My Message To Adelphia Cable

Adelphia Cable is as skanky as a Tijuana gang bang whore trying to earn a little extra pocket change after quitting time. I was going to say Adelphia Cable Sucks, but that is an insult to people everywhere who suck. I’m fairly certain the gang bang whore’s will not take offense, but if they do I’ll apologize to them for besmirching their professional dignity.

It is a shame that only the three members of the Rigas family will be doing some jail time for fraud. The people who operate Adelphia’s cable modem network with tin cans and twine should be doing some hard time as well. In the afterlife these poorly trained tech support monkeys will be placed on hold at Afterlife Tech Support to find out which direction they will be traveling. Shh, don’t tell them, but the answer is DOWN

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I’ve got competition of my phone, gas, electric (soon), and other formerly monopoly only services, why not cable? Who was the genius at the FCC that decided that cable systems should get a pass on anti-trust laws?

Any assclown running for the Board of Supervisors in my county will have but one question from me. “Why have you awarded a monopoly franchise to a business run by criminals?” If pressed my follow-up question will be, “How many minutes after you take office will elapse before you move to revoke their franchise?”

If you or your loved ones work for the Adelphia and you’re pissed off at me… Too fucking bad. Scrape up any last ounce of human dignity you have and go on unemployment. Your relatives and neighbors will think better of you. If they had any talent they would have been able to get a job at one of the phone companies.

In case you were wondering, there is no way in hell I would actually use Adelphia cable for something as important as my television service, DirecTV handles that nicely. Unfortunately I have no alternative to Adelphia for high speed Internet access. My neighborhood was blessed with a bastardize fiber optic phone network which does not support DSL in some lame tech boom delusional fantasy Verizon had about last mile fiber networks. Obviously the MENSA members who thought that one up got shit-canned in the first wave of human sacrifice (in the lexicon of the time it was known as right sizing). Not that Verizon is busting their ass to fix that mess, but that’s another story. I’m very close to chucking it all and getting T1 to share with neighbors via wireless network.

* This message brought to you by another satisfied Adelphia customer.

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18 Comments

  1. Paul August 8, 2003
  2. jen August 8, 2003
  3. AdelphiaSux September 17, 2003
  4. bobby September 22, 2003
  5. tanya September 24, 2003
  6. Brent November 2, 2003
  7. Monty November 22, 2003
  8. Julie L. May 29, 2004
  9. Julie L. May 29, 2004
  10. Alex May 30, 2004
  11. jackie June 7, 2004
  12. r0n1n June 13, 2004
  13. Christian Muniz July 26, 2004
  14. Bruce August 21, 2004
  15. alyx devereux September 2, 2004
  16. Dremel September 10, 2004
  17. Adelphia Sucks September 15, 2004
  18. Ginnie September 27, 2004