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Bald Love

Never mind North Korean nukes. Nobody cares about the Palestinian civil war. And forget about the menacing legerdemain of the mad mullahs of Iran. There's something far more pressing to discuss.

As dear Kevin has already reported (with a photograph to boot), Britney Spears has shaved her head bald. Yep: She's sporting the Kojak look. And, quite frankly, this has forced us to endure hours of tortured self-reflection.

You see, dear reader, we, the crack young staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," always harbored mild disdain for the young Ms. Spears. In our humble opinions, her music was typical popular pabulum--saccharine garbage for the great unwashed.

In addition, we found Ms. Spears taste in men less than desirable. Sure, we've never actually met her former husband K-Fed. But--forgive us for being judgmental--he never came across to us as that classy. Maybe it's just us. And let's not forget the fact that lovely Britney seems to have graduated from the Michael Jackson Baby-Handling School.

But now Britney Spears has gone and done something that seems positively aimed at garnering our undying affection: She's shaved herself completely bald. It's as if Ms. Spears is crying directly to us: "Love me, love me, crack young staff."

We just can't help it. As men nervously taking in our last few days on planet earth with anything resembling hair, we simply have to esteem bald people. It's just part of our darn DNA.

Allow us to offer an example. When Andre Agassi had long flowing locks, we found him utterly detestable. In fact, he was amongst our least favorite athletes of all time.

And then he went bald. Now, dear reader, we think Andre's just grand. If only Steffi Graf lost her hair, we'd pretty much venerate the couple like Zeus and Hera. (A bald Zeus and Hera, mind you.)

So, sure: Britney's latest stunt may be a sad cry for help. Perhaps her drinking is getting out of control. Maybe Madonna has managed to warp her mind.

But we don't care. We love the new look. You go, girl.

(Note: The crack young staff normally "weblog" over at "The Hatemonger's Quarterly," where they are currently gleefully humming "Oops, I Did It Again.")

Comments (8)

Just trying to get the carp... (Below threshold)

Just trying to get the carpet to match the drapes....

Heh.... (Below threshold)


Ritualized self-mutilation?... (Below threshold)

Ritualized self-mutilation? Her behavior has become more erratic with each passing day...

Just trying to get the ... (Below threshold)

Just trying to get the carpet to match the drapes....

Just trying to get the carpet to match the brain cell count.

Spears, "completely bald."<... (Below threshold)

Spears, "completely bald."

Yes, we knew that. Every denizen of the internet knew that. Every parking valet in Beverly Hills knew that.

Even Amanda Marcotte knew that. Probably.

I suspect she is going for the "Sinead O'Connor look," with all the benefits thereof. In the frames following the one Kevin captured, she tears apart a picture of Pope. Well, it was Alexander Pope, but she's still using K-Fed's default search preferences . . .

Anyone want to make book on... (Below threshold)

Anyone want to make book on how much longer this demented infant has to live? She has 2 children under the age of 2 years of age and she's carrying on like a lunatic and nobody cares enough about her to stop her? Where is her family? Does she have no real friends to just slap her upside the head and say straighten up already?

John - your comment was VERY funny!

Maybe she has crabs...when ... (Below threshold)

Maybe she has crabs...when you see em in your scalp yer at stage 5....

I'm beginning to think that... (Below threshold)
T.G. Scott:

I'm beginning to think that those little baby boys would be better off being raised by a mama gorilla than by either Brit or K-Fed. I don't advocate her mama taking them either. Look how Brit's turned out...crazier than an outhouse mouse.






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