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Obama Shocked to Learn Real Military not Run Like Game of Risk

WASHINGTON- In a surprising turn of events, months of US military planning have proved useless when it was revealed to President Obama that real armies are not used similarly to Risk, a popular board game.

The revelation comes at a time when the President has planned an invasion of North Korea because of their recent aggressive actions.

"This is terrible," said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. "The President had planned to turn in cards and bolster the United States army. Not only would we have strengthened our forces of men, but also we'd have added a couple cannons and three horses... He even had two free men in the Eastern United States."

President Obama had planned to conquer Kamchatka from Alaska with his new army. "From there, I would be able to strike Mongolia, which is where the Korean peninsula is located," the President stated. "The only problem is that the gray army is strong there, and their roller always wants a redo when the dice go off the table."

According to sources, the Commander in Chief had even prepared for the invasion by opening older versions of Risk and placing blocks and Roman Numerals on the board.

Unfortunately, President Obama was informed late last night that the military attack would not be feasible. "They told me that my men on the board didn't really count," said Obama, referring to the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "I said that they were just jealous that I had been rolling sixes all game. But, no, they said that North Korea does not recognize the supremacy of a board game.

"On the bright side," said the President, "this won't affect my plans to invade Indonesia via Siam. If I can get Australia, I'll get two extra men a turn."

The President is also reportedly planning on playing Monopoly with CEOs from major US car companies.

Inter-linked at Jumping in Pools


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Comments (21)

Hell, why not. Everything ... (Below threshold)

Hell, why not. Everything else he does can be compared to a dream world, divorced of reality.

OMG this is funny - and I w... (Below threshold)

OMG this is funny - and I was just ruminating of my old Risk playing days just recently.

Perhaps Barry should stick ... (Below threshold)

Perhaps Barry should stick to Parcheesy.

Pray for Obama: Psalm 109:... (Below threshold)
Jim Addison:

Pray for Obama: Psalm 109:8

Good article.... (Below threshold)

Good article.

I think at this rate, even ... (Below threshold)
James Cloninger:

I think at this rate, even Arnold J. Rimmer Bsc from Red Dwarf could outdo him.

Yeah, exactly. Everyone kno... (Below threshold)
Jake McKee:

Yeah, exactly. Everyone knows that the only way to be a good leader is to bomb and invade, to commit and send troops everywhere without any thought or consideration for actual impact. Thinking and consideration is for fools and consulting history is for wimps, since everyone knows that everything that happens never has any similarity whatsoever to anything that's ever happened before.

Refusing to make a decision... (Below threshold)

Refusing to make a decision or committement is also making a decision, Jake - essentially letting the friends enemies of the US call the shots. And I'm sure they'll all have our best interests at heart in their considerations.

"friends enemies" should ha... (Below threshold)

"friends enemies" should have been "friends and enemies".

Jake McKee is a hater. And ... (Below threshold)

Jake McKee is a hater. And pretty incoherent at it too. What part of "satire" do you not understand, Jake?

I thought 'Sorry!' was more... (Below threshold)

I thought 'Sorry!' was more his game.

Chutes and Ladders... (Below threshold)

Chutes and Ladders

The dems used to say (and s... (Below threshold)
retired military:

The dems used to say (and still swear by it) that Bush was so horrible. Yet under Bush , there were never "news articles" like this where you had to wonder just close to the truth it really is.

The dems used to say (an... (Below threshold)
Tina S:

The dems used to say (and still swear by it) that Bush was so horrible. Yet under Bush , there were never "news articles" like this where you had to wonder just close to the truth it really is.

Retired Military,

Are you aware that Michael Avitablile article is satire and not news?

I'm also retired military, ... (Below threshold)

I'm also retired military, TinaS - and think this hits a hell of a lot closer to the mark than it should.

And really, it's not too satirical. Obama DOESN'T have any experience with the military, and doesn't show much other than a stereotypical leftist 'Eeeww, they're ICKY warmongering barbarians!" when they're not 'Innocent deluded childlike victims' attitude towards them. None of his advisors have much experience with the military. He's clearly shoved the whole thing in Afghanistan onto the back burner, hoping everyone who was paying attention will forget what he was promising, and the usual syncophants will gladly make excuses for him.

Add in his economics ignorance, his energy ignorance, foreign policy gaffes, and all in all he's shaping up to be a GREAT Jimmy Carter clone.

But you know, I don't really blame him all that much. I blame the folks who put up a charismatic man as Presidential fodder, not really caring that there were a LOT of other qualities needed besides the ability to speak well with a teleprompter.

Tina:The whole poi... (Below threshold)
Sabba Hillel:


The whole point of satire is to make a point. The problem being pointed out here is that it appears that President Obama is actually treating the decisions that he must make as Commander In Chief with the same methodology and connection to reality that one would apply to a game of Risk.

I was led to believe the le... (Below threshold)

I was led to believe the leftists like Tina were much more intelligent than us.

To quote Ron White, "I wassss Wrooooooong"

"Retired Military,... (Below threshold)
Les Nessman:

"Retired Military,

Are you aware that Michael Avitablile article is satire and not news?

14. Posted by Tina S"

Too funny.
Tina, RM put "news articles" in quotation marks. It signifies that he knows they are not real news articles.
RM then added (edit mine) : '..you had to wonder just' (how) 'close to the truth it really is.'

Get it?

Candy Ass Land... (Below threshold)

Candy Ass Land

OKay, the strike didn't wor... (Below threshold)

OKay, the strike didn't work... showed up in preview though...
Candy Ass Land

So, when do we set up for a... (Below threshold)

So, when do we set up for a game of World in Flames?






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