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"Jay, There's Someone From Human Resources On Line Two For You..."

The other day, I was chatting with a female colleague. I was complaining that I hadn't done a very good job of shaving that morning.

"It doesn't look bad."

"Yeah, but it feels rough as hell." I took her hand and scraped it along my jawline.

"Ouch. That is nasty."

"Yup, Would've gotten me kicked out of one ex-girlfriend's bed."

"I can see how that would bother her face."

"It wasn't her face she was worried about."

It took a second or two, but this lovely shade of pink creeped across her face...


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Comments (31)

Around our office, we call ... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

Around our office, we call that an "HR!HR!"

Jay, guys probably like fac... (Below threshold)

Jay, guys probably like facial hair a lot more than women actually do, although a little stubble looks sexy and hints of adventure and danger. But sometimes a little stubble can also look like a bum if it gets too out of hand. I'm a beard and long hair guy myself, which seems to fit my rebel image as a motorbike guy and former smalltime former rock star. But looking worse than most guys on AMERICA's MOST WANTED TV show probably isn't the very best plan if you want to get laid a lot. Sometimes there's a fine line between looking cool and slightly dangerous and looking like a bum or a homeless person.

Even worse yet for a guy would be harvesting some crazy look that reminds women of some psychopathic serial killer with drifters buried under their front porch. That's a look to avoid at all costs. That's chick kryptonite for sure.

With the fear of "sexual ha... (Below threshold)
Son Of The Godfather:

With the fear of "sexual harrassment" environment they've created in most offices, I wouldn't touch that with a 10-foot pole... even my own (duh-dump-dump) :)

Whenever I try to grow serious facial hair (beyond the cookie duster), it's always a failed experiment that resembles the offspring of Elvis Presley and a werewolf. *sigh*

It's not sexual harassment-... (Below threshold)

It's not sexual harassment---it's sexual caressment. I wish they'd get it straight....

Nice! I didn't know you did... (Below threshold)
Red Foxx:

Nice! I didn't know you did 5th grade humor on this site.

Jay, you are going to EO he... (Below threshold)

Jay, you are going to EO hell for sure!

Thanks for the chuckle.

I'm a mustache man myself, grow a beard and I look like the scary homeless guy, grow a goatee and I look like Larry the Cable Guy.

I don't care what hyperboli... (Below threshold)

I don't care what hyperbolist says about you, Jay. You are one class act.

With classy, seductive line... (Below threshold)

With classy, seductive lines like that, I bet you won't be single for very long.

Such a giver!

Erm... wha?... (Below threshold)

Erm... wha?

Sorry, hb, just using you a... (Below threshold)

Sorry, hb, just using you as a foil. Not referring to anything in particular.

Oh, OK.Who cares a... (Below threshold)

Oh, OK.

Who cares about classy, anyway? My grandmother was classy, and you know what? She died. Is there a causal link? Prove there isn't.

pfft. Can't even laugh at a... (Below threshold)
Les Nessman:

pfft. Can't even laugh at a lighthearted throwaway post on someone else's blog.

Why do some of these trolls even comment here?

LMAO.. What a nice change ... (Below threshold)

LMAO.. What a nice change of pace.....
and yet TRUE to form.....

Red foxx WTF-- what the hell were YOU doin in the 5th grade?

This calls for one thing...... (Below threshold)

This calls for one thing...


Give yourself a rimshot for that one!

Crept, Jay, it crept across... (Below threshold)

Crept, Jay, it crept across her face...

hyperbolist,She was ... (Below threshold)

She was related to you. She saw you at family get togethers. She died. Is there a causal link? Prove there isn't.

Did you take her right then... (Below threshold)

Did you take her right then and there or did you get her in the copy room? Kachow!!

I have a beard and long hai... (Below threshold)

I have a beard and long hair. I have a wife of 26 years that has never seen me without a beard. On the downside my students call me Chuck. Think about it.

She also drank gin on the w... (Below threshold)

She also drank gin on the way to church with seven kids stuffed into her station wagon. But I think that's why she lived to be 88.

Wow. You're edgy Jay.... (Below threshold)

Wow. You're edgy Jay.

The only thing I recall fro... (Below threshold)
jcrue Author Profile Page:

The only thing I recall from my HR classes is that the harassment must be pervasive AND unwanted. Heh.

As long you do something once, it can't be both ;)

The same thing prevents most men from claiming harassment, but in this case it is the unwanted part that disqualifies.

Gee, thanks for sharing.</p... (Below threshold)

Gee, thanks for sharing.

Ha, you were talking about ... (Below threshold)
Mr Ford.:

Ha, you were talking about her vagina.

Set your inner lesbian free... (Below threshold)

Set your inner lesbian free Jay, she'll love you for it.

Re: #23 It woul... (Below threshold)

Re: #23
It would take a bit of maneuvering to get a cheek that close to that particular part of a woman. The inner thigh, all the way to the top, is quite sensitive, as is the other, more obvious, area, boobies! A day's worth of growth can feel like steel wool when scraped across "the girls".

I have an all female staff ... (Below threshold)

I have an all female staff (2 gay guys + 11 females) and I get more "dick jokes" sent to me via email and fax than Drew Carey could ever imagine!! And they are funny as all get out; I'll never complain, but that stuff only goes one way. Boss to employee is harassment. Employee to boss is funny.

Side bar,
Laura: ask your esthetician (?) for a Brazilian and then see what is more sensitive!

At least it wasn't the girl... (Below threshold)

At least it wasn't the girl who hadn't shaved and was rubbing her stubble on your sensitive areas...

[think about the many possibilities, its much more fun than the literal descriptions]

When my wife was still work... (Below threshold)

When my wife was still working at an insurance company, she put up this sign in her cubicle:

Sexual harassment will not be tolerated. It will however, be graded for wit and originality.

Of course, they made her take it down and she was chastised for not taking HR seriously.

Just a reminder, vagina is ... (Below threshold)

Just a reminder, vagina is inside. Vulva or labia is outside. People get the terms confused. Almost to the point where it seems as hopeless as its vs it's to try to correct.

My facial hair recently got so long it became soft. Pretty sad, but I seldom leave the house, and kids leave me lucky to have time to shave.

It still itches when it gets long, though, or I might actually consider a beard.

Great post, Jay. Amusingly unexpected.

tsk tsk, you are just such ... (Below threshold)

tsk tsk, you are just such a cunning linquist

Timmer,I will never ... (Below threshold)

I will never forget when I started to work here over 20 years ago. The president's secretary was the company matriach. She had been with the company over 30 years after retiring from teaching high school english. She made the comment one day, "I'd like to complain about the sexual harrasment in this company." "What's the problem?" we newbies asked. "There's not near enough of it." she said.






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