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Best Business names -- the winners (finally)

Sorry about the delay, but when the entries for a contest end up over 100, it gets real easy to procrastinate about choosing a winner. Combine that with a couple huge meltdowns at work and at home, and I've been shamefully neglectful about closing out this week's oddball midweek contest.

I had to bounce several truly funny entries because people didn't read the rules. This was for business NAMES, not SLOGANS. That's why "You Can't Beat Wagner's Meat" gets no special recognition.

Anyway, on to the winners:

The "I'm Going Straight To Hell" award is split between two winners: SamHell, for his plan to open a fried chicken stand in Corpus Christi called "Corpus Crispy," and Kathleen's friend from Nazareth, PA, who wants to go home and open a deli named "Cheeses Of Nazareth."

The "By Any Other Name" award goes to several people who mentioned deceptively-named bars: Chrees mentioned "The Library," Amber "My Office," and Brian contributed "Group Therapy" and "The Office" (the latter apparently a strip club).

"The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth" award is another one that gets divvied up among several winners. CrankyBeach plugged a restaurant called "Nuclear Fission Chips." Capitano chimes in with a sandwich shop near a high-tech zone named "CTRL ALT DELI." Just ask about the BSOD Plate Special...

And Duane mentioned a high-tech firm whose eatery was called "Juan's and Z. Rose," but he would have preferred "URLs."

The "Perhaps We Didn't Think This Through Enough Beforehand" award is split between two excellent winners. Jeremy mentioned the Italian electric company, Powergen Italia, who were briefly on the web as www.powergenitalia.com, before being laughed into 404-land. And Jim mentioned his cousin who moved to the US from Greece and opened a dental lab under his initials, not quite realizing that few people would want to trust their teeth to a company called DK Dental Labs. Just behind those two excellent entries was the S&M Body Shop, a auto repair place spotted by yetanotherjohn.

The Laurence Simon Sick And Twisted Bastard Award this week goes to Scott, who suggested "The Oedipus Retreat -- a camp for troubled teens and their mothers." Scott just barely edged out Laurence Simon, who wants to open a franchise for "Yassin's Used Wheelchairs."

The "Leave It To the Musicians To Be Just Plain Weird" award is yet another split decision. Atomita went for the surreal with a record store called "Magnolia Thunderpussy," while wheels went for a more classical pun with "Gopher Baroque."

The "You Want A Slice Of Me?" Award for best pizza place name was (no surprise here) another tie. Pietro gets the Old Country Award for Leaning Tower Of Pizza, but OregonMuse gets the Screw Modesty Award for "A Little Pizza Heaven."

The "Innuendo Ain't Italian For 'Suppository'" Award was -- you guessed it -- another tie. Biker Babe plugged "Big Dick's Halfway Inn", inspiring McGehee to recall "Skinny Dick's Halfway Inn." Scott pointed out a liquor store called the "Liquor Box." Tuning Spork plugged Sofa King, of the infamous "Our Prices Are Sofa King Low!" fame. But Bruce was the clear winner, with a door-accessory shop called "Knobs And Knockers."

The "Subtlety Is Not Wasted On The Masses" award was -- yeah, again -- another split decision. This time, it was between Oscar Jr.'s demolition company, "Edifice Wrecks," and the florist "Floral And Hardy", spotted by CGHill.

And finally, DarkMage takes the sole solo prize for the "Bill Clinton Is A Satisfied Customer" award for the "Stiff Nipples Air Conditioning Company," located somewhere in northern Virginia.

Thanks again for all the entries, my apologies for the incredible tardiness, and I'm already racking my battered brain for another contest for Tuesday. No promises, though -- this is getting tougher every week.


Comments (16)

There's a bar called Group ... (Below threshold)

There's a bar called Group Therapy in Columbia, SC in Five Points.

There used to be a bar in Clemson called The Study Hall. Whenever someone's parents called their dorm room when it was still open they faced getting the message from the roommate that their son or daughter was at the "study hall" and then wondering why the grades were so low at the end of the semester after all that time spent in study hall.

I know this is late to the ... (Below threshold)

I know this is late to the game, but just saw it this morning ...

ME/MA Construction Company's slogan...

"Our erections last forever."

Combine that with a coup... (Below threshold)

Combine that with a couple huge meltdowns at work and at home,

What? You and Elmo fighting again?

There is a pizza place in M... (Below threshold)

There is a pizza place in Minneapolis (near the U of M campus) called the Leaning Tower of Pizza. The pizza is horrible though. Go to Campus Pizza and Pasta instead.

My personal favorites from ... (Below threshold)

My personal favorites from the finalists:

Cheeses of Nazareth

Edifice Wrecks

- Oh lord just please grant... (Below threshold)

- Oh lord just please grant us deliverence from McGehee's puns, may they rest in pizza....

You know, I don't necessari... (Below threshold)

You know, I don't necessarily think that the Cheeses of Nazareth one should go straight to hell.

There's a former christian band (one of the 3 christian bands i'll admit to listening to) called Five Iron Frenzy, and their second to last album was a ton of B-Sides and studio goofups.

It was called "Cheeses of Nazareth." And got sold in Christian bookstores... go figure!

No way, Winston! They SO st... (Below threshold)

No way, Winston! They SO stole that idea from my buddy. I'd tell him to get a lawyer and sue, but that somehow seems so wrong. ;-)

There's a bar near the depa... (Below threshold)

There's a bar near the department of labor office in DC that's called "My Brother's Place."

Guess I'm too late with min... (Below threshold)

Guess I'm too late with mine: Render Unto Caesar Tax and Accounting.

(No kidding: I registered it with New York City in January 1983.)

Say, Corpus Crispy would be... (Below threshold)

Say, Corpus Crispy would be a great name for a funeral home in Corpus Christi which offered cremation services.

And with the bad names nobo... (Below threshold)

And with the bad names nobody mentions the customized pen link I got e-mailed a couple months back.

Pen Island (its .net, I'm not responsible if you use .com and I'm not looking...)

I laughed, but I'm not 100% sure its real.

Isn't Magnolia Thunderpussy... (Below threshold)

Isn't Magnolia Thunderpussy a record store on Ohio State's campus?

Ah ... the air ripens with petuli.

You didn't like "The Geek S... (Below threshold)

You didn't like "The Geek Squad?" Guess you haven't been watching any tv or seen their commercials yet. Personally I think it's stupd but it's a really true business and computer geeks already knew of them before I saw their commercial.


Repeat after meD<br ... (Below threshold)

Repeat after me

Not Duane
Not DeWayne
Not Dwaine
Not DuWayne
Not Duayne

Got it Jae Tee?

How about this one? Effin C... (Below threshold)

How about this one? Effin Computers






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