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A Horror Story

Washington DC, Friday November 10 2006 (AP) - Democrats are still celebrating the takeover of both chambers of Congress in Tuesday's mid-term elections, striking a serious blow to Republicans and the influence of now-lame-duck President George W. Bush.

Shaking his head, DNC Chairman Howard Dean laughed at his good fortune. "We had terrible turnout", admitted the head of the Democrats' national committee, "but we lucked out because the Republicans stayed home, too.

"It would have been very easy for the Republicans to have saved control of at least one chamber, but they sat on their butts and that worked for us."

Baghdad, Iraq Monday February 5 2007 (AP) - Ordered by Congress to pull out of Iraq as soon as possible, U.S. troops began the first of a series of scaled pull-outs, removing 25,000 troops from positions deemed by Congress to be "too risky". In related news, sectarian violence surged in Fallujah, Sadr City, and along the border with Saudi Arabia, as insurgents took heart in the American retreat. Over a thousand people are believed to have died in the new surge in violence over the past ten days.

Washington DC, Monday March 12 2007 (AP) - The U.S. Economy continued its slide for the third straight month, with Unemployment and the Consumer Price index both rising again. Economists say confidence in the economy has weakened due to fears of tax increases and a Congress which is hostile to the average person.

Beijing, Wednesday March 14 2007 (AP) - Iran and China have signed a landmark cooperation and defense treaty, announced today in a ceremony in Tienamen Square. Analysts believe that the weakened U.S. position in Asian and the Middle East made the deal more attractive than It would have been in past years, especially since Senate Foreign Relations committee chairman Joseph Biden has publicly warned that Congress would not approve "any more adventures" overseas for the foreseeable future.

Washington DC, Monday May 21 2007 (AP) - The Senate today slapped a stinging rebuke to the Bush Administration, by demanding a complete review and "overhaul" to intelligence-gathering procedures. In a move unprecedented since the Church Committee hearings of the 1970s, the Senate announced that the proceedings would be aired live and in public. Concerns about protecting "critical sources and methods" would be endangered by the publicity were brushed aside as "spooks trying to cover their behinds".

The Hague, June 8 2007 (AP) - The International Court of Justice today indicted sixteen U.S. Marines on charges of abusing the human rights of over one hundred suspected members of Al Qaeda, by detaining Iranian nationals and incarcerating them without due process under the terms of Sharia. The case is widely viewed as a test case to determine the new American mood with regard to nations like Iran and North Korea. "It appears that the Congress has finally tired of allowing Bush to treat sovereign nations like beggars" commented an Iranian diplomat through Al-Jazeera. Veterans groups in the U.S. protested that turning over American troops to be tried in a foreign court was unconscionable, but a spokesman for the State Department explained that the new bill by Congress, which overrode President Bush's veto, requires the United States comply with international law "in all respects", including abiding by rulings from the ICJ.

Washington DC, Friday June 29 2007 (AP) - Just before the Fourth of July break, Congress dropped a bombshell on the taxpayer, increasing the employer and employee portion of SSI taxes to 22.7% each, with a warning that further increases may be necessary. Explaining the hike, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said "look, no one likes raising taxes, but the only way to fix this problem is to put more money into the system."

Baghdad, Friday July 20 2007 (AP) - U.S. troops are exiting Iraq as quickly as possible, promised General Peter Schoomaker, Army Chief of Staff, but casualties are an inevitable price paid by "quitting before the job is finished". U.S. forces have lost over a thousand casualties, including more than six hundred deaths, since the February decision by Congress to pull out of Iraq. Analysts say the country is effectively in civil war at this time, "total chaos in places" as confidence in the nascent democracy was shattered by the sudden decision by the United States to go home.

Islamabad, Monday July 23 2007 (AP) - In a stunning move, the government of Pakistan has cut relations with the United States, opened talks with Iran regarding regional issues, and opened a consulate for Al Qaeda. Officials for President Musharraf explained, "we are merely adjusting to the reality of new conditions."

Washington DC, Monday, July 27 2007 (AP) - The Fairness Doctrine is back, and bigger than ever. Both chambers of Congress passed a measure which will not only require radio stations and cable television networks to provide "equal time and resources" to contrasting points of view, but for the first time also requires that political opinion websites, often called political "blogs", be registered their financing reported, and agree to abide by "fair and reasonable" standards. Questions remain regarding enforcement, but one official who spoke on condition of anonymity said, "we can make sure extreme voices don't get out of hand".

Is it all just a bad dream? If you sit on your butt or don't vote Republican, maybe not.

Happy Halloween!


Comments (22)

Dude , what are you smoking... (Below threshold)
Mark Blahut:

Dude , what are you smoking - The world is fucked up right now because of the republicans . If you vote republican, you are admitting that you are retarded.
Please share you smoke .

The Republicans are using f... (Below threshold)

The Republicans are using fear to sway the public into voting Republican by saying that a vote for Democrats would be a vote for those who use fear to sway the public.

The US will survive until J... (Below threshold)

The US will survive until July 27, 2007 if the Demon-rats win???

Lee is using fear (and igno... (Below threshold)
Sheik Yur Bouty:

Lee is using fear (and ignorance) to (lamely) try to sway anyone dumb enough to believe his asinine drivel into voting against Republicans by saying that they are using fear to say that a vote for Dimocrats would be a vote for those who use fear to sway the public.

...or something like that.

Mark, whatever it is you ar... (Below threshold)
Sheik Yur Bouty:

Mark, whatever it is you are smoking is much higher quality that anything DJ has.

Nancy Pelosi on 60 Minutes ... (Below threshold)

Nancy Pelosi on 60 Minutes last week indicated her "plan" for how to "lead" as (God forbid) Speaker of the House would be to OPPOSE BUSH AND CHANEY. Period. She indicated she would be "satisfied with that".

John Kerry yesterday (see other thread) indicated his TOTAL disdain for our military. A guy who wanted to LEAD the military!!!

Charlie Rangle has indicated he wants to "FIX" the healthiest economy on Earth by reversing all the things that MADE IT HEALTHY!

And so on...

The "leaders" of the Dimocrat Party are so consumed with BDS that they would rather destroy this country than see it succeed under a Republican President...especially THIS one.

Vote, and vote Republican!!

Lee says vote for change.</... (Below threshold)

Lee says vote for change.

The economy is doing well, so I guess the change he wants is for it to tank.

And we haven't been attacked here in the U.S. so I guess he wants that to start as well.

Just wanted to get that straightened out.

The last line:G... (Below threshold)

The last line:

General area of Washington DC, July 4, 2099 (AP) Dressed in yellow jumpsuits and helmets to protect them from the radiation still radiating from the earth beneath their feet, surveyors believe they have found ground zero of the nuclear bomb that detonated 91 years ago today, July 4, 2008. They believe the site once had the address of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Makes me want to watch Jeri... (Below threshold)

Makes me want to watch Jericho. . . .

There goes Jo blowing air o... (Below threshold)

There goes Jo blowing air out her/his ass, oops I mean mouth, once again. "The economy is doing well." "We haven't been attacked..." (Ooops except for the 3000 dead soldiers in Iraq and the tens of thousand maimed and wounded.)

Just wanted him/her straightened out.

Ah, crap.Now that ... (Below threshold)

Ah, crap.

Now that I post that I remember this story. . .

*psst* FBI: I was just telling a joke!! (and a bad one at that)

Every American who cares ab... (Below threshold)

Every American who cares about this country needs to get out and VOTE for the GOP up and down the line. Not only that, volunteer for the GOP 72 hour campaign. We need to win- there is only defeat ahead if the libs take control. www.gop.com

Gee did we forget...<... (Below threshold)

Gee did we forget...

Washington, DC Tuesday, July 28th 2007 (ap) - The gay agenda is finaly realized, waves of marriages go forward.

Planet Earth, location unknown, Saturday, December 6th 2107 - Last human being dies, human race goes extinct due to lack of breeding pairs after queer agenda.

Please, people... What are you smoking?


now that maliki is telling ... (Below threshold)

now that maliki is telling the u.s. military how to conduct our already passive campaign - it is time to remove our troops. there has to be a 100% commitement to destroying the enemies in iraq, on our terms, or withdraw our troops and resources. i'll vote republican but bush is consistently f'ing up.

I think you left out the ne... (Below threshold)

I think you left out the news report where Bush and Cheney get impeached and sent to jail and President Pelosi takes over...sleep well cons.

The AP would never issue th... (Below threshold)

The AP would never issue the March 12 story as you wrote it, particularly the end.

November 3rd 2016 (Ny)<br /... (Below threshold)

November 3rd 2016 (Ny)
Pesident Elect Chelsea Clinton pledged to continue the policies of her mother 2 term President Hillary Rodham. She pledged thhe focus of her administratio would be reconcilition with the south after its secession lead by virginia. She will meet this week with Soviet president for life Putin to try and pursuade him that the south will not atack the New Soviet Union if they would pull out of eastern europe. President Lee of the south said that's non-sense, and called chelsea a commie. After meeting with Putin president Clinton will stop by the Isalmic Republic of the Middle East to observe Rahmadan and pledge support to Allah and Iran.

Vote! Vote! Vote!V... (Below threshold)

Vote! Vote! Vote!

Voted early today in Georgia and had to wait in line -

You're missing the real hor... (Below threshold)

You're missing the real horror story, not some cheap attempt at fear-mongering by desperate Republicans, the one that began in January of 2001 and continues today with further chapters yet to be written...


now playing in a country near you.

You forgot one important on... (Below threshold)
Proud Kaffir:

You forgot one important one:

Washington, D.C. May 27, 2007 Today Chairman of the Judiciary Connors' impeachment proceedings against President Bush and VP Cheney takes a new twist as several "9-11 Scholars for Truth" members testify before the Committee to detail evidence that the Bush Adminsitration orchestrated the 9-11 attacks. The Committe will also view a highly controversial film "Loose Change" and interview the documentary's creator Dylan Avery.

Republicans have been hollering all week that the actions by the judiciary amount to an endorsement of conspiracy theories and myths to the detriment of our national security. Democrats scoff at the criticism, though.

"People simply want us to arrive at the truth and we need these difficult issues investigated." stated Speaker Pelosi in defense of Connors. She added that she will await the results of Connors' investigation before reaching any conclusion. In the meantime, she has requested premission from the administration to enter the Oval Office in order to measure the size of the drapes.

This comes at a difficult time for Bush, already fending off various articles of impeachment brought by Connors for the NSA surveillance program and for detention of terrorism suspects. Bush has also been trying to rally support in the Senate against the Democratic-sponsored bill already passed in the House closing down Gitmo and prividing compensation to anyone who has been imprisoned there.

WASHINGTON, June 21, 2008. ... (Below threshold)

WASHINGTON, June 21, 2008. President Bush, citing his authority as Commander in Chief of the armed forces and his inherent constitutional power over foreign affairs, today ordered a postponement of the 2008 presidential election in order "to protect the American people in our war on terror."


Maybe Bush will need some i... (Below threshold)
John S:

Maybe Bush will need some instruction from Karl Rove on how to issue a veto. Absolutely worst case scenario, Dems will get a 10 seat majority in the House and a single seat majority in the Senate. They couldn't possibly override a veto with those numbers. Congress also can't order the military to do anything. And a Pelosi freak show front and center on the news every night would kill the Democrats in 2008. She's the only politician in America more hated than Hillary Clinton.

But I believe the MSM (once again) has overplayed their hand in gloating about a Democrat Congress. There will be an overwhelming Republican backlash in the last 7 days and the Republicans will hold both chambers.






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