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Once upon a time a mild-mannered, middle-aged gentleman named Tony came home his job at the canning plant as he had every evening for the past 20 years.  He sat down to have dinner with his wife and she asked about his day.

"Well Honey, I was talking with a couple of the guys out on the floor and one of them said Jerry - he's the maintenance super, you met him at the Christmas party - stuck his finger in the pickle slicer.  Nobody thought a super-cautious guy like Jerry would have done something like that," Tony said as he paused over yet another uninspired incantation of chicken, "but he went and did."

"Oh God, Tony, not while we're eating.  That's disgusting."

"Yeah, but the damnedest thing is...," a sheepish half grin crept onto Tony's face, "...I'd never even thought about it before.  Then all of a sudden the only thing going through my mind is what a thrill it would be to stick my wiener in the pickle slicer."

His wife cackled, "Ha!  You would then wouldn't you?  I should have know it wasn't a spot of vacuuming you were up to when I got home from shopping Saturday afternoon.  Anyway, that must have gummed up the pickle slicer pretty good."

"No, the pickle slicer worked just fine all day."  New wastebaskets, Tony thought.  Next time she asks I tell we got new wastebaskets.  Black ones for trash and blue for recycling.  Maybe I'll use the blue one for a beer cooler.  "Yeah, I told you it was pretty silly," he sighed.

So for about the next month whenever some appointed task went undone around the house Tony's wife would hearken back to this rather odd conversation to needle him with the same refrain.

"You never get around to anything, that's why you'll never get around to sticking your wiener in the pickle slicer."

The following Monday, unexpectedly, around 11:00 a.m. Tony arrived home from work and marched into the kitchen.

"Well, Mary, I finally did it.  I walked out to the shop floor right as the plant opened, dropped my pants, and stuck my wiener into the pickle slicer right there in front of God and everybody."

"Oh good Lord, and then what happened?"

"Well, they fired me on the spot."

"That's just great.  What about the pickle slicer?"

"Molly?  They fired her too..."


I can't believe America has been around for two hundred some-odd years and we're only now having our first a political scandal involving a guy named Weiner taking pictures of his wiener.  However, until the Polaroid was introduced wiener photography was isolated mostly to professionals or people with their own dark room.  Or a drunk guy that found someone's camera sitting around at a fraternity party.

Wiener pictures used to really mean something.  Maybe you sent it in hand written envelope and fanned the picture through a spritz of "your" cologne you almost hope she'll recognize.  It was special.  Those days seem to be long gone.  Perhaps technology does have its downsides.

Thank you, Anthony Weiner, for making 2011 the Year of the Weiner Pun.


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Comments (4)

I bet they had a nut cracke... (Below threshold)

I bet they had a nut cracker at the plant too.

This is going to be so conf... (Below threshold)

This is going to be so confusing to congress people over the 4th of July when they're invited to 'a weenie roast'.

I first heard the "pickl... (Below threshold)

I first heard the "pickle slicer" joke while in the USAF.

That was, God Help Me, FIFTY years ago.

I'll bet it was old then.

/sigh Dick jokes were so 5... (Below threshold)

/sigh Dick jokes were so 5th grade until he took it to a new level.
Now I hope all he hears in the hallways and elevators are snide remarks about who he's been stalking and if he's sent her the latest weiner pictures.






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