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Clues for the clueless

Earlier, I heard yet another dumb criminal story on the radio. While I usually enjoy such things, I am getting a little tired of certain themes. So, both as a public service and to increase my own entertainment, I'd like to offer a bit of advice.

1) If you encounter a college-age woman who is eager to send you naked pictures of herself and talk dirty with you, she is most likely a guy. An extremely unattractive guy.

2) If you encounter an underage person online who is interested in having sex with an adult, the odds are extemely good that the "minor" is actually a police officer.

3) If you are looking to have someone murdered, it is practically a certainty that any "hit man" you meet will also be a police officer.

Pretty much all of the humor out of these events has been exhausted. Let's just retire them already, and work on a whole new batch of dumb criminal tricks.

Let's do it for the children.



Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Clues for the clueless:

» crzydjm.blog-city.com linked with the one about.....i wanna be a criminal!

» Myopic Zeal linked with Jay's Google-baiting PSA.

Comments (15)

I've either got a Nostradom... (Below threshold)

I've either got a Nostradomas or a Rip Van Winkle thing going on here.

Is it Tuesday already?

Speaking as a college-aged ... (Below threshold)

Speaking as a college-aged man, I must say you must be extremely gullible to believe anything about college-aged women in chat rooms or instant messaging, or emails who are willing to exchange graphic photos. Damn near all of that go to pay sites or horny 50 year old men.

Here's a hint, you know who they are only if they have a webcam, and can prove its who they are only through the webcam (or you know them personally)

jmaster there was a 'slip o... (Below threshold)

jmaster there was a 'slip of the mouse' for a minute and this got posted last night. good eyes.


jmaster, what Paul is sayin... (Below threshold)
Jay Tea:

jmaster, what Paul is saying in his unusually polite fashion is that I screwed up the site (again) and he had to fix it (again).

I am always finding new and interesting ways to screw up this site, in ways not even a Resolutely Clueless Moron would believe...

I already thanked you in e-mail, Paul, but let me repeat it again: thanks for catching and fixing my mistake. I won't even bother to promise it won't happen again -- we both know better than that.


What's wrong with number 3?... (Below threshold)
David Brock:

What's wrong with number 3? I know three guys who got popped for it -- all attorneys. Two killed themselves and the third is already out of prison.

I have to agree with David,... (Below threshold)

I have to agree with David, number three can still be funny if it involves a lawyer.

Hmmm... I don't know. Heard... (Below threshold)

Hmmm... I don't know. Heard it on the radio?

Sounds kinda like personal experience to me....;-)


Odds are that if you try to... (Below threshold)

Odds are that if you try to break into a business by stripping off your clothes and trying to climb down the chimney, you will get stuck, be caught in the morning and the subject of a 'stupid criminal' story in time for the AM drive-time radio shows. I would vote to retire this theme as well, with the exeption for lawyers, of course.

And what, exactly, is wrong... (Below threshold)

And what, exactly, is wrong with "horny 50 year old men?"

Some of us are damn sexy.

And what, exactly, is wr... (Below threshold)

And what, exactly, is wrong with "horny 50 year old men?"

They're frequently delusional.

Some of us are damn sexy.

I rest my case. ;-p

Not so much lately, but I u... (Below threshold)

Not so much lately, but I used to get email spam all the time from "webcam babes" that all went something like, "Hi there, I am a 19-year-old college co-ed and I read your profile online [no such online profile exists] and you sound really cool and I'd like to get to know you better and maybe party with you [yeah, right] and so I'd like to show you how I get down and dirty on my webcam." I always figured it was some middle-aged guy with a beer gut and a beard.

I use to work next to a sex... (Below threshold)

I use to work next to a sex phone place. On the other side was a massage parlor and a transvestite bar. Actually, it was sex phone place, porn theater, me, massage parlor, tg bar. Anyway, some goof would always be tresspassing at the sex phone place looking for Misty or Brandi or whomever. What he would find is a room of older, rather Rubenesque ladies, who if he entered and yelled out, “Mom! “ they would all look up. The guys would refuse to leave, the cops would hall them off, and then I would end up with them.

I always figured it was ... (Below threshold)

I always figured it was some middle-aged guy with a beer gut and a beard.

I think you're probably right.

Here is a "stupid person" s... (Below threshold)

Here is a "stupid person" story, but I'm not sure if its a stupid criminal or stupid worker story from a year ago. Best of all it doesn't match any of your criteria in the post.

During day shift at the prison my uncle works at a couple prisoners used shoe polish to paint their blue inmate uniforms black, the same color as the uniforms of the guards. They also made fake arm patches to help blend in.

They then proceeded to walk right out the front door of the prison. When they got to the front gate they were finally tackled by some observant officers that didn't recognize the "employees". Apparently one of the prisoners was abnormally tall...and black, something you don't really see in rural parts of the state.

The local ABC affiliate's report:
WJRT report

And my blog post about it:

Julie, and just what was yo... (Below threshold)

Julie, and just what was your business????

A starbucks perhaps?..;-)

McGehee, you crack me up dude.






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