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Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™.

Former Democratic presidential candidate and US Senator John Kerry (news - web sites) (C) gestures during inaugural ceremonies on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC. As Republicans partied Democrats vowed not to be rolled over during Bush's second term in office(AFP/Timothy A. Clary)

Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Weekend Caption Contest™:

» Conservative Life - General Politics linked with Conservative Life Caption Contest #06

» The Daily Brief: We Don't Know What Your Problem Is... But We Bet It's Hard To Pronounce! linked with Caption Contest, The Sixth

Comments (159)

Kerry (doing his best Bob U... (Below threshold)
Dean Satterlee:

Kerry (doing his best Bob Ueker voice) - "I must be in the front row!"

You think Cheney has someth... (Below threshold)

You think Cheney has something to brag about? Let me tell you something: I have the most impressive liberal wiener of any liberal wiener.

It's fun to stay at the Y-M... (Below threshold)
Dean Satterlee:

It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A...

"Don't cry for me, Argentin... (Below threshold)

"Don't cry for me, Argentina!"

(Kerry implores the Ohio de... (Below threshold)
Dean Satterlee:

(Kerry implores the Ohio delegation with the cheer...) - "Give me an O!"

"Missed it by that much."</... (Below threshold)
Dean Satterlee:

"Missed it by that much."

I was *this* close to winni... (Below threshold)

I was *this* close to winning!

No really, I was only this ... (Below threshold)

No really, I was only this far from Cambodia. Heh, heh. Really. This far.

Come on guys.....Somebody h... (Below threshold)

Come on guys.....Somebody has to tell him he lost!

If I can just get these dop... (Below threshold)

If I can just get these dopes to like me, maybe I can still be President. (aide whispers something) I KNOW THE INAUGURATION WAS TODAY, EVER HEAR OF IMPEACHMENT!?

If I can't be the president... (Below threshold)

If I can't be the president, maybe I can be the Pope...

I tried!... (Below threshold)

I tried!

Dammit, BfT took the line I... (Below threshold)

Dammit, BfT took the line I wanted!

Seriously, that's the first thing I thought of when I saw the pic.

I was this close to ... (Below threshold)

I was this close to Barbara and Condi's cat fight...

(First guy behind Kerry) "I... (Below threshold)
player of blues:

(First guy behind Kerry) "I get the botox injections, but the buttock implants are just a cry for help." (Second guy) "I don't know.. If you tilt your head just right..."

( Said by the two gentlemen... (Below threshold)

( Said by the two gentlemen on the right)

"My God, he really does have a stick up his ass!"

I swear, I'll do one better... (Below threshold)

I swear, I'll do one better than Al Gore. I'll grow my 'I Lost The Presidency Beard' out THIS far!

Are those Soros' ankles pee... (Below threshold)

Are those Soros' ankles peeking out from under that coat?

"Don't blame me, I voted fo... (Below threshold)

"Don't blame me, I voted for...uhh...oh crap."

"Feel my stomach, feel how ... (Below threshold)

"Feel my stomach, feel how hard those abs are? Ga-head, free punch to the stomach, anyone, go ahead, hit your best shot. Al Gore went all puffy but not the Ker-meister."

Thank you all for coming ou... (Below threshold)
Jack in TX:

Thank you all for coming out to our Victory Parade here at beatiful Fenray Park!

I still have a chance Dammi... (Below threshold)

I still have a chance Dammit !!!!!!!

Ta-RAY-za wanted to come to... (Below threshold)
Jack in TX:

Ta-RAY-za wanted to come today, but these seats are really narrow, and she's........

"Who's ready for 2008! ....... (Below threshold)

"Who's ready for 2008! ........ Anyone?! ..... Anyone? .... Bueller?"

Heard from the crowd below:... (Below threshold)

Heard from the crowd below: "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!"

Who says the French don't s... (Below threshold)

Who says the French don't shave their armpits?... see.

"And God spoke to me, telli... (Below threshold)

"And God spoke to me, telling me to go to Cambodia so that one day I could lead my people (the rich and whinny ones) to the promised land!" "No really, God spoke to me!"

Kerry: "Maybe if I hold my ... (Below threshold)

Kerry: "Maybe if I hold my arms like so, people will mistake me for Jesus and I will get the religious right vote in 2008!"

I am the leader of the lose... (Below threshold)

I am the leader of the losers section all hail me...

"My ego is this big."... (Below threshold)
Jim Hines:

"My ego is this big."

It is sad really. Still, a... (Below threshold)

It is sad really. Still, after all this time, young Eddie Munster is still living in his father Herman's shadow (just above Kerry's right hand).
HM: "Some day, Eddie, all of this will be yours!"
EM: "That's a lot of failure for just one man, pop..."
and for the men behind him...
"I've always wondered who's hand was up there, making the lips moved..."

Kerry: "I believe I can fly... (Below threshold)

Kerry: "I believe I can fly".


"So you knew that I was BS'... (Below threshold)

"So you knew that I was BS'n you the whole time"?

"...shit in one hand...a... (Below threshold)
Randy P.:

"...shit in one hand...and wish in the other..."

"I surrender" (spoken in hi... (Below threshold)

"I surrender" (spoken in his best French accent)

After watching Ted Kennedy ... (Below threshold)

After watching Ted Kennedy (D-MA) write his name in the snow during the Bush inauguration ceremony, fellow Massachusetts Senator John Kerry jibes back with some good natured one-upmanship: “Look Ted, I can do it with no hands!”

Hey look George, I put my p... (Below threshold)
Rob Hackney:

Hey look George, I put my purple hearts down my pants! Hands up who wants Terasa to fish them out with her teeth!

Teresa's ass?? Yeah it's t... (Below threshold)

Teresa's ass?? Yeah it's this big!

"If you don't want to hang ... (Below threshold)

"If you don't want to hang around for Bush's balls, feel free to help me get mine back from Teresa."

Okay, okay, I cut the chees... (Below threshold)

Okay, okay, I cut the cheese.

As the crowd breaks up John... (Below threshold)

As the crowd breaks up John Kerry runs to the podium to give his inauguration speech.

Guy in the read scarf, "Jee... (Below threshold)

Guy in the read scarf, "Jeez what a putz!"

While overlooking a crowd o... (Below threshold)

While overlooking a crowd of thousands of Republicans, John Kerry envisions the DNC’s 2008 campaign strategy miracle: The Parting of the Red Sea.

Four more years? Four more ... (Below threshold)

Four more years? Four more years. Of course, I'd be happy to serve four more years. Wow, this crowd really loves me.

"I dropped the baby, I don'... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"I dropped the baby, I don't know why."

"Shit Happens."

"Hey - I'm still waiting fo... (Below threshold)
William Charnock:

"Hey - I'm still waiting for those recount results in Ohio..."

You want a piece of me? </... (Below threshold)

You want a piece of me?

Ok, lets say my head is the... (Below threshold)
BoSox Fan:

Ok, lets say my head is the size of the sun, this would have been the size of the
Social Security shortfall by 2008 if the election had not been stolen out from under me.

So what - So let's dance!</... (Below threshold)
Drew - Dallas, TX:

So what - So let's dance!

Ok I'm ready to be hung as ... (Below threshold)

Ok I'm ready to be hung as the party martyr.

Guy back-right of Kerry: "... (Below threshold)

Guy back-right of Kerry: "Is that..?"

Guy back-left of Kerry: "Yeah. Toilet paper. Still think we should have cheated more in Ohio?"

Guy back-right: "Uh..."

Guy back-left: "Me neither. Guy can't even wipe his own ass right, and he wanted to be President. We lucked out big-time."


"See, what did I tell ya? T... (Below threshold)

"See, what did I tell ya? They love me!"

DON"T EAT THE BROWN ACID !<... (Below threshold)
Dave G.:


"Don't cry for me, Argentin... (Below threshold)

"Don't cry for me, Argentina ... er America."

"See, even with 57 knives i... (Below threshold)

"See, even with 57 knives in his back, he still stands straight".

Crap! BoiFromTroy already ... (Below threshold)

Crap! BoiFromTroy already had it!

My Viet Nam lies were at le... (Below threshold)

My Viet Nam lies were at least this big!!!!!!!

"yes, Tereza's mouth is thi... (Below threshold)

"yes, Tereza's mouth is this big..."

I'm John Kerry...reporting ... (Below threshold)

I'm John Kerry...reporting to PARTY!

"Where's the January surpri... (Below threshold)

"Where's the January surprise"?

"And I was this clos... (Below threshold)

"And I was this close to being President!!"

Guy in black woolen cap say... (Below threshold)

Guy in black woolen cap says "Hi, I'm from CSI Las Vegas and I would like to talk to you about your possible involvement in the murder of American Politics as we know it."

I'm tellin' ya' Bob, that i... (Below threshold)

I'm tellin' ya' Bob, that is *so* life-like it's downright creepy.

"What's the secret to my su... (Below threshold)

"What's the secret to my success in marrying mega-rich women? I've got a pecker this big!"

.....now i will cut my loss... (Below threshold)
carolyn foland:

.....now i will cut my losses and enjoy a weiner THIS big, with TONS and TONS of HEINZ ketchup....

I coulda been a contenter, ... (Below threshold)

I coulda been a contenter, I coulda been somebody...

Officer1 - OK, Senator, you... (Below threshold)
Justin B:

Officer1 - OK, Senator, you were able to say your ABC's backward and walk the line. Now extend your arms out to the side, close your eyes and touch the tip of your nose.

Officer2 - Shit Bob. I think we are giving the DUI exam to the wrong senator from Massachusetts.

Kerry indicating the reason... (Below threshold)
John P:

Kerry indicating the reason a Monica Lewinsky style scandal would not be possible during his administration.

See those people out there ... (Below threshold)

See those people out there burnng the American flag and waving signs praising 9/11? Those are my kind of people; my citizens.

Alright People!!! Let me ge... (Below threshold)

Alright People!!! Let me get a big Whoop Whoop for the man of the hour George W. Bush.

(I wish he would say that because then all the women who ever blew me off with when hell freezes over would have some issues)

What can I say... I f***ing... (Below threshold)

What can I say... I f***ing blew it.

"It ain't me, babe..."... (Below threshold)

"It ain't me, babe..."

At the alternative Inaugura... (Below threshold)

At the alternative Inauguration in France, John Kerry prepares to leap into the crowd to be carried on their backs like a large sack of concrete.

So the truth won out over a... (Below threshold)

So the truth won out over all my lies. What can I say!!!! Ya got me! Can't blame me for tryin.

And proving there is a Simp... (Below threshold)

And proving there is a Simpsons's quote for every occasion.

"Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you." -- Mr. Burns

Since I lost, they're blue ... (Below threshold)

Since I lost, they're blue and they're THIS big.

OH... IO... come on Senat... (Below threshold)

OH... IO... come on Senator Voinovich sing it with me!

Yes, Dick really is this bi... (Below threshold)

Yes, Dick really is this big.

"Where's Theresa?" Who the... (Below threshold)

"Where's Theresa?" Who the hell cares!! Let's party Teddy Kennedy style!

Hey, what can I say? I los... (Below threshold)

Hey, what can I say? I lost by this much!

I'm good-looking. I'm rich... (Below threshold)

I'm good-looking. I'm rich. So vote for me for crissakes!!

Everyone shout! "Gregoire ... (Below threshold)
Jack in TX:

Everyone shout! "Gregoire for DNC Chair!", maybe then we can win one of those election things...

"Condi didn't even offer me... (Below threshold)

"Condi didn't even offer me ANYthing up to, say, HERE, so she didn't get MY vote!

And I'd like to thank insurgents everywhere for their support. Even though your votes were only counted three times each in Washington, there's still hope! Next week, the moooooonnnn! If even a Senator from Massachusetts can be King, then you too can rule America!"

Theresa's ass is getting bi... (Below threshold)

Theresa's ass is getting bigger...

He is wearing a girdle!... (Below threshold)

He is wearing a girdle!

People! My people!... (Below threshold)

People! My people!

"Sacre bleu, I'll have you ... (Below threshold)
jesusland joe:

"Sacre bleu, I'll have you know that I won the Presdential election before I lost it by just this tiny amount."

"I only lost by a nose!... ... (Below threshold)

"I only lost by a nose!... my nose that is, so about this much?"

Come on, lets have a confer... (Below threshold)

Come on, lets have a conference!

We were told that Mr. Felli... (Below threshold)
Shivas Irons:

We were told that Mr. Fellini would be here for the auditions. You mean all of us are reading for an assistant??

"Think of it this way, 'cau... (Below threshold)

"Think of it this way, 'cause I sure do: you get to go home to your little places while me, Tuhraaaykah and Soros get to go to IDAHO! Ha, isn't that FUNNY?! But, never worry, 'cause when we run again in 2008, you get to vote for your rent increases THEN! Isn't that FUNNY?! Health care, higher rents, more taxes and all that just 'cause of IDAHO! Isn't that FUNNY?! NO? Hey, folks, tell me where it hurts 'cause I have two minutes here to listen."

Are ya READY kids? I... (Below threshold)

Are ya READY kids? I can't HEAR you....

Ohhhhhh, who lives in a pineapple down under the sea........

sidenote - not that there's anything wrong with it...

Sure my Boston Patriots are... (Below threshold)

Sure my Boston Patriots are playing at Heinekin Field in Pittsburgh this Sunday... but I'm sure Pedro Brady will pitch a great game for us!

Heh heh.....I admit it...m... (Below threshold)

Heh heh.....I admit it...my Depends undergarment just broke open! Sorry about the odor, guys. Pretty rank, huh? It's all that French cheese I eat!
(guys in the background: "sacre bleu! Thees John Kerry...he iss full of shit, yes?"

"SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRI... (Below threshold)


Man in black cap: "Senator... (Below threshold)

Man in black cap: "Senator...Senator...please...clear your throat, it's making that weird choking sound again".

"And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii, will ... (Below threshold)

"And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii, will always love meeeeeeeee"

Where the hell did everybod... (Below threshold)

Where the hell did everybody go?

"Et cum spiritu tuo...blah,... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

"Et cum spiritu tuo...blah,blah,blah...and in conclusion my fellow Americans,I promise that you'll get everything you've got coming to you. You have my word that I have reported,and still remain on duty. Rest assured that you'll get it in the end if you just stick with me and stay the course.

...and when the stone is re... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

...and when the stone is removed from the front of the cave,if I see my shadow there will be 8 more weeks of winter...

Yes,it's true...I did kill ... (Below threshold)
Moon Monkey:

Yes,it's true...I did kill Kenny,but I must leave you now...It's time for Judge Wapner!

"Thank you al for making me... (Below threshold)

"Thank you al for making me President!!"

(wakes up)

John Kerry is frisked for t... (Below threshold)

John Kerry is frisked for the missing votes.

His juggling act gone terri... (Below threshold)

His juggling act gone terribly awry, the strange but vaguely familiar looking clown apologizes to those injured below.

"Hey, do I suck or what?"</... (Below threshold)

"Hey, do I suck or what?"

"Well what do you know, I C... (Below threshold)

"Well what do you know, I CAN get me a huntin license here!!!"

Progressives look on in dis... (Below threshold)

Progressives look on in disbelief as John Kerry effusively greets Karl Rove. The two then turn, point, and laugh.

"Friends, Romans and countr... (Below threshold)

"Friends, Romans and countrymen...."

Damn. Wrong country. Wrong century. And I didn't get elected president, after all....

Sorry, Mr. Bin Laden... I w... (Below threshold)

Sorry, Mr. Bin Laden... I was hoping to raise my arms in surrender to you at the Summit, but this will have to do. Sorry that I couldn't pull through for you!

Cracking under the weight o... (Below threshold)
D. Carter:

Cracking under the weight of unbearable disappointment, John Kerry halucinates that he has won the election, and accepts the cheers of his imaginary voters.

In a sad coda to his unsucc... (Below threshold)
D. Carter:

In a sad coda to his unsuccessful campaign for the presidency, John Kerry tries to get a wave going among his supporters, shouting feebly, "Kerry in '08".

"Well here I am folks, back... (Below threshold)

"Well here I am folks, back from vacation, feeling good, threw out that ugly jacket I wore during the campaign and looking good, aren't I?" (ps Make sure the camera's stay on me.)


Kerry reacts to finally spo... (Below threshold)

Kerry reacts to finally spotting an educated person in the crowd.

Ladies and Gentlemen - Plea... (Below threshold)
bilge diver:

Ladies and Gentlemen - Please watch closely as I, without using my hands, launch 120,000 heretofore unseen Ohio ballots from my rectum. Drumroll, please!

Vos absolvo! Vos absolvo!<... (Below threshold)

Vos absolvo! Vos absolvo!

JFK: You LIKE me, you REAL... (Below threshold)

JFK: You LIKE me, you REALLY like me.

Everyone else thinking: Will you please just go the frap away?

In a scene eerily like the ... (Below threshold)

In a scene eerily like the final line of "Risky Business" Kerry says" I guess I'm not Presidential material , so , I guess it's the Senate for me ! "

The crowd gave Kerry the 'U... (Below threshold)

The crowd gave Kerry the 'U' he is shown asking for. They then gave an 'S' and an 'A'. But when he asked them what it spelled, they shouted in unison 'You Suck!'

Spotting the German ambassa... (Below threshold)

Spotting the German ambassador reaching into his coat pocket, Sen. Kerry reflexively throws up his hands in submission in the time honored French way.

"I tell you, I was right be... (Below threshold)

"I tell you, I was right behind that Nancy Pelosi and she is....well, you know what I mean.....its seared into my memory, seared I tell you......

"....so my fellow Americans... (Below threshold)

"....so my fellow Americans, ask not what I can do for you..... but what you can do for me in 2008....."

John Kerry gallantly attemp... (Below threshold)

John Kerry gallantly attempts to lift his head.

Hey. It's not so bad. I'v... (Below threshold)

Hey. It's not so bad. I've got plenty to do. Theresa can fire the pool guy now, and....

Plus Ca Change, Plus C'est ... (Below threshold)

Plus Ca Change, Plus C'est La Meme Chose

Having failed in his bid to... (Below threshold)
Dean Satterlee:

Having failed in his bid to win the Presidency, Senator John Kerry contemplates a career as an NFL referee.

I'm tellin ya that bucks ra... (Below threshold)
Bob Jacobs:

I'm tellin ya that bucks rack was this wide if it was an inch. Yeah, right on Nantucket! Really!

"Allah be praised!"... (Below threshold)

"Allah be praised!"

"Thank you, Thank you. I ju... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Thank you, Thank you. I just heard that Wizbangblog captions count as Ohio votes. I CAN STILL WIN, I CAN STILL WIN!!!"

"It's true! The CIA man's ... (Below threshold)

"It's true! The CIA man's magic hat was about THIS big!"

John F'ing Kerry tells the ... (Below threshold)

John F'ing Kerry tells the stunned crowd how he spent "Christmas in the White House".

"Missed it by that much.... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Missed it by that much."

Excellent caption, Dean.

"No, really folks... you do... (Below threshold)

"No, really folks... you don't have to kneel before me...."

"You think Dick Cheney is w... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"You think Dick Cheney is well endowed? Well let me tell you about John Edwards, and I should know."

Should've done a search on ... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Should've done a search on "Cheney" first, that last caption is a little too close to Stephan Stanton's. Sorry.

"I know how to get those ru... (Below threshold)

"I know how to get those rubes in Jesusland to like me... The Passion of the Kerryst"

"My fellow moonbats..."... (Below threshold)

"My fellow moonbats..."

John Kerry attempts to show... (Below threshold)

John Kerry attempts to show his fellow moonbats how to fly.

"Finally! Now when I... (Below threshold)

"Finally! Now when I walk up to some slack-jawed prole and demand, 'Do you know who I am!?', they actually DO!"

Domini, domini, domini, yer... (Below threshold)

Domini, domini, domini, yer all Catolics neuw...

"Give me your wired, your h... (Below threshold)

"Give me your wired, your hardcore,
Your Islamofascists loathing to be free,
The mangy maker of your improvised Claymore.
Send these, the spineless, hate-embossed to me.
I lift my sunlamp, Kerry, the bargain whore."

Rise up, my Moonbat Horde, ... (Below threshold)

Rise up, my Moonbat Horde, and with your mighty warcry dispell these Red State idiots...one...two...three - Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

"You love me. You REALLY l... (Below threshold)

"You love me. You REALLY love me."

As John Kerry approched the... (Below threshold)

As John Kerry approched the railing he failed to notice the Secret Service agent he called a clumsy son of a bitch, reaching for his gun.

Would you get your thumb ou... (Below threshold)

Would you get your thumb out of my nose?

"What, me worry?"... (Below threshold)

"What, me worry?"

You're damn right I want so... (Below threshold)

You're damn right I want some wood !!

thought bubbles on 2 guys s... (Below threshold)

thought bubbles on 2 guys standing behind him: how long has he had a sign saying "kick me, I'm a moron" taped to his back?

"Well, mine is THIS big!"</... (Below threshold)

"Well, mine is THIS big!"

Thanks RodneyDean<... (Below threshold)
Dean Satterlee:

Thanks Rodney


"I feel your love. I know ... (Below threshold)

"I feel your love. I know you actually did love me before you hated me. I forgive you (bite lower lip).

EDITOR'S NOTE:Afte... (Below threshold)


Afterward, when the crowd disbanded and the plane was set to depart, the little plug was deftly pulled and the large blowup doll went, whooof, puuuuttutt, scheeeewwwww, puff! and that was that. Folded up, placed on board, safe and secure, dusted off for another day. All that hot air, another destination tomorrow, and the campaign is PREPARED.

Look, his arms only got thi... (Below threshold)

Look, his arms only got this high when I administered the coup de grace. It was a clean kill damn it!

I'm not saying Ted has a bi... (Below threshold)

I'm not saying Ted has a big head, but I'll show you! teehee

Look at me, I can actually ... (Below threshold)

Look at me, I can actually dress myself!!! Don't I look 'presidential?' Just give me four more years to prove it.

Then he went to Congress after putting down George Bush and his ideas - arent I great?

That extra money came in handy.


Kerry puts a voodoo curse o... (Below threshold)
Rachel Edith:

Kerry puts a voodoo curse on the unknowing inauguration crowd. Only they think he is running for Pope now.

Friends, Its a big tent, th... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

Friends, Its a big tent, there is plenty of Kool-aid left over, so lets celebrate our real victory . . . Whatever we decide that is.

The Ass is back in Mass.</p... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

The Ass is back in Mass.

"Hey, for anyone who didn't... (Below threshold)

"Hey, for anyone who didn't get invited to one of the innagural balls, let's grab a bite at Wendy's. On me and the missus."

<a href="http://wizbangblog... (Below threshold)

Winners announced. Comments are now closed.






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