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A Friend Indeed, Part I

For some reason, I tend to inspire trust in people. I apparently have this "vibe" that makes people trust me.

I have two examples going on right now.

My best friend, "Jay Paparazzo," is seeking to get a security clearance for his job. As some of you no doubt know, this involves contacting longtime friends and acquaintances for information. And since he and I have been friends for over 20 years, he put me on his list.

I got a call from the investigator assigned his case the other day. (Names changed to protect... well, me.)

"Hello, this is Jay Tea?"

"Yes, it is."

My name is Lucy Aspen, and I'm conducting a background investigation on Jay Paparazzo. He said you would be willing to answer some questions."

"Oh, absolutely. Do you want to hear about the drug use, the violence, the bizarre sexual habits, or the animal abuse?"

After a brief pause, she answered cheerfully. "Why, all of them, of course!"

"That's great, because they all kind of tie together."

The things I do to for my friends...

This was actually the second call I'd fielded for JP. The first interview lasted about 15 minutes. I mentioned this to the lady who called this time, who was surprised to hear about it and wondered if there had been an error in asking for this second interview. It turned out that it was an oversight, and I wasn't called to fabricate about my friend's alleged vices. And it looks like he might not only get the clearance, but a very nice promotion as well.


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Comments (7)

Security clearances can be ... (Below threshold)

Security clearances can be such a hassle, especially if you're active duty and moved a lot prior to joining and/or have moved a lot while in the service. It took me a week to track down people that I could use as my references back when I started my package. Good thing the clearance lasts for several years.

I have worried about our se... (Below threshold)
Brian the Adequate:

I have worried about our security ever since I got called in high school to be interviewed for one of my friends who was trying to get clearance for the Navy to sail on a booomer.

The investigator volunteered the information that he was the guy who gave Jonathon Pollard his first security clearance. He almost seemed proud of clearing a convicted spy.

The best way to get through... (Below threshold)

The best way to get through a speedy security background check is to use a false SS#, cross our southern border and move to a major city. That is it. Your in. And literally, no questions asked. JT, please don't let me put you down for a personal reference. Your humor is too much like mine, over the top. ww

I wonder if anybody ever li... (Below threshold)

I wonder if anybody ever listed Sandy Berger as a reference.

Security paperwork is a maj... (Below threshold)

Security paperwork is a major pain.

I'd suggest, just in case, that people keep a list of residences and employers (with addresses and dates!) from high school onward. You just don't *know* and a TS clearance can require a 10 or 15 year history of every single dang job you had for a week before you quit and address of who's couch you lived on during college.

By the time I got done with mine so very long ago I had about five pages added on to the end of it including hand drawn maps. And thank the dear lord Jesus I kept a copy because two years later I was doing it over again for the 15 year version.

With a friend like you, etc... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

With a friend like you, etc., etc.,....


LMAO! I love it!

imagine the laugh to find o... (Below threshold)
j p:

imagine the laugh to find out that JT thought he was kidding about my past.. when perhaps, I had him chosen because.. he has NO clue of my dark side of life.. I was surprized because I thought.. He knew about the (well you can imagine) perhaps perhaps.






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