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Imperial Dipstick

Here's a fun game for you: We'll provide an interesting quotation, and you can guess who wrote it. Lots of laughs, eh? Well, here we go; get a load of the following passage:

For nearly a decade now, bin Laden has demonstrated patience, brilliant planning, managerial expertise, sound strategic and tactical sense, admirable character traits, eloquence, and focused, limited war aims. He has never, to my knowledge, behaved or spoken in a way that could be described as "irrational in the extreme."

Okay, now--who do you think penned such a paragraph? A leader of Hamas? Tariq Ali? Tariq Aziz? Juan Cole? Your mother-in-law?

Good guesses, those. But they're all wrong. Rather, the progenitor of this striking quotation is none other than Michael Scheuer, the dimwitted, crew-cutted former CIA man and author of Imperial Hubris (from which this quotation is culled).

Sounds bad? Well, it gets worse: The CIA previously gave Mr. Scheuer the important task of hunting down bin Laden; he was, in fact, the chief of the CIA's bin Laden unit. Instead of catching his man, it appears as if Mr. Scheuer got some sort of teenybopper crush on the king of al Qaeda, and thus offered the odious sentiment reproduced above. It's sick.

Now, don't get us wrong: Mr. Scheuer may be right about a few of his assessments. Osama bin Laden could very well have great knowledge of strategy. But "admirable character traits"? What kind of moral imbecile would say this? Answer: Michael Scheuer.

Thankfully, this irksome cretin is no longer employed by Uncle Sam. We can rest assured that someone more competent is on the hunt for Osama. Like, say, a pinecone.

But, sadly, Mr. Scheuer has not disappeared from view, as should an embarrassing civil servant with loony, conspiratorial views about Israel and a creepy crush on Public Enemy No. 1. No, sir: Shockingly, he's become a "terrorism expert" with CBS News. Presumably, when darlin' Katie wants the wrong answer to a question pertaining to foreign policy, she can turn to this dipstick.

Nor is that all. Mr. Scheuer is also routinely tapped as an "expert" on matters of national security. Sundry reporters, hunting for a juicy quote for their articles, turn to this boob.

For instance, in the April 24 number of The New York Times, Mr. Scheuer informs us that bin Laden "is at the top of his game." Why? Well, Mr. Scheuer is only too happy to tell you: "We cut off Hamas after we had a fair election."

Ah, yes: It's all our fault. It's always our fault. Why doesn't this objectionable dolt simply head to the caves of Pakistan and join forces with his great hero? Perhaps the incompetent Mr. Scheuer will compel bin Laden to make a few mistakes.

(Note: The crack young staff normally "weblog" over at "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," where they are currently hunting after the "root causes" of Harold Pinter's idiocy.)


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Imperial Dipstick:

» The Hatemonger's Quarterly linked with Donít Call Us Ishmael; Ishmael Calls Us

» The Hatemonger's Quarterly linked with Donít Call Us Ishmael; Ishmael Calls Us

Comments (19)

Dear Sir,Just a qu... (Below threshold)
Michael F. Scheuer:

Dear Sir,

Just a quick note to thank you mentioning my book. If I may, I might suggest you read the book a bit more closely. A more thorough reading might have yielded a different conclusion. The book is about the failure of U.S. presidents -- Bush and Clinton -- to even begin to understand the dimensions of the threat bin Laden and his allies pose to America's security. The book does not argue that everything is "America's fault," rather it argues that our enemies are rational, driven by their faith -- something the moral cowards who govern us fear saying -- and are taking advanatge of our deeply hated foreign policies to mobilize increasing numbers of Muslims against us. The book also urges that much more agressive and lethal military and intelligence operations are needed if America is to be protected -- and the enemy damaged -- in the period until U.S. politicians are ready to tell Americans the truth: That we are at war because of what we do, not because of who we are. With that truth in hand, Americans can decide for themslves how this war is to be won, for the politicians of both parties are willfully losing it at the moment.

As a final thought, you might consider what status bin Laden and his cause will have in the Muslim world, once the U.S. governing elite and the desk-bound Pentagon generals destroy the reputation and morale of the U.S. military by tucking their political tails between their legs and running from Iraq. The politicians and their sycophant generals will surely come up with a cosmetic victory claim. But the world's billion-plus Muslims will swell with pride as bin Laden's prediction comes true: Muslims armed with small-arms and their faith defeated the first superpower -- the USSR -- in Afghanistan, and then beat the second -- America -- like a drum in Iraq.

Respectively yours,

Michael F. Scheuer

Now i see how and why You w... (Below threshold)
John Kerry:

Now i see how and why You were hired at CBS.

Damn, the Dipstick must hav... (Below threshold)

Damn, the Dipstick must have been sitting on your digital front doorstep to get the first comment in.

Assumeing it's him of course.

It should be noted when IH first came out it was penned by "Anonymous" who obviously turned out to be Dipstick.

Here are a couple more Dipstick quotes: "The strength of his personality and message is likely to lead to an enduring legacy that will long survice his own departure from the scene."

Osama bin Laden appears to be a geniunely pious Muslim; a devoted family man; a talented, focused, and patient insurgent commander; a frank and eloquent speaker; a successful businessman; and an individual of conviction, intellectual honestly, compassion, humility, and physical bravery

Sounds like the perfect gueat for Oprah!

[B]in Laden's character, religious certainty, moral absolutism, military ferocity, integrity, and all-or-nothing goals are not much different from those of individuals whom we in the United States have long identified and honored as religious, political, or military heroes, men such as John Brown, John Bunyan, Thomas Jefferson, Patrick Henry, and Thomas Paine

The guy is a moonbat of the first order. He goes on to draw parallels between Osama's first Declaration of war in 1996 and his second in 1998, a "Jihad against Jews and Crusaders," with the US Declaration of Independence.

Hmmmm.Oh Christ.</... (Below threshold)


Oh Christ.

I tried fisking this nonsense by Scheur but I got half-way before my stores of sarcasm just ran out.

It's a sad day when a comment is such a self-parody that I can't compete with it.

Responders,I sort ... (Below threshold)
Michael Scheuer:


I sort of suspected none of you have read the book -- or probably much else since Dick and Jane. You are in good company, however, Rumsfeld, Feith, Cheney and all the other adolescent boys who are working like crazy to lie to America about the threat we face have read nothing save the ravings of Wolfowitz, Perle, Lewis, Krauthammer, Woolsey, and The Wall Street Journal. You also join both Clintons, Shumer, Kerry and the rest of the Democratic surrenderists, who have read nothing since Marx.

Poor America, championed by the ignorant, arrogant, and gullible likes of you. I thought we might have a debate on America's future here, but, with the positions you take and the people you admire, you obviously do not care if America has a future.

Respectfully yours,

Michael F. Scheuer

If you are still with us, a... (Below threshold)
Proud Kaffir:

If you are still with us, and it is in fact you, I would like to say that it is truly frightening that people like you could be the ones tasked with protecting us from the murderous members of the death cult. Where you cheering and dancing as the towers collapsed in homage to your idol, Bin laden?

If Bin laden truly believes in his religion, why hasn't he blown himself up? Incidentally, my moronic friend, Bin laden and his sick followers kill many more Muslims than they do Americans. Muslims are the biggest victims of your heroes.

The insurgents in Iraq cannot win, as in hold territory. They can blow up market places and use some IED but this is only effective as a weapon in as much as people like you assist them. The insurgents are not a crack fighting force, nor is Bin laden's Al Qaeda.

Please read my post on Redstate if you think the insurgents are such an efficient force. As you can see the annual casualty rates for the US Military is on par with 25 years ago and comparable to peacetime rates. I am not saying that there would be just as many casualties if there wasn"t a war. I am saying that if the insurgents were as effiecient as you and the MSM make them out to be, certainly there would be significantly more casualties as compared to "peace" years.

America about the threat... (Below threshold)
Proud Kaffir:

America about the threat we face have read nothing save the ravings of Wolfowitz, Perle, Lewis, Krauthammer, Woolsey, and The Wall Street Journal.

Must be that eeeevil Jewish LOBBY that has taken control of the world.

You also join both Clintons, Shumer, Kerry and the rest of the Democratic surrenderists, who have read nothing since Marx.

Strange in that you would call them defeatists when you are not only calling for America's defeat but celebrating it. Clearly you are a strong supporter of the Islamofascists. Why don't you go serve them or perhaps you already have? I hope the Justice Dept is taking note and will closely scrutinize your actions and contacts. You are a first-rate traitor.

Well i for one will admit r... (Below threshold)

Well i for one will admit right up front that I do not admire Osama Bin Laden, and I see no redeeming qualities in His value system either.
And i think the muslim fanatics hate us because they are not able to rule over us like they do their own societies and feel threatened by our ability to telecast our economic successes around the globe, and realize that their way of life via intimidation and violence is a failed choice that will only end in their destuction.

Sir,Whether statis... (Below threshold)
michael scheuer:


Whether statistics show the insurgents are an efficient fighting force or not is irrelevant. Our cowardly politicians -- in both parties -- and bureuacrat-generals have shackled our soldiers and marines with rules of engagement that make them targets instead of killers. We are going to withdraw, and so we will have lost the war to -- as you said -- a less than brilliant insurgency. Still, the perception will be that we have lost, and perception is reality. And then bin Laden again will be the premier hero and leader of the Muslim world -- thanks to our dainty, politically correct, governing moral cowards. Bin Laden and all his allies could never beat us, Bush and his crowd are beating us, and McCain or the Democrats would be worse.


Michael F. Scheuer

I'll have to go to my libra... (Below threshold)

I'll have to go to my library tomorrow, check out IH, read it and try to determine if we got the real Scheuer here or some moby. I suspect the latter.

Mr. Scheuer, You s... (Below threshold)
Sub Rosa:

Mr. Scheuer,

You should have Scotty beam you up. There's no intelligent life on this site. Maybe you should try over over here. That site is slow and erratic. They have wingnuts and moonbats, sure, but dig a little and you may find some worthwhile content. Post and you may get some intelligent discourse.

BTW. I preferred Through Our Enemies' Eyes. Even editted, IH was diminished somewhat by the vitriol.

Regards(with tongue in cheek).

You mean posted by Sub Huma... (Below threshold)

You mean posted by Sub Human tha Seminar caller.."

Maybe the reason you have h... (Below threshold)

Maybe the reason you have had trouble getting a platform to air your views is because so many Americans detest the vile mental and moral disease that is anti-Semitism. We know what it did in WWII (read that in a book) and we see what it it has done to Arabs, especially Palestinians, and what it is doing in Europe now. We don't want to see intimidation, persecution, and murder of Jews here, like we're seeing it in such benighted places as France. We don't want America "cleansed" of Jews the way Saudi Arabia and Syria are. We know what's infesting some of our college campuses and our "peace" rallies, and we abhor it. So we trust that if you have Jews to indict you'll be naming names and presenting documentary evidence that meets higher standards than CBS's. If not, you'll have to go the roundabout way of telling Katie that if we won't listen to your steaming pile of conspiracy theories about Jews, our only other choices are to massacre Muslims or surrender.
Maybe that'll scare us into reconsidering.
But it looks like you already figured that out.

Proud Kaffir "Where you ch... (Below threshold)
Dancing Israeli:

Proud Kaffir "Where you cheering and dancing as the towers collapsed in homage to your idol, Bin laden?"

Do you mean dancing like the Israeli Mossad agents ( fake moving company employees ) which were caught doing exactly that on 9-11, cheering and videotaping themselves while the towers crumbled in the background?

"According to ABC's 20/20, when the van belonging to the cheering Israelis was stopped by the police, the driver of the van, Sivan Kurzberg, told the officers: We are Israelis. We are not your problem. Your problems are our problems. The Palestinians are your problem."

"A few days after the attacks, Urban Moving System's Israeli owner, Dominick Suter, dropped his business and fled the country for Israel. He was in such a hurry to flee America that some of Urban Moving System's customers were left with their furniture stranded in storage facilities. It was later confirmed that the five detained Israelis were in fact Mossad agents. They were held in custody for 71 days before being quietly released. Some of the movers had been kept in solitary confinement for 40 days."


Michael,I for one ... (Below threshold)


I for one appreciate your view of things: people who believe bin Laden is just some crazy Jew-hater are useful, but wrong. We may not be able to fathom bin Laden's belief system, but he does.

The quote that set off this post is an easy one to misread; because of the style of writing you used in articulating it. It was clear to me what you meant when you said the words "admirable character traits."

What you were saying was that any military leader (and, after all, that is precisely what bin Laden is) who "has demonstrated patience, brilliant planning, managerial expertise, sound strategic and tactical sense" is displaying, for a military commander, "admirable character traits". You then further describe these traits as "eloquent, focused, limited war aims."

It's easy for people to misread this quote and get themselves believing that you in fact, find bin Laden "admirable."

I'm quite certain nothing could be further from the truth.

I for one am glad that there are some people in government who do not simply believe that bin Laden is a "madman" and then attempt to deal with him as one would a "madman."

bin Laden (and his hierarchy) has (at least to him) clearly thought-out goals he is willing to die and willing to kill trying to get; goals that make perfect sense to someone who is basing his goals on the Islamic belief system.

President Bush calls bin Laden a "madman," because that is an effective use of propoganda. Bush, however, doesn't appear to TREAT bin Laden as merely a madman.

9/11 gave Mr. Bush the political capital he required to finally take on bin Laden in the only way bin Laden finds meaningful: on a battlefield. Thankfully, Mr. Bush also had the courage to spend that capital; others would not have had that courage.

Sir,You and I both... (Below threshold)
michael scheuer:


You and I both know the anti-Semitism canard is crap. It's trotted out everytime someone doesn't want to discuss the truth about the troubles U.S. foreign policy toward the Muslim world have caused for America over the past 30 years. It is a debate suppressor, and is "hate speech" in its truest form. For myself, I believe that Israel --like any other nation state -- ought to do everything it needs to do to defend itself. The corollary is that I do not believe it is worth an American life or an American dollar to assit it, if its actions are detrimental to American interests. The complete disappearnce of Palestine, Israel, Belgium, Bolivia, or most other countries in the world would not impact American security in the least. We ought not to be wasting blood and treasure on wars in which we do not have a genuine, life-and-death national interest. Read the Founders on this issue, unless of course they say disagreeable things and need to be labled anti-Semites.


Michael F. Scheuer.

Mr. Scheuer is an American ... (Below threshold)

Mr. Scheuer is an American patriot. A patriot is defined as "one who loves, supports, and defends one's country."

For over 20 years Mr. Scheuer served the United States of America as an intelligence analyst. If a person actually read his books, that person would realize that Mr. Sheuer's job was to protect Americans first and foremost. In addition, one would discover that Mr. Scheuer believes that we have to become more aggressive with our enemies, albeit in a different fashion.

Mr. Scheuer continues to serve the USA by writing about our nation's enemies and our nation's policies. Through his continued work, Americans can debate these issues and learn the reasons for these problems as well as solutions that will
bring victory in our war against the Salafists.

Mr. Scheuer, thank you for your past and continued service to America.


If Bin Laden were doing as ... (Below threshold)

If Bin Laden were doing as well as Scheuer claims he wouldn't have to live in a cave. Bin Laden made a mistake far bigger than anything Bush has done or will likely make, a mistake that will some day consign BL to irrelevence: intentionally and specifically killing fellow Muslims.

With that one move he consigned his popularity to a minority of the Muslim world. It was one thing when he targetted the infidels while citing the 'invasion' of Saudi Arabia. But when 'you' become a possible target it's understandable that you might re-think your position.

There's no intelligent l... (Below threshold)
Proud Kaffir:

There's no intelligent life on this site.

And what does that say, Sub Rosa, about the fact that you post on this site?


Specific words do convey specific meanings. If used correctly, words of pure description should not be easily confused with words of admiration. Bin Laden certainly is a conniving, diabolical, shrewd, intelligent, manipulative, and merciless tactician. (Note how my words give quite a different impression, although my assessment is somewhat similar.)

I strongly disagree about UBL's ability to formulate strategy, though. His strategy lost him control of a country and has him seeking refuge in the caves of Pakistan. His strategy to date has failed to topple any government, so at best it is premature to admire this ability.

bin Laden (and his hierarchy) has (at least to him) clearly thought-out goals he is willing to die and willing to kill trying to get;

Is he really willing to die? If so, why does he extoll the virtues of martyrdom while himself hiding and seeking safety? I doubt he believes what he preaches.

The complete disappearnce (sic)of Palestine, Israel, Belgium, Bolivia, or most other countries in the world would not impact American security in the least.

What would be the advantage of being a US ally, and a free democracy to boot, if a foreign totalitarian entity can simply overtake you with hardly a protest from your supposed powerful ally and leader of the free world?

I disagree that it would not impact US security. Your line of thought seems to pre-date WWII, and seems to flow along the same arguments used by pre-Pearl Harbor opponents of US entry into the war. Should we really wait for a Pearl Harbor or 9/11 before responding to threats?






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