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The Spin--and the Buck--Stops Here

Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly is certainly a controversial fellow. Whereas some love his brand of shoot-from-the-hip pontificating, others find him an obnoxious blowhard. As a result, though his "O'Reilly Factor" program has legions of fans, he has surely earned legions of detractors.

And let's be honest: Mr. O'Reilly has compelled some folks to do some pretty strange things. Keith Olberman, a pundit on a network with lower ratings than static, spends hours of his program caterwauling about the perceived evils of O'Reilly. Apparently Mr. Olberman hasn't realized that he's the only person more irksome than his target.

Further, the erstwhile funnyman Stephen Colbert now churns out a stale semi-imitation of Bill O'Reilly on the Comedy Central show "The Colbert Report," and his career has thus degenerated into a lame one-note joke. It's strange, but true: The addition of "The Colbert Report" after "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central has turned a mildly humorous half-hour infomercial for the Democratic Party into a mildly humorous full hour infomercial for the Democratic Party. A reason to be proud, to be sure.

Naturally, this leads us to the conclusion that people can't agree about Bill O'Reilly. And, quite frankly, they likely never will.

Accordingly, we, the crack young staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," hope to avoid offering another partisan shot in the War Over O'Reilly. To be downright honest, we don't feel particularly strongly about the guy either way.

Instead, we want to focus on something about which both sides can hopefully agree. Perhaps this will help usher in a true spirit of bipartisanship and comradeship in America. The lamb will finally lay down with the wolf. And you'll finally lay down with that cute chick in the next cubicle. Or, maybe, none of this will happen.

Anyway, we think there's one matter regarding "The O'Reilly Factor" about which all sane people--O'Reilly boosters and detractors alike--must agree. And this, dear reader, is the matter of so-called Factor Gear.

At the conclusion of every one of his programs, Mr. O'Reilly offers an advertisement for his "website," which allows browsers to buy Factor Gear--a variety of accoutrements advertising for "The O'Reilly Factor" itself. We believe that anyone who purchases this detritus is itching for a beating.

We mean, come on: How much of a dipstick would you look like in an "O'Reilly Factor" windbreaker? Do we even have to answer that question? Dear Lord, we hope not.

Just in case you want to offer the impression that you're even more of a dolt than an "O'Reilly Factor" windbreaker will allow, you can always put up the cash for a "The Spin Stops Here" baseball cap. Ah, yes: That certainly won't make you look like a complete prole. Does the hat come with a "dogs playing poker" painting? Or maybe a velvet Elvis portrait? Either way, it's really classy.

(Note: The crack young staff usually "weblog" over at "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," where they are currently sporting their "No Spin Zone" thongs.)

Comments (8)

...a stale semi-imitatio... (Below threshold)

...a stale semi-imitation..., sez hatewankers quatermain. Hey, we all know who's really funny, right? Yeah. Jeff Foxworthy, James G. Watt, Ann The Coulter. Give me a break.

Imagine: hearing this shit from a band of Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf fans. You oughtta be ashamed of yourselves.

Actually Jeff foxworthy, Bi... (Below threshold)

Actually Jeff foxworthy, Bill engvall are hilarious individuals.

Oh and The Daily Show and Colbert Report tend to be a little one sided in their humor, its mainly due to whoever is president. I happen to remember the 2004 election period, they rather made fun of John Edwards when Colbert was on the Daily Show still:

if anyone can remember Colbert's "My father was a turd miner...his father was a turd miner..."

And they made fun of John Kerry being a pompous blowhard whose face resembled that of a horse (if I remember one skit correctly..?). True, they tend to lean decidedly left on those shows, but their humor mainly pokes fun at what happens to make the news that week (which as we know, the MSM generally gushes over the evils of the right).

Well, John Kerry is a pompo... (Below threshold)

Well, John Kerry is a pompous blowhard and Johnboy Edwards should go back to Waltons mountain and disappear. by the way I always thought Kerry looked more like a claymation figure but I guess a horses (rearend) works too!

Hmmmm.Frankly I do... (Below threshold)


Frankly I don't watch O'Reilly. I don't accept his viewpoint that he's a center of the road moderate because he gets criticism from both the left and the right. That's an absurd thing to assert.

The other reason is that he quite often just simply gets things completely wrong. It's one thing to be a pundit if you know what you're talking about. It's another thing if you don't.

O'Reilly is an actor, paid ... (Below threshold)

O'Reilly is an actor, paid big money to tug at his audience's heartstrings with his fake sanctimony.

He's on a 24-hour newschannel that will do anything in their power to NOT report news Americans NEED to know.

I've never even considered ... (Below threshold)

I've never even considered for a moment buying any of the O'Reilly gear. However, to discover that it irks some people so much changes my mind.

I think i'll go buy a hat and a jacket and wear it around the mall to see what sorts of reactions i'll get.

Bill O'Reilly? Isn't he the... (Below threshold)

Bill O'Reilly? Isn't he the guy that used to play Gowron on Star Trek?

Oops. <a href="http://us.im... (Below threshold)

Oops. My bad.






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