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The Un-Holidays

It's a week away. Valentine's Day, a day best known for overpriced guilt trips and mob killings, and about as sincere as a John McCain tribute to President Reagan. We celebrate the real holidays for a variety of solid reasons, but Valentine's Day stands out for its hypocrisy and mercenary character. We celebrate religious holidays because of our faith, and national holidays to remember veterans and great leaders, but somewhere along the way other 'holidays' got mixed in, fake ones which do nothing to celebrate or improve the character of our nation. There's St. Patrick's Day, a day best known for promoting the assumption that the Irish are drunks who like to wear green clothing. There's April Fool's Day, based on the premise that deceitful behavior and insulting gestures should be universally practiced and praised. There's Cinco de Mayo, originally a very good celebration by Mexicans who recall the May 5 1862 victory of Mexican forces over France in the Battle of Puebla, which effectively confirmed Mexico's freedom from foreign occupation, but which has in modern times become a celebration of beer and bad music. To that point, a number of American holidays have gone the same way, such as the many people who celebrate Memorial Day and Veteran's Day without once visiting a veteran or a cemetary of those who died for our country. There is Groundhog Day, where millions of people take time out to respect the observational skills of a fat rodent, on the assumption that his behavior should direct their meteorological expectations. There is Earth Day, where millions of environmentally sensitive people take the opportunity to shout obscene-laced screeds at people who have been successful in their careers, and leave piles of refuse at their fairs and concerts, polluting the area far more heavily than usual in a gesture somehow meant to convey moral superiority. There is Arbor Day, which is largely ignored by people not really, really desperate for a reason to have a holiday, and on which day the original purpose (planting trees) is almost never remembered, much less performed. There is Labor Day, which is honored by new and bolder Union demands and by retail shopping sprees. There is United Nations Day (Oct. 24), which celebrates the defeat of the civilized world to the bureaucrats and the mandarins. And of course, there is also Halloween, a day created by costume supply stores and dentists and people who wish to defame Wiccans.

But for some reason Valentine's Day seems the worst to me. A day controlled by the International Chocolate, Snotty Restaurant, and Jewelry Cartel, the day seems designed to play on all the worst human traits. Women get greedy for over-priced shiny rocks, men start dwelling on the (generally futile) hope that buying a negligee for $250 will lead to sex, and anyone who spends less than a week's pay on the day is considered some kind of skinflint. Valentine's Day is worse than the other holidays, because even from Elementary school you are expected to play along, enduring a day of Pink and Violet pastel hell where women demand equal rights, but also complete devotion and a set of luxurious amusements. Everything about Valentine's Day is sexist and mercenary, but all to the benefit of the female. God help the man who fails the least whim of his paramour, let alone a man who wonders when it might be his turn to receive such extravagant and hedonist delights. As we all know well, men are never on the receiving end of such arrangements, except in certain sitcoms and professional athletes and musicians. Life imitates High School. That alone is reason to hate V-Day.


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Comments (15)

Didn't Reagan pass an amnes... (Below threshold)

Didn't Reagan pass an amnesty bill? Why don't you hate Reagan as much as you hate anyone else who dares to support amnesty?

Amnesty for Valentine's Day... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

Amnesty for Valentine's Day? Or was it amnesty for the Groundhog?

Do the trolls on this site ... (Below threshold)

Do the trolls on this site even read the various articles anymore or do they just cut and paste the same general talking points each day? What the heck does amnesty have to do with this article?

DJ, I think it was amnesty ... (Below threshold)

DJ, I think it was amnesty for Cinco de Mayo.

I hate Valentine's Day. It's commercialism run amok. Of course, I could just be bitter that I've never had anybody to celebrate it with, but I sound more noble if I go with the "it's such a waste/scam" line.

Finally someone has come ou... (Below threshold)

Finally someone has come out on this ridiculous holiday. Maybe when I was a young bride this day was important, but after nearly 20 years...we try and make everyday a day of showing our love for eachother. Corny, but absolutely true.

I much rather have my husband home daily then a dozen roses on one day.

Good riddance...for sure.

Geez, DJ, what a barrel of ... (Below threshold)
Pedro O'Malley:

Geez, DJ, what a barrel of laughs you must be. I actually agree with most of your points. I just don't understand the reason for making them. If this is an indication of what kind of person you are, then I really sympathize with the people who have you in their lives on a daily basis. You could say I feel their pain. I suggest relaxing with a green beer and a sombrero and letting all that hate just melt away. Na, na, na, na, na, NA! Tequila!

It's called a "change of pa... (Below threshold)
DJ Drummond:

It's called a "change of pace", 'pedro'.

By the way, license and registration please, and have you been drinking and trolling today?

My wife and I are at the po... (Below threshold)
John F Not Kerry:

My wife and I are at the point (15 yrs) where "holidays" like this one have less and less meaning. Besides, flowers (carnations are better smelling and longer-lasting and cheaper than roses, BTW), chocolate and lingerie are always cheaper afterwards. We did have our first kiss on Valentine's Day 16 years ago, however, so there is a little sentimentality there.

I always like to spread som... (Below threshold)

I always like to spread some cheer by wishing all and sundry "Happy V.D.!!"

Agreed, but not so emphatic... (Below threshold)

Agreed, but not so emphatically. It's a relatively easy holiday to ignore, especially now that I'm single. You are correct, in that it's a very difficult one to get right, doing "enough," without going overboard. Kind of like answering the question, "Does this dress make me look fat?" Of course, to that, there is no correct answer, and like VD, it ends up being an excercise in damage control, don't screw up too badly.

Translation: Damn, it's Feb... (Below threshold)

Translation: Damn, it's February already. I don't know what to get her. I'm screwed.

Gotta love it. There is a ... (Below threshold)

Gotta love it. There is a valentine flower advertisement below this thread!!

Bah, humbug!... (Below threshold)

Bah, humbug!

"And in other news, DJ is g... (Below threshold)

"And in other news, DJ is grouchy today."

Sheesh,Can you use... (Below threshold)


Can you use the term "Bah Humbug" for a non-Christmas holiday? Should we cancel Christmas because some self-centered folks turn a religious celebration into elevating their "greed" into an art form? Our celebrations can be just a trivial or significant as we chose to make them.

Valentine's Day can re-affirm one's love through simple meaningful acts. It doesn't have to involve money, just effort. Write him or her a love poem or a song- if they have any sense- your personal effort will mean far more than candy. Unfortunately, many people would rather spend their money, rather than sacrifice time and effort.

If an expensive present is mandated to maintain a relationship; you never had it anyway.






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Section Editor: Maggie Whitton

Editors: Jay Tea, Lorie Byrd, Kim Priestap, DJ Drummond, Michael Laprarie, Baron Von Ottomatic, Shawn Mallow, Rick, Dan Karipides, Michael Avitablile, Charlie Quidnunc, Steve Schippert

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