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Kevin
Kevin founded Wizbang in 2003. He still contributes occasionally and handles all the technical and design work for the site.
Having melted away in the polls, Kerry campaign workers find a quick stand-in from Madame Tussaud.
From the 2004 New Year’s Eve Whitehouse party…
“No, after you Mr. President.”
Let’s hear it for my wife, Teresa, who has promised to loan me my balls back for tonight’s speech.
In a moment of honesty, Kerry likened his reception to the sound of one hand clapping.
Yes, I’m tell you it’s the right wing conspiracy. You know were I stand.
All those who went to Cambodia with me, please stand up
All those who went to Cambodia with me, please stand up
“All you have to fear … is me.”
Thirty years ago, when I served in Vietnam, this nation had a great moment of conscience…
… only 50 percent of National Guardsmen are finishing high school and only 18 percent are graduating college…
… millions of National Guardsmen went without healthcare coverage…
The president, who turns away from National Guardsmen needs
So, the frog says to the farmer…Oh no, wait that’s not right…So, the frog says to the priest…No, no, no, it wasn’t a frog…hello? Is this thing on?…Oh, okay…So, the leprechaun says to the farmer…
This…this is my right hand…and it has no idea what my left hand is doing.
“And I would like to thank Dr. Herbert West, without whose reagent I would not be here today.”
REVISION TO ABOVE POST (realized I left something out! My bad.)
To delegates – These aren’t the Kerry Naval records you’re looking for.
Delegates – These aren’t the Kerry Naval records we’re looking for.
Lets see here….
PLACE: LAS VEGAS
AUDIENCE: NATIONAL GUARD
POINTS: BUSH BAD, BUSH LIED,KERRY GOOD, KERRY SOLDIER
Damn! The notes Terayza wrote on my hand are starting to smear! I
AP – Las Vegas:
Here John Kerry is shown giving thunderous applause to the men and women of the National Guard convention today.
“And by simply tucking in the ring finger of my right hand – just a little bit – I am prepared to give ‘the shocker’ to anyone who steps in my way.”
What my undisclosed Naval medical records say is tha they had to re-attach my right forearm onto my shoulder. It was a bag of BROWN rice…… not white.
(quote courtesy of Al Sharpton….)
…and so this is how Halliburton has used its secret weather-making technology, which President Bush and Vice-President Cheney have concealed from the American people, to create an unusually high number of destructive hurricanes, in order to distract from my impressive record of service in Viet Nam, to drench and flood out my message, to wipe the state of Florida off the map, and steal this election in order that…
Hmmm, this is going well; they’re not throwing things at me yet.
Excerpt from John Kerry addressing a National Guard organization: “Last November during his secret deceitful Thanksgiving trip to the Sunni Triangle, George Bush cut off ears, burned villages, and performed actions upon the people of Iraq most closely associated with Jenjis Kahn. This November, if you elect me, I’ll show you how it’s REALLY done.”
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the Army Reserve. I’m proud to be here in Phoenix at your convention. I was in the Navy Reserves as a young man, even in Paris where I fought to end the war on a secret mission. I used strong nuance and innuendo to cow the North Vietnamese into delaying their timetable for overrunning Saigon. Made a coupla business contacts for my cousin, but that’s another story….
This? This is a hand. Although it appears to be attached to my body, I can assure you, it is not my hand. Although it’s true that this is a hand, it most certainly is not my hand.
Wow! I’ve never seen a butt-cheek ovation before.
No, you guessed wrong; my Iraq policy is hidden in my OTHER hand!
So this is my salute to you, reporting for duty!
What’s cool about this, as I’ve shown my friends at the democratic underground, is that when I turn my palm downward, it becomes an entirely new salute to you wonder people of the National Guard.
I would like to introduce to my right:
My Band of Brothers…
My Band of Document Forgers…..
My Band of Spin Doctors….
My Band of Network Anchors….
My Band of Newspaper Editors……
My Band of CNN Hosts……
My Band of Air National Guard Investigators…..
My Band of Iraq Policy Jugglers….
My Band of Ex-Clinton cabinet members….
cough…cough..dictators)…
My Band of Cambodia friends
Will someone please tear up that little girls Bush/Cheney sign already??
And, here is photo of Lovey and me on one of our yachts… and this one at our mansion in Sun Valley…. really quite elegant I might add.
Now, you were saying about that uncomfortable cot at the VA hospital?
And if you thought I called you babykillers and war criminals before —
Just wait till I’m President
sorry repost (fat finger)
I would like to introduce to my right:
My Band of Brothers…
My Band of Document Forgers…..
My Band of Spin Doctors….
My Band of Network Anchors….
My Band of Newspaper Editors……
My Band of CNN Hosts……
My Band of Air National Guard Investigators…..
My Band of Iraq Policy Jugglers….
My Band of Ex-Clinton cabinet members….
My Band of Foreign Leader Supporters
cough…cough..Dictators)…
My Band of Cambodia friends
Behold, the power of cheese.
Bow before my greatness and behold the glory that is me (you fucking peons in pajamas)
“John Edwards, You look marvelous.”
Marvin, where’s my peanut butter?
For those of you who don’t know about Marvin:
Marvin Nicholson Jr., Chief of Stuff
“I can’t help with policy, I don’t do press,” said Nicholson, 32, a former bartender and caddie who never voted before meeting Kerry in 1998. “When he wants that peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I’m ready.”
So Nicholson crisscrosses the country with a loaf of bread in his bag. He makes most of the sandwiches himself, sometimes supplementing them with room service.
No, No idiot…I threw my medals with my left hand and the ribbons with my right….
John Kerry, cast as Herman Munster, motions to the crowd at the press conference announcing the remaking of the 1960’s television show ‘The Munsters’.
“…and so when it comes time for me to tell America what I plan to do as President, I will make this nuanced shrugging gesture, which did amazingly well with the focus groups…”
I can’t believe I actually shook hands with these peons. Quick, where’s the Purell?
“Anyone here who knows who I am, please raise your hand. Yes, you in the National Guard uniform?”
“Anyone here who knows who I am, please raise your hand. Yes, you in the National Guard uniform?”
“You National Guard guys look like you have as much energy as a bunch of bananas. That’s just WRONG…”
Now look my wife did say they should run around naked after the hurricane, but don’t your spouses get freaky from time to time?
* “I actually voted for the memos, before I voted against them.”
* “And now, I’d like for you all to give a round of applause to my Secret Service detail, except for the son of a bitch who knocked me down of course.”
* “And in the debates, I’m going to bitchslap George W. Bush just like this. He’ll never see it coming.”
“See this hand? See the little white spot there, on my thumb? Yeah, that’s a war wound. I hear Bush hasn’t got any of these…”
“And I promise you this: when I am elected President, the National Guard will be proud to be known as the ‘People’s Marchers’ and all this senseless, spinning and misleading information about “guards” and even “national” will be a thing of the past.”
How about a small donation, $1million would be nice.
I actually supported the Guard… before I called you a bunch of draft-dodging pussies.
“I will never make any judgments about any choice you people make about avoiding the draft, about going to Canada, going to jail, being a conscientious objector, going into the National Guard. Those are choices you make.”
[LINK]
“Which hand do I wipe myself with?” “Well I used this one before I started using the oth…OK OK you got me.It’s that old joke isn’t it?”.”Yes I DO use toilet paper!”
Kenneth, what IS the frequency?