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99.44% Lame

"Washcloth? We don't need no stinking washcloth." Thus begins the newest marketing blitzkrieg from the folks at Dial Soap. Our friends at Dial are pushing a new line of products aimed at the stronger sex, and they've inaugurated a campaign intended to attract attention.

Perhaps, dear reader, you have seen some of the television spots for "Dial For Men." In them, a triumphant band of guys compel a garden-variety fellow finally to gain back a little of his self-respect. This man, the advert intimates, should stop blindly following the diktats of his wife. For once, he should show the ole' ball-n-chain whose boss.

In sum, in the inimitable words of "Dial For Men's" slogan, he should "Take Back the Shower."

Are we, the crack young staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," the only ones who perceive that this isn't exactly a grand sign of revitalized masculinity? We mean, come on: "Take Back the Shower"? How trifling can you get?

If you ask us--and, technically speaking, you did not--this slogan is mildly offensive. No, not in a Storm-Danish-Embassies-and-Call-for-the-Death-of-Israelis sort of way, but it's irksome nonetheless.

Our feminist friends may note its suspicious similarity to their "Take Back the Night" rallies on umpteen college campuses. Whereas women--excuse us, womnyn--aim to put an end to rape, the folks at Dial want to end the fairer sex's bathroom tyranny.

It's kind of a sheepish version of "Take Back the Early Morning," provided your biggest fear isn't sexual assault but body wash. And, man, body wash can be a real bitch.

Perhaps we, the crack young staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," are the only ones who detect an arch quality to this advertising campaign. Our pals at Dial appear to be snickering at the very people they hope to attract to their products.

As has been reported in the press ad infinitum, there are numerous reasons to be concerned about the wellbeing of boys. Girls routinely outperform them at almost every level of academic endeavor. The ladies score higher in almost all tests of intellectual ability. And young women graduate college in much larger numbers.

Naturally, our feminist pals somehow believe this is proof that men must endure even more female affirmative action (i.e., preferential treatment) at their expense. They can't wait till American males are a collective of illiterate, impoverished ne'er-do-wells.

But don't worry, guys. You can always "Take Back the Shower." That'll show her.

(The crack young staff usually "weblog" over at "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," where they are currently reading Andrea Dworkin books and furiously scrubbing their posteriors.)


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Comments (5)

Take back the shower? What ... (Below threshold)

Take back the shower? What the hell for? We'd only have to clean it.

Yes, women now score better on exams and more of them go to college than us fellas, and that's a result of blackbooted feminism. Feminism has gone so far as to come 3/4 circle. Men no longer have to work or provide to get a girl to shake that money maker in his face and ride 'till the sun shines. No, all they need do is don the latest Banana Republic uniform, lease a beamer and hit the clubs. Once that liberated _______ is landed, it's Tootsie time.

Believe me, men aren't as stupid as the numbers would have you believe.

Here's the truth. I don't ... (Below threshold)

Here's the truth. I don't use "no stinkin' washcloth."

Soap in the hands seems sufficient to me.

1) Turn on the water
2) Enter shower
3) Soap down essential areas only (pits & groin)
(I never soap down the lower legs or feet; too hard to reach; my back? U gotta be kidding)
4) Shampoo and rinse
5) Turn off water
6) Towel off
7) Shave immediately (no cream or gel required cause skin is still soft)
8) Run brush through hair and goatee
9) Dress

-- Are we, the crack young... (Below threshold)

-- Are we, the crack young staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," the only ones who perceive that this isn't exactly a grand sign of revitalized masculinity? We mean, come on: "Take Back the Shower"? How trifling can you get? --

Actual men are and have always been unconcerned with the opinions of advertisers. We do as we think best, and leave others to their own preferences. That being the case, "revitalization" would apply solely to the sort of Y-chromosome-bearing creature who does ponder the opinions of advertisers (and the poofy third-rate actors that appear in their commercials). Isn't it just too, too obvious that such persons are beyond all help?

I don't think these commerc... (Below threshold)

I don't think these commercials are very funny

The Dial people are clearly... (Below threshold)

The Dial people are clearly poking fun. If you've seen the TV spots, it's so blatantly obvious that they're not only making fun of the viewer, but themselves as well that it's hard to take any offense.

If you're taking offense, my bet is that you take everything literally and never find humor in sarcasm.

About test scores and college graduation numbers, I don't think that they're a particularly good metric of intelligence or ability. They may, however, pass as decent indicators of peoples priorities.

Just a thought.
- Amir






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