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Beware!!! Unitarian Jihad Looms

San Francisco Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll has an amusing exclusive communique from a group he calls Unitarian Jihad, which is worth a full read. Here's a little selection to give the idea...

People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

And the best part is that you can get a Unitarian Jihad name of your very own at the Unitarian Jihad Name Generator.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Beware!!! Unitarian Jihad Looms:

» Am I A Pundit Now? linked with Unitarian Jihad: The Next Big Threat?

» Smoke Signlas Blog linked with A new name for The Smoke Eater

» The Ministry of Minor Perfidy linked with Finally! A Frank and Reasonable Jihad Just For Me!

» The Waterglass linked with I Am Brother Shuriken of Courteous Debate

Comments (18)

I'm not sure whether to lau... (Below threshold)

I'm not sure whether to laugh or bang my head against the keyboard.

m bik your v biuvb against ... (Below threshold)

m bik your v biuvb against the vbiity7fvb?

Yeah, but, Jon Carroll live... (Below threshold)

Yeah, but, Jon Carroll lives with six cats or something, maybe more. He even assigns various "Jon Carrolesque personalities" TO his cats.

I liked the Jawa Report's B... (Below threshold)

I liked the Jawa Report's Bush Pimp Daddy name generator thingy better.

I may even abandon BlogDog ... (Below threshold)

I may even abandon BlogDog for my Unitarian Jihad name: The Katana of Love and Mercy.

If the shoe fits, Katana. T... (Below threshold)

If the shoe fits, Katana. This is priceless.

Yours truly, The Gatling Gun of Sweet Reason

It turns out my true identi... (Below threshold)

It turns out my true identity is "Brother Hand Grenade of Desirable Mindfulness."

Don't f**k with me now! I'm a serious person.

Um, can you belong to Unitarian Jihad and still be a Lutheran?

"Our job is to reclaim Amer... (Below threshold)

"Our job is to reclaim America for Christ, whatever the cost," Kennedy says. "As the vice regents of God, we are to exercise godly dominion and influence over our neighborhoods, our schools, our government, our literature and arts, our sports arenas, our entertainment media, our news media, our scientific endeavors -- in short, over every aspect and institution of human society."
- D. James Kennedy, Coral Ridge Ministries

skybird:Are you ta... (Below threshold)


Are you taking your meds?

I demand (after committee a... (Below threshold)

I demand (after committee approval) that you stop spamming the comment threads Steve J. And Skybird definitely needs to take the green pill.

Yours truly,

The Cattle Prod of Quiet Reflection

I am actually a Unitarian, ... (Below threshold)
The Atom Bomb of Loving Kindness:

I am actually a Unitarian, but I doubt that these guys would be so inclusive as to include me. You see, I am that most despised form of life: a REPUBLICAN Unitarian.
No to group hugs.
No to anti-industrialist protests.
No to anti-capitalist ranting.
No to judicial activism.
And absolutely no to Che Guevara T-shirts!

Sister Spikey Mace of Compa... (Below threshold)

Sister Spikey Mace of Compassion- right here, baby.

Oh yea. I'm putting that one on my luggage.

I dunno -- there might be s... (Below threshold)

I dunno -- there might be something to this. Anyway, my new name is kinda cool. I may adopt it on my own blog.

The Katana of Desirable Min... (Below threshold)

The Katana of Desirable Mindfulness.


Michael, you may belong to ... (Below threshold)
Brother Dagger of Desirable Mindfulness:

Michael, you may belong to the Unitarian Jihad and still be a Lutheran only if you are aspiring for " target="_blank">true enlightenment.

Another Unitarian over here... (Below threshold)
Sister Neutron Bomb of Reasoned Discussion:

Another Unitarian over here! The liberal kind. Despised in all facets of society outside the UU church. But being a UU Republican... that must be difficult. But really we get to believe anything we want as long as we believe in the 7 principles. None of them say you must be anti-capitalist, love group hugs, and love Che. But I think I'd be hard pressed to find a UU in my life that was actually Republican. What a strange and rare beast. Unique is always valued.

Also, I have a Catholic UU friend. So YES to Lutherans!!

Jon Carroll only has two ca... (Below threshold)
Carol Hensel:

Jon Carroll only has two cats. They are Archie and Bucket. I happen to like the cat columns.

Long Time Jon Carroll Reader

Damn. Can't decide if I sho... (Below threshold)

Damn. Can't decide if I should use my original name (Brother Broadsword Of Looking At All Sides Of The Question) or my First Reformed Unitarian Jihad name (Brother Joyous Cattle-prod Of Non-Dualism). I must engage in sweet, quiet contemplation on the subject.






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