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Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™

It's Friday, which means it's time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:

Getting ready : A Russian soldier streches during a rehearsal for the Victory Day military parade at the Khodinskoye airfield in Moscow. (AFP/Denis Sinyakov)

Winners will be announced Sunday.

Update: The same picture is running in OTB's current contest. I haven't read any of the entries there, nor will I before judging this contest.

Update 2: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™:

» WILLisms.com linked with Wednesday Caption Contest: Part 2.

» The Daily Brief: I See the F**k-up Fairy Has Visited Again! linked with Caption This One, 050422

Comments (103)

I told them goosestepping o... (Below threshold)

I told them goosestepping on ice was a bad idea, but would they listen? Nooooo...

"This is the best way to co... (Below threshold)

"This is the best way to cool them off I have found yet, sargent."

Watch this comrade! I shal... (Below threshold)

Watch this comrade! I shall strike a pose so funny that not one, but TWO websites use it for a caption contest!

I was told this would work.... (Below threshold)

I was told this would work...but it still itches.

No, Yuri, I said we were go... (Below threshold)

No, Yuri, I said we were going to go "balls to the wall."

Boris has his own version o... (Below threshold)

Boris has his own version of "At Ease."

Okay, now watch me on one l... (Below threshold)

Okay, now watch me on one leg!

While most soldiers simply ... (Below threshold)

While most soldiers simply waited online before embarking for duty as U.N Peace keepers, one soldier thought it was a good time to loosen up the equipment.

Just when Yuri thought he h... (Below threshold)

Just when Yuri thought he had seen everything, Alexi showed him his new trick to entice the ladies.

MOSCOW, Russia (Reuters) - ... (Below threshold)

MOSCOW, Russia (Reuters) - In response to videos played on Arabic TV channel Al-Jazeera which show Al-Qaeda militants energetically training on elementary school playground equipment, the Russian Army released this training video showing its soldiers performing precise gymnastics movements within an interpretive dance routine complete with weapons and small red flags.

After defecting into North ... (Below threshold)

After defecting into North Korea, Yo demonstrates the communist advantage to being ball-less.

The communist always domina... (Below threshold)

The communist always dominate the World Championships of goose stepping.

Newly appointed Minister of... (Below threshold)

Newly appointed Minister of Defense Olga Korbut has instituted many changes in an attempt to transform the low morale military into a force worthy of beating a gang of 14 year old girls.

"F*cking showoff, like he's... (Below threshold)

"F*cking showoff, like he's the only one who can do groin pushups..."

Oooh Boris! I will be your ... (Below threshold)

Oooh Boris! I will be your foxhole buddy any time!

"Yo, Yuri! I told you, Gold... (Below threshold)

"Yo, Yuri! I told you, Gold Bond Anti-Itch Formula works much better on jock itch than that!"

“Randall, ‘Parade Rest’ is ... (Below threshold)

“Randall, ‘Parade Rest’ is not a funky dance move.”

Martha's new cake topping:<... (Below threshold)

Martha's new cake topping:

Men in uniforms on ice with red flags and splits! It's a good thing.

New boots.New RUBB... (Below threshold)

New boots.

New RUBBER boots.


Despite Russia's economic w... (Below threshold)

Despite Russia's economic woes, Vladimir Putin always managed to keep the Ministry of Silly Walks well-funded.

"Soldier, our direct orders... (Below threshold)

"Soldier, our direct orders are to Get Down and Boogie!"

Spatula - Somebody fetch me... (Below threshold)

Spatula - Somebody fetch me a big freakin' spatula!

Captain Karpov demonstrates... (Below threshold)

Captain Karpov demonstrates the benefits of spinelessness as more Soviet officers wait their turn.

"EYYYOOOOOWWW! Sir, can't w... (Below threshold)

"EYYYOOOOOWWW! Sir, can't we just leap through flaming hoops like the Palestinians do?"

The First Ukrainian Arabesq... (Below threshold)

The First Ukrainian Arabesque Guards of the Belorussian Combat Ballet prepare to move out to their first positions in the dance-to-the-death battle.

"No, you idiot! I asked yo... (Below threshold)

"No, you idiot! I asked you how quickly you could sit on the ground."

Obeying his commander, Bori... (Below threshold)

Obeying his commander, Boris stoically demonstrates that the cement is in fact hot enough to cook huevos on. Later, while recovering in the hospital, he would learn the expression "metaphorically speaking".

Why, Igor? Because I read ... (Below threshold)

Why, Igor? Because I read the New York Times, that's why. And Maureen Dowd said that the new pope once belonged to Hitler Youth. And YOU'RE the only one who can't swing a decent goose step!

-- or --

Somehow, Boris misunderstood the old joke about how the high school cheerleader found her boyfriend's missing class ring.

The meaning of the command,... (Below threshold)

The meaning of the command, "FREEZE," was garbled in translation from English to Russian. Commander Zspherowyreasiioepaheski demonstrates the Russian interpretation of the command by holding his "POPSICLE SPLIT" position until Spring.

Um... Alexi, "Don't ask, do... (Below threshold)

Um... Alexi, "Don't ask, don't tell" is a Yankee poilicy.
It's not that, Boris. I was proving a bet, about putting something warm and wet on something cold, like in the movie they showed us last week, "Christmas Story"... and now I am stuck!

The kid's from Chernobyl be... (Below threshold)

The kid's from Chernobyl begin to grow up and show their stuff.

"This is why I told the cap... (Below threshold)

"This is why I told the captain we should never enlist anyone who has served in the French Army"

After having done the same ... (Below threshold)

After having done the same thing at a school play, various church services, and even his own wedding; as Yankov found himself doint it again- this time on his first day of boot camp- he had to face the sobering reality that he was, incurrably, a split personality.


"Now... Kick yourself in th... (Below threshold)

"Now... Kick yourself in the head!"

Nomar Garciaparra demonstra... (Below threshold)

Nomar Garciaparra demonstrates the advantages of a detached groin muscle.

"Just one more thng that Sp... (Below threshold)

"Just one more thng that Specialist Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the Army. "

Don't know what I'm talking about? Go HERE:


Looks like it's gonna be 4t... (Below threshold)

Looks like it's gonna be 4th and about a yard to go.

You clam diggers in these h... (Below threshold)
Marty B:

You clam diggers in these here parts sure do know how to have fun.

"OOHHHH, you got SERVED!" s... (Below threshold)

"OOHHHH, you got SERVED!" said Yuri's comrades, after he completed a dramatic breakdance routine with the splits.

Splits and polish--lost in ... (Below threshold)

Splits and polish--lost in translation.

Don't ask, don't tell.... (Below threshold)

Don't ask, don't tell.

Please don't tell.

The Hunt for Blue Octobers<... (Below threshold)

The Hunt for Blue Octobers

Soldier on the left: "Th... (Below threshold)

Soldier on the left: "These kind of Shananagin's would never have been tolerated under the old Communist Government!"

Everybody Sing! "Wind me u... (Below threshold)

Everybody Sing! "Wind me up, put me down, start me up and watch me go!"

If one of you dudes calls m... (Below threshold)

If one of you dudes calls me Elasta-Girl again, you're gonna get a rubbeer boot up your a$$.

Igor shows off his famous "... (Below threshold)

Igor shows off his famous "brass monkey" move.

"No comrade, I do not know ... (Below threshold)

"No comrade, I do not know what is grosser than gross."

Doh! Mike beat me to it; te... (Below threshold)

Doh! Mike beat me to it; teaches me to just search for 'gross'.

The Russian military demons... (Below threshold)

The Russian military demonstrates its new meaning to the term "manhole cover."

"Confound it, Smithers---co... (Below threshold)

"Confound it, Smithers---couldn't you just duck like everybody else?"

The men of the Second Armou... (Below threshold)

The men of the Second Armoured Division regale us with their famous close order swanning about.

And in that instant, Colone... (Below threshold)

And in that instant, Colonel Gorodov realized recruiting from the Bolshoi Ballet was a terrible mistake.

Queer Eye for the Khaki Guy... (Below threshold)

Queer Eye for the Khaki Guy.

"Slippery When Wet"... (Below threshold)

"Slippery When Wet"

Good thing we don't have to... (Below threshold)

Good thing we don't have to wear kilts, huh Yuri!

Transvestite russian army r... (Below threshold)

Transvestite russian army recruit Ivanna Splitzky demonstrates the usefulness of his/her sex change.

"So you're stuck to that ma... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"So you're stuck to that manhole cover, huh? I bet when you were little you'd stick your tongue to the flagpole too."

Kevin, upon realizing that ... (Below threshold)
Phil Smith:

Kevin, upon realizing that he had chosen the same picture as OTB's Thursday caption contest for the same week, performs the rarely seen Blogospheric Self-Emasculation.

"Oh... do tell."... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

"Oh... do tell."

Audtitons for the first "Ga... (Below threshold)

Audtitons for the first "Gays in the Military" ballet are now underway.

"Yuri, tovarish, for crying... (Below threshold)

"Yuri, tovarish, for crying out loud I said yob tvoyu' maht!"

Ivan want be Dallas Cowboy ... (Below threshold)

Ivan want be Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader - Dah!

"Igor, you fool! You put Be... (Below threshold)

"Igor, you fool! You put BenGay on your balls not vaseline!"

As your commandant - I orde... (Below threshold)

As your commandant - I order you to get up and quit showing off, Gumby...

Lt. Mikhail Romanov demonst... (Below threshold)
Sue Dohnim:

Lt. Mikhail Romanov demonstrates his finishing move in "Mortal Kombat 8: A Chorus Line."

not up for vote just wish I... (Below threshold)

not up for vote just wish I could do that.


Oleg demonstrates the new R... (Below threshold)

Oleg demonstrates the new Russian salute.

"You are no Tim Conway, Com... (Below threshold)

"You are no Tim Conway, Comrade Dorfsky!"

"Ys, Sergeant, the pavement... (Below threshold)

"Ys, Sergeant, the pavement is VERY cold."

I can't get up. My balls ar... (Below threshold)

I can't get up. My balls are stuck to the ice. They're blue, too.

Watch Yuri. Boris slam int... (Below threshold)

Watch Yuri. Boris slam into ice over and over - little Boris swell up like football. Make Natasha very happy.

This is what happens when t... (Below threshold)

This is what happens when the VRWC (Vast Right Wing Conspiracy) chip malfunctions.

Soldier on the ground: " A ... (Below threshold)

Soldier on the ground: " A minute ago my name was Paul. From now on, call me Paula.

"Now when pacing off approx... (Below threshold)

"Now when pacing off approximate distances, each step is about 2 meters".

Commanding Officer to soldi... (Below threshold)

Commanding Officer to soldier doing the splits:
"Stop with the ballerina-soldier routine. The oxymoron contest was last week."

[Who won the oxymoron contest, anyway?]

"Yuri? That's NOT how you ... (Below threshold)

"Yuri? That's NOT how you teabag. For one thing, you forgot to take off your pants."

small red flags...$4... (Below threshold)

small red flags...$4
toy rifles....$26
military uniforms....$88
having a rubber band for a groin....priceless

“Alright who put the Ben Ga... (Below threshold)

“Alright who put the Ben Gay in my shorts”

This is why I get to be in ... (Below threshold)

This is why I get to be in the "Front" of the line, boys. Watch and learn.

(I have not read all 80 pre... (Below threshold)

(I have not read all 80 previous ones, so if this is a duplicate, I apologize in advance.)

"What, you think this is it? Just watch - I can do it in step too!"

Nyet ask...nyet tell.... (Below threshold)

Nyet ask...nyet tell.

The remaining contestants o... (Below threshold)

The remaining contestants on Russian Idol knew they were doomed when Ivan ended his “I’m a Little Teapot” routine with a dramatic split.

His left leg “handle” was a bit askew, but he absolutely NAILED the right leg spout

The remaining contestants o... (Below threshold)

The remaining contestants on Russian Idol knew they were doomed when Ivan ended his “I’m a Little Teapot” routine with a dramatic split.

His left leg “handle” was a bit askew, but he absolutely NAILED the right leg spout

Ooops. Sorry for the double... (Below threshold)

Ooops. Sorry for the double. I'm just a bit twitchy tonight.

"No, I didn't see the 'Slip... (Below threshold)

"No, I didn't see the 'Slippery When Wet' sign."

Ice guy:"WHAA.a.a.... (Below threshold)

Ice guy:


Ever since the iron cutain ... (Below threshold)
Dave G.:

Ever since the iron cutain was torn down Russian soldiers are forced to find new ways to mark their territory.

"OK Private, just because y... (Below threshold)

"OK Private, just because you can do the splits doesn't mean we'll be taking long walks on the beach and swapping spit in the shower" (plagiarism is the only tool of the unimaginative)

"Over here we have a demons... (Below threshold)

"Over here we have a demonstration of the new rules for Texas HS cheerleaders".

Sergi, point your toes!... (Below threshold)

Sergi, point your toes!

ASTROS #5 Jeff Bagwell at t... (Below threshold)
Zsa Zsa:

ASTROS #5 Jeff Bagwell at training camp showing off how he can do the splits at first base...What a guy! What a guy!

As part of Putin's commitme... (Below threshold)

As part of Putin's commitment to democracy, Russian soldiers will now be allowed to march to a different drummer, how ever measured and far away.

Hey, look! La Trinacria! ... (Below threshold)

Hey, look! La Trinacria! This'll wow 'em in Misterbianco...

(really obscure...)

I don't care how you keep y... (Below threshold)

I don't care how you keep your falsetto voice! I'm not joining the military choir with you!

Nyet, Comrade Klinger, a sp... (Below threshold)

Nyet, Comrade Klinger, a split personality does NOT qualify you for a Section 8.

After using his very specia... (Below threshold)
marty byk:

After using his very special diving rod to le lead the troops to water, Boris wows that platoon by drilling for oil.

The Russian Military Chorus... (Below threshold)
Rodney Dill:

The Russian Military Chorus never looked forward to a Head-of-State visit from the U.S.A. as special preparations were needed to hit the high notes during the obligatory singing of the Star Spangled Banner.

"If just ONE more of you co... (Below threshold)

"If just ONE more of you could do THIS, we could spell T-I-T.

That vodlka and hooker that... (Below threshold)

That vodlka and hooker that Demitri had last night must have really drained him.

Banana Republic Split... (Below threshold)

Banana Republic Split

Soldier of Misfortune... (Below threshold)

Soldier of Misfortune

Check it out, Tovarisch ... (Below threshold)

Check it out, Tovarisch Keptin - Scrotum Angel!

Update: <... (Below threshold)

Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.






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