed for time and the counter is experiencing its busiest time of the day. There is always a nice gentleman there to hold the door as we both approach and not only do I say thank you but once inside the door I step to the right and let the kind gentleman step in front of me and order his coffee first. It's the least I can do to acknowledge a dying breed of men who were brought up by mothers who taught them well.
Young people? Not so much...most are self centered and unyielding. If I caught either of my children in such a display I would knock them silly where they stood.

I have never been offended ... (Below threshold)
Just Me:

I have never been offended at having a door opened for me. As a matter of fact, back in my double stroller days, I probably would have thought you were rude, if you stood there and let the door slam in my face, when I was pushing it (and there were lots of people who did it too).

I have no problems opening doors for people myself though-generally if I get there first I will open it for whoever, although I have had a few men take over the job.






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