To Ensure Domestic Tranquility

While I’ve never actually officially cohabitated with a woman (in the sense of sharing sleeping arrangements), I have spent enough time with women and known enough men who have done so to learn a few lessons about such things (some learned the hard way) that I feel obligated to pass along.

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When it’s that “certain time of the calendar” (to put it delicately), there are certain things that men should absolutely not do, under any circumstances. Here are a few:

1) Do NOT put Peter Gabriel’s “Red Rain” on loop.

2) Do NOT jump up and down and triumph and shout “YEAH! Dodged the bullet yet AGAIN!”

3) Likewise, do NOT shout “Who’s a daddy? NOT ME!”

4) Do NOT use such phrases as “oh, bloody hell” or the like.

5) Do NOT say such things as “Well, I guess I won’t be getting any tonight” or “Hey, hon, just because you’re out of action down there doesn’t mean…”

I sincerely hope this helps other men out there. I also invite others to offer their own tips.

J.

Not Just For Pamplona Anymore
Sides Hurt, Must Quit Now

4 Comments

  1. Boyd April 5, 2004
  2. Timmer April 5, 2004
  3. Jay Tea April 6, 2004
  4. Timmer April 6, 2004