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Thoughts On Various States

I noticed that Jay Tea and Jim Addison have been arguing over the more subtle qualities of that previously virgin paradise, New Hampshire (which begs the questions, has anyone seen Old Hampshire, and shouldn't New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, and New Mexico be roundly mocked for harkening back to other countries for their cultural identity?). I am normally wise enough not to step into the middle of a dogfight, but I am bored beyond tears with work and school and my fence-chewing collie, and I'm in the mood for a good waste of time. So, here's a purely subjective ranking of the states in our great nation. All 46 of them. You are welcome to respond with your own rankings in the comment section.

First the ground rules. States with "new" in the name will have "new" removed, in compliance with the Truth in Advertising law. Every state in the country was here before we were born, so there's nothing new about 'em. Next, North Whatever and South Whatever are just weirdo attempts to count a state twice, so I'm just counting them as they are - except for West Virginia, they seem to have some history on their side.. With that in mind, here's the list:

01. Texas - God's crib.
02. Utah - Wonderful people, weather, and sense of context.
03. Florida - Like Hawaii but with better prices and better fishing.
04. Maine - Solid Americans. Every returning vet coming through Bangor, for example, gets a personal greeting and thanks. That's just how they roll.
05. Mississippi - Katrina hit Mississippi too, but unlike Louisiana, Mississippi worked its butt off and got running again, and was back at full speed in months.
06. Virginia - Classy, friendly state with beautiful scenery and a sense of History.
07. Wyoming - Solid America, and a great place to raise a family.
08. Kansas - Bob Dole country.
09. Louisiana - The Jumbalaya alone is reason to stop by.
10. Ohio - Our last best hope against the Rust Belt.
11. Arizona - Goldwater hailed from here, so does McCain.
12. Montana - Serious ranch country. Also serious about protecting their rights.
13. Alabama - Nice state with good people, but the skeeters and possums work against it.
14. York - America's Bravest, America's Finest. But they need to deal with their Clinton problem.
15. Idaho - Solid, unpretentious state.
16. Carolina - Just plain good.
17. West Virginia - Wants to be separate from Virginia for some reason, but honest, hard-working folks.
18. Missouri - St. Louis is there, but they are trying to overcome that.
19. Nebraska - Did a real nice job ironing out the state, nice and flat.
20. Dakota - The land of Daschle and McGovern. That takes 'em down some.
21. Georgia - Nice state, good people. But they gave us Jimmah, and that was just wrong.
22. Indiana - Real nice state for driving through on your way somewhere else.
23. Iowa - Strong opinions about FFA, Football, Family and tourists.
24. Nevada - If you're here to gamble, fine. But there's no secret bases here, who told you that?
25. Tennessee - A great state with the courage to reject AlGore in 2000.
26. Hawaii - Like Florida at three times the prices.
27. California - would rank higher, but Hollywood is a cancer.
28. Wisconsin - Cheese, Beer, the Packers.
29. Kentucky - Bourbon, Horse Racing, Basketball and the Louisville Slugger.
30. Oklahoma - Worked hard to become America's most unremarkable state.
31. Alaska - If you like ice and rocky ground, Alaska's for you.
32. Pennsylvania - There's a reason they called the bumblers the Keystone Cops!
33. Maryland - Every bit as impressive as an unpainted plate full of plaster.
34. Michigan - Even the cub scouts there are unionized!
35. Delaware - Least consumer-protection-focused state in the nation.
36. Minnesota - 'Minnesota' is how the natives originally referred to political loons.
37. Hampshire - You know things are bad when someone brags about the quality of the dumps in their state to try and find some good news.
38. Oregon - Planters should headquarter there, the whole state is absolutely nuts.
39. Connecticut - they're apparently still jealous of Hampshire.
40. Washington - The only state where folks talk to trees ... and wait for an answer.
41. Colorado - 2 words: Ward Churchill.
42. Jersey - The state that, uhh, fell off a truck. Yeah, that's it, don't ask any questions and nobody has to get hurt, capisce?
43. Rhode Island - A county with pretentions of statehood.
44. Illinois - Did you know that at Illinois colleges, you can major in Corruption?
45. Vermont - More than any other state, treats the US Constitution like a used Kleenex.
46. Massachusetts - Breeding ground for Kennedies and Kerrys.


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Comments (40)

Anyone who rates Colorado 4... (Below threshold)

Anyone who rates Colorado 46th and Wyoming 7th is an idiot. First, we actually fired Ward Churchill unlike so many other PC universities that would have caved. Second, Colorado is top five in terms of physical beauty and weather.

Just the places I've lived:... (Below threshold)

Just the places I've lived:

Illinois. I was born and raised in Chicago so I really can't speak about the rest of the state other than to say, Chicago isn't really Illinois.

Nevada. Other than Vegas, kind of useless...except for the secret bases...which aren't there.

Alaska. All in all, breathtaking...but sometimes you have to breathe.

Idaho. I lived here in the early 90s and then retired from the Air Force to here. Not as unpretentious as it used to be. Lots of Californians have migrated here to get away from California but then built strip malls to feel more like "home."

Hawaii. I understand Oahu wasn't always this crowded...I would have liked to have seen it back in the 60s. Go to Maui, go to the big island...go through Oahu.

Colorado. Hippies, fundamentalists and the military living in a perpetual (so far) cease fire.

Nebraska. Didn't we pass that silo three towns back?

Wyoming. Great place if it wasn't for the wind. And it's ALWAYS windy.

hah. I've been to Colorado... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

hah. I've been to Colorado. The prices and eco-snobbery alone keep it out of the top 30.

Thank you Miniturn. I was ... (Below threshold)

Thank you Miniturn. I was just about to jump all over DJ for his Colorado comments. But we're really like 2 states in one (by eastern standards). We've got the loons in Boulder and Denver (who were stupid enough to vote for Hickenlooper's tax increases) and we have the more conservative types of the western part of the state. We have the plains and we have our gorgeous mountains.

But honestly, if DJ wants to rate it low, so be it. We don't need anyone else here in our state, particularly Californians.

DJ, what you are referring ... (Below threshold)

DJ, what you are referring to is the impact of Californification. You see it our recent politics as well. Very sad day, actually.

COgirl, you make a good poi... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

COgirl, you make a good point. Here in Texas, we've pretty much limited the contagion to Dallas and Austin.

You left off Arkansas. I as... (Below threshold)

You left off Arkansas. I assume it was an oversight not an editoral comment.

> 27. California - would... (Below threshold)

> 27. California - would rank higher, but Hollywood is a cancer.

You should give us credit for having the cancer in one easy-to-keep-an-eye-on location.
Also, it sucks up lots of libs and keeps them away from the children.

Arkansas? What is 'Arkansa... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

Arkansas? What is 'Arkansas'?

Arthur, you also have the S... (Below threshold)

Arthur, you also have the San Francisco problem. But again, they're also in one place. Perhaps since the city doesn't want a military presence there, they'll be an easy target when the terrorists come knocking. Hello, Pelosi!

By the way, I also left off... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

By the way, I also left off 'Mexico'. 'New Mexico' is just trying to sneak Mexico in there, and that is not going to happen, not on my list.


You put this in the FUN cat... (Below threshold)

You put this in the FUN category and it truly is.

Being a Carolina girl living in TX...I liked what you said about both states...and yes, Dallas has gone BLUE...(yuk)...Do love Colorado..have a grandson at the Air Force Academy...people in Co. Springs are good to those cadets.

Also...it is just plain refreshing to read something light and fun.

thanks DJ

Being a Mississippian, I lo... (Below threshold)

Being a Mississippian, I love seeing us ranked highly in something that ISN'T bad news. (I think we're tops in overweight people, for example.)

However, in all fairness, I drove through Biloxi & Gulfport back in August, and yes, progress is being made. But there is still a lot of work left to do.

I'm also glad to see AL ranked lower- after all, they are just a backwards MS!

Lastly, with (almost sincere) apologies to any Kentucky Wildcat, Auburn Tiger, or Crimson Tide fans, Go State!

I was in Corpus Christi jus... (Below threshold)

I was in Corpus Christi just the other day and asked a preacher how I'd get to heaven, he asked me..."Why do you want to do that? You already live in Texas".


The prices and eco-snobb... (Below threshold)

The prices and eco-snobbery alone keep it out of the top 30.

Maybe the people who live here actually care about keeping it a nice place. Unlike the craphole that is Texas. Prices are high becasue people actually want to live here and there is competition for housing.

Minturn: "craphole".... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

Minturn: "craphole".

Nah, crap comes from Vermont. Texas is better known for its chili. Of course, when folks outside Texas try to make chili, it often looks and smells like crap, so they tend to get confused.

33. Maryland - Every bit as... (Below threshold)

33. Maryland - Every bit as impressive as an unpainted plate full of plaster.

Yeah, never mind that Maryland brought us that stupid Star Spangled Banner thing. Or that it is the richest State in the country, with the lowest poverty rate. Never mind that Texas didn't even want to be a part of these United States

You also forgot God created... (Below threshold)
U.P. Man:

You also forgot God created the U.P. last but best, and built a bridge to keep all the trolls under.

Man, I gotta agree with you... (Below threshold)

Man, I gotta agree with you on Vermont. And the people there were about as snobby as was possible. As beautiful as Vermont is, the only way I'd ever move back is if they moved all the people out.

OK, I have a line for Arkan... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

OK, I have a line for Arkansas now:

Arkansas - where Maryland sent all its poor people.

Tennessee - A great stat... (Below threshold)
Jeff Blogworthy:

Tennessee - A great state with the courage to reject AlGore in 2000

Dude, we saved the nation. That deserves better than a middle-of-the-road 25.

DJ:In 06, you miss... (Below threshold)
Dodo David:


In 06, you misspelled "Virginia". You left off the second "i".

[ thanks DD, it's fixed now. - DJ ]

Also as a Mississippian, I ... (Below threshold)

Also as a Mississippian, I like seeing us ranked higher. But as a Coastian, I have to say; we're not really up to full speed yet. I don't live in the worst area, but in parts of Biloxi, there's still a lot to be done.

But we did get up and running as much as we could, as fast as we could.

First, we actually fired... (Below threshold)

First, we actually fired Ward Churchill
After what? Ten Years?

Wisconsin - Cheese, Beer... (Below threshold)

Wisconsin - Cheese, Beer, the Packers.

'nuff said... though a Rusty Nail is a pretty good alternative to beer while tailgating at Lambeau.

Actually you're very wrong ... (Below threshold)

Actually you're very wrong about Oregon. Most of the state is very sane but Multnomah County (Portland) and Lane County (Eugene) are the counties that ruin it for the rest of the state. It's mainly the portion of the Willamette Valley from Portland south to Eugene that is home of most of the insane liberals. Along the coast isn't bad at all and once you go east of the Cascade mountains the rest of the state is fairly balanced, maybe even leaning more to the right.

Tennessee not only rejected... (Below threshold)

Tennessee not only rejected Algore, but also elected the ONLY Republican Freshman Senator in 2006: Bob Corker.

Oh come on. I've lived in ... (Below threshold)

Oh come on. I've lived in both Nebraska and Wyoming. Nebraska is WAY better.

I have alternative entries ... (Below threshold)
Dodo David:

I have alternative entries for Oklahoma (which is where I live), and every entry is true.

Oklahoma: Nicknamed after a group of law-breaking cheaters.

Oklahoma: The only state to have a university football team nicknamed after a group of law-breaking cheaters.

Oklahoma: The only state to have its capitol stolen.

Oklahoma: The state that gave us Mickey Mantle and Jim Thorpe.

Oklahoma: The state that gave us Carrie Underwood.

Only the tree huggers wait ... (Below threshold)

Only the tree huggers wait for the tree to talk. And if the tree would talk, they would tell the huggers to take a long hike off of one of the many cliffs out here. The best weather in the US is here, but all the idiots from CA are moving in. Ruins it for everyone.

Brent, while you are too ki... (Below threshold)

Brent, while you are too kind describing the People's Republic of Portland, at least 80% of the west side of the State is high on something other than caffeine and alcohol at least once a week. And that's in the winter.

We need to be rated well below Cow-H, not just under it.

The Carolina's have history... (Below threshold)
capital L:

The Carolina's have history behind our schism as well (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Carolinacolony.png).

Besides, no North Carolinian I know would suffer being joined back up with those crazy South Carolinians, and I'm pretty confident they feel the same way. It's the sort of petty rivalry (who's the REAL Carolina) that is just plain fun.

Re Georgia and Jimmah-... (Below threshold)

Re Georgia and Jimmah-

Like so many mistakes, it's easy to look back and go "It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

As a new resident to New Me... (Below threshold)

As a new resident to New Mexico(cheaper college tuition), I can whole heartedly agree with you...except one thing...New Mexico is not trying to sneak Mexico in, the door is wide open, and English is definitely the foreign language here!

Otherwise the list is right on!

"21. Georgia - Nice stat... (Below threshold)
Chris G:

"21. Georgia - Nice state, good people. But they gave us Jimmah, and that was just wrong."

And you gave him back to us, which was inhumane. Pretty soon, he will realize that Venuzuela, Hamas, N. Korea, and Sudan do not hold staggered elections every other month and that is was all a ploy to keep him out of Georgia year round

I have an alternative sloga... (Below threshold)

I have an alternative slogan for Arkansas for you: Arkansas - We got rid of the Clintons, didn't we?

32. Pennsylvania - There... (Below threshold)

32. Pennsylvania - There's a reason they called the bumblers the Keystone Cops!

Maybe I'm just dumb, but I don't get that at all. If you're referring to something (a movie, a book?), I'm not catching it.

Pennsylvania is like the USA in miniature - Philly is the East Coast and Pittsburgh is the West Coast, nothing "important" in the middle, even though the middle is the best part.

>Wyoming. Great place if it... (Below threshold)

>Wyoming. Great place if it wasn't for the wind. And it's ALWAYS windy

It's not windy in Wyoming- Nebraska sucks.

Colorado is a nice place to live. Take away Boulder (drunk college students, practicing communists, and leftover 60s hippy acid victims) and Denver (for lefty political correctness run wild) and the rest is pretty sweet. Go up to the mountains in mid-summer, and you'll think you're in Heaven.

I'm from Maine and was plea... (Below threshold)

I'm from Maine and was pleased to see the state rank high in something positive for once :) Seriously though it's getting rough in this state nowadays. Solid Americans, yes. Hard working, appreciative of hard work, prideful, and generous, definitely. You're right, the people here love meeting vets at the airport and thanking them... that's absolutely how we roll. Unfortunately, liberals have seeped into the state and are slowly taking over. Our economy has seen better days but lately it's terrible. Maine just posted the biggest increase of hunger rate in the nation. The people here are getting desperate. Liberal lawmakers have been raising taxes and promising help, (and we honest Mainers believe them) but no help has come. Now facing winter with heating oil prices already over $3.20 a gallon, Maine's in a world of trouble. It's hard to watch this once proud state lost... valiantly holding onto the values of pride, honesty, and hard work, but having less and less to show for it year after year.

Not windy in Wyoming?!?!?!?... (Below threshold)

Not windy in Wyoming?!?!?!?!

Which part were you in, cause I can vouch for the whole north-eastern corner ALWAYS being windy (unless it's raining or snowing, then its blowing rain or snow).






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