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Improving the TSA Screening Process

Gadsden flag 2010
Please tell me this has been done by somebody somewhere before

I was actually working on a post which had as its thesis that hiring strippers to perform those close-up inspections would be both a boon to the good-looking-people-with-useless-degrees (ahem) as well as the security at the airports as they wouldn't have to buy those expensive nudie-scanners. They'd just have to put in some mood lighting and get a kickin' stereo for the Airport Security Screening and Champaign Room™.

Because there's only fine-lookin' men or women (depending on your preference) in the Screening and Champaign Room. Gettin' nekkid. For security.

Or so my thesis went. The threat of naked people writhing on a would-be bomber would cause the terrorist to either give up the bombing (as he'd have something better to do that exploding) or he'd be so against our vile westerner flesh that he'd never comply with the full-body dance-off.

That was when my thesis broke down, as I'm not really sure terrorists don't like that, you see. Do terrorists mind being probed by the newly unionized TSA (Touching Stripper Authority) agents?  I mean, I'm really trying to avoid goat-jokes here.

Also, I'm not sure about the terrorists, but I'm pretty sure Catholic nuns and old people and the like would be pretty immune to the wiles of exotic dancers (and for once I'm not talking about Bristol Palin). It's a pretty sure bet that if somebody is trying to pray you out of Hell or old enough to be their grandparent, they don't much care for naked people bouncing on top of them.

At least people they don't know. Or Bristol Palin. Or maybe they'd want Bristol instead, I dunno. All I do know is that no strippers performing at airports means the terrorists have already won.


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Comments (6)

Easiest thing to do, and cu... (Below threshold)

Easiest thing to do, and cut TSA by 2/3's. Offer every traveler a piece of pork that they have to eat on the spot.

Sorting out those for a little more scrutiny would be easy. And just think of the boon to pork producers. Obama would actually be creating jobs.

For that matter you could r... (Below threshold)
jim m:

For that matter you could require the airlines to upholster their seats in pig skin leather.

The only answer for the TSA is to remove it. Airlines must go toward a private security service that they can control and that can be responsive to threats and accountable for infringing civil rights.

If the former TSA chief can go on TV and declare that yes, they are violating the 4th amendment and the whole of the federal government is silent on the matter, you can be assured that 1) they really are violating our 4th amendment rights and 2) the current administration has no interest in protecting and defending the constitution.

"Yet another display of dec... (Below threshold)

"Yet another display of decadence from the imperialist west!" would read the fatwa, "such disrespect for the decency that Allah holds dear!"

Meanwhile, wives see a dramatic uptick in the number of times their husbands come to the gate to see them off / welcome them home...

John, is your Gadsden Flag ... (Below threshold)

John, is your Gadsden Flag upside down on purpose (distress)?

The 9/11 assholes were know... (Below threshold)

The 9/11 assholes were known to frequent strip clubs while they were plotting against us, so that's no help.


I am sure Homeland Security... (Below threshold)

I am sure Homeland Security is doing this to look like they are doing something. Pitiful and a waste. I am willing to take the risk. As long as terrorists cannot get in the cockpit, it is worth the risk. ww






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