New Wizbang Contest: Worst Celebrity Endorsement

Jay Tea March 22, 2005 Contests 90 Comments

OK, it’s Tuesday, so that means it’s time for another Wizbang contest. Or not, depending my mood and inspiration. This time it is.

What would you consider the absolutely WORST possible celebrity spokesperson for a given product, cause, or company?

“Hi, I’m Michael Jackson, and I’m here to talk about Cub Scouts.”

“I’m Rosie O’Donnell, and I never go out without my GloThong.”

“Now, to speak on behalf of ‘Just For Men’ hair coloring products, here’s Michael Jordan.”

“This is Tommy Lee. I’m here on behalf of my friend, Bob. Bob introduced me to Enzyte.”

Winners ought to be announced Thursday. And bonus points will be awarded to anyone who can actually make me sick to my stomach.

About The Author

Jay Tea

90 Comments

bullwinkle March 22, 2005

Hello, I’m Howard Dean, national chairman for the Democrat Party.
SmugMonkey March 22, 2005

Lol Bullwinkle, game over.

8 )
SmugMonkey March 22, 2005

Good evening, Andrew Sullivan and Bea Arthur here to speak to you about couples sex therapy…
Robert March 22, 2005

“Hello, this is Michael Moore and I am here to demonstrate the healing powers of Gold Bond Medicated Jock-Itch cream.”
Eric March 22, 2005

OJ Simpson here, for Ginsu knives.
Jeff Harrell March 22, 2005

Yeah, Bullwinkle wins. Bring on the next contest already. 🙂
LagunaDave March 22, 2005

“This is Dan Rather reporting for CBS News.”

P.S. “Courage.”
Dave March 22, 2005

Hi, this is the pope and I’m here to speak about young boys.

Hi, this is Monica Lewinsky and I’m here to tell you about Cuban cigars.

Hi, this is Chelsea Clinton and I’m here to tell you about Cuban cigars.

Hi, this is Joey Buttafuoco and I’m here to tell you about the sanctity of marriage.

Hi, this is Prince and I’m here to speak about humility.

Hi, this is Bobby Brown and I’m here to talk about domestic abuse.

Hi, this is Roseanne and I’m here to talk about food.

Hi, this is Rae Carruth and I’m here to talk about caring for your pregnant wife.

I could go on but one of these should do the trick.
TheEnigma March 22, 2005

Goodevening, this is Dan Rather. We invite you to tune in to 60 Minutes Wednesday for our in-depth review on the high degree of Journalistic Ethics at CBS.
George Traylor March 22, 2005

“I’m Michael Moore, and I recommend Preparation H hemorrhoidal suppositories to relieve that burning, itching, discomfort.

I do NOT recommend chili enemas – I thought I could absorb more chili faster…I just love chili and since my mouth and happystar are durn near indistinguishable…”
TheEnigma March 22, 2005

This is John Kerry. I am urging you to tune in tonight to the DNC’s program “Honesty In Politics”, sponsored by george soros, moveon.org and the king county (Washington) democrati party.
Jon Henke March 22, 2005

Actually, I think “I’m Terry McAuliffe for the Democratic Party” already failed quite spectacularly.

Alternately: “I’m Kevin Aylward, on behalf of Blogger.”
bdankers March 22, 2005

Hi, I’m Richard Gere speaking to you on behalf of the new and improved Habitrails System. It’s not just for gerbils anymore.
Laurence Simon March 22, 2005

“I’m Janet Jackson, and I always trust Marcello’s Alterations for last-minute wardrobe work to help me give my best for an extra-super performance…”
m March 22, 2005

Hey; John Kerry, here. With news about Bronze Tanning Lotion: shades of orange you never knew you could be.
Raina March 22, 2005

Osama Bin Laden here, speaking for Amnesty International.
Richard Sharpe March 22, 2005

I’m Jeffrey Dahmer, and I’d like to talk to you today about Hungry-Man Meals…
OregonMuse March 22, 2005

“Hi (tee-hee), I’m Paris Hilton and let me tell you about my Mensa scores…”
George Traylor March 22, 2005

“I’m Joan Rivers here for Wilson’s Fine Leather.”
OregonMuse March 22, 2005

I’m Jeffrey Dahmer, and I’d like to talk to you today about Hungry-Man Meals…

Maybe this should have been Andrew Sullivan…
Jim March 22, 2005

Hi, I’m Michael Schiavo and I’m to here to talk to you about the sanctity of marriage, and the right to life.
OregonMuse March 22, 2005

Hi, I’m Paul Wizbang and I just LOOOVE my new Dell Computer with Windows XP, the best operating system known to man…

(I wish I knew Paul’s last name so I could really rub it in…)
LagunaDave March 22, 2005

“Hah, ah’m Bill Clinton. Are you fed up with tough stains that regular detergent won’t get out? Believe meh, I feel your pain. That’s why I recommend Tide Ultrasonic Stain Remover…”
JTAO March 22, 2005

My fellow Americans, Hi ya’ll I’m Jimmy Carter, and I want to talk to about a wonderful new aid program being sponsored by the United Nations – yes folks – I think you will agree that the UN’s Habitat for young sex salves will be a cornerstone program of that wonderful world organization. Remember their motto “blue hats protect your young brats!”
OregonMuse March 22, 2005

Here at the Barbara Boxer School of Beauty and Charm…
OregonMuse March 22, 2005

Welcome to the Democratic Underground 10-Day Logic and Good Sense Seminar.
OregonMuse March 22, 2005

Hi, I’m Dennis Rodman here to tell you about Big Brothers of America
lawhawk March 22, 2005

Hi, I’m Monica Lewinsky and I’m here to talk to you about Macanudo Cigars…

Hi, I’m Jimmy Carter and I want to talk to you about certified elections.

John Kerry here, and as a travel agent for Liberty Travel, and I want to tell you about all the fabulous trips you can take while in Vietnam, Cambodia, and Laos without fuss, muss, or a passport to Bangkok.

And lest we forget the other side of the aisle:

GW Bush here for HR Block… and I want to simplify your taxes, or eliminate ’em if you’re a company…

Ken Lay here for KPMG and we’d like to offer you a free consultation on how to improve your business practices…

Hi, I’m Dick Cheney and I use Eraser(tm) brand shredders when I need my energy meeting documents sent to an undisclosed location…
Billll March 22, 2005

Kofi Annin here to talk to you about human rights.

Dianne Feinstein, for Glock firearms.

Fidel Castro, for nationalized health care.

Terry Schaivo, here for the law firm of Dewy, Cheatham, and Howe, specialists in living wills.
Dave A March 22, 2005

Wile E. Coyote here for Acme products … they never let you down…
Dave A March 22, 2005

And that’s the way it is today. This is Baghdad Bob, reporting.
Matt March 22, 2005

Hi, I’m Brad Pitt and I want to talk to you about “How to make marriage last”!

Hi, I’m Pamela Anderson and I’d like to talk to you about the evils of plastic surgery.

Hi, I’m Tommy Lee and I’d like to talk to you about the evils of penis enlargement.

Hi, I’m Andre Agassi. I’m not just the owner of Hair Club for Men, I’m a client!

Hi, I’m Michael Schiavo for Concerned Women of America.

Hi, Kevin Alyward here. I’d like to tak to you about the benefits of reading Oliver Willis.
mhking March 22, 2005

Hi, I’m Joan Rivers for the plastic surgery firm of McNamara/Troy…

Hi, I’m Michael Jackson for New Clorox Skin-Bleaching Formula…
McTrip March 22, 2005

Senator Edward Kennedy of Massachussets here to talk to you about the evils of drunk driving and the benfits of learning to swim.
McTrip March 22, 2005

This is Jayson Blair, New York bureau chief for PRAVDA……..
Loon March 22, 2005

Hey there fellow sportsters – Ted Nugent here to talk to you about joining PETA.
T. Lung March 22, 2005

This is Jane Fonda here to tell you all about The Swift Boat Veterans For Truth new workout video…..
Stephen Macklin March 22, 2005

My name is Hillary Clinton and I’d like to tell you about the new KY warming gel.
Loon March 22, 2005

Hi, I am Hillary Rodham Clinton, junior senator from the great state of New York, and I am here to talk candidly to you about clitoral dysfunction, and how to help the woman in your life……..
Duffer March 22, 2005

Say wow, I’m Paris Hilton – and I am here to promote my innovative line of flame retardant post-coital vaginal itch sensitizer lotions, under my own new brand – Womb Service…..
Radio March 22, 2005

This is Teresa Heinz, sometimes Kerry, for Wendy’s

This is Hillary Clinton for Runner’s World

I’m Michael Moore and Weightwatcher’s works for me

This is Maureen Dowd; I found my match at Match.com

Ted Kennedy here for Pillsbury Dinner Rolls

This is Jim McGreevey for Modern Romance

John Kerry here for Uncle Ho’s Shredded Rice

Hillary Clinton here, on behalf of Victoria’s Secret

Susan Estrich here suggesting you suscribe to Ladies Home Journal

I’m Ward Churchill. I use L’Oreal because I’m worth it

This is John Kerry for The Robb Report

Mary Mapes here. My IBM Selectric is like an old friend

John Kerry here. Nothing takes excess tan off faster than Dove soap. Leaves ya smellin’ better than the guy in the next goose blind, too
Remy Logan March 22, 2005

I’m Elvis Presley, and I take Slim-Fast.
Mark March 22, 2005

Hi, I’m Michael Schiavo for Summer’s Eve. Nobody knows a douche bag like I do.

Hi, I’m Ted Kennedy, lead instructor here at the Chappaquiddick driving school.
Tom March 22, 2005

Hi, I am Lars Lundren, and I am here to talk about Work Safety Issues.

A MEAT factory worker was this morning killed after falling into a sausage grinder.

Hows breakfast taste Jay…
Red Five March 22, 2005

Dewey, Cheatham and Howe is the erstwhile law firm set up (har!) by Click & Clack, the Tappet Brothers.
Robert March 22, 2005

Hi,

I am Mark McGuire and I am Barry Bonds and we want to talk to the youth of today about the dangers of Steriod abuse.
TheEnigma March 22, 2005

Hi, this is howard dean for the GOP. I can move more democrats to the Republican party than any one man in history.
Jinx McHue March 22, 2005

Announcer: “And now an important message about Hooked on Phonics by Marcel Marceau.”
TheEnigma March 22, 2005

ward churchill – Depends
LagunaDave March 22, 2005

“I’m Paris Hilton for T-Mobile Wireless, and I never go *anywhere* without my Sidekick. If you don’t believe me, just ask any of my friends.”

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About The Author

Jay Tea

90 Comments