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"We're Crazier Than You"

Everyone else is talking about the sadness, the loss associated with the 9/11 attacks. The main thing I remember from that day is fear and rage. And this piece written by Laurence Simon (reprinted without his permission, but he's stolen from me enough that I feel I can get away with it) is something that we need to remember every now and then.

(Warning: strong language, but if you know anything about Lair, that should not be any great surprise.)

To those extremists that perpetrated this crime against our nation, I have a warning for you. There are those of us who look at your actions as irrational, twisted, and completely inhuman. By all measures, what you have done can only be seen as insane. I have news for you. We're more nuts than you, and it should scare you shitless.

You may think that when you die for your cause, you go to Paradise with 72 virgins, can leave reservations for 70 members of your family, all your sins are forgiven, and you sit at the side of Allah. Big deal. We had 39 guys who rented a Beverly Hills mansion, cut off their nuts, built a web site, and proceeded to poison themselves to death to hitch a ride with aliens out on the Hale-Bopp comet.

You shoot guns into the sky to celebrate victories over enemies, and people are killed by the bullets raining down on them. We not only do this for New Year's Eve in some cities, but we burn houses down, tear up streets, loot and sack our stores, and beat ourselves senseless when our sports teams win championships.

Sports teams! We made a sequel to Police Academy 5. We gave an award for singing to two guys who never even sang. We put little sweaters on dogs. We shot John Lennon six times and didn't even aim for Yoko Ono. We think Elvis is still alive. We put Braille on drive-up automatic teller machines. We think that a simple button on a web site that says "Do not click if you're under 21" will do anything but cause a person under 21 to click on it. We take a large chunk of the island on which those buildings you destroyed sat and pretend that it isn't a part of our country after all, let people fly into our airports that we want to kill, drive them in limousines to speak against us on this "pretend territory" land, let them drive back to our airport, and let them fly them back home without a scratch. We sell hot dogs in packages of ten and the buns in packages of eight. We can't even decide if pitchers should have to bat for themselves or not. All those baseball fields we've got. And none of them are even remotely the same size.

We gave millions of dollars to a guy that told us that God was going to kill him if he didn't raise enough money. When he didn't get enough money, he didn't die. So we gave him more money in celebration of the fact that God didn't make him die. We've managed to keep the formulas for Coca-Cola and Kentucky Fried Chicken secret for decades, we encrypt the most banal communications on our Information Superhighway, and yet we given away our most important nuclear secrets to the Chinese and Russians at the drop of a hat. And yet, with all this on the A-1 Psycho balance sheet, you still think you're more nuts than us that this won't result in your complete and utter annihilation? One way or another, your way of life will be over, period.

Freedom's kind of a crazy, kooky, nutty thing when you look really close at it and all the bizarre and loony things that can result from it, but it's better than any other ideas anybody else has come up with. It's been that way since 1776, and built to last no matter how insanely we try to screw it up on a daily basis. We are even so nuts and ruthless enough as a nation to start insanely tearing at those of ourselves that even remotely resemble you in such rancorous, deplorable, and angry ways that will make you wonder if Allah has enough glue to piece enough of you back together for a flesh paperweight in Paradise.

We may not know where you are now, but when we do I guarantee you that the majority of our high school children will still have no idea where on the globe where you are or where you will end up being buried. But we will send them anyway, and we will allow those of them that went into the armed services because they didn't manage to get into college *still* rain down Hell and fire on your worthless hides. It will all come down on you, because we're nuts enough to give all four of our branches of military services extremely powerful and deadly aircraft even though only one of them is actually called the Air Force. Picking a fight with the most insane nation on Earth with the hope that your message and influence will spread throughout the world, well, that's just downright stupid.

Lair informs us that this is the "expurgated" version. And for those who wonder if he still "has it," wander over here and see his thoughts on 9/11 + 6 years. It's more a laundry list than a coherent whole, but it's still well worth reading.


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Comments (21)

Six years ago to the day I ... (Below threshold)

Six years ago to the day I said "What we need now is a few good extremists. Any volunteers?"

And boy, do we have them. ... (Below threshold)

And boy, do we have them. It is extreme behaviour to re-enlist under fire, and boy, do we have 'em.

Damn. I forgot how much da... (Below threshold)

Damn. I forgot how much damage Laurence Simon can do when he's "On". Absolutely brilliant!

This is not the original ve... (Below threshold)

This is not the original version.

When you see "We put little sweaters on dogs" you are reading the one that Orion Ramsey alterted.

Well, that and the fact that I'd never bleep-out the word shitless.

We let politicians insult g... (Below threshold)

We let politicians insult generals. Try that in Sharia land.

I didn't care for the "sold... (Below threshold)

I didn't care for the "soldiers are stupid, hurr" thing at the end. They're on average better educated than the rest of the population.

By golly, we really ARE bat... (Below threshold)

By golly, we really ARE batty. Great post!

Heh. Proud to be a residen... (Below threshold)

Heh. Proud to be a resident loon of the good ol' U.S. Of A. No greater country on earth! :)

They want to know what craz... (Below threshold)

They want to know what crazy is? They can talk to Carlos Mencia. [Caution: NWS]

That was essentially my rea... (Below threshold)

That was essentially my reaction as well. I was angry, sure, but not as much as I might have been if I'd had the television on and watched and watched (with several very young children in the house it seemed better to stay on the internet, which means I got my news without visuals.) I wasn't shocked, as so many people were, that people in the world hated us. This is news? My sense of security wasn't shattered because I didn't have that illusion.

Mostly, at the time, I was astounded by the immensity of *error* that the terrorists had made.

"We're more nuts than you, and it should scare you shitless."


While they blow civilian to... (Below threshold)

While they blow civilian to bits expecting their god to reward them, the anglosphere destroyed cities all the while praying that God can forgive them but very much afraid that He couldn't. And still they turned Dresden, Hiroshima and Nagasaki into funeral pyres.

The west is not eager to die for a cause like the islamists are, but when they get around to it, they don't do the job by halves.

Personally, I pray the islamist wake up before the rest of the world decides that this is a life or death issue.
Wasps versus bees...

The rage over 9/11 is no lo... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

The rage over 9/11 is no longer all the rage, unfortunately, IMO.

The rage by too many who have clearly forgotten is now (mis)directed at our leaders; infighting and politics have replaced national resolve and conviction in defeating an enemy; patriotism and national pride have given way (yet again) to self-flagellation and political correctness (i.e. not "Islamofacists", we don't want to piss off CAIR). And we've forgotten the one of Gen. Patton's rules of war: Nobody won a war by dying for his country or cause; he won a war by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country or cause. In short, we've been too p.c. in fighting a war where p.c. and fairness isn't in our enemy's vocabulary.

For a brief time, we fought like they did: dirty, gloves off, and like real bastards. Then the media and alleged intellectuals moralized the matter(s). Was it right to selective give Abu Zubaydah pain killers after he was shot in the groin? Was Gitmo legal detainment? Was it right to torture for information? And it's only gotten worse as our rage has diminished (for some of us, not me) since the events of 9/11.

Our problem is that we're too compassionate, too caring--and those are bad traits in war. Nobody wins wars by compassion; wars are won by attrition and utterly crushing the enemy until it no longer has the will to fight. To do that takes an unrelenting rage, and if that's the case, then we are indeed losing a big portion of this fight. I blame that solely on far left anti-war groups and their sympathizers, and those who have lost the rage to fight, if they even had it in the first place.

Oh, we're still crazy all right. Just in more of a f-ed up crazy aunt kinda crazy. And that's just nuts.

HmmmThis is the kind... (Below threshold)

This is the kind of rant that took our focus from Pakistan and has us in Iraq longer than WWII..

and Peter F...when you use terms like rage to fight you really...really sound like bin Laden..

I know with your rage...you are still a member of our armed forces...and as a vet...I salute you.
by the way Peter....visit the waiting room of your local V.A. Hospital..talk to the young vet who has waited months for this appointment and ask him/her if they still feel the "rage"

and Peter F...when you u... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

and Peter F...when you use terms like rage to fight you really...really sound like bin Laden..

There is a BIG f**king difference between having rage to defend what is arguably the greatest and the most free civilization and being one of the raging Islamo-Nazis who want to destroy everything good that it stands for and still stands for and instill a caliphate of ungodly repression, you ignorant and hapless fuck.

by the way Peter....visi... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

by the way Peter....visit the waiting room of your local V.A. Hospital..talk to the young vet who has waited months for this appointment and ask him/her if they still feel the "rage"

BTW, I don't think you've been NEAR a VA hospital in years, so don't think you hold any high moral ground over me, you rotten rat turd of a human being.

Crazy? Don't forget Jack... (Below threshold)

Crazy? Don't forget Jackass The Movie

On the back of a science fi... (Below threshold)

On the back of a science fiction anthology, one of the Man-Kzin wars ones, the blurb describing the first contact between the predator cat race and humans, where the Kzin expect us to be easy prey, goes something like this... "What the Kzin didn't realize is that the reason that humans had given up war centuries ago was that they were so very, very, good at it."

That's the sort of miscalculation I think that the Islamists and Bin Laden made. There are reasons for them to think that the West is weak, that if they hit us hard enough that we'd fold. But there are also reasons that sentiment turned anti-war so quickly and so strongly... and it's not because we aren't warlike... it's because we *are*. Islamists like Bin Laden and others might think that we're weak and we'll give up but the reason there is such a strong voice to do exactly that isn't because we are weak or uncommitted but that the war protesters see a danger that we won't stop. A United States successful in war is very frightening indeed. Quite seriously... who can stop us?

But even our pro-war sorts, by and large, aren't *pro* war. We don't want to fight. But it's necessary and we *will*. The only possible result of another attack on us of any magnitude is violent resolution in proportion (larger by a few magnitudes, which is right and good) to the attack.

Which is why one response to the attacks on 9-11 was a stunned, "You idiots! What have you done?"

Yeah, dangerous crazy.

And not so crazy in the same way so strongly anymore... but it would be *good* if the anti-war concern would recognize that being clear to the enemy what the result of their actions will be is the best way to avoid further conflict.

If "peace" sorts keep sending the wrong signals, we're going to be at this a very long time.

This is probably much the s... (Below threshold)

This is probably much the same reason that anti-war people go on about how broken or over-extended our military is, that we *can't* respond to other threats. They want it to be true because the alternative is frightening. But it's not true at all.

In truth we've mobilized a ridiculously small portion of our society. In truth, the kinder and gentler military options are the ones deployed. The mass death and destruction options are still fully available and standing by.

To some extent we've followed the theory that the best revenge is living well... through it all our economy has grown in size and strength.

Imagine the entire nation and economy focused on one purpose.


I don't think so.

Very interesting paradox in... (Below threshold)

Very interesting paradox in #17, Synova. The anti-war left is necessary as restraint, just as it holds back the effort. As per usual, look to the golden mean. The loyal opposition.

In the Petraeus hearings, the Democrats were disloyal.

no go, you dumb ass. I cant... (Below threshold)

no go, you dumb ass. I cant belive you served in my army,or was it some other branch? were you one of those REMF,s? I,m well passed the age to serve again, but dont think for one minute that if I could,I would. NO second thoughts at all! Oh,and I damn sure wouldnt whine about it. :P

I am extatic after seeing t... (Below threshold)
Billy Neuman:

I am extatic after seeing this piece that pays homage to Yoko Ono. It's part of the Ultimate Blogger competition, and it's by an artist from Oregon named TJ Norris who is paying her rightful respect. You gotta see this:







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